


Defining Normal

by hyacinthed



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Imprinting, Anti-Imprinting, Childhood Trauma, College, F/M, Female Friendship, Fluff, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Imprinting, Imprinting (Twilight), Mild Hurt/Comfort, Original Character(s), POV Third Person, Pack Dynamics, Shapeshifting, Slow Burn, Work In Progress, background leah clearwater/quil ateara v, but we love him and he is trying his best, embry is a bumbling awkward FOOL, imprinting with a choice, minor quil ateara & claire young friendship, minor sam uley/emily young, quil and claire are strictly platonic we dont do that underage bs, smeyer can suck my dick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 90,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24416716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyacinthed/pseuds/hyacinthed
Summary: Two years post-Breaking Dawn, Embry Call/OC.Lex McKinley was anything but exciting - quiet, studious, and all-around normal. Coming to Forks for college was just a footnote, a short two years of hard work that would give her a ticket out of Clallum Country. Lex didn't come to Forks for a boyfriend, and she especially didn't seek an enigmatic werewolf soulmate. Will Lex be able to open her heart and her mind to accept this new world as her own, or will she remain steadfast in her desire to move on?
Relationships: Embry Call/Original Female Character(s), Jared Cameron/Kim Connweller
Comments: 61
Kudos: 73





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for checking out my fic! This is set two years post-Breaking Dawn, meaning that the ages are slightly shifted. Sam, Leah and Emily are 23; Jared, Paul, Jacob, Embry, Quil and Lex are 19. I have done my best to be accurate in my descriptions of the area; however, being Australian there may be some inaccuracies. Any corrections or comments are gladly welcomed. 
> 
> A quick note on updating - I will endeavour to update once a week, perhaps more if I am especially productive. I will try my best to post in advance if I will be delaying updates.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lex contemplates what brought her to Forks, and what will make her leave.

Eventually, we all have to stop and reflect on our lives: the good, the bad, the ugly. What kind of person have I been? What mark have I left on the world? What impact have I had? Somehow, contemplating her countless mistakes is still far more appealing than coming to terms with her current spot on a hospital stretcher, Lex realises, staring pointedly at the ambulance ceiling. She wouldn't consider herself to be anything exceptional; she was average, plain, in every sense of the word, and she was perfectly content with that. At least, that was until Embry came onto the scene.

It would probably make sense to start thinking of her life in two halves: the before, and the after; two distinct chronicles of her existence.

The before was simple. Straightforward. She’d had the kind of ordinary upbringing that virtually every kid in logging country could attest to, a dreadfully isolated existence with only a person’s own thoughts for company. As soon as she could walk, Lex was strapped into the passenger seat of her father’s beat-up truck, surrounded by the swirling scents of cedar and pine sap. She can recall countless days of peering out of the foggy windows, watching her father chop, load and strap endless cuttings into the battered tray of the truck. Lex remembers the way his hands moved deftly over his tools, labouring away for hours to secure endless piles of wood.  _ Being raised by a logger was a blessing _ , she thinks, remembering the way she’d scrutinised his work day in and day out. Living out in the backwoods was a continual lesson in valuing hard work and physical prowess, in appreciating the value in the mundane. It wasn’t much, but it was what she had, and so they made do.

They always made do.

Many years ago, Lex had asked why they remained in Beaver. More specifically, she’d questioned why he persisted with the gruelling labour that had left him with a hunchback at the ripe old age of fifty-five, but he hadn’t seemed to have heard her. Eventually, he’d responded with his typical gruff brevity, offering some thin explanation she’d heard time and time again - _ this is what the McKinleys do _ . Logically, it was true - he’d followed in his father’s footsteps, who had taken after his parents, and so on. The answer was expected, and yet, Lex was still disappointed. She’d hoped for something different, more revealing, the kind of answer that would tell her more about her father. Her father was the kind of man to sit in silence all day, content with his own thoughts for entertainment. In the absence of any other company, family or otherwise, Lex wondered almost constantly about her history. What was her mother like? What happened to her? She knew was it was some kind of sickness, but her father steadfastly refused to discuss it, just like he remained tight-lipped about everything else.

The silence was one of the many reasons Lex left Beaver.

By the end of senior year, Lex was certain that she could fill an entire spiral-bound notebook with essays of reasons. The isolation, however, was her biggest struggle: though she delighted in the quiet of nature, she longed for real human connection, or at least, attention from something with a pulse. Her father’s silence felt stifling, constraining, as if she was imprisoned in some kind of sensory deprivation chamber. Of course, the total absence of opportunity was another - she barely completed high school, and unless she aspired to become a logger just like the men of her family, she had to leave. It was a simple justification, and it appeased her father, although she expected that there was some kind of disappointment buried deep down in his mind. That part didn’t matter, though - it wasn’t as if he’d ever share his musings.

She’d settled on Forks quickly - it was close enough to home (for the rare moment she would wish to visit), yet far enough that it felt like a break, a clean start. She delighted in its size - the thousands of people swarming around the tiny town was already light-years above the few hundred residents of her hometown. Anything was better than Beaver, and that included the small, dark bedroom that she could barely afford to rent from a stranger. Her housemates were kind enough, and the two women supplied her with more social interaction in her first week in Forks than her entire life in Beaver. Life in Forks was easy, and college was enjoyable enough. Her life lacked excitement, but the stability was more than enough to keep her satisfied. Of course, that was all before.

Trying to make sense of the present is trickier. Some of her surroundings are familiar enough, like the tubing extending from her arm. She’d had an IV once before, when she was a frail little elementary schooler fighting some illness that she can’t quite recall. Things have grown fuzzy with time and distance, as if someone’s taken an eraser to her memories.

Then again, her current circumstances aren’t clear, either.

Lex skims her eyes over the ambulance’s interior, though the details are slipping through her fingers faster than she can grasp them. The only thing she can hang on to, squinting through blurry vision, is the kindly EMT stroking her dampened hair, reassuring her in a distant, distorted voice. Somewhere, there are voices speaking, calling to her, but it’s like she’s at the end of some tunnel, seeing the world at an unreachable distance. None of it was real, surely: it had to be a hallucination, some rapid-fire delusion that her brain had conjured up in an attempt to soothe her. It was like the logical side of her brain was desperately trying to squash her thoughts down into a neat, comprehensible package, one that didn’t entirely make sense. But what was the alternative?

She’d have to acknowledge that there was indeed a horse-sized beast in her kitchen, one that had erupted from the figure of her gentle, sweet boyfriend. The same boyfriend that knocked her to her knees, watching the bright bloom of blood spread across the faded linoleum like a sick kind of party confetti. The man she knew wouldn’t have left her on the floor, disappearing into the darkness of her yard.

Normal boyfriends don’t morph into gigantic wolves. 

Nothing about them was normal, though, and the unveiling of the beast that she had previously considered her boyfriend was just the cherry on the top of the shit sundae.

So, the alternative? Acknowledging the truth: that she loves a beast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 28/9: I'm going back to edit/rewrite previous chapters, so there's been some hefty changes since our first time around. I'll pop a note on chapters as they're rewritten.


	2. Collision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lex befriends Kim Connweller and meets the boys.

January. Lex thinks it’s one of the most beautiful months of the year: thirty-one blissful crisp mornings where frost covers every surface and rain descends on the town in thick sheets. There’s nothing more gorgeous, she thinks, than watching the clouds roll in over the miles of forest surrounding Forks, making her feel as if she’s in some kind of American _Wuthering Heights_. Lex can almost see it: her, traversing the rugged terrain out near Mount Rainer, wailing for her lost love, gazing thoughtfully across the frenzied ocean upon the cliffs at La Push, exploring the dense thickets near her house as the frost rolls in. Okay, she’d admit to being a bit of a closet romantic, but only when it came to nature. There was something so wonderful, so captivating, about the vast expanses of forest that surrounded her, full of a different kind of magic than the logging plantations she was raised on.

January, despite its bleakness, is a lovely month for nature. She could stare out the window of the campus bus for hours without a care, enjoying the long trundling journey that somehow made the small town feel so much larger. She’d grown used to travelling to and from Port Angeles in the previous quarter, and even though she was grateful she didn’t need to go so far anymore - how could she turn down the shorter commute? - she did feel a slight trepidation at adjusting to the new campus - new people, new buildings, new ways to get lost and confused and disjointed. Lex had a way of doing that - overthinking to the point of worry, when really there was nothing too significant to fret over. She guessed it was a hangover from her previous life, where nothing and nobody changed in the eighteen years she had lived there. Her nineteenth year was one of tremendous change, and Lex still found herself getting hung up on the tiniest of things that really, truly, should not have been stressful.

Lex sighs as she glances out the rain-streaked window, noticing the campus coming into view. Peninsula College, despite its glowing online endorsements, amounted to little more than a small smattering of white panelled buildings that vaguely resembled an old shopping mall. Still, it had its perks: Lex has virtually no way of getting lost on campus, and there couldn’t be too many new names to remember. The bus pulling in close to the office gives her a good opportunity to take stock of the small clusters of students huddled by cars or under the main building’s awning. One group stands out to her in particular; a group of men, easily approaching seven feet tall, and one petite woman were grouped by an old Volkswagen. The height difference between the woman and the behemoth of a man hugging her is near comical, and as the man bends down to whisper in the woman’s ear she can’t help but watch. They seem to radiate pure intensity, a kind of loving energy she’d never seen before, and even though it feels as if she’s intruding on something private, she still can’t drag her eyes away. 

It’s only when one of the other men looks in her direction that she turns her head, mortified by her obvious voyeurism. There was something so enthralling about the couple’s connection that drew her in like a moth to a flame. Perhaps it was her sad little romantic heart, drawn to any sign of youthful love. Romance in Beaver was strictly limited to loggers: older, off-limits and highly reminiscent of her father. Sure, she carried herself through school with a small handful of kids her age, but none of them really posed any real interest to Lex. Her first quarter at college was overwhelming in a way, with so many new people to meet, to talk to, to learn more about. She wasn’t at college to date, that was for sure, but she wasn’t entirely opposed to it. Nervous, though? That was a given.

Her schedule was straightforward enough - a simple grid of classes, almost all conducted in the same room. As she headed to her first class, she began to notice a steady trickle of students entering the building. The corridors began to hum with the din of chatter and laughter, a definite improvement from the eerie silence of the morning. She found her class with plenty of time to spare, sliding into an empty seat that was perfectly in the middle of the room. Lex liked to learn, to think, but she hated to be noticed or called on, and so the centre suited her just fine - it was a great place to blend in. Students entered the class in short bursts, the seats quickly filling with little fanfare. It was a good opportunity for people watching - _a hobby best-suited to the shy_ , she thinks, allowing her eyes to skim over the range of people surrounding her. She scrutinises the lanky, red-headed man, loudly guffawing at his desk-mate; the blonde woman with ridiculously long hair, weaving it into a neat braid; the two Native American women at the class’ doorway, whispering to each other. People watching was comforting, in a way. Speculating on the lives of others was far easier than actually learning the truth, especially when the truth came with complications -

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?”

Embarrassed, Lex tears her eyes away from the couple she had been watching - _God, I need to get a grip_ \- lifting her gaze to assess the newcomer. The voice had come from a tiny woman, her arms laden with a comically sizeable stack of books for a 9 AM class. She looks familiar, somehow, and after a moment, Lex realises it’s the petite woman from the parking lot. 

“Uh...can I sit here?” she asks quietly, her mouth twitching into the ghost of a smile. 

Lex nods, realising a moment too late she’d been silently staring like a freak. Regardless, the woman offers her a bright smile that somehow sets her at ease, as if they’ve been friends for a million years. The stranger dumps her belongings on the desk with a huff, collapsing into the seat like she’s just run a mile.

“God, I think I’m already behind,” Lex groans, eyeing off the large pile of books. 

The woman shakes her head, instantly dismissive. “Ugh, don’t even worry - these are all my returns I finally found from last quarter. I’m Kim. It’s nice to meet you! I don’t think I’ve seen you around before…” Kim trails off, seemingly lost in thought.

“Oh! Yeah, I was in Port Angeles last quarter. I’m Lex. You’re actually the first person I’ve met here,” she confesses, a little embarrassed at her social ineptitude. 

Still, Kim seems friendly enough, and she’s mentally willing her to continue chatting; in all honesty, Lex is in dire need of friends. She has her housemates, but they’re friendly out of necessity, and not out of free will. Thankfully, Kim’s clearly up to the socialising task, quickly launching into a run-down of the campus and its students. She can’t help but raise an eyebrow a little, almost involuntarily, momentarily taken aback by Kim’s enthusiasm. She spoke as if every detail, every question, was of utmost importance, and she was endlessly keen to share what she knew. Lex shakes her head slightly, trying to focus on what Kim is saying.

“...they’re a little stand-offish to new people, so maybe just take it easy for a little while. Oh, and then there’s me and my friends, we’re from the Rez,” Kim says, pausing to note Lex’s confusion. “The Reservation. It’s off in La Push, like twenty minutes from here. We all grew up together, so we’re super close, but you’re totally welcome to hang out with us. I’m pretty much always with Jared when I’m here - that’s my boyfriend, he’s getting a certificate to be a mechanic. A few of his friends are studying that as well so they can start a workshop on the Rez.”

Lex nods, taking in the information. “That’s pretty cool. What are you working on?”

“I’m thinking elementary teaching, maybe older kids? I’d love to teach at the Rez school one day. My mom teaches as well, so growing up that was always what I thought I’d do. Didn’t really stop to think otherwise,” Kim shrugs, looking pretty blasé about the whole thing. 

Lex doesn’t think she could put so little consideration into something so major, but it’s pointless to judge – it’s not one of her countless worries she needs to focus on. Instead, she smiles, trying to find something to say. “I was thinking Kindergarten – little kids are the cutest! I always wish I had siblings.”

Kim nods enthusiastically. “I have a little brother - he’s not so little now, I guess, but I totally get what you mean. My friend’s cousin is the absolute cutest – she’s seven this year, and my god can she talk.”

“What, more than you?” Lex teases, and the two devolve into giggles. 

Just as their laughter dies down, their professor enters the room, a tall spindly man whose glasses seem to swallow his entire face. He launches into a lengthy lecture almost instantly, the kind that ties Lex’s brain in knots and leaves Kim scrambling to note down everything vital (essentially, the entire lecture). By the end of their class, they’re both bewildered by the mountain of work ahead of them, the assignments stretching ahead into the coming months like a promise of future stress. Still, Lex is grateful she’s found someone to share her woes with; last quarter was lonely, almost an experiment in solitude, and she’d expected this year to be much of the same. And yet, Kim’s already grabbing Lex’s hand and tugging her towards the exit, saying something about delicious coffee and taking breaks and it’s abundantly clear that this year is going to be very, very different.

* * *

The rest of Lex’s first week passes by in a hectic blur of classes, readings, and the occasional late-night shift at the derelict gas station across town. In a way, taking a job there was almost like a weird rebellion against the expectations she felt her father had for her, expectations to take on a real, working-class job with order and regulations. Instead, Lex had seen the faded “help wanted” sign propped against the grimy window on one of her first jaunts around town, and had impulsively dropped in her resume. She could probably list all of her working experience on the back of a postage stamp, but the owner couldn’t seem to care less - one glance at the store made it clear that the job was less than appealing, and so anything with a pulse would do. The place was seedy at best, and mildly frightening at worst (especially during the night shifts), and so she could easily spend long stretches of time alone in the small store. The customers were infrequent and her coworkers virtually nonexistent, and so downtime was an inevitability. Between working late and heading to college early, Lex was _tired_ , but the bills were paid and her homework was done. She figured it would be a good exercise in discipline, or maybe a lesson in appreciating the power of energy drinks and coffee. Her father would say it would build character - at least, that’s what he’d claim when he’d have her working long hours stacking and unstacking the endless piles of wood, working until her hands stung from the bitter cold. 

By the time Friday rolls around, Lex is ready to collapse in a heap. Somehow, Kim’s bubbly demeanour manages to endure the work week, bringing sheer enthusiasm to every moment of the day as if she could never grow tired. They were presently cooped up in the college’s boxy library, organising their notes and readings for the upcoming quarter. After comparing schedules, it was clear that they shared nearly every class, and so studying together was shaping up to be a regular thing. Lex quite liked the company - Kim was incredibly studious, and her company was refreshing. By the end of their study hour, they’ve worked out a lot of the material, and for the first time in a while, Lex actually feels relaxed. Calmness is almost alarming; after being on edge for so long, any alternative just feels _wrong_. 

Kim’s chatter keeps Lex’s good mood afloat as they make their way into the parking lot. Kim’s all about her weekend plans: making good use of the slightly improved weather forecast to have a cookout at a friend’s, and she’s more than friendly in inviting Lex to join. Lex, after hesitating for a moment, ends up declining - making one friend was surely sheer luck, and the thought of trying to relate to those huge guys she’d seen in the lot earlier in the week was more than a little intimidating. Those guys were scary in both their size and intensity, and she was honestly surprised that Kim was so fond of them. Kim eventually manages to squeeze this thought out of Lex, instantly breaking into surprised laughter. 

“You’ve got it all wrong! They act all tough and scary, but Jared’s a total sweetheart. I swear he’s nicer than I am sometimes. Honestly, you have nothing to worry about. Think about it at least. You have my number.”

Kim waves goodbye, squeezing her tiny frame into what was quite possibly the most dented car she had ever seen. Apparently it was a hand-me-down learner car, and its history of inexperienced drivers was very obvious. Even so, Kim loved her car, going as far as calling it her baby whenever it was raised in conversation. Lex was a tinge jealous - she’d love a car of her own, especially when it came to her only option: the public bus. Still, transport was transport, and Lex knew better than to turn her nose up at what was on offer. Her father had taught her better. Maybe after a few months at the gas station she’d be able to afford some shitty junker car, or she’d finally acquiesce to riding a motorbike. It was a solid maybe.

* * *

Saturday morning passes by in a flash. Lex’s usual routine of housework and errands keeps her happily occupied, and she gladly welcomes the fleeting rays of sunshine that the afternoon brings. Her afternoon plans are positively scintillating - getting ahead in the week’s work, organising her materials for her upcoming classes, and trying not to think about absolutely everything that could go wrong. Her plans evaporate with a single peek inside her backpack, her heart sinking as she takes stock of the bundle of books all neatly labelled **Kim Connweller** . She doesn’t know a ton about Kim, but what she does know is that she lives far out on the Rez, well beyond her usual bus route and the bounds of her athleticism (or lack thereof). She slowly lowers her head to rest against the table with a solid _thunk_ , cursing her disorganisation in language definitely not fit for a polite person’s ears.

“The hell are you doing?” Liz asks, emerging from the kitchen. 

Lex raises her head slightly to see her housemate rolling her eyes, looking a touch amused at her stress. Liz was definitely the more animated of the two, taking pleasure in swearing like a sailor and laughing raucously as the mood struck. She was passionate and enthusiastic, the kind of uninhibited that lit a spark of jealousy as she’d witness Liz’s late-night antics from her bedroom window. Liz sure knew how to enjoy a weekend bender, managing to pull herself together to go about the rest of her week like the world’s most organised person. It was impressive in a hot mess kind of way.

“God, I mixed all of my shit up with someone else in my class, and she lives way too far from here to walk,” Lex says, rubbing her forehead tiredly. 

“You seriously need to get a car. No freakin’ idea how you lived your whole life in a small-ass town without one. But hey, you’re in luck. I have to run some errands before work anyway, so you can bum a ride from me,” Liz offers, jingling her keys. 

Lex brightens at the thought. “Really? She lives on the Rez though. Is that too far?”

“I mean, you’re testing my charity, but I’ll take you. Good to get your lonely ass out of the house,” Liz chortles, leading the way to the pickup parked askew on the front lawn.

Lex hurriedly gathers Kim’s books, pausing to shoot her a quick text - _Hey, I’ve got your study stuff from yesterday. What’s your address & I’ll come by? _ \- before hopping up into the truck. The cab reeks of pot and tobacco, as well as a particular heady scent she’d rather not identify. Between the smell and the smattering of empty beer cans on the passenger side’s floor, the car is a real sight for sore eyes. Liz, noticing Lex’s gaze, rolls her eyes again.

“Yeah, it’s a mess. Maybe I’ll clean it later. Or maybe you will, a nice little thank you?” she teases, watching Lex’s nose wrinkle in disgust.

“As if!”

* * *

The ride to the Rez is pleasant, a journey full of long winding roads framed by thick clusters of trees and shrubbery. It's a continual parade of green, of endless beautiful shades that seem to gleam in the light after the afternoon’s brief shower. Lex is used to forests, sure, but Beaver could not hold a candle to the kind of woods La Push had to offer. Thick, full stretches of untamed woods were dotted with homes, businesses, before expanding again to swallow up any empty space.

As they approach the address Kim had texted though, the roads begin to narrow, eventually turning into unpaved stretches marked with the occasional sign. The extreme isolation is pleasant, serene and secluded in a way that reminds Lex of home. The truck rounds the final bend in the track, leading them towards a small homestead-style house. The building's clearly old, but there's something charming about the many renovations and improvements it had undergone over the years, with the extra additions jutting from the main frame like a haphazard creation. Lex takes in the wide front porch, dotted with various home-made wooden seats and plants, feeling a strange sense of longing bloom in her belly. For a stranger’s house, it’s awfully inviting, cozy in a warm, winter fire kind of way. She hops from the toasty cab as Liz pulls to a stop, immediately feeling the January chill seep through her countless layers. The air in La Push feels crisper, harsher than what she’d grown used to in Forks, making her wish she’d brought an extra parka for the ride. She jogs towards the porch, belatedly noting the loose floorboards in the steps. _It would truly be awkward_ , she thinks, _if I accidentally ate shit falling on this stranger’s porch_. Her train of thought shudders to a stop as the door abruptly jerks open, revealing Kim in all her smiling glory.

“Hey! Knew you’d make it in some way or another. Thanks for bringing my stuff over!” Kim smiles, opening the door wider. “You want to come in for a bit? I’ll introduce you to Jared. I’m sure he’s bored of hearing about all our classes this week.”

Lex hesitates for a moment, looking over her shoulder at Liz, who seems wholly preoccupied with the truck’s radio. 

“I can give you a lift later if you want to stay. It’s no biggie,” Kim offers. Looking at Kim’s smiling face, feeling the warm air drifting from inside the house, gives Lex pause. Maybe she should try and do things differently this year.

“Okay. Let me just go tell Liz,” Lex says, turning to jog back to the truck. 

Liz is all too pleased with the change of plans, quickly manoeuvring away from the house without a second glance. Lex, however, is full of second thoughts, her mind whirring with sudden doubts. Was it really a good idea to barge in on a near stranger’s entire group of friends? Nevertheless, it’s too late to change her mind, and so she hops up onto the porch, doing her best to appear carefree. Kim beckons her inside, greeting her with a tight hug.

“I am so glad you came by. If I have to hear about baseball for another minute I am going to scream,” Kim huffs, making Lex giggle. 

“Hey! There’s nothing wrong with baseball!” a deep voice calls from further inside the house.

The voice is quickly followed by the sound of light footsteps as the man draws closer. Lex recognises him - he’s one of the guys from the parking lot earlier in the week, and she’s more than a little intimidated by his size up close. Craning her neck to look up at him, she notes that he’s more than a foot taller than her - a fact that makes her head spin and her neck ache. Odd height aside, the man is positively gorgeous; he has the same deep russet skin as Kim, a warm complexion that makes his gleaming smile almost beaming in comparison. Lex can’t help but wonder what was in the water in La Push, internally marvelling over the fact that all the residents she’d seen so far were _gorgeous_.

“Hey! I’m Quil. As long as you don’t shit on baseball, I’m sure we can be friends,” he says, offering his large hand to shake. 

Lex laughs, grabbing his calloused palm in greeting. Her fingers tingle from the heat; the man’s hot in more ways than one, but Kim appears nonchalant, and so Lex does her best to mirror her relaxed attitude. 

“Lex. No real opinion on baseball. I’m sure we can change that,” she flirts, surprising herself a little. Then again, his good looks are pretty disarming; he makes it easy to keep a friendly attitude afloat. 

Quil laughs a deep throaty chuckle that’s almost as welcoming as the home itself. “I like you. I think you can stay.” 

Kim rolls her eyes at his comment, grabbing Lex’s hand to lead her deeper into the home. “You only like her because she hasn’t talked shit on you yet. Your time will come,” Kim calls, glancing at him over her shoulder. 

The banter between the two is so friendly, so natural, that it almost entirely puts her worries to rest. _How bad could things be_ , she thinks, _if these two are so happy here?_ Even though she’s starting to think that staying was a good idea after all, the undercurrent of hesitancy is quick to creep up on her again, especially as she feels all eyes in the room turn to her. The room’s packed with so many people that look eerily like Quil, almost as if they’re all clones, or maybe (more logically) brothers. The only point of difference in a sea of similarities is the short woman leaning over the breakfast bar in the kitchen, stretching to smack one of the men with a rolled-up newspaper - _feisty_ , Lex notes. The woman straightens up, turning to look at her, and Lex feels her breath catch in her throat. She knows staring is rude, but it feels like an impossible task to tear her gaze from the long, thin scars running over the surface of her face, angry and red and confronting. The marks remind her of her father’s warnings about camping in bear season, of his lessons in how to use bear mace to avoid attacks. _Guess she wasn’t so lucky,_ Lex thinks, fixing her vision squarely on the tops of her sneakers.

Kim clears her throat. “Guys, this is Lex. We have a ton of classes together. Be nice, please,” she says, almost sternly. Seriousness isn’t generally Kim’s style, and it’s kind of odd to see her unsmiling. 

One of the men closest to the door, a slender man with an angular face, reaches over to stroke Kim’s arm. “Don’t let these fools give you trouble, Lex. They’re all a bunch of jackasses in disguise,” he says, grinning as the others begin to argue. 

With that, the tension’s diffused, and Lex can’t help but laugh at the unfolding chaos. Two of the men are wrestling by the couch, playfully throwing jabs and hooks as they spar. The hoots and hollers quickly diminish as the woman in the kitchen calls to them, ordering the boys outside. 

“You know the rules, Paul, Collin, no fighting inside,” she scolds, raising her voice to be heard over the din of conversation. 

Surprisingly, it works, and the boys dutifully scramble outside to continue their shenanigans. Lex glances across at Kim, who shakes her head with an amused expression.

“They’re idiots. What can I say?” 

With that, Kim proceeds to introduce Lex properly to the crowd, providing a flurry of names that Lex knows she’ll struggle to keep straight. Of course, she’ll remember Quil - how can she forget that gorgeous face? - and Jared's pretty recognisable by his clear adoration for Kim. His dark eyes rarely leave her, as if he's in a constant process of appreciating and studying her. It's cute, albeit in an unusual way. She meets Emily, the woman with the scars, who somehow manages to rival Kim in friendliness and warmth. Emily has an infectious smile and a laugh that could put even the tensest of people at ease - and thank God for that. Kim introduces her to the other men, too - Seth, Brady, and Paul and Collin; the latter two who had since finished their scrap. The former are quieter, more reserved than the disorderly bunch that seem to dominate the room, and Lex feels more at ease with the younger men. 

Lex ends up nestled into the soft cushions of the couch next to Kim and Jared, who are well and truly lost in each other. Despite the blatant PDA, Lex is content - the group is friendly, and she's more than content to sit back and observe. She likes watching Emily in particular, seeing how the men take special care to help her in the kitchen to prepare for the meal. The sporadic showers had prevented a full-blown cookout, but that doesn’t stop Emily from coordinating a feast suitable for an army. Lex watches in awe as the men began to cart dishes to the long wooden table in the centre of the room, which is beginning to resemble an extravagant buffet. With a rap of a wooden spoon here and a newspaper there, Emily fights to maintain order, or at least, to prevent snacking, despite Paul’s determination. 

The men are laying the final dishes on the table when the sound of unfamiliar voices draws closer, the noise complemented by footsteps pattering on the back porch. At once, the screen door flies open, with three more figures filing in. The first, a stoic man with a hulking figure, immediately approaches Emily to sweep her into his arms and kiss all over her face. Emily’s squeals and giggles bring a smile to Lex’s face, who can’t resist watching the adorable display of affection. She glances back towards the doorway, noticing the serious expression on the new woman’s face. She's unusually tall - seemingly a standard on the Rez - with the impressive wiry physique of an athlete. The woman is objectively gorgeous - _seriously, what’s the deal with La Push?_ \- though her scowl certainly detracts from her beauty.

All thoughts of the woman entirely leave her mind as she sets her sights on the third entrant. He's a little shorter than the rest, though still a giant, with the serious muscular build of a man beyond his years. She catches herself staring, ogling even, and feels her cheeks warm with that all-too-familiar heat of embarrassment, and still, she does not turn away. Instead, she directs her gaze further upward, taking in the similar chiselled jaw and high cheekbones that the other men share. His dark eyes find hers, and she drinks in his intensity, his serious stare. He offers only an unreadable expression, his mouth set in a firm line that betrays no feelings. She finds herself skimming over his features as if committing the details to memory in some gross, blatant display of lust. Lex probably could have continued her study all day, if it was not for the scowling woman clearing her throat. 

“Seriously? Pathetic,” she says, shaking her head. With that, she steps around the man standing in her way - Brady, maybe? - and makes a beeline for the table to fix herself a plate. Her comment’s enough to break Lex’s spell, and she quickly looks down at her lap. _What the fuck was that? Jesus._

The room’s quiet, too quiet, and it does little to help to drown out her swirling thoughts. She mechanically follows Kim and Jared to the table, sitting down with the others, making herself a plate. Every action feels robotic: realising the man’s missing, cursing herself for noticing. Trying to act normal. Failing.

Kim tries to make conversation, though Lex can’t help but feel like things are different. In that fleeting, delicious moment, it felt like there was more going on than Lex’s unchecked lust, but it’s clear that nobody at the table is willing to raise the topic. Lunch proceeds with no further fanfare, and though conversation resumes between the men, it’s stilted and a little odd. Lex’s mind drifts, checking out of the present conversation. She keeps replaying the moment again and again, rewinding her memories to analyse that intense stare. Has she met him before? Was that it? No, surely she would remember him, she couldn’t imagine forgetting someone who had so quickly caught her attention. And that’s the strange thing - she isn’t typically bothered with men, with dating. It isn’t that she’s asexual - her desires work just fine, _thank you very much_ ; she just doesn’t care too much to pursue anything. And why should she? Being in Forks, being away from Beaver, is about focus, about working hard. Forks is just a stepping stone. Settling down in a small town like her mother isn’t part of the plan.

Kim elbows her. “You good? Swear I’ve said the same thing three times.”

“Sorry. I was thinking. For once,” Lex says, trying to joke, though it definitely comes out weaker than intended. 

Kim snorts. “For once? I swear you never stop. You’re the perfect case study in overthinking.” 

That actually earns a real laugh from Lex, and it’s a good segway into conversation, a welcome distraction from her ruminations. Kim’s right: she’s a chronic overthinker, a fact that frequently drove her father crazy. With few people to talk to, especially at home, Lex had ended up entertaining herself as a child with long, sprawling daydreams that distracted herself from the world around her. Impractical, sure, but entertaining nonetheless. 

The rest of the afternoon passes by at a snail’s pace, with the small seed of discomfort continuing to grow within Lex’s stomach. It feels like an ache gnawing away at her, both causing and feeding her anxiety. She’s used to being on edge, but this kind of restlessness is new to her. She throws herself into conversation with Kim and Emily, feeling extraordinarily thankful for Emily’s enthusiasm in detailing her upcoming wedding in excruciating depth. After a long while, Kim finally acquiesces, offering Lex a lift home. The introvert in her had wanted to flee right after her embarrassing interaction earlier, but she didn’t want to seem like the pathetic type by immediately requesting a lift. _God, add embarrassing moments to my ever-growing list of reasons to get a car_ , she thinks, mentally calculating how much of her time she’ll need to sacrifice to afford some wheels. Hell, even rollerskates would do. Bidding everyone goodbye, Lex leads the way to the yard, her reluctance to hide her eagerness diminishing with each step. 

Lex’s hand closes on the cool metal of the door handle, intending to swing it open and hop down the porch steps. What she didn’t anticipate, though, was the strange man from earlier sitting on the porch steps, his head in hands. He straightens up in an instant, turning to face her, the transition so quick that Lex starts to wonder if his previous posture was entirely a figment of her imagination. She notices the furrow in his brow, the tense expression, as if he’s conflicted about something. This would normally be the point where Lex would flee, detesting any kind of confrontation with every shred of her being. Generally, fleeing was a good plan, and may have just worked here, too, if he was not in her direct path.

He stands suddenly, towering over her despite her higher ground on the porch. “You’re leaving already,” he says, his voice a delicious low tone that makes her feel a little weak. 

She can’t tell if it’s a statement or a question, but she nods nonetheless, not trusting herself to speak. He raises one hand to rub the back of his neck, and she curses herself for paying such close attention to him, for allowing her eyes to follow his every moment. 

“I’m Embry. I had to...take care of some things before. Hope I’ll see you around again,” he intones, fixing her with that same intense gaze that makes her feel a little lightheaded. 

She nods again, watching as he steps aside to allow her through. Moving is the last thing on her mind right now, but she’s acutely aware of Kim’s eyes burning holes into her back. The rest of the house is probably staring, too, if this is truly as weird as it feels. She wordlessly descends the porch steps, pacing towards Kim’s car without another glance at the man. She can’t– not without making an even bigger fool out of herself.

She allows herself one final look at him as Kim turns towards the road. His dark eyes bore into hers, burning with an intensity that sends her gut into a flip-flopping mess. Lex turns to Kim, bewildered.

“What the fuck was that about?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 28/9/20: Edited for quality and consistency.


	3. Tethered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we take a look inside Embry's mind as he explores life, imprinting, and how the hell he's going to talk to that beautiful stranger.

Embry was quite used to being a wolf. Phasing from man to beast was now as fluid as water, and patrolling the dark forests of La Push was just another day’s work. That was normal enough. What wasn’t normal, however, was the constant barrage of everyone else’s inane thoughts, irrespective of if he actually wanted to listen. As much as he tried, Embry still wasn’t quite comfortable with the whole pack mind thing - hello, privacy, where are you - and he especially disliked patrolling with the imprinted wolves. 

When Embry first joined the pack, patrolling with Sam was constant _Leah Emily Emily Emily oh god Leah_ madness, and it only got worse when Leah and Seth phased. It was weird, seeing the constant mental battle between Human-Sam and Wolf-Sam, between fighting the imprint and indulging his animalistic desires. In the end, he submitted to his lupine side, to the imprint, and committed to Emily. Sam maintained it was worth it, and he truly did love Emily. That was clear for anyone dipping in and out of the pack mind, picking up thoughts and memories of Emily amidst the general chaos. Embry even found himself thinking of Emily sometimes, even having a seriously weird dream once that the guys never let him forget. How was he supposed to help it, having to constantly see Emily like that? It was weird. 

Jared’s thoughts were a touch better, though Embry had to admit the raunchiness of his memories were both titillating and mortifying. And that was the thing about the pack mind - you saw everything, regardless of if it was intended to be shared. They’d agreed pretty early on that what was seen was not to be discussed outside of the mental link, bar the occasional highly embarrassing moment. That was always fair game. Fuck Paul and his constant torment. He was by far the worst offender, scanning thoughts for any kind of uncomfortable tone and saving ammo to use later. Embry’d get Paul back though, and there was nothing more therapeutic than a good sparring session, even if he routinely got his ass kicked. That was just par for the course.

Dynamic changes were also par for the course when it came to the pack. The leech drama a few years back - when Jacob finally got his ass into gear and started a new pack - meant that for a while the guys were separated. That well and truly sucked, and even though he had Quil and Jacob close by - the original trio! - he still missed the other guys. Time passed, shit happened, and eventually, the dust settled. He was still technically under Jacob’s leadership, but since Jacob and Sam had worked out a truce they all patrolled together again. Back to the old shared mind, just with a little extra touch of supernatural politics to add some spice. When it came to Jacob’s pack, Embry was comfortably his third-in-command, with Leah as beta. Quil and Seth were content, and their dynamics were pretty peaceful.

And then there was Sam’s pack - absolute fucking chaos. Jared and Paul seemed to be constantly tussling for beta (Jared won, usually), with Leah sometimes jumping in to start shit. Every now and then one of the younger kids would try and pull rank on Embry - sometimes Collin, sometimes even the even younger newbies who were fucking _fifteen_ , for Christ’s sake. Embry’d get in the fray to shut that bullshit down, and he was a decent enough fighter to pin the offender down and nip them into submission. Otherwise, Embry tried to keep his ass out of trouble, preferring to spectate. That was where the real entertainment was. 

Generally, pack life was pretty peaceful, especially in comparison to the drama a few years back. Most of the Cullens had moved on in the past few years, with only Edward, Bella and Ness remaining for Jacob’s sake. Jacob couldn’t be separated from his pack for too long, and they’d experimented enough to test the limits of the mental link. Jacob could communicate pretty easily at a distance - probably an alpha perk, though nobody was really sure - but eventually, the thoughts would fizzle out, like a radio tuned to the wrong frequency. Consequently, the Cullens settled a few hours out of Forks, heading West towards Seattle. The compromise was enough to keep Jacob around here and there in the pack mind without having to sacrifice too much for his imprint. Embry couldn’t imagine being that far from his home, but Jacob didn’t seem to mind too much. Maybe that was just the imprint talking, though. He couldn’t really tell either way. Jake seemed happy enough though.

Embry wasn’t really on either side of the imprint debate. When they all first phased, the imprints were rolling in like a tidal wave - weird, since it was meant to be rare - and he accepted it as an inevitability. After Jake and Ness happened, though, there hadn’t been any more imprints. That made almost two years without any major supernatural drama. The more that time passed, the more the unimprinted guys began to think that things were back to normal, and that meant no fated romances. Some of the guys (Seth in particular) still thought about it from time to time, hoping for that one magical glance that changed everything. Embry wasn’t necessarily hoping to imprint, but he wasn’t completely opposed to it. Sure, Ness and Claire were weird blips in what was originally thought to be a romantic phenomenon, but the more that Embry actually watched Jake and Quil, the more he saw what bullshit the whole fated love idea was. The girls had what was essentially the world’s most loyal best friends, and that was definitely a point of jealousy. No matter what happened, Embry wouldn’t have that tight friendship triad he’d had as a teen, and that sucked. So really, if Embry just so happened to imprint, and she was a kickass bitch like Leah, he wouldn’t be too mad. That would be kind of sick.

_God, your mind is a weird place. I can’t believe I had to listen to that entire monologue just to hear that you want Leah._

_Fuck off, Collin. That wasn’t the point and you know it._

_Sure, sure. We’ll see what Leah thinks later._

_Kid, I’m going to kick your fucking ass._

Collin didn’t respond, but Embry could see the flashes of forest whipping by faster as Collin hauled ass to escape the typical beat-down. Good. He truly couldn’t be bothered today.

_Ha! I knew it._

Goddamn it.

* * *

Life outside of patrols was pretty chilled. After all of the stress he’d put his mother through during his high school years, he’d opted to move into the world’s shittiest sharehouse with Quil and Jared. Okay, it wasn’t that bad - it was just run down in ways that were beyond their level of handiness (and honestly, they weren’t that handy when it came to houses). No, cars were more of their wheelhouse, and they were finally making good on Jake’s idea of starting a workshop on the Rez. It sucked that he wasn’t around to get it going, but they’d be going ahead regardless. The three of them were taking classes here and there at the Forks college campus to get some actual accreditation before they officially opened for business, even though they’d been working on cars for years. Jared definitely had the superior math brain, and so he took on extra classes to handle the accounting side. Thank God. Embry could barely figure out how to file his basic-ass tax return from working at his mom’s shop.

Quil and Jared were surprisingly good roommates, too. Jared was AWOL a lot of the time, generally keeping pace with whatever Kim was doing. Quil was around a lot more, and living together was actually a lot like what they imagined it to be as kids. Video games, working on their cars in the yard, wolf sparring (okay, maybe that wasn’t in the original plan) - that shit kind of rocked. No complaints on Embry’s side. Thankfully he didn’t bring Claire around too much, and so the house remained a laidback bachelor pad on Embry’s solo weekends. A little lonely, but nothing that a spot of beer and some baseball couldn’t fix. 

Embry dated here and there, mostly flings that eventuated from women he met at bar crawls. Jake had wheeled and dealed with Edward and hooked them up with a few fake IDs, which they used quite generously to get rowdy. It took way too much liquor to get a wolf drunk - damn that elevated metabolism! - so it was more of a social outing and a casual indulgence in cheap alcohol. Sometimes he’d end up bringing a woman home (often at Paul’s encouragement), and it was nice, but nothing that exciting. He definitely wasn’t gay. Been there, tried that. He just couldn’t seem to get much of a connection going beyond casual sex, and even that lost its allure after a while. Sometimes, lying awake after a six-pack, he’d wonder if there was something wrong with him, if he was somehow defective when it came to love. Embry tried not to indulge in those thoughts. It was a dangerous path of self-loathing that he really didn’t want the others to overhear. 

He’d talked to Quil about it once, in a rare moment of vulnerability spurred on by one of Quil’s weekends with Claire. Quil and Claire had the kind of super-tight, mind-reading connection that was generally only seen in twins or weirdos. When they were together, it was like the rest of the world was entirely irrelevant, and Quil’s memories showed them having an absolute blast. Watching the two of them laugh, play, made Embry’s heart hurt in a way that he often refused to feel. Quil had responded with confusion - how the hell does my imprint make you sad? - and it had all come rushing out, the jealousy, the abandonment, the worry. To Quil’s credit, he listened to Embry’s thoughts as patiently and carefully as only the best friend of a hyperactive seven-year-old child could. It was both cathartic and mortifying, but Quil was quick to reassure him that he didn’t think any different of Embry - his thoughts were pretty damn rational considering the weird-ass predicament they were in. Quil’s support actually meant a lot to Embry; they’d practically been raised as brothers and he couldn’t imagine navigating life without him. 

_Okay, now that was a little gay. I’m sorry man, I don’t love you like that._

_You suck. As if I’d date you anyway._

And just like that, the usual ribbing resumed, and Embry’s existential crisis was smoothed over, tucked away in the back of his mind like a childhood memory to be infrequently recalled. Things truly weren’t bad. He just got a little carried away sometimes, maybe a freak out here or there, but life was good. He was happy. Things would be okay.

* * *

Winter break passed by in a flash, and before Embry knew it, they were back at college for another quarter of learning shit they definitely already knew. They’d finally finished the beginner courses - basic systems and repairs, yawn - and were finally moving on to the finer details of engines. The only snag this quarter was that they had to take a required English composition class, which Embry dreaded. He’d barely passed high school, and he highly suspected some bribery or administrative oversight was involved, most likely the work of Old Quil. Seeing his grandson fail high school would probably send that man to the grave. Embry was just thankful that he was somehow included in the “adjustments”. Regardless, Embry knew he’d need to get his shit together this quarter to actually figure out what the hell was going on. Kim had promised the guys she’d help, and she was definitely talented when it came to school work, but Embry was sure that Jared would be pissed at losing out on alone time with her. Tricky business. 

He met the usual suspects in the dismal college parking lot for a quick round of “what are we actually doing this semester”. Between the three of them, they could surely get things organised, was Kim’s line of thinking. And so they went, off to their classes, Jared to some accounting class, and Embry and Quil to English composition. Unsurprisingly, the boys quickly fell behind, leaving the class scratching their heads and wondering what they actually learned in high school. Oops. Things were shaping up to make for a long quarter.

* * *

And so followed a long week of confusing class after confusing class. Embry was definitely thankful for the interesting classes - automotive-related ones, of course - that were interspersed throughout. They’d survived the first week, made it to the weekend, and the only thing standing between Embry and a legendary Emily feast was his four-hour patrol shift. After the packs reconciled, Emily and Sam had gotten into the habit of hosting weekly get-togethers, which typically revolved around some kind of glorious meal. Though he might not outwardly sing his pack’s praises, he did genuinely enjoy the company of his brothers.

_vAnd sister. Forget about me, huh? Last I heard you wanted me._

_Of course it’s you. Who else would I want to patrol with?_ Embry snorted, only mildly irritated. _You’re really not that bad, Leah, you’re only a mild pain in the ass. You could definitely be worse._

Leah didn’t respond, but he could see that she’d already begun patrolling the south perimeter. Embry got to work pacing the eastern boundary, paying close attention for any changes since his last shift the evening before. The pair worked in quiet solitude, mostly zoning each other out, enjoying the rare bursts of sunshine that snuck out between showers. Embry felt the familiar tingling in his temple as another of his pack phased in - _Sam?_ \- to join the patrol.

_Yeah. Running late_. Embry’s mind bloomed with images of Collin and Paul, wrestling and yelling, as usual, followed by scenes of both Sam and Emily shouting at the boys. He couldn’t help but feel amused at Sam’s memories - Collin was constantly starting beef, and trying to keep up with the drama was a real effort. 

_Predictable dumbasses. Glad it’s not me that has to kick Collin’s ass this time._ Embry could sense Leah’s amusement, a light feeling that tinged her thoughts like a refreshing breeze. It was nice, Embry thought, seeing Leah more chilled out. She needed that. They all needed that. Real drama was pretty absent these days, and they all tended to tolerate each other (at the very least). Patrol passed with little fanfare, with nothing out of the ordinary and no real interesting sights. Boring, but excellent exercise, especially considering Embry did little else to look after himself. 

_Yeah, you’re definitely on the way to a beer gut_ , Leah thought, immediately phasing before Embry could retort. Classic Leah move.

Embry phased, too, a well-practised movement that allowed him to shift from wolf to semi-dressed human in a matter of seconds. He was nothing if not efficient. Leah and Sam strode ahead towards the house, probably with different motivations (food vs imprint) but with the same intensity. Embry had to jog to catch up, to lope up the porch just a few beats behind them. He was hyped for the food, imagining some kind of heavenly banquet that he could just inhale - 

And all of a sudden. 

_Her_.

For a moment, he was lost. One minute, it was all food and patrol and pack, and the next second he’s gazing upon the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen. Embry looked at her, really looked, drinking in her incredible features - those dark almond eyes, her perfect pout, the knot of windswept hair piled atop her head. God, she was tiny, curled into the couch like she needed the comfort, the protection. He wanted that. He wanted to give her that.

And then clarity. He was staring, like really truly staring at her, and she was totally staring back, but so was everyone else in the house. Fucking awkward. He felt like a coward as he slinked through the kitchen, through the corridor, working himself away from his imprint as if he was ashamed. He wasn’t (was he?). Moreso embarrassed and confused and overwhelmed and honestly, what even was all of this - he thought they were done! They all thought it was over! And suddenly, here she was, and it was a complete reminder of how far out of his depth he was.

His feet were moving as if in autopilot, leading him to the old faithful front porch, home to many strange happenings over the years. Yes, add this to the list. Finding your fated partner, the one woman you’re destined to protect for the rest of your lives. Nice. He could hear them all inside, laughing and joking and enjoying things as usual. Part of him wanted to be there, craved it, to be near her and know that she was happy and okay. The other part - the rational part - was in a mild state of panic. Memories gleaned from the pack mind would suggest that this was par for the course, but that did little to actually reassure him. What was comforting, though, was Quil’s appearance on the porch with two heaped plates.

Quil raised his chin in a small nod. “Welcome to the club,” he said, sitting down on the stoop beside Embry. “It’s crazy, I’ll give you that, but you’ll be okay. I thought my life was over when Claire happened, but things got better. Her family actually likes me now, and I like them. Things worked out. Yours will, too.”

Embry nodded wordlessly. Quil was right, probably. He couldn’t think of a single imprinted pair that didn’t work out - even Sam and Emily were happy, and things with Leah were mostly smoothed over. Surely his situation would be marginally less drastic.

“Do you know her?” Embry asked finally.

Quil nodded. “Her name’s Lex. She’s in a ton of Kim’s classes. Kim said she’s really nice, funny, quiet though. I swear she’s barely spoken all day.”

Nodding, again. Lex. Embry wondered what it was short for. Alexis? Lexie? The car guy in him hoped it was Lexus. Quil snorted at the suggestion. 

“Oh yeah, the spirits took one look at ol’ Lexus and had to put him with the mechanic. Makes sense,” he guffawed, and the boys broke into easy laughter. It was times like this when he truly was grateful for Quil, who could make him smile with the simplest, most asinine comment. The boys talked and ate, largely avoiding the topic of imprinting. Embry was reassured, sure, but he wasn’t exactly there yet, ready to rush to his girl and profess his fated attraction. Just the thought of being near her both excited and terrified him, evidenced by the knot of tension in his stomach that twinged every time he thought of her. His baser instincts made him want to seek her out, get close to her, regardless of what was normal. On the other hand, he knew that he needed to get to know her, approach her like a man, not a wolf, and win her mind first. He wanted something real, something human, and that would require a real effort to restrain his wolf side. His control was reasonable, safe, but he hadn’t pushed himself before to really see how strong he could be. And what if he ever hurt her? Would he ever put her in danger? The thought terrified him, but it was a real, reasonable concern. The thought weighed on him like a boulder.

The day crept by, torturously slowly, though Embry gained some comfort feeling her nearby. Quil left after a while, needing to swing by his parent’s house for something or other. Embry remained on the stoop, with some of the other guys coming by to speak with him. Sam, in particular, was enthusiastic, offering both congratulations and warnings that made him feel sick to his stomach. He wasn’t ready for this. Sam’s grisly reminders of Emily (oh god oh god oh god) left him with his head in his hands and his stomach in his throat. Would that be Lex? Could he do that to her? And all of a sudden, whether it was highly opportune or completely dismal timing, the front door opened, and there she was. Lex. Embry sprung to his feet, turning immediately to assess her. _She’s okay. She’s here._

He could feel himself being crazy, feel that he was looking at her way too intensely, but he couldn’t help it. Was it possible to resist looking over her, to confirm that she was fine (albeit, freaked out) whilst simultaneously checking her out? The pink flush of her cheeks, the softness of her skin, was like a beacon summoning the immediate caress of his hand. God, he thought, this imprint brain is dangerous. 

“You’re leaving already,” he said, immediately regretting his impulsive speech. He cursed himself inwardly. I’ve avoided her all day! It makes no sense to comment that she’s leaving! Yet, it was the truth - he wanted her close by, even if he didn’t have the guts to approach her. Even the proximity of the porch was enough for the tension in his belly to ease a little, for him to relax slightly. She nodded at his statement, and he felt himself soften at the small movement. _I’m scaring her_. He rubbed the back of his neck, partly to seem less threatening, and partly because he had absolutely no idea what to do. Surely by now there should be some sort of tribal guide book, something like How to Interact With the Love of Your Life in Ten Easy Steps. Maybe when he finally had his head straight he’d write it. Still, she said nothing, and so he chanced another sentence.

“I’m Embry. I had to... take care of some things before. Hope I’ll see you around again,” he said, trying not to sound too desperate. It was weak, but he had to say something. She nodded again, looking marginally less frightened. Dumbly, he realised that he was blocking the stoop - she couldn’t flee even if she wanted to. Embry stepped aside, and she hopped down the steps and hightailed it to Kim’s shitbox like a frightened animal. Kim looked at him sympathetically as she passed, as if she’d accidentally kicked his dog or something. Was he already that pathetic? He watched the women settle in the car, and he couldn’t help but stare as Kim backed out. His eyes locked with Lex for one final look, a single glance that seemed to take the breath out of him. _Oh, I am fucked_.

“That,” he said, “was all the entertainment I needed for today. Embry, speechless? Never thought I’d see the day. Welcome to the club, brother.”

Sam reached forward to embrace him, and Embry let himself be folded into the hug. Sam didn’t do physical affection towards his brothers often, and Embry wanted to remember every second of today. Scary, overwhelming, embarrassing, sure, but he was excited. He had his family. And soon she’d be a part of it, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has read this far. I am truly grateful for you, for taking time out of your day to read my fic. I highly appreciate any and all comments and would love to know your thoughts.


	4. Frayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lex and Embry spend time alone together.

Kim’s quiet, too quiet, her eyes fixed on the road ahead as she drives away from the Rez. Lex wants to say more, wants to ask questions, but the silence unnerves her. Finally, Kim releases her breath in a laboured sigh that says more than words ever could - this is something big, something heavy, and Lex is right to feel nervous.

“Sometimes...people connect in ways that we can’t explain. It doesn’t make sense. But I know how you feel. When Jared and I first spoke, and I mean really spoke, everything changed - it was like someone was seeing me for the first time. Jared’s changed me, and I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. When he looks at me, everything is different, and everything is okay.”

Lex says nothing. It makes sense when she looks at Kim and Jared - there’s something off about them, something too perfect in their synchronicity. Their hyperawareness of each other, the look in Jared’s eye, it’s more than a typical relationship. Their interactions are both sweet and unsettling in their intensity, and though Kim seems content, Lex can’t help but feel an undercurrent of unease.

“It makes sense for you and Jared, I guess. Embry, though? I don’t know him. Why...why would he care? Why would he notice me? It doesn’t make sense.” Lex shakes her head as if trying to shake the thoughts loose. Her temples are beginning to pound with the tension she refuses to let herself express, and all she can think about is not losing her lunch on Kim’s dash mats. 

“Just let yourself feel. Get to know him, give him a chance. Sometimes things are better left unexplained.” Through all this, Kim’s eyes remain focused on the twisting roads heading into Forks, as if she can’t bring herself to look directly at Lex. She feels like she’s not getting a real answer, and Kim’s cryptic speech does little to calm her frayed nerves. The women sit in silence for the remainder of the drive, with only a curt goodbye passing between them as Lex exits the beater. And as she curls up in bed that night, Lex can’t help but release a muffled scream into her pillow. There are many things that bug Lex. Top of the list: lies.

* * *

Monday rolls around, and by that point, Lex’s temper has faded and she feels bad for how she reacted to Kim - it wasn’t her fault that Embry was acting strangely, and all Kim had done was try and be her friend. When she settles into her usual seat beside Kim for their lecture, she attempts to apologise for her behaviour, but Kim won’t have a bar of it.

“Don’t be like that. There’s nothing to apologise for. The guys are weird,” Kim says, rolling her eyes. And just like that, they’re back to normal, and the tension that lives low in Lex’s belly lessens slightly. The more time she spends with Kim, the more Lex realises how alike they are, like two sides of the same coin. Kim is smart, like ridiculously smart, and she has this incredible way of explaining things that just make even the strangest of things make sense. For once in Lex’s life, she’s feeling awe, and not intimidation, and she thinks that it’s a real testament to Kim’s warmth. Lex is so comfortable around Kim that she even agrees to come for lunch with her and some of the men she met on the weekend - something that she absolutely would have not done when she was back in Beaver - and for a moment, things really are looking up for Lex and her social life. And just like clockwork, she’s brought back to earth, noticing Embry’s instantly recognisable figure sandwiched between Quil and Jared at the lunch table.

It’s comedic, really, the way Lex stops in her tracks as Kim continues forward, their linked arms resulting in an awkward jerking motion. Kim follows her eye-line, letting out a small giggle. 

“Oops. Guess I should have mentioned that,” she says, beaming her trademark angelic smile. She takes stock of Lex; her wide eyes, mildly freaked out grimace; and squeezes her elbow gently. “It’s okay. It’s only lunch. Please come.” 

For a moment, Lex considers saying no, retreating to eat alone in the library. She makes the mistake of glancing over at the guys, noticing the way Embry’s shoulders are so tense and stiff, how Quil and Jared are speaking to him with faces that are far too serious for the college cafeteria. It’s strange, but she feels the urge to head over to the table and see if he’s okay. And so she does, taking quick steps across the caf with Kim following a beat behind her. She almost loses her nerve as the guys look up, but Kim’s quick to swoop in with a blast of chatter about their morning classes that Jared’s all too willing to participate in. Lex takes a seat on the cool metal bench beside Kim, attempting to arrange her face into the most normal expression she can muster. Thankfully, nobody comments on her strangeness, and the guys are perfectly welcoming. Quil is especially friendly, telling her in great detail about their studies. He’s finally finished a long explanation of how to complete some kind of repair - honestly, she’d zoned out five minutes ago after mistakenly expressing interest in some topic he mentioned - when a particularly mischievous smirk spreads across his face. 

“So, Miss Lex, you’ll have to help us out with this one,” he says, shooting Embry a teasing glance. He clearly knows what’s on Quil’s mind, as he groans loudly and shoves him, telling him to shut up. Quil, undeterred, wiggles his eyebrows at Lex. “We couldn’t figure out what your name was short for - it’s Lexus, right?” Cue groans all around. 

Jared socks Quil with a punch that will surely bruise his bicep for days. “You’re a fucking dumbass, dude.”

Much to everyone’s surprise, though, Lex laughs a deep hearty chuckle, and her eyes crinkle with genuine mirth. Kim wonders if this is the first genuine laugh she’s heard from Lex in the week she’s known her, and she feels a quiet sense of pride that her friends have managed to draw Lex out of her shell. She’s clearly at ease with Quil, happily chatting away about her father’s traditionalism and superstitions.

“He’s a bit of a strange one, and I mean that in the kindest way. He’s a real believer that names are like prophecies, that they help shape personalities. I guess that’s probably the only way you can come to love being named Hubert,” Lex snorts, thinking hard. “He’s named after the patron saint of forest workers. I think he’s just choosing to overlook that forest work is, like, the only thing you can do in Beaver. Cute theory regardless.”

Embry’s looking at Lex with that typical serious expression of his, though she doesn’t know that all he can think about is how damn adorable she is when she’s amused. He wishes he could memorise every detail of her jubilated countenance to recall again and again. He realises he’s staring only when she looks down at her knees, face slightly flushed. He clears his throat, wanting to go back to a moment ago when she was confident and smiling and animated. “So what are you named for?”

“Patron saint of shyness?” Quil quips, dodging a crumpled napkin that Kim lobs across the table.

Lex rolls her eyes. “My actual name’s Alexandria, but I never use it. It means helper, which I guess was my dad trying to conscript me into taking after him.”

“I think it suits you. Teachers are basically the ultimate helpers,” Embry muses, brows knitting together as he thinks. The comment catches Lex off-guard, and she can’t help but wonder when he started paying attention to her. When she meets his gaze, it’s like she’s standing before the caf totally nude, like all of her secrets are on display for everyone to see. He has this way of looking that makes her feel so vulnerable, and yet it’s somehow exhilarating. Belatedly, she notices that the coil of nerves that’s plagued her for days is at its weakest, a low hum of electricity that sets her alight. Lex suddenly understands what Kim means, about this inexplicable connection she feels to Embry, the kind of connection that sets you afire in ways you’ve never felt. And as she looks into those dark eyes of his, part of her wants to let go, and let herself feel. The other half is fucking terrified.

Things only get worse when the guys complain about their English composition class and Kim volunteers to tutor Quil, and wonders aloud about how it’d be lovely if Lex could help Embry. She can’t really decline without coming off as a complete asshole and the thought of confessing her mild terror at being alone with him is humiliating. Resigned to her fate, she allows Embry to enter his number into her phone, her stomach somersaulting at the thought of calling him. Kim avoids her glare, but Lex can see the faintest hint of a smile tugging at her cheeks. The more time she spends with Kim, the more she reveals her devious streak, and it’s both entertaining and scary. As the men trot off to their next class, it takes all of Lex’s strength to refrain from punching Kim.

“No matchmaking. I’m serious,” Lex grumbles, but it’s pointless – Kim laughs and winks, and Lex realises it’s all downhill from here.

* * *

The days pass, and Lex doesn’t call. Embry wonders what he’s done wrong – he’s paid close attention to her every day at lunch, even remembering her coffee order so he and Jared can surprise the girls as they study in the library. He thought she’d be pleased, considering how she’s non-stop talking about how tired she is. As her hands her the cup, he notices her face screwed up in some strange expression he can’t quite read before it smooths out again to something neutral. She thanks him, but he knows something is off, especially as the ache in his stomach is back.

Embry had been fretting all week about the pain, especially after hearing Quil’s horror stories about his uncle who’d had weird stomach cramps for a while before the doctors realised it was some freaky kind of cancer. That definitely didn’t help his stress. Thankfully, Jared overhears his thoughts during patrol and loses his shit laughing, which Embry was none too impressed with.

_Honestly, Embry, I worry about you. Have you ever listened to half the shit we’ve said about imprinting? How it hurts when your imprint is far from you, that it hurts when they’re rejecting the bond?_

Embry pauses his patrol, thinking hard. If he was honest, he zoned out a lot during rounds, especially when it came to sappy thoughts about others’ imprints. As he mulls it over, he realises it makes sense – the pain lessens over lunch and returns as soon as he’s away from her.

_Fuck. How the fuck am I supposed to fix this? I can’t even get her to talk to me without Kim there!_

He takes his frustration out on his surroundings, tearing a sapling from the earth from such force that the branches splinter. Jared watches sympathetically. He can’t relate in the slightest – Kim was on him like glue from the moment he looked at her, and he barely felt the imprint tug unless she was a decent distance away from him.

_Thanks, asshole. Rub it in a little._

_Sorry. Accident. Keep trying, it took Kim time to get her to open up. She’ll be worth it._

As always, Jared is right. He’d do anything for Lex, he’d work his ass off to gain her attention for even a second, and he guessed that was the shit part about imprinting. Knowing that you can love someone endlessly, completely, and have them feel completely indifferent about you. Figures.

_If you take my Saturday patrol I’ll get Kim to put in a good word._

_Jared, you conniving bastard. Consider it done._

* * *

In a feat that impresses Jared, Kim manages to hold off for a grand total of four days before attempting to play matchmaker between Lex and Embry. To her credit, she only raises the topic at Jared’s request - he desperately needs a sleep-in, and Lord knows when their last uninterrupted weekend together was, and so a favour for Embry is actually quite appealing. She waits until she’s alone with Lex, on their typical run to the gas station across the road for cheap coffee, to broach the topic.

“So...you called Embry yet?” she asks, smoothing her face into a neutral expression in a bid to conceal the fact she already knows the answer.

Lex presses her lips together, considering her response. “Honestly, no. Cut to the chase and call me an asshole.”

Kim rolls her eyes. “I’m not doing that. Why are you avoiding him?” She studies Lex’s profile, watching the way she uncomfortably crosses and recrosses her arms across her chest.

“I just...feel uncomfortable around him. Yeah, I get it’s tutoring, but it’s more than that. As if it’s only English help he’s after. It’s like if I say yes, I text him, then I’m saying yes to something that I’m not ready for, and then I’ll look like a fool for getting myself into that situation.” Lex huffs out a tense breath of air, refusing to make eye contact. Kim’s surprised by her honesty - she’d really thought it’d take a ton of questions to get that out of her - and she’s not entirely sure of where to go from there. In the end, she settles for reassurance. She considers the favour done, and so she can go back to focusing on being Kim, the supportive friend, not Kim, the double agent. Looking at Lex makes her feel a sharp twinge of guilt for meddling.

“Embry’s a good guy. If all you want to do is help him with his class and then dip, he’d get it. You don’t have to be his friend if you don’t want to. But please, don’t think that he’s just out to push you into something you don’t want. He’s not like that. You can trust him, just like you can trust me.” Kim hopes that Lex can feel the sincerity in her words; she genuinely likes Lex for who she is, not for being an imprint, and she wants her to feel comfortable with her. Neither woman says anything further as they wait for their coffee, and Kim begins to think that she’s gone too far. She should’ve known this would happen, but Jared’s pleading expression was just too convincing to ignore. Eventually, as they’re crossing the road towards the campus, Lex speaks.

“I’ll do it. I trust you.”

Those words mean more to Kim than Lex will ever know.

* * *

Embry wakes up from his post-patrol nap with one unread message.

_Are you free on Sunday?_

It’s from an unsaved number, but he immediately knows who it is. His stomach flip-flops as he reads and rereads the message. She’s done it. Kim is an absolute legend. Embry’s already planning the perfect thank-you treat for her as he types his reply.

_I’ll be free after 2. Coffee in La Push sound ok? I know the best place._

He holds his breath as he presses send. It’s nothing too exciting, but the sheer fact that he’s talking to her - and that she’ll actually reply! - is exhilarating enough to have his heart beating double time. He stares at his phone for what feels like an eternity until it vibrates again.

_Can’t. No car. College library?_

No car? How the hell is she getting to college, to work, to (hopefully, eventually) see him? Embry decides to push that concern to the side for now, though he’s definitely more stressed about her safety than he was before. Instead, he quickly fires off a reply offering to pick her up, dangling the promise of seeing Kim afterwards like bait. He wishes he was the incentive for coming, but he’ll take what he can get. Her reply takes longer this time, making Embry stress like he’s back in middle school asking a girl out for the first time. He’s over the moon to see her simple _yes_ with her address, and it takes all of his strength to resist replying _it’s a date_. She’s finally giving him a chance, and he is absolutely not going to mess this one up.

Even though he’s only just finished his patrol, he’s quick to duck into the tree line and phase to speak with his brothers. Quil and Brady are phased, and Brady quickly falls silent after a simple greeting. Embry proudly replays the last few minutes for Quil, who lets out a short howl of excitement.

 _Excellent! Kim is a weapon. No car though?_ Quil’s thoughts cycle through a quick succession of junkers he’s seen around the Rez, around Forks, weighing up the idea of acquiring a shitty project car to eventually gift Lex. Embry likes the idea, likes the thought of being able to make her more comfortable, but knows that Lex wouldn’t go for it.

 _It’s too soon._ Embry lets his mind drift to project cars regardless, thinking back to the days of working on dirtbikes and Jake’s Rabbit back in high school. All too quickly, his thoughts are interrupted by Sam bursting into the pack mind.

_Emergency? Why are we howling?_

Embry replays his excitement for the second time that day, finishing with the memory of Quil’s howl.

 _Congratulations, Embry, but for the love of God, shut up. Don’t stress me out like that._ With those parting words, Sam disappears from the pack mind as quickly as he came.

 _Should we place bets on Sam’s impending aneurysm?_ Brady asks teasingly, his thoughts a carousel of the torment they’ve all put Sam through lately.

 _Five bucks says it involves Collin_ , Embry thinks, recalling Sam’s lurid red face the week prior as he berated the boy for tussling too close to Emily.

 _Dude, you know I can’t bet against that_ , Quil whines, causing the three to dissolve into a weird kind of wolf laughter that would concern the most seasoned hiker. Being a wolf had its complications, but Embry is sure that he’d never trade times like this for the world.

* * *

Lex manages to pace exactly fourteen laps of her bedroom before Liz bangs on the door, demanding quiet. She acquiesces, flopping onto her cheap mattress and staring at the yellowed ceiling. Why the hell did she let Kim talk her into this? And how is she supposed to have a normal conversation with Embry in – she rolls over to check her alarm clock – exactly seven minutes? Her stomach aches, a deep pain that is only exacerbated by its constant churning. There’s just something about Embry that sets her nerves on edge, and the thought of being alone with him for a torturous three-hour stretch is enough to have her jittery. Still, she drags herself to the front porch, figuring that Embry deserves an attempt at friendliness – he hasn’t really done anything wrong, aside from being intimidatingly attractive.

And just like clockwork, his truck turns into her street at 2 PM sharp. Lex appreciates his punctuality, thinking back to her childhood characterised by strict adherence to timeliness and efficiency. She approaches the truck in quick, short steps, and her heart flutters as he reaches across to open the passenger door for her. _Cute_. He’s smiling, beaming, a disarmingly sweet grin that leaves her breathless. Lex isn’t used to seeing Embry anything other than serious, though she can’t help but admit that happiness is a good look on him. Lex returns a smile of her own, smaller, as she settles in beside him in the toasty cab. She can feel the heat radiating from his body like tantalising tendrils that threaten to surround her, draw her in close to his side. Lex is surprised at how badly she wants to be close to him – whose brain is this? – and she makes sure to sit as close to the door as possible. Just to be safe.

“Hey Lex,” Embry says lowly, and the flip-flopping in her stomach resumes. “How are you doing?”

She casts her eyes firmly forward as he begins driving. It should be illegal to be this attractive, she thinks, refusing to meet his gaze.

“I’m good,” she mutters, remembering that she should really sound cheery. “You had a good morning?”

He looks slightly put off by her prickly disposition but says nothing about it. Instead, Embry chatters away about his shift at work, some security job on the Rez. The more he talks, sharing anecdotes about the guys and the shenanigans they routinely get up to, the more comfortable Lex comes to feel. Of course, she’s still tucked up tight in the corner of the cab, but she’s at ease enough to laugh and comment every now and then. By the time they’re pulling up to the coffee shop twenty minutes later, they’re actually talking – yes, reciprocal conversation! – and Embry is so excited he could howl. He darts around the truck’s hood without hesitation to open Lex’s door, and he realises a moment too late that he was moving far too fast for a human. Thankfully, Lex doesn’t seem to notice, and she even accepts his hand to help her out of the truck. Touching her, even for the briefest second, makes Embry feel like his entire body is alight with the hottest flames, and he wishes he could pull her in close, hug her properly. She pulls her hand away all too soon, and it takes everything in him to not look dejected.

Embry is set on being the perfect gentleman – opening doors for her, paying for her coffee (he insists it’s a fair exchange for her help) and pulling out her chair. He’s quizzed Kim for every shred of information she has on Lex, and he has it on good authority that her family is highly traditional, so he figures that old-fashioned is best. Focusing on English Composition is near impossible when he’s sitting across from the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen. It turns out that Lex is immensely enthusiastic about writing and literature, and he’s enraptured by her passionate speech and dreamy look as she explains a myriad of things. Despite his constant struggle to remain focused on English – and my God, English has never been this fascinating to him before – Lex is encouraging, offering up plenty of praise. By the end of their study session, Lex actually seems relaxed around him, talking and laughing and even winking at one point. Embry is sure that cute little gesture will be permanently seared into his memory, tucked away in his growing collection of happy Lex memories. He’s so emboldened by her praise, her increasing openness, that he feels positive she’ll agree to another date with him. Okay, fine, today wasn’t really a date, but it sure feels like more than tutoring.

Embry clears his throat. “Hey, maybe we could do this again on Wednesday after class.” The suggestion hangs heavy in the air, with his confidence plummeting as the seconds tick by. Lex says nothing.

Finally, she speaks. “It seems like you’re getting it. Maybe see how you go with your assignment, I can help you if it doesn’t go so well.” Embry frowns. His assignment is due in a _month_.

“I was thinking that we could just hang out, we don’t need to study,” he offers hopefully, assessing her furrowed brow. This really isn’t going as well as he hoped. It’s like he can see her retreating back into her introverted shell and he can’t understand what he did to scare her off.

“I don’t get what you want, Embry,” Lex confesses, looking down at her knees. God, did they really have to have this mortifying conversation? “I mean, you’re...you’re you. Why are you trying to get with me?”

Lex’s quiet voice and deepening frown make Embry’s chest ache. The thought of her feeling poorly about herself, or that he’s somehow superior, deeply troubles him. Why would she even think that?

“I want to get to know you, Lex,” Embry says, emphasising her name so that she looks up at him with her deep brown eyes. Those eyes will truly be the death of him. “You’re interesting, you’re funny, and I sure as hell want to be your friend. Hell, maybe more, if you’d let me take you out.”

Lex falls quiet, again, but she looks marginally more relaxed. “Friends. Okay.”

Embry nods. “Friends. Good. Now, Kim’s?”

He’s caught off guard by the sudden return of her broad smile. God, he can’t wait for the day that his name will elicit that kind of response. But for now, he settles for this, whatever this quasi-friendship is. Lex is beginning to accept him, and that’s all he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm experimenting with writing in the present tense, rather than past tense, and would love to know your thoughts. I'll sort out my tense issues and update the chapters to match when I post my next update. Thanks for reading :)


	5. Kindness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which acts of kindness help bridge the gap between Lex and her newfound friends.

It’s strange, Embry thinks, the way time seems to slow down when he’s with Lex. Time at Kim’s home seems to stretch out like an unfurling carpet, enveloping them in an aura of comfort and peacefulness. Being with Kim seems to have killed Lex’s nerves, and Embry’s stunned by their easy conversation and playful rapport. He resolves to spend more time learning about Lex, really listening to her, determined to pick up on whatever cue he’s clearly missed. Lex is different with Embry, more reserved, but is noticeably more comfortable after their conversation at the coffee shop. It bothered him to pretend that he wasn’t sure about dating her - shit, he’d take her out in a heartbeat if she’d let him - but Jared and Sam have thoroughly drilled it into his head that he needs to take things slow. So, in the hopes of avoiding taunts from the rest of the pack, who have been following along through the trail of memories he leaves behind on patrol, he reluctantly eases off. 

Kim, being quite possibly the best imprint alive - aside from Lex, of course - is surprisingly adept in getting the two of them together. He wasn’t expecting Lex to want to stay too long, but they’re roped into countless rounds of board games that pit the two of them against Kim and Jared. Embry and Jared are hopelessly competitive, loudly taunting and teasing each other, going as far as wrestling at one point. Lex can’t help but laugh - they’re idiots, but in a stupid, adorable way, a way that gets her heart racing when she looks too closely at Embry. Watching him fight playfully with Jared, seeing that mischievous spark in his eye, noticing the way he smirks when he leans in to whisper conspiratorially in her ear - her heart is ready to leap out of her skin, a wonderfully new and confusing feeling. There’s something about Embry, some kind of strange magnetism that draws her in close. Even though she agreed to be his friend, she can’t help but let her mind drift towards other possibilities; possibilities that are most definitely out of the question. Damn Kim, getting under her skin and taking over her brain. Curse that girl talk.

Regardless, Lex feels a little more relaxed in his presence. Aside from the fact that she would strongly consider jumping his bones anytime, anywhere, she feels like she could actually sit beside him now and not instantly burn up with nervousness. She puts this newfound comfort down to his gentleness, his measured movements that show his cautiousness. He’s always there, always close to her, but can somehow read her mind, giving her that slightest distance she needs. His movements towards her always come with a pause, as if waiting for her approval, and she respects that about him. He is patient. That in itself is trustworthy to Lex, and she can actually see herself getting close to Embry, getting to know him like she’s coming to know Kim. Lex resolves to spend more time with the man - if Kim, easily the most dependable person she knows, appreciates his company, then surely she can give him a shot. Kim is yet to lead her astray, and until then, Lex will trust her.

* * *

The following week drags on like the world’s most tiresome marathon. And, God, is Lex exhausted - three late-night shifts at the gas station in a row followed by college is an absolute killer. She gears up for her Thursday shift like she’s going to war, packing a formidable supply of snacks and energy drinks into her ratty old backpack and setting off across town. The four-mile walk to work gives her plenty of time to think, her mind jumping from topic to topic in rapid succession. Embry crosses her mind frequently - she’s barely seen him all week, only in fleeting glances here and there - and she briefly contemplates texting him. Lex shakes her head as if trying to dislodge the thought from her brain. No, she can’t do that - that’ll definitely come off too friendly, just like she’s sure her constant, thinly-veiled searches of campus for him are. Instead, she settles for sending Kim a brief text, knowing that she’ll surely be up late into the night. Excellent entertainment for a long, uneventful shift. 

Her arduous walk to work takes her through a succession of spooky, dimly-lit Forks streets. She’d been steadily saving since she’d moved, but working at the gas station really made her long for a car - shit, anything would be fine. Between rent and tuition and all sorts of bills, Lex was stuck walking for the foreseeable future, but she was sure the adrenaline made her late-night walks even speedier. She made it to work in excellent time, noticing that it was absolutely dead - not a customer in sight, as usual. Lex truly could not understand how the business was profitable - she saw maybe one customer per hour on her busiest nights - but money was money, and she knew better than to ask too many questions. Her father taught her that.

After a cursory conversation with her coworker, she settled in at the register for a long night ahead. It took Lex an hour, tops, to complete her short list of closing tasks, hastened by her consistent lack of clientele. A little cleaning here or there, if she felt inspired enough, and then the rest of the night was hers to wile away in between customers. Typically she worked on college stuff - her worries from her first week were soon proved correct, and the coursework seemed to pile up faster than she could complete it. Even Kim was struggling to keep her head above water, and Lex knew that didn’t bode well for her own chances of success. Nevertheless, Lex dutifully continued her nightly study, even roaming the store at times to ward off sleep. As comfortable as she was with her work, she’d never chance a nap at the register. At least, not yet.

It took until 3 AM for her first customer to pull into the lot. Thankfully she wasn’t expected to offer assistance outside - safety concerns aside, she could not handle the chill - and so she abandoned her books to wait for the man to finish filling up. As the tall figure approached the store, she couldn’t help but raise her eyebrows in disbelief. Quil? And sure enough, as he ducked to pass through the door frame, she was certain. 

“Quil!” Lex called, sounding far too excited for this time of night. Blame it on the caffeine and total lack of human interaction, she thought, feeling a little satisfied by his clear surprise. 

“Lex? Since when do you work here?” Quil scrunched his face in thought, squinting at her. Oh right, 3 AM. Not really socialising hours.

“A few months, actually. I normally only do nights though, so I don’t see too many people while I’m here. You’re up late,” she commented, glancing across at his furrowed eyebrows and tense expression. Weird.

“Nights? All the time? _Dude_ ,” he muttered, saying something indistinguishable. “How are you getting here? Do you live close?”

Lex was caught entirely off-guard by his concern. She’d met Quil what, twice?, and here he was, openly worrying about her safety. It was both touching and strange, but she didn’t really have too many other friendships that she could compare it to. Regardless, it was kind of nice to have someone worried about her. Sometimes she thought that if she didn’t come home, Liz and Maya might not notice until rent was due. She really needed better friends.

“Uh, my place is a bit of a walk from here. It’s fine. I need the exercise,” she joked, trying to lighten the mood. Quil’s frown only deepened.

“Lex, you can’t seriously be walking all around town at night. It’s not safe. Shit, you’re the size of a pop-stick, how the hell are you going to fight someone off?” Quil rubbed his hand across his face in frustration. “God, just send me your schedule. I’m not letting you walk here at night. That’s bullshit.”

Lex wasn’t sure if her eyebrows could move any higher on her forehead. She hesitated for a moment before taking his outstretched phone to type in her number, quietly agreeing to text him some details. Quil was acting weird with a capital W, but surely it was just some odd middle-of-the-night mood. Why else would a near-stranger care enough to offer her indefinite lifts? Quil took his phone back, nodding in approval at her compliance. 

“What time do you finish?” he asked, pacified.

Lex glanced at the clock for a moment. “Six,” she said, guzzling another sip of her drink. “It’s fine though, it’ll be a lot lighter by the time I get home.”

Quil jerked his head in a rough shake. “Hell no. I’ll get one of the guys to pick you up. And Lex, I swear to God, if you leave without a lift I will be _pissed_.”

One look at his expression cemented that he was deadly serious. The thought of arguing briefly crossed her mind, but in all honesty, she’d love a lift. There was only so many layers of clothing she could bundle on to try and stave off the cold, but Lex didn’t think she owned a sufficient quantity of coats for that. So, in an act of total compliance, she agreed with a quiet _thank you_ , processing his fuel payment and sending him off into the darkness with a wave. She didn’t understand Quil’s motivations, not like she seemed to understand Kim, and it kind of left her uneasy. Why did he care? Really, why did any of them care about her? None of the people she knew back in Beaver would stick their necks out for a stranger as they did, and they did it with no expectation of thanks. It’s not like Lex could possibly have anything that they wanted, either - she was as average as could be, with nothing that alluring or exciting about her that could draw someone in. Why?

Her ruminations were interrupted by her phone buzzing. An unsaved number. _Schedule, please_. Quil was nothing if not persistent, a trait he seemingly shared with his large array of friends. Lex dutifully replied with a picture of her shifts, inwardly cringing at the thought of him running around all week after her. She knew that arguing was futile, but it still bothered a tiny sliver of her that hated dependence. Lex was resolute in saving for a car, but this was a definite motivation to clean up her act and purchase something, anything, that could get her away from walking. Lex sighed. _Goodbye, motivation_ , she thought, opening a tab in her browser to peruse her options. Completing her coursework was truly a pipe dream.

* * *

Running the night shift with a bunch of pups was pretty close to hell, Embry thought, ignoring the protests of the cubs that shared his mind. Two nights in a row of roaming the Rez really diminished his capacity for kindness, especially since he’d rather be tucked up in a warm bed, dreaming of his gorgeous imprint.

 _Ugh, gross_ , Collin thought. _Also, not a cub_. 

_Dude, you’re sixteen. You can’t even drive alone yet. You’re basically a kid. Mind your business_. 

_God, you’re so grumpy_. 

_For God’s sake David, if I wanted your opinion, I’d ask. Just run the Eastern boundary for the love of God_. 

Finally, merciful silence. Nights on patrol had turned into daydreaming about Lex while running, but thinking of her was a fully enmeshed part of his routine now. Wake up, think about whether she slept well. Drive to college, wonder how she’s getting there today. Sit in class, imagine her adorable pouty face as she thinks hard about something. Rinse and repeat. Lex lived rent-free in his head and he’d come to relish it - Embry’d been hesitant about imprinting at first, but with every day that passed he’d found more and more reasons to adore her. He couldn’t deny that he was quickly hurtling into sappy piece-of-shit territory, the kind of man he’d loved to mock when he first phased, but loving Lex was far too enjoyable for him to stop now. 

Embry felt the rippling of the pack mind as another wolf phased in. Quil.

 _Dude, I just saw Lex. She’s fucking working, alone, and she says she walks there! In the dark! Jesus Christ, man, I just wanted to take her home. I didn’t know how strong the pack pull would be without you there_.

Embry frantically scans Quil’s memories, taking in her tiny figure hunched up behind the counter. Her eyes were rimmed with dark, deep circles that seemed to make her pale skin glow an eerie shade of white. Lex looked haggard, frazzled, and he couldn’t help but wince as he felt the sharp tug of the bond, his inner need to protect her rising to the surface.

 _It’s okay, man. I’ve got her sending me her work schedule so we can protect her. She finishes at six today. I told her to wait for someone to come get her. You good to grab her after hand-over_?

Embry replies in the affirmative. Sam’s coming in early today, a nice 5:30 AM start, leaving him with plenty of time to grab his truck and swing by the gas station. He feels like the world’s worst protector. Fuck, he’s had nearly a fortnight to learn her routine, figure out how to protect her, and she’s been alone at night this whole time? The thought of her in danger causes pain in his stomach so strong it makes him retch, his belly cramping in a futile effort to evacuate the pain. He knows it’ll settle when he sees her, but nearly three hours of _Lex Lex Lex_ worry is a long time. Quil phases out shortly after, reassuring him for a few brief moments before the adrenaline settles and the fatigue creeps back in. All too soon, Embry is left alone with his thoughts - and the distant hum of his younger pack-mates - and a slow count-down of when he can be with her. 

In an effort to distract himself, he returns to thinking about Quil’s project car idea. Sure, she’d resist the thought of accepting a gift, but he knows that he can’t let her roam alone at night, and he doesn’t want to be the kind of guy to stop her from doing something entirely. At least with a car, something safe and reliable, she’d be able to get to work safely, and the guys could include the station on the patrol route until she finished for the night. It wasn’t his preferred option - he’d much prefer her tucked in nice and safe in his bed - but it would have to do for the time being.

 _Nice going, Casanova. Make sure you mention the part about her in your bed when you bring up the car_.

 _Collin, you piece of shit, get your ass over here so I can kick it_.

* * *

Lex’s eyes are on the clock for what feels like an eternity, watching the minutes tick by at a snail’s pace. She normally isn’t so eager to leave - sure, she’d love a good nap - but knowing that there’ll be someone waiting for her, hoping that it’s Embry, is more than enough to get her keyed up. She has her things packed and ready so that she can bolt in an instant, craving nothing more than a toasty warm car ride in the comfort of a friend. Slowly but surely the hours pass and her relief arrives. Lex darts from the gas station in an instant, hesitating at the absence of a familiar face. She promised Quil that she’d wait for a ride, and she’s been counting the seconds as they passed, but what if no one was coming? She resolves to wait for ten minutes before trudging through the sleet covered streets. Her coworker’s giving her a strange look - probably because she’s jumping around the lot in an effort to stay warm - but she tries to ignore him, thinking only about the cold and Embry and various attempts at distracting herself from Embry thoughts.

And sure enough, in a moment that makes her wonder why she ever doubted him, Embry’s car pulls into the lot. Lex diverts her eyes as he approaches - what is she supposed to do, wave? - before finally giving in and jogging over to his car. As per usual, he leans across to swing the door open, greeting her with a tired yet still luminescent smile. 

“Hey, stranger. Long time no see,” he teases, clearly enjoying her embarrassment. 

Lex rolls her eyes as she buckles her belt. “Hey, I’m not the one skipping class. You should work on that, mister.” Delightfully, Embry’s the one to blush this time, clearly not expecting to be teased back.

“Ah, busy week with work. College doesn’t really jive with my sleep schedule.” It’s a lame excuse, but he doesn’t really want to get into the specifics of patrol and how freaking exhausting it gets. 

“Damn, we’re really going to have to graduate without you. Shame,” she taunts, and he can’t help but picture her in one of those cheesy graduation gowns. Now, if that isn’t motivation to actually go to class, he doesn’t know what is.

“So, now that you’ve twisted the knife nice and deep, I guess you’d better give me directions. I need something to distract me.” His fake theatrics actually pull a laugh from her, a light chuckle that relaxes every muscle in his body like a pleasant shot of whiskey. He follows the directions as they come, taking the drive nice and slow so he can spend more time with her. Embry’s sure she notices his leisurely pace but thankfully says nothing, opting instead to curl up like a cat on the passenger seat. She’s closer to him than she was last time, close enough that he could wrap an arm around her if he dared, and the thought of her becoming comfortable with him makes him smile. 

All too soon he’s pulling up in front of her home, the small building dimly lit by the muted glow of the street lamps. As he clicks the handbrake into position he weighs up his options - should he chance a hug, some kind of touch, or will he ruin what they’ve only just managed to build? Lex seems to linger for a moment in the cab, and that gives him the single shred of confidence he needs. Embry lifts his arms slowly, cautiously, as if approaching an untamed animal. She blinks hard at his outstretched arms and he thinks she’s about to run and then, all at once, she’s wrapping her thin arms around his body. Holding her close feels natural, as easy as breathing, and for a moment, the ache in his belly disappears entirely. He closes his eyes, relishing the feeling of her softness against him, her palms pressing against his back, memorising every detail of her touch. All too soon, the moment’s over, and she’s saying goodbye and disappearing into the house, and all Embry can do is stare after her and wish he could follow. He craves that closeness, needs Lex beside him, but he’ll take the win. Finally, a fucking hug. Who knew he’d be so excited at the slightest level of human contact, but he’s driving back to La Push holding the wheel in one hand and whooping and punching the air with the other. _Finally_. His excitement is so great that he even resolves to go to class later - shocker - if only to catch a glimpse of her in the commons. Embry briefly contemplates shaking Quil awake to share his excitement, but one look at his scrunched up sleeping face and his foundation-shaking snores dissuades him. Instead, he stretches out on his worn mattress, replaying his moments with Lex on a loop until sleep consumes him.

* * *

Lex manages to squeeze in a blissful three hours of sleep before she’s awoken by a series of raps on her bedroom door. Groggily, she rolls out of bed, padding over to swing it open. Liz is standing before her, looking slightly confused.

“There’s someone here for you? Her name’s Kim. She’s sitting in the kitchen,” Liz states, shrugging as she walks away. Kim?

Lex tries to hurry as she pulls on the first presentable clothes she comes across. She hates to keep people waiting, especially when they’re visitors to her home. Within moments she’s descending the staircase, taking the steps two at a time to try and compensate for her slowness. And sure enough, Kim’s sitting at her kitchen table, scrolling through her phone aimlessly as she waits. 

“Kim?” Lex queries, confused. Did she make plans and forget?

“Hey! Quil said you needed a ride to class today. I thought I’d come early so I’d catch you before you got the bus.”

Lex checks the time. Shit. Without Kim, she would have definitely missed the bus, missed class. Kim takes in Lex’s dishevelled appearance, her ashen face streaked with old mascara. 

“Go get ready. I’ll make you some coffee.”

She obeys, still in a post-sleep haze. Again, Quil’s coming in clutch with acts of unexpected kindness, and she mentally thanks him for looking out for her twice in one day. Lex resolves to hook him up with free gas the next time he comes by, figuring it’s only fair. Her father always emphasised the importance of leaving no kindness left unrepaid, which typically meant her getting roped into doing a myriad of hard labour tasks around the plantation. Nevertheless, Lex carries on the tradition in her own way, with more of a focus on helpful favours than physical labour, which was never really her forte anyway. 

One hot shower later, Lex is dressed and semi-presentable for the day ahead. She gratefully accepts the steaming thermos of coffee from Kim, who is staggeringly peppy this early in the day. Kim surely owes it to a full night of sleep, but Lex is pretty sure that excess energy is just encoded in the woman’s DNA. Kim’s enthusiasm makes up for Lex’s exhaustion, even going as far as to summarise the week’s content during the short car ride to campus. It’s confirmed: this woman is an angel. Mercifully, their morning lectures aren’t too taxing, freeing Lex’s mind to wander, settling too often on thoughts of Embry. She keeps thinking back to hugging him earlier in the day, relishing in the heat of his body against hers. _Friends_ , she thinks. _He is your friend. Don’t get it twisted_. She returns to her notebook with renewed vigour, attempting to tune in to the lecturer’s words. Her knowledge of psychology is a little shaky, and it feels like she’s scribbling down every word the woman speaks. Class is an excellent distraction from her thoughts. It’s working, too, at least until she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. Lex surreptitiously slips it out under the desk, smiling as she reads his name on the screen. _Coffee for the lady?_ God, she has wonderful friends. She replies a simple _please_ , tucking the phone back away. How did she get so lucky?

* * *

True to his earlier words, Embry does attend his late-morning class. If it wasn’t for his previous experimentation in Jake’s shed, he’d be well and truly behind, and Embry resolves to attend class more often. Quil and Jared both have perfect attendance thus far - a fact they love to brag about - which is mildly shocking to Embry, especially considering their high school attendance. He makes a mental note to speak to Sam about switching patrol schedule to better align with college and Lex. The shit shifts tend to get allocated to the non-imprinters, mostly due to the fact that the non-imprinted wolves tend to avoid dating. Even though imprinting’s become rare over the past few years, they’ve all been immersed in the Sam-Leah-Emily drama long enough for it to shape their dating lives. Embry’s still working off his old schedule, the pre-Lex routine of lots of late nights and early mornings, and it really doesn’t get him in a good space for college. 

Before Lex, college was just something to do, something that made sense considering their shared daydream of opening a shop. Embry didn’t often think about the future, opting to pretend that the guys moving out and settling down with their women wasn’t an inevitability. He’d always imagined himself ending up on his own, maybe some kind of weird spinster living out the back of the shop. With Lex in the picture, his depressing daydreams seemed to take on a new light. Living in La Push, but having someone to come home to. Working in the shop to provide for someone else, to make a living for someone other than himself. She had become a real source of motivation for him to get his shit together, to stop moping around and bugging Quil, and the guys were clearly appreciative of his increasing independence. Embry guessed there was only so many times he could annoy Quil before he’d snap, and they were likely hurtling towards that unknown quantity faster than he knew. As cheesy as it felt to admit, Embry was sure that Lex was turning him into a better person. Shit, he had even started calling his mom every few days, which she seemed to appreciate (at least, after the first call, when she’d had a coughing fit from the surprise). Lex was infusing colour back into a world that had become bleak when they’d phase. She made him forget the stresses of the tribe, his existential woes, his perceived inadequacies. She made him want to be better, and that was enough.

He didn’t hesitate to text her the moment class finished, offering to run across the street to pick up a coffee for her. He could only imagine her exhaustion, having worked all night, and all he could think about was how he could make it better. Embry had already promised Quil a six-pack for obtaining Lex’s schedule, and he fully intended to make the most of that intel to spend more time with her. Surely with enough time, enough coffee, she may just text him first. Embry had always been patient, happy to sit back and let others set the pace. He was a real go-with-the-flow kind of guy, willing to let things happen as they may. It was hard to extend that same energy towards Lex, especially when all of his being was dying to be with her, though Sam’s threats of commanding him to relax did help him to remember his usual approach. Still, he would chase, and he could only hope that she would eventually respond in kind.


	6. Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lex gives Embry a chance to win her over.

Four days. Four days was all it took for Embry to convince Lex to hang out with him outside of college. He considered that a tremendous win, especially as she’d only just grasped the concept of actually texting him back. Her absenteeism wasn’t a huge issue - he’d gotten into the habit of picking her up before and after work each day, and they frequently crossed paths at college. Still, any substantial acknowledgement of his existence beyond the bare minimum was very exciting. Sure, Collin had taken immense joy in ribbing him mercilessly, calling his mooning over Lex pathetic. And sure, the past Embry would have considered this kind of barely requited devotion pathetic. Things were different now, though; a look was more than a look and a touch was more than a touch when it came to her. She had changed everything.

Before Lex, his understanding of imprinting had been heavily tempered by the memories of his brothers. Sam’s experiences, in particular, had led Embry to see imprinting as a sort of unwilling slavery, a predicament in which there was no alternative but to accept the bond. None of the wolves in the tribe’s history (that they were aware of, at least) had ever refused their imprint, though not for a lack of trying. With this knowledge in mind, Embry had expected his relationship with Lex post-imprint to be strained, tempered by his anticipated bitterness at the forced connection. Once he’d gotten past the initial shock, sitting through many long conversations with Jared and Quil, he’d turned towards the phenomenon with an open mind. Quil was passionate about his own theory of imprinting, arguing that it was a spiritual connection that joined the wolves to the person who could best complete them. He was sure that imprinting didn’t necessitate a romantic relationship, instead believing that it would lead to some kind of mutually fulfilling bond that could take a variety of shapes.

Embry had first thought of the theory as laughable - all of the imprinted wolves (bar Jacob and Quil) had romantically pursued their imprints, who had all responded enthusiastically. The more he’d thought about the theory, though, the more comforting he found it. Embry liked the thought that he was tied to Lex for some greater purpose than mating, and he was especially comforted by the thought that his growing attraction to her was voluntary. Embry wanted to grow with Lex, discover things about her simply because he, the human, wanted to, and not because a strange biological imperative compelled him to do so. Quil had harped on about his theory at one of the bonfires a few summers back, enough so that Old Quil had eventually agreed that the theory made sense. Regardless of what shape the relationship took, the imprint bond would strengthen the wolves and give them a stronger incentive to protect the tribe. Old Quil’s consideration of the theory gave it enough legitimacy that Emily had even agreed to make a note of it in the tribe’s written history she was working on, which was a pretty monumental achievement. Emily had become surprisingly strict with what she was willing to include in the tribe’s official history, opting to exclude the more entertaining aspects of their physiology (such as their heightened alcohol tolerance, which Embry argued was essential information for future wolves). Nevertheless, Quil’s theory had been recorded - something that he had bragged about for weeks - and Embry was left reassured that whilst protecting Lex was mandatory, loving her would be entirely his choice.

Discussing feelings was almost always a non-option for Lex, and her opinion on Embry was no exception. She’d never confess it to Kim, but she was slowly growing to adore his near-constant presence in her life. She was expecting the ride from work a week prior to be a one-off favour, but as sure as the sun rose, he was there to collect her day after day. Embry was around so much that he’d become a staple in her daily routine. Lex was growing used to seeing his name flash on her phone, even coming to recognise the sound of his truck pulling up outside her house. She felt a slight flash of guilt whenever she thought about his way of doting on her, though. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate his thoughtfulness, his giving nature - his frequent kind gestures were a real testament to his excellent character. It was more that Lex was uncomfortable with his growing attachment to her, a level of care that went beyond what she could comfortably reciprocate. Shit, she still struggled sometimes to open up to Kim, whose intentions and motivations were crystal clear. Embry was more of an enigma, and that frightened her.

On the surface, Lex was happy to tell others that she was staying in Forks just long enough to attain her degree. What rested beneath was a slew of issues that she could barely think about, let alone discuss with others. Her problems were pretty standard - attachment and abandonment issues, shitty family life - the basic kind of trauma that every introductory psych class she took touched on. Looking back on her childhood hurt, especially when it came to thinking about her mom. Lex had no real memories of her, and her father’s absolute refusal to speak about her in any capacity stung more than she’d ever confess. Her father had always been distant, unavailable, partly owing to his intensely gruelling work schedule and partly due to his own issues. She’d guessed that something terrible had happened to her mom, but Lex never had the opportunity for closure, and it left too many unknowns for her to close that chapter in her mind. Leaving Beaver was a combination of seeking something new and escaping the old, leaving behind every single place and every memory that haunted her.

Forks was a definite improvement when it came to Lex’s emotional environment. Sure, she’d been alone, but that wasn’t new - she was further from her father physically, but no more distanced emotionally. Being alone was safe. Being alone was avoiding heartbreak, avoiding trauma. It was keeping herself whole. The truth she’d never tell was that her transience was a facade to avoid attachment, the only way of protecting herself that she knew. Embry was a complication to the plan. Lex hadn’t intended on spending any time with him, and yet, somehow, he’d weaselled his way into her everyday routine. Worse was the fact that she’d come to enjoy his presence. Becoming attached to him could only spell danger: when he left, he was sure to splinter what was left of her spirit, and that wasn’t something she was sure she could survive. Distance was safe. Lex told herself this, repeated it countless times in her mind, and somehow she had still agreed to go hiking with him that weekend. She chalked her weakness up to his unwavering persistence and distractingly good looks, two things that Lex was sure would turn any woman’s brain to mush. Resisting Embry was a herculean effort.

Embry’s uncanny ability to appear whenever she mentioned him, or whenever she even remotely needed help, made her suspicious of his intentions. She’d already nixed the idea of dating him - a refusal that triggered pangs of regret when she recalled the memory - and she’d expected her prickliness to repel further attention from him. And somehow, despite all of that, he was still there, still trying to befriend her. Refusing him was exhausting, and part of her truly did want to say yes to his company. Lex’s mind was constantly at odds, torn between protecting herself and giving him a chance. Kim’s scheming to get the pair alone really didn’t help matters either. And so, knowing that trying to distance herself from Embry was futile, she allowed herself to text him back. She agreed to spend even more time with him. She was giving him a chance. Lex reasoned that though things would hurt in the end, she may as well enjoy herself in the meantime, allowing herself to open up a small portion of herself to him. Knowing that she’d probably regret it was not enough for her to stop, and a part of her felt like letting Embry in was inevitable. As intimidating as he was, he made her feel seen in a way that nobody else had in a long time and turning away from him only grew harder by the day. It was inevitable.

* * *

“Embry, if you don’t stop stressing the fuck out, you might actually make me phase,” Quil grumbles, smacking Embry on the back of the head. 

He lets out a low whine. “I can’t help it! I’m nervous, she’s freaking out, so now I’m extra stressed. Shit, man, a whole day with her. What if I scare her off?” 

Quil snorts. “Somehow she hasn’t run screaming yet, so you’re already working miracles. I’d say be yourself but that’d probably terrify her,” he teases, dodging the fist that rapidly swings towards him.

Jared leans over the back of the couch, tearing his eyes away from Fifa for a precious few moments to glance at Embry. “You’ll be fine. Kim’s pretty sure she’s got a crush on you, anyway.”

Embry’s worried expression relaxes into his usual goofy grin. “I owe Kim about a billion favours for her help. You got a good one, man,” he nods at Jared, who tips his head in assent.

“Tell me about it,” Jared says wistfully. “Anyway, get your ass moving. You won’t get any girls sitting at home.” With that simple advice, he turns back to the game, all thoughts of further conversation forgotten. 

Embry doesn’t need to be told twice. Thankfully, Quil reminds him to grab the picnic from the fridge - Emily’s helped him put together something edible, which is already leagues ahead of his usual fare - and he even remembers to put on shoes for once. It’s going to be a good day. The drive into Forks is blissfully short, his mind occupied with swirling thoughts of the day ahead. He’s planned it all out - a short hike through La Push to the cliffs (Kim says she’s obsessed with them), a picnic, then exploring the rockpools on the beach below. Lex is quiet, a closed book, and he’s hoping that the change of scenery will get her talking. At the very least, Embry figures he can ask her some questions about her life back home, hoping to learn a little more about her that way. When he pulls up on her street he’s delighted to see she’s already waiting outside for him, balancing two thermoses of coffee atop a small brown box. Embry hops out of the truck, darting around to open her door as she approaches. After his near misses in previous weeks, he’s sure to slow his pace to something relatively appropriate for a human. It’s far too soon for her to know - she’s barely relaxed with him as it is, and he’s sure that learning his secret won’t be too comforting for her.

Lex offers him a small smile as she reaches the truck. “Hey, you. I got us some snacks since you’re always hungry,” she says, nodding to the box. 

Embry takes it carefully from her, grinning as he notices the package. _Tino’s_. His favourite Forksian breakfast spot. “Damn, and here I was thinking that I’d be treating you today. Thank you,” he says, helping her to load her things into the truck. Sure, he’d help her in too, but they’re not entirely there yet. Still, he’s emboldened by Jared’s earlier words, and figures that being close to her is worth a shot.

“Is it too early to claim my daily hug?” Embry asks, dramatically opening his arms wide. Lex looks surprised for a moment - when is he ever that audacious? - before rolling her eyes and stepping into his embrace. Her voice is muffled against his chest, but her words are clear.

“You’re a dork. You’ll have to work for the next hug,” Lex jokes, and his heart leaps. _Progress_.

* * *

The forested trail that Embry leads her though reminds Lex eerily of Beaver, as if she’s been somehow transported back into the winding dirt paths of her home. The smell of the pine sap, the crunch of the branches under Embry’s surprisingly nimble feet, the swinging of the fir boughs before her, all hark back to another time. She loves the forest, having grown up running around barefoot and dirtied as her father worked in the early years. She loves the forest, but hate what it’s become to her: a symbol of the isolation and solitude she’s lived through. 

Embry’s voice breaks through the silence. “What are you thinking about?” he asks, and it feels like he’s shining a spotlight on the cracks in her composure. How do you tell someone that the perfect date they’ve planned echoes back to memories of far shittier times?

Lex hesitates for a moment before speaking. “Being out here reminds me of home. I spent a lot of time out in the forest behind my house as a kid. It used to drive my father crazy when I’d come in and get mud everywhere,” she smiles, recalling his reaction to her footprints across the kitchen tiles. “It was fun, at least for awhile. And then it was lonely. I haven’t been out in the forest much since I moved.”

He frowns. That definitely wasn’t the reaction he was after. “I didn’t realise it would bring back bad memories. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s beautiful out here. It’s nice in a spooky kind of way.” Lex smiles up at Embry, and he marvels at the way her cheeks glow pink in the frosty air. The dappled light seems to highlight every ounce of colour in her dark hair, the strands shining like luminescent silky ribbons. 

“What?” she asks, and it’s only then that he realises that he’s been staring at her. Shit. Embry’s brain is blank - how the hell is he meant to deflect that one? - and before he’s fully aware of what’s happening, his hand reaches out and tugs on her ponytail like a kid. 

“Come on, squirt. There are cliffs waiting,” he teases, inwardly cringing. That was definitely not how that was supposed to go. Nevertheless, Lex laughs, and his embarrassment fades slightly. He’s not smooth at all, but she doesn’t seem too bothered by it, and he’s endlessly thankful that she doesn’t tease him back. Embry’s experience with banter is strictly limited to goofing around with the guys, and he’s absolutely sure that tackling Lex won’t garner a positive reaction. Still, teasing her was well worth the momentary embarrassment. It’s almost as if he can still feel the softness of her hair curling around his fingers, leaving his skin itching for another touch that he knows he can’t have. Instead, he slides his free hand into his pocket, flexing and unflexing his fingers in an attempt at distracting himself.

Lex can’t help but smile when she looks at Embry. She had fully expected today to be awkward, some sort of silent trek through the woods peppered with occasional spurts of conversation. Instead, he’s surprised her with his goofiness and bubbly chatter, managing to take her anxiety down a few notches. Embry enthusiastically shares a slew of anecdotes about her newfound friends as they hike, pointing out various spots along the trail with gusto. Lex hangs off every word he speaks, feeling herself becoming increasingly immersed in his tales. He’s an excellent story-teller, peppering his speech with dramatic gestures and voices that make her giggle. She’s so entertained that she even compliments his theatrics after another recitation of Quil’s strange childhood antics, quietly delighting in the way her praise elicits a grin.

Embry lets out a low whistle as a cheeky smile stretches across his face. “High praise, coming from you,” he says, laughing as her face warms. _Adorable_. “For real, though, if you think I’m good you should really see Billy. He’s our Chief - he tells a lot of the tribe’s stories when we have bonfires. When he talks, you feel like you’re actually there. It’s pretty crazy.” Embry’s face becomes serious for a moment as he thinks. “If you want to come to one, I can ask Emily when the next one is. I’m pretty sure there’ll be one soon,” he says, glancing over at her.

Lex nods vigorously, catching him off-guard with her unusual enthusiasm. “That would be cool. I love history, especially the kind of stuff you can’t find online. My father used to tell me a lot of the old Catholic tales about weird saints instead of the usual bedtime stories. I feel like that’s gotta be right up there on the list of reasons for why I’m like this.”

Embry guffaws. “These stories about your dad are really building an interesting character,” he says, and she nods again. 

“Oh yeah. He’s a strange guy. Taught me lots of interesting stuff though,” she says, her voice trailing off. 

Embry sends a silent prayer of thanks to whichever deity’s listening as they approach the end of the trail. He’s eager to get into the picnic, yes, but he’s also itching to stretch out on the rug with Lex and hopefully sneak in a cuddle or two. As they near the trailhead, his eyes zero in on the downed tree obstructing the dirt path. He could easily clear it in one lithe leap, but a sidelong glance at the small woman beside him confirms that’s not on the cards. Instead, he hoists himself onto the log, offering her his outstretched hand. She hesitates for a second before reaching towards him, and he takes a moment to revel in the way her smooth palm against his own sends little shooting sparks through his body. Embry pulls her over the obstacle with ease, expecting her to duck away from him as per usual. He’s both thrilled and astonished as she leaves her fingers threaded through his, tugging him forward towards the clearing with renewed energy. He faintly notices the sound of her voice, but it’s like some thick fog has descended over this brain at the sensation of her touch. _God help him_.

* * *

The sun climbs high in the sky as the pair splash through the shallow rock pools, carefree and sun-kissed. Despite her apprehension, today’s been perfect - Lex couldn’t imagine a better way to appreciate the rare winter warmth, and she found herself increasingly glad that she’d spent it with Embry. He’d obviously put a fair amount of planning into the day, surprising her with a picnic in a sheltered section of the clifftop. The view from the plateau was sublime, a sweeping panorama of the inky blue depths of the ocean that contrasted beautifully with the rugged woods that surrounded them. The landscape of La Push was both invigorating and terrifying, a kind of beauty that left her dizzy and breathless. Embry had again asked her what she was thinking of after a long period of silence, and she’d been reluctant to share, expecting him to think her silly. Instead, he’d nodded pensively, gazing out at the scene before them. It felt like an eternity before he spoke.

“I never paid attention to the land when I was younger. I didn’t think about nature too much. The last few years, though…I feel like I’ve seen a different world. I get what you mean about the scary side.” He directed his contemplation towards her again, scanning her face with those bottomless dark eyes that left her a little unsteady. He made her feel much like the forest did: a sense of fearful awe that inspired both curiosity and insecurity. Whatever he found in her expression left him satisfied, and he returned his gaze to the ocean. Part of her wished that he’d wrap his arm around her again, drawing her close, and that part scared her. It wasn’t rational. Lex wasn’t used to the feelings, the thoughts - she’d yet to have a friend that made her feel as deeply as Embry did, and the unusual energy both attracted and repelled her from him. Falling into his orbit was natural, she’d come to realise after spending some time with him, noting the increasing ease of their interactions, both verbal and physical. Embry had taken to making contact more often, resting his hand on her arm or playing with her hair. Lex had reasoned that it was normal for the guys, comparing their interactions to that of Jared and Kim. Then again, Jared and Kim were a couple. _Fuck_.

Embry knew she wasn’t interested in dating. She supposed then that surely his gestures were platonic, just that of an overenthusiastic pal with dubious boundaries. One look at the way that the guys interacted was a clear indication that normal rules of engagement didn’t apply - Lord knows how Kim didn’t feel jealous at the way Jared flung himself at Quil on countless occasions. Her rationalisations felt flimsy at best, but she was trying her best to give Embry the benefit of the doubt. Kim’s frequent encouragement to spend time with him was beginning to get to her, as well as a sneaking sense of insecurity that Kim was getting tired of her company. Becoming comfortable with Embry was like walking a tightrope, a constant balancing act that pitted her need for closeness against her desire for isolation. He was wearing her down, though, captivating her with his gleaming smile and eyes that shone in the winter sunlight. 

Embry grips her hand tight as he leads her across the craggy ground, helping her to climb high onto the side of the outcrop. She’s no athlete, but he compensates for her awkwardness with ease, fluidly hoisting her up as if she’s weightless. As they settle into a seated position on the ledge she can’t resist the urge to tuck herself in close to his side, savouring his toasty warmth. Embry’s strength, his heat, his physique are highly unusual, and she wonders if she’d be rude to comment. Lex can’t imagine what kind of explanation would best satisfy her curiosity - steroids? human experimentation? - and so she resolves to leave the obvious unstated. Instead, she allows Embry to curl his arm around her side, revelling in the way his taut muscles hug her close. They don’t speak much that afternoon - they rarely do - but the safety and comfort she feels in his presence are unparalleled. 

The drive home that evening is blissful, with Embry taking the turns extra slow just to make Lex tease his grandma driving. He’s not typically fond of a snail’s pace, but he wants to stretch out every second with her to make the day last, and the way that she’s laughing in the passenger seat suggests that she has no complaints. She rolls the windows down and her long hair whips in the cool wind, giving her the kind of wild look that Embry’s come to adore. She still has the playful gleam in her eyes when he pulls up by her house, drawing him into a hug with unexpected enthusiasm. Lex is full of contradictions, always doing some weird push-pull with her affections that leaves Embry on his toes, but he embraces her tightly regardless. He’s sure that eventually, she’ll stop running, and he’ll be there to catch her when she falls.

* * *

Lex lies awake for a long time that night, staring up at the peeling ceiling, willing things to make sense. She racks her brain for a reason - hell, she’d take any excuse - to keep her distance from Embry. But when she thinks of their hike, their day on the beach, she can’t think of a single one. Lex is busy wracking her brain for a shred of sense when her phone vibrates. Kim.

_How was today?_

Then, a second later.

_Emily makes the best muffins._

Lex furrows her brow as she re-reads the message. Embry got help from the girls for the picnic? This is quickly crossing into romantic gesture territory, not simple “surprising a friend” behaviour, and she’s nervous. God, she needs to relax. She settles for a brief response.

_It was nice. Embry had help?_

Instantaneously, her phone buzzes with a reply.

_He wanted Jared’s advice so I had to intervene….have you seen the two of them together??_

She laughs, imagining Jared’s idea of an ideal Saturday, probably involving baseball or games or both. 

_Point taken. Today was fun. Embry’s sweet._

_Thank you._

Their conversation quickly drifts to other things, back to their normal complaining about college and work. She talks with Kim for close to an hour, but her mind keeps drifting back to Embry, of their day together, of seeing him on Monday. Against her better judgement, she closes her chat with Kim to text him. 

_Thanks for today. I had a good time with you. See you Monday?_

Her stomach is consumed by a swarm of colossal butterflies as she imagines him reading her message. Part of her wishes she’d texted something else, something more blase, but the other half of her is content with the simple feat of reaching out to him. He doesn’t reply, though, and she eventually falls asleep, phone clutched in her hand. When she awakes the next morning, disorientated and groggy, it takes her a long moment what she’s drowsily searching for. Her heart skips a beat as she notices the new notification - an early morning text from him - and her hand shakes as she clicks on it.

_Good morning. Yesterday was perfect. Let’s do it again soon. See you tomorrow :)_

Her small squeak of excitement is dampened only slightly by Liz’s rap on the wall. 

“Jesus, dude, too early for that shit,” she grumbles. 

Lex flops back onto her bed, hugging her phone close. She’s too excited by the message, but she doesn’t care. _He likes her_. He likes her, and that’s enough to send her mood rocketing into orbit for the rest of the day.

* * *

Running patrol after his date with Lex feels like a fair trade-off for all of the shift swapping he’s been doing lately. He really needs to get onto sorting this project car idea out - running himself ragged to patrol in between driving Lex around is a total headache, but he still prefers it to the alternative (her, alone, in danger, walking). Embry’s relieved that his brothers are mostly understanding, especially Quil, whose pitched in to pick up a ton of his hours since Claire’s away on a family trip. When Embry phases in, he’s greeted by Jared and Seth, who are at the tail-end of their rounds of the Rez. He quickly fills them in on the date, and he almost glows with pride as he recalls her warmth and openness.

 _Dude, I knew it_ , Jared thinks, conjuring up memories of Kim talking about Lex. _She’s totally into you._

 _Plus, who can resist Emily’s muffins_ , Seth adds, and the three men are quickly immersed in a debate over Emily’s best. Emily’s put in the hard yards over the years to provide for the guys, even teaching Kim and Rachel her best recipes to help share the load. As far as Embry’s concerned, Emily is a goddess in the kitchen, and he’s sure someday he’ll eventually manage some of her basic directions without setting the food alight. Someday. Maybe.

Embry senses Paul phasing in, gleaning flashes of Rachel naked and stretched out beneath him. 

_Sorry, I’m late boys_ , he thinks unabashedly. _Lost track of time_. His thoughts are quick to return to Rachel, and Embry thanks his lucky stars that Jake no longer patrols with them.

 _Ugh, imprints_ , Seth teases, disappearing from the pack mind. Quil’s quick to follow, leaving Embry and Paul in comfortable quiet to continue the patrol. It’s an uneventful night, with only the standard wildlife to be seen, as per usual. They haven’t had any sightings in months, but they continue their patrols all the same, eventually planning to cut back the surveillance when the guys cease phasing. Embry relishes in a quiet night on the ground, making good use of his time to reflect on the day. Paul teases him here and there but mainly leaves him alone. Paul’s mellowed out a lot since meeting Rachel, and even more so in the absence of vampire drama. 

Embry shifts back into his human form as the sun begins to rise, a brilliant orange glow that illuminates the frosty forests of La Push. He’s exhausted, ready to collapse into a heap on the living room couch, but is driven to his bedroom solely by the thought of grabbing his phone and texting Lex. Seeing that she’s already messaged him, thinking about him, sends a jolt through his body so strong that he’s at alert at once. He wants to run to her, see her immediately, thank her for giving him a chance, and it takes him a long pause in order to retrieve whatever shred of sanity he has remaining. Embry settles for a short text - anything more and he’d probably end up sleepily confessing his undying love for her - before crawling into bed, happy and content knowing that he’s on her mind, just like she’s on his.


	7. Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kim gives Lex a talking to, and Embry buys a car.

When Monday morning finally arrives, it takes all of Embry’s self-restraint to wait until a reasonable hour to swing by Lex’s house. She’s already waiting outside for him when he does, a small figure drowned in a mass of clothing. Lex hops up from the stoop enthusiastically, jogging over to slide into the passenger seat. Her breath puffs out before her like a cloud, and as she belts herself in he can’t tear his eyes away from her flushed cheeks. He’s almost forgotten what it feels like to be cold, to suffer the winter chill, and Lex in all of her layers is a stark reminder of his lost humanity. 

“Thank fuck. I thought I was going to freeze to death,” Lex jokes, wiggling her frigid fingers in front of the AC vents. It still shocks Embry to hear her cuss, being all too used to her demure persona that she puts on for strangers. Seeing this other side of her is a treat, and as much as he’d like to tease her about her potty mouth, he resists.

Instead, Embry laughs a deep, throaty chuckle. “Hey, I never said you had to wait outside. That’s your own death wish.” 

Lex’s face crinkles into a smile as she sticks her tongue out at him playfully. She’s in excellent spirits this morning, he observes, and Embry decides to chance his luck and give in to his cravings. He reaches out to grab her hands, entirely enveloping her small fingers in his. Warming her hands is a good move, he thinks - perfect plausible deniability if she tries to call him out - and he gently rubs her hands a little for good measure. Lex lets out a small, nearly inaudible sigh, and Embry silently thanks the spirits for his ridiculous body temperature.

“My own personal hand-warmer. What are friends for?” she laughs, bumping his shoulder. He tries to squeeze out a laugh in return but it feels hollow. Embry’s not quite sure what he’s expecting - they literally just had this discussion,  _ she already told you she doesn’t want to date you _ \- but something about Saturday had him hoping for more. Trying to reconcile his own wants with her needs is a mission that he really wasn’t prepared for, and he adds “grill Quil” to his mental to-do list. Surely Quil’s theory of imprinting also comes with a survival guide, something that will help him maintain his sanity when approximately ninety percent of his brain is screaming to kiss her. Then again, that just seems to be his usual state of mind now. 

Embry does his best to put his pining aside as they drive into town. He’s grateful for the awful weather - he can focus some extra attention on the road, seemingly practising caution, while he works to rein his affections in. By the time they arrive at campus, he’s back to messing around with Lex and keeping up their usual banter as if his heart wasn’t stomped on ten minutes prior. He puts the truck into park beside Jared’s beater and jogs around the cab to open the door for Lex. She thanks him, but not without a small shake of her head.

“Appreciated, but totally unnecessary. I know it’s hard to believe but I do have functional hands,” she says, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. She avoids his gaze, glancing around the lot, and he can’t figure out what’s suddenly gone wrong. Embry was sure that she liked tradition, appreciated manners, and yet she’s displeased with the courtesy. He wants to say something, ask what her deal is, but he can see Jared and Kim watching from the lobby and he loses his nerve. Instead, Embry defaults to his usual joking, cursing himself as he does.

“I need the exercise,” he shrugs, closing the door behind her. “It takes work to stay this fit.” 

He’s hoping that she’ll giggle at the very least, reigniting their previous banter, but she remains stoic. Lex rolls her eyes and he can feel his heart splinter for what seems like the billionth time that morning. Yeah, he’s a dramatic piece of shit, but he’s dying to be  _ her  _ dramatic piece of shit, and her rejection is slowly killing him. Mercifully, Jared jogs over, Kim trailing behind, calling out to greet them.  _ Thank God for those two _ , Embry thinks, shooting Jared a grateful look as he approaches. Kim links elbows with Lex and begins dragging her off towards their class, the two discussing their upcoming assignment with gusto. Jared and Embry trail behind, in no real hurry to get to class. Eventually, Embry speaks.

“I really, truly don’t get her. The whole way here everything was great, we were talking, she was laughing, then all of a sudden, shut off. I don’t get what I did,” he groans, rubbing his palms against his eyes. “It’s like every time I make progress with her it gets immediately fucked up.:”

Jared claps him on the back sympathetically. “I’ll get Kim to investigate. I don’t know either, man, but you can open my door anytime.” He quickly ducks to avoid Embry’s slap, guffawing so loudly that the girls turn around to stare. 

“Jesus, Jared, I think they can hear you laughing out on the Rez,” Kim quips amusedly, shaking her head. Lex smirks, but Embry swears he can still see a wrinkle in her brow. When she directs her gaze to him he immediately averts his eyes, feeling caught. It’s times like this that he wishes he had that easy imprint connection, that Kim-Jared kind of ease.  _ Knowing your soulmate is great _ , Embry thinks,  _ but having someone who actually wants to spend time with you is better _ . Lex is a total mystery to him, a heap of contradictions that both draw him in and push him away with every second that passes. Still, he sneaks in an extra glance at her retreating figure, taking in every aspect of her. She’s confusing, she’s elusive, and, maybe eventually, she’ll be his.

* * *

Despite his vow to Lex that he’d attend class more frequently, Embry and Jared skip their afternoon lecture to head out east to a scrapyard. Unsurprisingly, Jared was all-too enthusiastic to pick up another project, needing extra practice for their final assessment. Embry could use the practice too, but his intentions were squarely focused on Lex. He has absolutely zero ideas on how he’ll convince her to accept the gift and actually use the car -  _ can she even drive? _ \- but that’s a problem for him to deal with later. Instead, he focuses his mind and their discussions on cars, a merciful distraction from his imprint troubles. The roads out to the scrapyard are long and winding, eventually morphing into bumpy unpaved tracks that send the truck wobbling for traction. By the time they finally arrive, Jared’s looking a little green, and though Embry’s pretty sure they’re extra-resistant to motion sickness, he really doesn’t want to test it. The chilly winter wind swirls around them like a cooling balm, causing Jared to let out a sigh.

“Thank God that’s over. Those roads are a killer for my stomach,” he groans, making a mocking prayer gesture with his hands. 

“My truck is still puke free,” Embry says, “and it better stay that way. You puke, you walk. Keep that in mind.”

Jared chortles. “As if you’d kick me out. You’re too soft for that,” he teases, jogging ahead to avoid Embry’s attempt to push him. 

They’d always been physical growing up, rough-housing and wrestling with the other boys, but phasing had introduced a new kind of physicality to their friendship. Fighting against threats to the tribe had quickly morphed into play fighting amongst themselves, with the guys revelling in their newfound strength and durability. The play had bled into their human lives, with the constant tussling and grappling acting as a conduit for their excessive energy. Things were better now. In the early years, it felt like a neverending battle to try and remain in his human form, compressing and restraining his energy and impulses to shift. With time and practice, Embry had developed enough restraint to suppress his wolf for longer stretches, provided he regularly shifted to run out his pent-up tensions. Running as a wolf was freeing in a way that his humanity was not; it felt as natural as breathing, a cathartic release that held no candle to relaxing in his human form. Embry tended to spend more time phased than the others, but that didn’t faze him. The forest was his happy place. 

Embry shakes his head quickly, bringing his mind back to the present. Jared was striding ahead into the gated yard, his usual speedy gait leaving Embry far behind. He jogs to catch up to Jared, who had already diverted his course to peruse the row of intact cars for sale. The yard was a total mess of car parts and trash, everything from salvageable components and absolute rubbish jumbled together in haphazard stacks and piles. Still, it provided far more options than the usual spots closer to the Rez, making the long drive well worth it. Jared was crouched beside a faded red hatchback that had clearly seen better days, probably a decade or two ago. All the same, it was in a decent condition, seemingly undamaged, unlike the rest of the cars in the lot. 

“What do you think? It doesn’t look too bad, probably not a ton of exterior work. I reckon she’d like the red,” Embry says, running his hand over the hood of the car. 

Jared nods. “Exterior seems okay. Wonder if it runs?” he ponders, carefully prying up the hood to assess the engine. On the plus side, everything seemed intact, albeit very aged. The engine bay was a greasy, dusty slop that begged for a thorough clean, though Embry feared that too-strong of a wash may cause the rust-peppered parts to disintegrate. Nevertheless, he could see the finished product: a gorgeous, vivid vermillion Mazda that purred with every push of the accelerator, and he could almost see Lex driving it. It was perfect.

Jared laughs, taking one look at Embry’s face. “Guess we’re taking it regardless, huh?”

Embry shrugs, a little bashful. “It’s a good car. There’s just something about it that screams Lex. It has potential.”

Jared’s a second away from responding when a throat clears from behind them. Both men whirl around, momentarily startled -  _ how did they not hear a person approaching? _ \- but it’s only a wizened old man in grubby denim overalls. Embry straightens up to speak to the man, towering over his short frame. 

“Didn’t hear you boys come in,” he croaks, coughing twice. “What are y’all after?”

Embry’s eyes slide over to Jared, who nods slightly. “We’re interested in the Mazda. Does she run?” 

The old man pauses to squint at the car. “Hasn’t moved in years. I’ve got the keys in a drawer somewhere. You boys got jumper cables?” 

Embry nods.

“Good. I’ll be back with the keys.”

He disappears for a long fifteen minutes, giving Embry plenty of time to bring his truck into the yard. Jared’s fastidious in assessing the vehicle, poring over each and every part he can reach to assess the condition. Embry even sends Jake a text with the details, asking for this thoughts, quietly wishing that Jake was here to peruse the yard with him. He knows that Jake’s happy out west with Ness and the Cullens, but he misses him all the same. Things are different without Jake, like Embry’s missing a part of his spirit, and he hasn’t seen Jake in person in  _ months _ . Embry mentally vows to run out to Seattle soon to visit him, hoping that’ll assuage the guilt and longing that lives in the back of his mind. Of course, his sadness at Jake’s absence is tempered and twisted by the feelings of his pack brothers and sister, but having grown up with him like a brother, he knows that much of the angst is his own. Even so, reading Jake’s text of approval fills him with a rush of warmth that leaves him smiling down at his phone. 

Embry’s pretty well sold on the car before the old man returns with the keys, but hearing the old junker shudder to life seals the deal. It’s in need of some serious work, many hours of labour before Lex will even see it, but he can imagine the end result and it’s  _ beautiful _ . So beautiful that Embry reaches for his chequebook, squaring away a solid chunk of his savings with the satisfying scribble of a pen. The man’s so surprised to have a buyer that he even knocks a few hundred off the asking price too, as if the boys needed any further incentive. After a furious game of rock-paper-scissors Jared is charged with driving the Mazda back to the Rez at a pleasant eighteen miles per hour, leaving Embry alone in the truck to hope and pray that the junker makes it back in one piece. 

Embry’s crossing the Rez border when his phone chimes from where it’s stowed in the centre console. He pulls over to check it - his mother’s threatened him countless times against texting and driving, and he knows the one time he caves will be the time she sees - and he’s delighted to see Lex’s name across the screen. His broad fingers eagerly swipe the display, opening her unexpected message. _ Sorry for being an asshole earlier _ , it reads,  _ come for coffee tomorrow afternoon?  _ Her apology is totally out of the blue, and he’s elated at the thought of her thinking about him. He forces himself to count to thirty before replying in the affirmative. He’d come for her any time she asked, he thinks, blushing a deep red as his mind contemplates the implications of the sentence. Lex dominates every aspect of his mind, especially the hormonal side, but he’s far too inexperienced to be confident in being alone with her, let alone in exploring the trillion ideas blooming within his brain. Still, progress is progress, and he’s far too aware of the fact that she’ll never kiss him at this rate. Coffee will have to do.

* * *

Kim thumps her sixth book of the morning onto the stained library desk, flopping into her seat with a huff. 

“Ugh. Can you believe I’ve got out all these books and none of them are even useful? Honestly,” she sighs, slumping to rest her forehead onto the discarded textbook.

Lex reaches across the table to pat her shoulder sympathetically. “This one is decent. Not great, not terrible, kind of relevant. Only took four hours to get to it,” she says, massaging her temples. They’ve got a huge paper due in a week, then their dreaded practical placements, and there’s still so much to do in the meantime. She’s  _ stressed _ , to say the least, and it’s making her head spin. 

“Speaking of not great, what was the deal with Embry this morning? Man looked depressed.” Kim levels Lex with a glance that has her shrinking low into her chair. Kim’s candour is both refreshing and startling, and Lex isn’t used to this kind of open conversation. She’s used to being reserved, closed off, especially when it comes to feelings and boys and relationships. It’s a new world and she’s so entirely lost. 

“I...I just feel like he wants something I can’t give,” she mumbles, thinking of how he looked in the truck that morning when she called him a friend. She recalls the furrow of his brow, the quick look away, the hand rubbing the back of his neck. Most of all she remembers the way it made her feel, the way she wanted to reach across and take his hand and tell him everything would be okay. 

“What’s stopping you from giving him a chance? It’s not like you have to marry him or anything, just let him take you out,” Kim says, reaching her hand across the table to pat Lex’s. 

She sighs. The movies never really show how excruciating these girl talk moments really are, how her entire body is screaming to get up and run away and never talk about relationships ever, ever again. Instead of going fully nuclear on the situation, she settles for a distilled form of the truth. 

“Relationships freak me out. Being totally honest freaks me out. Honestly, I’ve never had friends before, and even this,” she says, waving between the two of them, “freaks me out. Conclusion: I am so fucking freaked out, all of the time.” 

The librarian shushes them with such gusto that Lex belatedly realises her rising pitch, cringing at the thought of anyone else hearing her outburst. She’s so beyond embarrassed, but Kim’s soothing circles on her hand and supportive words calm her down a touch. 

“It’s okay to be scared. Just know that we care about you, okay? You can talk to me about stuff. I’m not going anywhere,” Kim says earnestly. 

After a moment, Lex nods. “Okay. I don’t get it, but okay. Thanks, Kim. You’re a good friend.” Her praise is lukewarm at best, but it’s got Kim smiling as if she’s just won the lottery. She really, truly does not understand why they’re spending time with her, bringing her into their inner circle, but she’s growing quite attached to Kim and it’s making her think that maybe friends aren’t so bad after all. 

A devilish smile spreads across Kim’s face, slow and teasing. “So…” she says, stretching out the word. “You going to text Embry?”

Lex groans, but she can’t deny her amusement. “You really never quit, huh? Fine. One text. I will be nice,” she says, pulling out her phone. Kim whoops, resulting in the librarian all-but running over to scold her. The pair devolve into giggles as they hastily gather their things under the watchful eye of the stern older woman, abandoning their study in fear of further reprimand. Being with Kim makes Lex feel electric,  _ alive _ , like she’s finally letting go of her inhibitions and relaxing those boundaries. It’s both thrilling and terrifying, giving someone the power to both build you up and to destroy you. Lex can’t imagine any kind of destruction at Kim’s hands, though; she’s chaotic and dramatic and boisterous but, most of all, kind, and Lex actually trusts her, which is a completely foreign feeling. But as she looks across at Kim’s grinning face as they step outside into the fading afternoon sunshine, she realises just how lucky she is to finally have a friend.

* * *

“Okay, so rule number one of this garage is no telling the girls that the car is for Lex,” Embry says, wiping his greasy hands on his torn jeans. It took Jared an eternity to bring the Mazda back to the Rez, and even longer for the two men to successfully back it into the garage and jack it up. Seeing the car back at his own place was like taking the rosy coloured glasses off, and  _ man _ did it need some serious work. 

Jared groans, shooting Embry a mock-tortured look. “Dude, do you know how hard it is to keep anything from Kim? You’re killing me,” he says, throwing himself into Quil’s arms. 

Quil guffaws, jabbing Jared in the ribs. “Here lies Jared, dead after keeping his first ever secret.”

“C’mon man, it’s not forever. Just give me a chance to actually get in with her first,” Embry pleads, his jovial tone becoming serious.

“Fine. But when Kim kicks my ass - and that’s  _ when _ , not if - that’s on you.” Jared’s arms are folded and his face stern, but he remains stoic for only a moment before breaking out into his usual grin. “Well, what are we starting with? You can’t keep me away from this old girl for too long,” he says, lifting the hood for a better look.

Quil’s quick to jump in, peppering Jared with questions a mile a minute to get caught up to speed. In no time at all, the men are settled into a peaceful rhythm working alongside each other, a routine honed over many years of trial and error. Their final list of necessary parts and tasks is near staggering in its magnitude, but Quil’s bouncy enthusiasm at the thought of a new project helps keep Embry’s spirits afloat. That, and the near-constant daydream he has of Lex riding shotgun, dark hair blowing in the wind as she rolls the passenger windows down. Shit, Lex could probably motivate him to rewrite a phonebook, for Christ’s sake, he’s truly that whipped, and the worst (best?) part is that he isn’t even bothered by it. Having her around gives him a kind of drive that he lacked previously, a desire to be something more, and he’s damn well sure that he’s acted far more generously in the past month than the entirety of the previous year. She makes him want to be better, to be the kind of man that she’d actually pay attention to, though he has absolutely no clue what sort of person that’d be. Kim has no idea either.

Kim knows everything. She knows everything from birthdays to the neighbourhood gossip to the answers to that one tricky math problem, and she can remember everything effortlessly. When Jared had told her about the pack, she’d instantly recalled the tribal legends without missing a beat, taking the revelation in stride. He’s never seen Kim stumped by any problem, so he knows that the one affront to her understanding - what the hell is going on Lex’s mind - is going to be a tough nut to crack. Still, he’s determined to wiggle his way into her trusted circle, confident that what he lacks in intelligence he can make up with persistence. 

* * *

Embry’s settled into a booth at the back of the diner long before Lex is finished with class. He’d mentally debated whether to wait for her outside the lab, walk her down the block, but lost his nerve in the face of her radio silence. He’d texted her twice that morning - nothing too clingy, though Jared confiscated his phone regardless - and had strongly considered detouring past her lecture just for a quick peek of the woman who dominated his thoughts. Instead, Quil had forcibly marched him out of the building after their shop class, saying something or other about the greater mission. And so he’d ended up stretched out at a corner table with only a dog-eared copy of  _ Dune  _ and his quickly diminishing sanity to occupy him, finding himself checking the time again and again until his phone chimed with a text from Kim:  _ Jared says you’re being a psycho again, pls chill & have faith she will come _ . 

And sure enough, she had, ambling through the door of the diner with surprising ease. He’d expected her to be reluctant, perhaps even bailing on meeting him, but she’d strolled past the empty tables and towards him without her usual hesitancy. It was  _ odd _ . Lex slid into the booth across from him, tucking her legs underneath her to sit cross-legged on the bench. 

“Hey, you. How’s it going?” Her voice is soft and smooth, a sweet sound he’s sorely missed in the day -  _ Jesus Christ, a single day _ \- since he’s seen her. 

“You came,” he says, sounding more surprised than he’d hoped to let on. 

Lex scrunches her face into a grimace, humming a quick note of agreement. “Yeah, I’ve already been lectured by Kim about constantly disappearing. Thought I’d make a change and follow through for once,” she says, biting her lip to hold back a smile. 

“If I had a dollar for every time Kim called me on my shit,” he jokes, and he’s delighted when she laughs. 

The waitress picks that moment to swing by, probably relieved that Embry’s actually ordering things instead of camping out and pretending to read for the rest of the afternoon. Lex waits until she leaves to begin teasing him.

“Didn’t pick you for the latte type,” she ribs, shooting him a playful look that sends butterflies careening through his stomach like gigantic bumbling moths. 

He leans towards her, resting his forearms on the table. “There’s lots about me you don’t know, Miss Lex.” He’s aiming for playful, even winking at her, and the flush of red creeping up her collar fills him with a quiet sense of pride. Knowing he has that effect on her, as much she tries to hide it, is immensely gratifying.

She pauses a moment before replying. “Okay, then. Twenty questions,” she says, shaking her head as he laughs. “It’s a useful game! Don’t you dare hate on it.” She’s trying to be serious, but the laugh that bubbles out of her doesn’t help her case. Still, she’s grateful when Embry nods, hoping that the game will help her talk to him without all the awkwardness of a usual getting-to-know-you conversation.

“I will reserve my judgement,” he says solemnly, causing the two to break into giggles again. “Okay, okay. First question. Pet peeves?”

“Easy. When people are late. My father always made me do push-ups if I was late, it’s like my body just can’t do it now,” she says, smirking as she sees the surprised expression on Embry’s face.

“Seriously? Remind me to never challenge you to a push-up competition.”

“As if. You’d win for sure,” Lex says, being totally unsubtle in eyeing up his physique in a way that makes her cringe internally. Still, how could she resist? The man is  _ buff _ . “Alright, serious question. Answer carefully. What’s the best breakfast food?”

Embry groans theatrically, shaking his head. “You’re going to crucify me, but I gotta be honest. Ketchup and eggs.”

He wishes he could take a photo of her expression of abject horror, so dramatic and so overblown to the situation and yet so completely hilarious. Their ensuing debate is so heated that the waitress pauses momentarily when bringing over their drinks, reluctant to interrupt something personal, and it sends Lex into a laughing fit that’s so unfamiliar that Embry thinks he’s seeing someone entirely new. He’s glad she suggested the game - with every question it’s like a little bit of her secrecy melts away to reveal more of her goofiness and personality and he can’t help but adore her just that bit more. Embry loses track of how many questions they discuss, how many minutes pass, but by the time the waitress returns the sun is low in the sky and the diner is closing. 

“Shit, can you believe how late it is,” Lex mumbles, glancing at her phone in disbelief as Embry leads her out into the parking lot. She’s genuinely surprised at how easily the time passed, how effortlessly the conversation flowed between them. Lex is certain that she’d be able to spend hours listening to his deep baritone discuss anything - hell, she’d pay attention to a narration of one of his repair books - and she’s a little disappointed that the afternoon’s already over. Lex isn’t sure if it’s the cool evening air or the rush of unexpected feelings that makes her shiver, and Embry’s on her in an instant, wrapping his jacket snug around her frame. 

“Don’t even think about giving it back,” he says, pointing at her. “You aren’t turning into an icicle on my watch.”

Lex huffs in mock annoyance, slipping her arms into the sleeves and revelling in the warmth he’s left behind. She wonders what it would feel like to be pressed up against him, feeling his arms protectively around her like the time they went hiking, remembering how  _ right  _ that day felt. 

“What?” Embry says, and she realises all-too-late that they’ve reached the car and she’s standing there, lost in thought like a fool.

“Uh...nothing,” she says, stumbling over her words in her embarrassment. 

Embry raises one perfect eyebrow as he scrutinises her, and Lex wonders if it’s possible to die from too much blushing. 

“Call this the twenty-first question. What’s on your mind?” he asks, his voice softer than before. 

This is the point where she’d normally shut down, where she’d turn and run and pretend that nothing had happened. Lex wants nothing more than to flee, escape his questioning gaze, and yet she thinks back to their perfect afternoon and his comforting aura and maybe, just this once, she can stay. 

“This is so embarrassing,” she groans, looking away for a moment, and all Embry can think is  _ how fast can she actually run? _ , expecting her to take off into the distance. Instead, she speaks again, looking down at her feet. “I was thinking about how nice last week was, and that I want you to hug me again.”

_ Is this a fever dream?  _ he thinks, wondering if he’s somehow lapsed into a coffee-induced mania. But no, she’s really standing in front of him, looking increasingly flushed and out of her depth. He’s not inexperienced in the slightest, but he’s never had a woman ask for a hug like this, not a woman like Lex, and the thought of hugging her,  _ touching her _ , is both exciting and nervewracking. It takes him only an extra second of praying to the spirits for self-control before he springs forward, encircling his arms around her small frame, holding her tight against him like he’s been dreaming about all week. Well, that, amongst other things. 

Lex tentatively reaches up to press her hands to his sides, feeling the ridges of warm muscle beneath his tight t-shirt. His hands settle comfortably at her waist, holding her so close that all she can sense is his heat, his towering frame,  _ him _ . Embry lowers his head until his mouth is tantalisingly close to her ear, his warm breath sending a wave of tingles through her body that should be illegal. 

“If you want this,” he says lowly, his lips millimetres from her skin, “all you need to do is ask.”

Lex closes her eyes against his chest, attempting to regain her composure to reply, but only managing an embarrassing little squeak. He chuckles, a sound that she’ll surely hear in her dreams later.

“Come on. Let’s get you home,” he says, relaxing his hold so she can climb into the truck. Her head’s spinning, a dizzying flurry of hormones and exhilaration and surprise that overwhelm any sense of normalcy she had going for her. Embry takes his time pacing behind the car to take the driver’s seat, and she’s beyond grateful for the extra seconds to get herself under control. Her attempts are all for naught once she sets eyes on him again, but of one thing she’s certain: there’s absolutely no way in hell she can make herself stay away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience - this update took longer than expected (boring life stuff) but next update should hopefully not take as long. Would love to hear your thoughts on the fic. Thanks again for reading!


	8. Unsettled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry comes to the conclusion that he is, indeed, losing his mind.

Lex and Embry fall into an easy rhythm after the day at the diner. No conversations are had about the nature of their relationship, of course, but they spend virtually every free moment together - those moments are particularly fleeting in the mid-term chaos - and that’s a-ok in Lex’s book. Embry dutifully picks her up for college every morning, always with a sleepy smile that sends her heart into overdrive. She’ll miss these trips when she finally purchases her own car, but, for now, seeing Embry every morning is her favourite part of the day. Sometimes she worries that she’s a burden to him, noticing the deep shadows under his eyes and perpetually stubbly face, anxious that the detour is depriving him of precious sleep. Lex mentions this one morning, expecting a sigh of agreement, only to be totally caught off guard by his quick shake of the head and reassuring pat on her knee. Embry says something about it being fine, wanting to help her out, but her mind is completely fixated on the fact that he’s touching her, his long broad fingers settling to rest across her lower thigh like they were made to be there. 

That was the odd thing about Embry. Every action, every gesture felt natural, comfortable, as if they were a well-established pair who knew each other inside and out. She barely knew the man, she’d never trust him fully, and yet he was slowly and surely working his way through her defences in a way that she had never anticipated. Her past told her to run, dip out from his life and be some plain jane somewhere else, but the better-adjusted side (which was making increasing appearances over the last few weeks) said to take a breath and give him a chance. Some days, when the impulses were really bad, Embry was extra cautious with her, moving slowly and sending her sidelong glances that were probably better directed towards a frightened animal. Embry was strange in that way: he could read her like no other, as if he knew what she was thinking, and yet he was compassionate enough to never comment on her strangeness. On her good days, he was always close by, always surprising her with affectionate motions that warmed her from inside. A hand on a forearm, fingers running through hair, warm embraces on the stoop of her home. Small comforts that were quickly becoming habitual, proof that their relationship was progressing to something more familiar than friends.

Embry tries his best to not become too hopeful, thinking hard about Quil’s advice to  _ meet her at her level _ . Lex’s level, her needs, were becoming increasingly complicated to gauge, a constant interplay of  _ closer  _ and  _ space  _ that leave his head spinning. He knows she’s scared - fuck, that was beyond obvious - and yet he can’t figure out why. Kim and Jared had guessed it was something to do with a past partner, but Embry couldn’t imagine Lex ever letting someone grow close enough to her to actually have a relationship. He suspects family issues were more likely, and, aside from her occasional odd anecdotes about her father, that topic was wholly off the table. She tended to get a strange, faraway look in her eye whenever she talked about him, especially that day they’d spent hiking in the forest, and Embry was certain he didn’t want to revisit that. Instead, he did his best to let her set the pace, attempting to mirror her level of enthusiasm, only really releasing his feelings at night when he’d phase to run out his tensions.

The first time he’d phased to vent some of his imprint angst had caught Seth completely off-guard, who had immediately snapped into protective mode as if it was a real emergency and not another relationship crisis. Seth wasn’t expecting to see Embry’s softer side, to see the abrupt carousel of images of Lex viewed through a lover’s eyes, playing voyeur to a series of intimate observations and pining thoughts. Embry spends plenty of time phased - he’s no stranger to the pack mind - and yet he shares little, carefully filtering his thoughts in a bid to protect his privacy. It’s not that he’s hiding anything, per se, but he’s perfectly content with having some secrets, some surprises. He’s distantly aware of the fact that he’s showing Seth  _ everything _ , that he’s opened Pandora’s box and all of his hopes and dreams and desires - oh god, oh fuck - about Lex are escaping. Embry summons every ounce of control he has, conjuring a sequence of entirely boring memories as a distraction from the more revealing images he’s unintentionally let loose. He’s normally better than this; he doesn’t usually struggle to filter his thoughts, and yet they’re escaping like the oranges he’d dropped at his mom’s store earlier that evening, rolling away faster than he can grasp them. 

_ I’m not going to tell anyone. You don’t need to beat yourself up like that. _

Embry lowers his head to release a low whine, venting his tension like he’s some old-fashioned tea kettle. _ I think I’m actually going insane, Seth. I feel like I’m seconds from losing my shit, every single day, and somehow Lex is walking around totally fine.  _

Seth thinks for a little while, his mind offering up flashes of forest as he patrols.  _ Maybe she’s just as good at hiding things as you are. Emily reckons the imprint goes both ways. _

That suggestion makes Embry feel even worse. The thought of Lex lying awake late at night, stomach tied in knots with some inexplicable tension, sends his heart into a series of spasms. He can’t bear the thought of her feeling like he does, as if he’s missing some central part of his system, but the inverse is worse: the thought that she feels absolutely nothing in his absence. 

_ Okay, okay. That’s not what I meant _ , Seth thinks, hurriedly backtracking. _ I just meant that she’s probably feeling more attached to you than she’s letting on. Don’t think about her upset. It doesn’t fix anything.  _

Embry paces tight circles of the clearing, scratching unintelligible marks into the dirt floor as he makes his rounds. Seth’s right -

_ Always am! _

_ Jesus, kid, don’t push your luck _ , Embry grumbles, though he’s feeling a little lighter than before. He’s spent the past month trying not to think about Lex - fail, fail, fail - especially while phased, and keeping a tight rein on his thoughts has him exhausted. It’s hard, he thinks, trying to pretend like she doesn’t occupy approximately ninety percent of his waking brain activity (one hundred percent of his dream activity, too, for the record). 

_ Ugh, ew, please don’t think about sex dreams. I’ve seen enough, _ Seth whines, accidentally recalling an image gleaned from one of Paul’s raunchy memories. That’s more than enough for Embry to phase out - Rachel’s practically a sister to him, and he’s seen way too much of her bare ass lately for him to feel comfortable. That was one of the big things that got on Jake’s nerves before he moved away, one of the only things that could get him phased in a millisecond. They’ve grown up since then, getting a better hold on their phasing, but Embry’s positive that one afternoon in La Push would put Jacob on the brink of an aneurysm. He makes a mental note to buy aspirin before Jake’s next visit to the Rez. 

Embry ends up phasing every single day that week, and multiple times a day the week after. He’s not losing his control, he tells himself as he dresses after his second phase on Friday, the thought sending tense ripples down his spine. He takes a deep, calming breath, flexing his fingers repetitively in an attempt to ground himself. He’s got a mile-long list of all the things bothering him lately, and he can’t recall a single one without inducing a slight tremble. Phasing had always been easy for Embry (perhaps too easy, he thinks, ruefully) but it feels as if everything has him on edge lately. Assignments. The patrol roster. His mom’s new employee. The caf’s constant shortage of croissants. Lex.

He swears, jerking his hand carelessly, popping the button off his well-worn cut-offs. Embry refuses to believe that Lex has anything to do with his control, or lack thereof, despite the fact that half of his worries lately have been centred on her. Lex is around, doing fine, according to Kim, but between assignments and work and placements he hasn’t seen her for more than a few minutes here and there. He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t stoop to creeping, but he’s passed her house more than a dozen times in the past week without finding the courage to knock on her door even once. Maybe if she’d texted, sought out his presence, it would be okay, he rationalises, trying to imagine a situation in which she’d be enthusiastic to see him. He imagines her texting him, sans her usual aloofness, summoning him into the depths of her home, up those stairs into her bedroom. She’d stretch her arms up to wrap around his neck, pressing her small body against his. He imagines the way his hands would grasp at her waist, how he’d duck his head low to press his mouth onto hers, savouring the way she’d coyly pull him closer, wanting more more more.

Embry blinks, once, twice, three times. He can hear his pulse thrumming in his eardrums, can feel the slick sweat on his palms, the friction in his jeans. He misses her, and he needs her, in more ways than he can truly articulate. One part of him wants to look out for her every need, protecting her feelings and her heart and giving her that friendship that she craves. The other side of him, the carnal, wolf, side, wants to satisfy every desire that lurks below the surface, taking care of her entire being. He tries not to let his wolf loose too often, acknowledging these thoughts sparingly in the shower, or in his bed, alone, late at night. That’s been enough to satisfy his wolf, to help restrain the jolts of passion during the day, and he’s been perfectly gentlemanly and chaste and appropriate in her presence.  _ So _ , he thinks, rubbing his temples a little too firmly,  _ what the fuck was that? _ He can’t have this happening - he can’t be springing a semi every time he thinks about missing her - and he definitely can’t lose his grip on his phasing. The only thing worse than not seeing Lex because she’s busy, he thinks, is not seeing her because I’ll claw her face off. 

He winces at the thought, cursing it for crossing his mind. He’d never harm her, he’s sure of that, but he dreads the idea of having to hold her at arm’s length to keep her protected. Embry drops his head into his hands, crouching low in the tree line in some strange bent over position. He needs to get it together. He needs to take a breath, get his head on straight, and wrangle his controlled self back into the driver’s seat. Most of all, he needs to crate his goddamn wolf that keeps escaping the confines of its pen to roam unchecked in his psyche. 

“Em, you good?” Quil calls, descending the back porch steps in a flash to cross the yard. Embry can hear him nearing the tree line, betrayed by his heavy footfalls that crush every leaf in their proximity. 

Embry looks up at Quil, surely looking a sorry mess with his crouched stance and pained expression. To his credit, Quil says nothing, instead lowering his hulking form to sit beside him. They sit in silence for a few moments, listening only to the sounds of the birds fluttering above them, the wind rustling in the trees, that godforsaken dog two streets over whose incessant barking keeps them awake at night. 

“What’s going on?” he asks, his voice a soft murmur that’s a far cry from his usual exuberance. He doesn’t often see Quil like this, serious and compassionate and focused. The last time he saw Quil this sedate was when Jake left for the last time, the time when their trio finally split. 

Embry rubs the back of his neck with unnecessary vigour, his fingers brutally manipulating the skin at the base of his skull. It hurts, but it’s a feeling, a human feeling, and that’s better than feeling nothing at all. “I’m losing my control,” he mutters, ashamed. It feels like a curse to admit that, out loud, transmuting the unconscious fear into something tangible.

Quil sighs, long and heavy, eerily reminiscent of his grandfather in the way he holds himself, the way he frowns. Embry makes a mental note to rib him about the resemblance later when they’re less serious, less haggard. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s Lex.”

It’s animalistic, raw, in the way the growl escapes from his throat, low and rumbling, before he manages to restrain himself. “Fuck, Quil. I didn’t mean that,” he utters.

Quil shakes his head. “Instinct. I get it. But I meant what I said. When I’m apart from Claire for too long, when we aren’t really connecting, I can’t stay human for long. I can’t keep my spirit in check. It’s like my wolf’s escaping to get what it needs.”

“Shit. That’s scary,” Embry says, feeling his skin prickle. The thought of being untamed, of feeling his spirit separate from his human instincts like the way things were when he first phased, terrifies him. He can’t go back to that. He refuses. 

“Yeah. It is. You need to find a way to spend more time with her, proper time, not that bullshit taxi service you’re running. If you can get her to hug you that’ll help calm the wolf. Maybe talk to Jared about that part,” Quil says, rubbing his jaw tiredly. They’re tired - so fucking tired - between college and patrol and these goddamn imprints and it’s taking it out of them, leaving them passed out on the living room sofas before the clock makes it to seven-thirty on a weeknight. He can’t help but think about how unfair it all is, how exhausting it is to carry the future of the tribe on their backs, something that sends a white-hot flash of anger jolting down his spine. It’s quick, jarring and electric, and then it’s gone, a brief shiver of rage quelled by his friend’s comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“You’re going to be okay. Can you come be depressed inside? I’m missing the seventh inning,” Quil says, clasping his hands together in an attempt at pleading. Embry snorts at the sudden change in tone - seriously, baseball, right now? - and that’s enough for Quil to shout a brief thanks over his shoulder as he hightails it back into the bungalow. He’s ridiculous, insane at times, but as Embry stands up and dusts the dirt off his legs, he can’t help but be grateful for the fool stretched out in front of the television, swearing and yelling and - oh god, really? - crying over the game. Quil’s unreserved chaos makes him the perfect foil to Embry’s temperamental nature, his all-too-frequent bouts of overthinking, and in a way, he’s grateful for the way the spirits have cemented their bond. It almost makes all the other complications of being a wolf worth it.

* * *

Embry’s awoken from his pleasant slumber on the couch by a rough hand shaking him, startling him so severely that he clumsily rolls to the floor. He curses loudly, swiping his balled-up fists across his eyes to clear his vision. He squints up at the figure above him, blearily making out Jared’s impatient form. 

“Lex is over at Kim’s. Let’s go,” he says, eyes flickering between Embry and the phone in his hand. Embry doesn’t need to be told twice - he’s on his feet and starting towards the door in an instant, his mind still reeling from yet another dream he’s had of her.

Jared barks out a short laugh. “Dude, shirt.”

Embry spins around, confused, suddenly realising his half-dressed slobby state. He definitely doesn’t want Lex to see him in his tatty old shorts, plucked from the stack of shabby clothes that he uses for shifting. Granted, those items make up the majority of his closet, but she doesn’t need to know that. He quickly strips down, changing into a more presentable pair of jeans and a form-fitting tee. Embry’s constantly forced to relive memories of Kim lusting over Jared in tight clothing, and he can only hope that his dress sense has the same effect on Lex. She’d never acknowledge it, but there’s no harm in trying, he thinks, hurrying out of the house to catch up with Jared, who clearly wasted no time waiting for him. Kim lives less than a mile away, and with every step, Embry can feel his stomach clenching and twisting and turning, anxious at the thought of being close to Lex. He sends a silent prayer to the spirits, begging and pleading for her to be in one of her more sociable moods, hoping that tonight will finally give him a break. God knows he needs it.

They arrive at Kim’s all too soon, and if it wasn’t for Jared’s self-indulgent smirk, he’d definitely have a small freak-out on her porch. Instead, just to spite Jared, he lithely scales the porch steps to rap on the wooden door, feeling a little lightheaded at the thought of Lex answering. Surprisingly, the door’s yanked open by Quil, face alight with a goofy grin that makes Embry want to slap him.  _ The hell is Quil doing here, hanging out with his imprint without him? _

“Finally, man! Playing bartender for these two is exhausting work,” he dramatically groans, holding his plastic cup out to Embry as a peace offering. Embry sniffs the drink cautiously, nearly gagging at the acrid smell of dark spirits.

“Jesus, are you even mixing these? Please tell me you haven’t poisoned them,” he says, only partly in jest. Embry’s tolerance for liquor is good, no, excellent, but he’s hardly sure that the girls could endure too many of Quil’s concoctions. Jared’s seemingly on the same wavelength, squeezing past them in the tight hallway to seek out Kim. Embry hears him groan, and he knows he’s in for some kind of scene. And sure enough, as he rounds the corner to join them in the living room, he’s greeted with the kind of gaiety that only drunk people can muster.

“Embry! You came!” Lex squeals, slipping off the couch in her excitement, sending her and Kim into a fresh wave of giggles. The sound is light and buoyant, entirely foreign to Embry’s ears. Lex? Giggling? In which universe?

“Wow, Em, looks like neither of you can stay on a couch,” Jared teases, earning him a hard slap in the chest. 

Quil says something to him, and he mumbles something unintelligible in reply, though he’s totally and utterly hypnotised by the sight of Lex,  _ happy _ . She’s clutching one of Quil’s drinks with both hands, grasping it protectively like its a lifeline. He can hear her laughing about something with Kim, her voice bolder than he’s ever heard, and her drunken confidence is mesmerising. Embry rarely sees Lex open and unreserved, and seeing her stretched out on Kim’s living room rug, hair tousled and clothing askew, is a kind of awakening for him. It takes every shred of his self-control to cross the room slowly to reach her, to lower himself onto the sofa, denying his sudden desire to curl up beside her on the floor. Lex tips her head back to greet him, momentarily losing her balance, and for a dreaded moment, he worries the contents of the cup will escape, seeping into the carpet. Instead, she rights herself, passing him the drink which he promptly finishes - she certainly doesn’t need any more. 

He isn’t expecting much - she’ll sit there, across from him on the rug, and maybe she’ll talk a little. No, he isn’t expecting much, and so when she begins to crawl towards him he feels like he’s about to self-combust with a mixture of awkwardness and desire. Quil, cackling from his vantage point across the room, certainly isn’t helping his comfort level either, and he tries to subtly give him the finger without Lex noticing. Judging by her fluttering eyelids and unsteady posture, she isn’t really in a state to call him out on his behaviour, and for that, he’s immensely thankful. Still, as Lex makes her way towards him, he forces himself to avert his eyes, filing that image under  _ things to conceal from the pack mind _ . After a torturous few moments, she finally makes it to the sofa, almost climbing into his lap in her enthusiasm to sit beside him. Embry sucks in one long breath, thinking about math class, grocery stocktake, Old Quil, before he allows himself to relax beside her. 

“Hey, you. Looks like you and Kim have had a good night,” he says, hesitantly stretching his arm out to curl around her shoulders. This is new, uncharted territory, and he’s nervous that one wrong move will ruin it. She doesn’t seem to notice his nervousness, though, relaxing into his side comfortably, as if it’s something she’s done plenty of times before. When she looks up at him, gazing at him with those unfocused dark eyes, he feels dizzy, like he’s about to float away into the clouds, off to somewhere where it’s just the two of them. 

“I’ve been waiting for you to come,” she says sleepily, resting her hand on his forearm, and he feels like all of the air is leaving his lungs. He forces himself to swallow, to keep his mind in the present, even though it feels completely overwhelming and, quite frankly, terrifying. He’s not inexperienced - he’s been on a few dates, gotten physical a couple of times, and still, a little attention from Lex leaves his mouth dryer than the Sahara. Embry feels himself tremble slightly as she squeezes his arm, and for one heart-wrenching moment, he fears that he’s going to lose his control. Belatedly, he realises that it’s not a precursor to phasing; rather, it’s the manifestation of his nerves, and somehow, that’s worse. 

Lex lowers her head to rest on his chest, turning her face inward to press against his torso. His hand shakes when he raises it to rest on her neck, eventually finding the nerve to lightly stroke her hair. She lets out a low hum of satisfaction that has his wolf thrumming contentedly, finally satiated by the close contact. If he’s honest, he’d admit that he could easily spend hours running his hands through her silky hair, savouring the way the strands curl around his fingers. He could spend hours admiring her, exploring and appreciating every aspect of her beauty, and he wishes that he could have had this moment with her sober. The logical side of his brain knows that sober Lex would never cuddle him like this, and still, he selfishly lets her wrap herself around him, lets her hands trace lazy circles on his chest, relishing every ounce of attention she’ll finally give him.

He’s distantly aware of someone flicking on a movie, one of the Star Wars films that he’d normally be riveted by, but he can’t take his eyes off her. This moment will have to be enough to satisfy him for weeks to come and he’s dedicated to committing every detail to memory to replay again and again in his mind. Eventually, her hands fall still, her body soft and pliant against his as she sleeps. Embry carefully shifts his body to stretch out on the cushions, tugging her closer as his eyes droop. Sleep creeps up on him despite his best attempts to repel his fatigue, to remain awake and present in his own kind of heaven, and his last waking memory is of pressing his nose against her neck, taking in her irresistible scent. By the time that morning rolls around, Lex will be gone, but for now, the moment is perfect, the two of them curled up in a tableau that Embry will force Quil to remember again and again until he claims amnesia. The night is perfect, unbelievable, even, and as he drifts to sleep he hopes with all of his heart that it will be the first of many evenings spent together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update since I managed to get my shit together! Comments are greatly appreciated. Also, I am on twitter if anyone wants to chat - @heather_b99 - I am desperately in need of more Twilight content on my timeline!


	9. Sunrises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lex opens up, and Embry bites down.

Lex awakes in a pool of her own sweat and a raging headache that feels as if one of those creepy carnival monkeys is clapping its cymbals down upon on her temples. She squeezes her eyelids together tightly, trying to tamp down the nausea that threatens to spill over. When Kim had suggested they have a night in on the Rez, she was picturing movies and popcorn and an early bedtime; she wasn’t expecting the liquor, and the liquor definitely wasn’t expecting her.  _ Ugh _ . And Quil - how could she say no to that perfectly disarming smile, that infectious booming laughter that somehow managed to put her at ease? Kim and Quil were a dangerous combination, but it was only fair to admit that she was entirely complicit, at least after the first few drinks. Letting her guard down, actually speaking without excessively thinking beforehand, was thrilling in a  _ so-not-me _ kind of way. She’s envied Kim’s confidence countless times over, and so what if all it took was a few gulps of dubious bathtub moonshine to achieve? Lex will definitely have to thank Quil for introducing her to that later. But first, food, if only to settle her ever-turning stomach.

She attempts to stretch, restlessly shifting on the couch, frowning when her body makes contact with another. Did she pass out with Kim last night? Lex opens her eyes, groggily blinking away the sleep that clouds her vision. It’s so bright in here, too bright, but when she turns her head, she suddenly wishes she’d kept her eyes shut. Lex blinks once, twice, three times, as if it’ll help her make sense of what she’s seeing. Because somehow, she’s seeing Embry snoozing on the edge of the couch, precariously balanced on the edge of the cushions, and she has half a mind to push him off. Maybe she should do that, pass it off as an accident, he’d never really know -

And then he’s looking at her, those big brown eyes boring into hers, and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t let out a squeak. He yawns, dragging a broad hand down his face, and she can’t help the heat that creeps up from her collar. He’s gorgeous, even more so in the warm winter sunlight that’s streaming through the living room window, and it’s like every speck of sunshine is clinging onto his features, illuminating his beauty in a completely distracting, overpowering, sort of way. His deep umber skin seems to glow in the morning light, a brilliant radiance that’s almost calling for her to reach out and touch him, to properly appreciate the richness up close. She’s painfully aware that she’s staring at him, letting her eyes skim his features for far too long, but the way his eyelashes glint in the sunlight is totally unfair and entirely distracting. 

His lips quirk up into a small smile -  _ jesus, Lex, don’t look at his mouth _ \- that warms his entire face. “Good morning,” he utters, so quiet she could have imagined it, and it’s taking all of her composure to not shrivel up under the intensity of his undivided attention. He’s still half asleep, but his eyes are roving her face, assessing and working on his usual project to try and figure her out. She could tell him, tell him that everything in her is screaming to kiss him, kiss him and then flee to never be seen again, but it’s far too early for that kind of humiliation. Instead, she opens her mouth, expecting to say something friendly, normal, a simple  _ good morning _ , but then she looks at him and the words fall out.

“You’re touching me,” she says, dumbly. It’s true, sure, but it’s quite possibly the single most embarrassing thing she could say. Okay, the second-most embarrassing thing. It’s far too early to think about kissing him, even though she absolutely, definitely could right now, and isn’t that a terrifying thought. 

He lets out a small chuckle, a brief laugh that twitches his nose and crinkles his eyes that sends her brain into a tailspin of  _ how can I make him laugh again? _ “Yes, I am. Is that okay?” he asks, his voice low and concerned, as if she’s about to vault off the couch. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t thinking about it.

Is it okay? She can’t let herself get in too deep, she can’t fall for him, but there’s nothing that says that friends can’t cuddle on the couch. If it was Kim she wouldn’t be thinking this hard about it; she’d be wrapping her arms around her right back if it came down to it. Yes, it’s okay. They’re friends, on the couch together, and that’s okay. 

So she nods, wincing as her head throbs with the motion, and tells him, yes, it’s fine. She pretends not to notice the way his smile spreads across his face into a wide grin, pretends not to notice how lightheaded she feels when he reaches out to brush her hair off her forehead.  _ Friends _ . He’s a great friend, caring and devoted and doting, and she’s lucky to have him. She tells herself that again and again as his fingers curl in her hair, trying to ignore the tiny voice that tells her to stroke his hair in return. Her body is traitorous, spurring her on in ways that will cross all sorts of boundaries, and it’s driving her insane. 

Embry stiffens suddenly, glancing over the arm of the couch to peer down the hallway. “Kim and Jared are getting up. You want coffee?” he asks, detangling his fingers from their place at her neck as he sits up. Lex almost whines at the loss of contact - he’s so warm, too warm, but being without him is definitely worse - but forces the sound right down, burying it deep with everything else she’s left unsaid this morning. The best she can do is nod, offering up a tiny smile in an attempt to appear friendlier, like she isn’t in the midst of an actual fucking crisis. It’s enough, though, and he sets off towards the kitchen with only two backwards gazes, like he’s still expecting her to disappear if he looks away. 

She hears Kim well before she sees her, footsteps pattering on the wooden floorboards. All of the men are eerily quiet when they walk, so lithe that they make her feel like a total oaf. Kim brightens seeing Lex on the couch, excitedly vaulting over the back of the couch to land beside her. 

“Hi, friend! How you feeling?” she chirps, her voice like a corkscrew into Lex’s pounding head.

“Be nice, Kim,” Embry calls from the kitchen, his voice reverberating in the otherwise quiet home. “She’s pretty fuckin’ hungover.”

Kim laughs as Lex drops her head to her knees, groaning. “You’re such a baby,” she coos, rubbing her back. “Come on. Let’s do breakfast.”

Lex raises her head slightly to look at Kim, wondering how much of last night involved Embry. She drops her voice to a murmur, hoping that the boys won’t be able to hear her. Their hearing is far too good to be trusted, and she would  _ die  _ if they heard this.

“Embry was here with me when I woke up. Was he here last night?” she whispers, her eyes flickering towards the kitchen.  _ Please, God, if you’re real, don’t let him come out here. _

Kim’s eyebrows raise infinitesimally like she’s trying to hide her surprise, and Lex is all too aware of the fact that her penchant for freaking out is becoming a widely known thing. “Uh, yeah, he was here last night. He came over with Jared when we were a few drinks in. You were pretty happy to see him,” she teases, poking Lex in her side. 

It’s coming back to her, painfully slowly, in bits and bursts. She has a little flash of a memory in her grasp, of her and Embry, curled up on the very same couch they’re sitting on, and her stomach twists uncomfortably. 

Kim frowns slightly, squeezing her shoulder lightly. “Don’t get weird. You didn’t do anything embarrassing.”

Lex forces herself to nod, to follow Kim into the kitchen, as if getting within arm’s reach of Embry isn’t the last thing she wants to do. It’s official: she’s never drinking again, and she’s definitely steering clear of the moonshine when Embry’s in a fifty-mile radius. It’s the only sane solution.

* * *

The four of them end up going out for breakfast, an option quickly decided after Kim discovers Jared’s raided her fridge the night before. They pile into Kim’s car, and Lex swears she laughs the whole way, completely overcome by the giggles at the sight of Embry squished in the backseat. His knees are practically by his head, body folded in two to fit into the seat, and it’s easily the funniest thing Lex has seen in a long time. When they finally arrive at the diner - it takes five minutes, but his whining makes it seem as if it’s been five years - Embry makes a big show of stretching out his legs, unfolding his body dramatically, like he’s been caged for an eternity.

“Remind me to never sit in the backseat again, Lex,” he groans, shaking his body like a dog.

Jared scoffs. “Yeah, I’m sure she’ll hold you to that.”

He ducks, anticipating the slap, but Embry’s too quick, wrapping him in a tight headlock that has Jared begging for mercy. The boys are up to their usual antics, tussling in the parking lot without a care in the world, pausing only at the sudden whistle that rings out from across the way. Lex’s head snaps up at the sound, her eyes focusing on the older woman leaning out of the front door of the diner.

“Boys! Please, no fighting here. Take it to the woods,” she scolds, her stern voice carrying with a clearly practised ease. 

Lex is astonished to see Jared and Embry straighten up instantly, ducking their heads in a show of contrition - wrestling is practically a way of life, and she’s never seen them defer to authority. Even Kim’s given up on keeping Jared in line. Embry rubs the back of his head - he’s nervous, she knows that tell - as they approach the diner, the woman still watching. 

“Sorry, Mrs Clearwater,” he mumbles, abashed, and Jared murmurs something in agreement.

She nods, the serious expression melting away, and she turns towards the women with a warm smile. “Oh, Kim, it’s been too long,” she says, drawing her in for a hug.

Kim laughs, embracing her tightly. “I saw you last weekend!”

Mrs Clearwater sighs. “You’re right. The days feel like weeks in here. I swear I never see you kids anymore,” she says, shaking her head. She turns to Lex, greeting her with an unsettlingly friendly gaze. “And who is this?”

Lex’s mouth feels like it’s stuffed with cotton. She’s clearly an outsider here, an unknown, and it’s like someone’s pulled the carpet out from beneath her feet. She shouldn’t be here.  _ She doesn’t belong here. _

Embry wraps his arm around her shoulders, squeezing firmly. “This is my friend, Lex,” he says, casting her a cautious look. “Lex, this is Seth’s mom. You met Seth awhile ago at Sam and Emily’s.”

She remembers him, the quiet younger boy that seemed to stick to the sidelines more often than not. Lex liked Seth. At the very least, he made sense to her.

Lex is uncomfortably aware of the group looking at her, waiting, and she realises she hasn’t spoken once. She clears her throat nervously, and Embry rubs her arm with an unexpected gentleness that sends butterflies careening through her body.

“I’m Lex. It’s nice to meet you,” she says, forcing the words out. It comes off a little stilted, but it’s enough for Mrs Clearwater, whose smile seems to grow even wider.

“Oh! Lex, it’s so lovely to meet you. Come inside, let me get you all something to eat,” she says, turning and bustling back inside to the warmth of the diner. 

Kim and Jared follow closely behind, already talking about breakfast, but Embry lingers on the stoop. For one terrible moment, she’s worried he’s going to comment on how awkward she was, that she’s ruined the morning, but all of that nervousness is swept away as he wraps her into a hug. He squeezes his arms tightly around her, his warm hands lightly skimming her sides, and his insane heat helps to melt all of her tensions away. He lowers his head until his lips are resting beside her ear, blowing warm puffs of air onto her neck that steal away any remnants of logical thought. His lips are close, so close, that if she turned her head, even slightly, she could kiss him. The knowledge is both electrifying and terrifying; she likes that he’s normally so far away, that she can’t impulsively kiss him. Embry, up close and personal, is a whole different beast, accessible and alluring and all too tempting. When he speaks, Lex is sure that the resulting tingles are going to set her body alight.

“You’re doing amazing. Let’s go get some waffles.”

She doesn’t think she’ll be able to look at waffles the same way again.

* * *

He waits four hours before texting her. It’s not that he’s trying to play it cool -  _ okay, he totally is _ \- but he genuinely needs her help, and talking about university stuff seems to be a safe topic with her. His dreaded composition assignment is due, and with everything that’s been running through his mind lately, it’s been left stranded by the wayside until the night before.

_ Poetry analysis _ , he reads, the dread settling in his gut like an iron weight.  _ Select a poem and write a short response detailing your interpretation. _ He needs to pass this assignment, he can’t fail one of his only essential units, and yet all of the suggested poems have his head swimming like he’s an incompetent toddler at the pool for the first time. And so he calls her, fumbling to dial her number - yes, he has it memorised, it feels more special than pressing “call” on the contacts list - instantly filled with trepidation. Will she even answer him? Is she sick of him already?

Somewhere, out there in the universe, there must be a spirit rooting for him, deciding to cut him some slack, and she miraculously answers on the final ring. She clears her throat quietly before speaking.

“Embry?” Her voice is soft, angelic, and even though he’s seen her earlier that day, he didn’t realise how intensely he was craving her company until he has it. 

“Lex! Uh, hey,” he says, trying to restrain his excitement.  _ Playing it cool, remember? _ “Um, do you have a second to talk about this poetry assignment? I need some of your brain cells.”

She lets out a sudden laugh. “Of course I do. What poem are you working on?”

He glances down at the sheet. The words are jumping around the page, changing places when he thinks he finally has them in his grasp. She’s waiting on his answer - _ it should be an easy one! _ \- and he grapples for the first name he can read.

“John Donne,” he says, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. Fuck reading, fuck English, and fuck all of this poetry shit.

He isn’t prepared for the little squeal she lets out. “He’s my favourite! Oh, good. Do you have a specific poem?”

He scans the page hopefully, looking for something useful. Nothing. “Uh...it says we can choose something. Fuck, I should have done this earlier. I am so fucked,” he groans, feeling the anger prickle at his skin.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I can help you. Let’s do my favourite one,” she says. He hears a soft thud as she puts her phone down, followed closely by the sound of keys tapping away. “Okay, you got a pen ready? Let’s talk about this one...it’s called  _ The Sun Rising _ , can you look it up for me?

For her, he’d do anything, but it’s probably the wrong time to say that. Instead, he obliges, bringing the poem up on his laptop. If he thought the task sheet was bad, the poem is worse, and the lines are near incomprehensible. He rubs his temples firmly, cussing as he does, wishing it was all over already.

“Em...you okay? Do you want me to read it out?” she says, and he can’t agree quickly enough. 

Listening to her read to him is something else entirely, something that could have him falling in love with poetry (and her, too, though that’s a given). She intersperses each line with her own commentary and translation, and within minutes his hand’s all cramped up in his haste to write down everything she shares. Lex doesn’t speak much, so he’s grown accustomed to hanging on her every word, and tonight is no different. He’s surprised at her choice of poem - it’s loving, it’s intimate, and it’s definitely not what he would have expected her to like. She talks for a long while, and he listens dutifully, his entire focus on her. By the end of their call, he’s actually got a passable draft completed, and even better, he has a decent understanding of what she’s been talking about. Lex is smart, far too smart for him, the kind of intelligence that makes him feel like he needs to hole up in a library for weeks on end to get even close to understanding her. She’s patient, though, making sure he’s understanding it all, and she doesn’t even get annoyed when he asks her to explain the same thing again and again. 

Even though his assignment is well and truly finished, her dialogue isn’t, and Embry ends up roaming the house with his phone cradled to his shoulder as she talks on and on. How can she possibly have so much to say all of a sudden? He’s positive that she’s never said this much in the entire time they’ve known each other, and with one mention of literature, she’s ready to spill her guts to him without hesitation. As he passes through the kitchen, he grabs the first bit of paper he can find -  _ the electricity bill, I should probably pay that _ \- and scrawls down poetry, underlining it thrice for good measure. Surely, between Kim and the library, he can find some beginner level stuff that he can use to impress her, if that’s what she likes. By the time he convinces her to go to sleep - he can only listen to her soft yawns so many times before he starts to feel bad for keeping her awake - they’ve been on the phone for three and a half hours. Embry blinks at the dimming display of his phone, scratching his head as he tries to figure out where the time’s gone. Three and a half hours? Hours with Lex pass like seconds, the time melting away as he becomes lost in her. Embry’s all too aware that with every passing day he’s falling deeper and deeper into her orbit, and he can only pray that she’s beginning to feel the same way.

* * *

Lex doesn’t see Embry at all the following day. She hitches a ride to campus in the early morning to finish preparing for a day of assessments that occupy every second of her usually free day. Thankfully, Kim’s more than willing to drop her off at the gas station on her way back to the Rez, where she’s unluckily been posted for a killer twelve-hour shift. It’s busier than usual, the normally dead station overrun with plenty of truckers and loggers passing through after the sudden changes in weather, and it’s hours before she’s free to flop down in the break room. Her jubilant mood is disappointingly short-lived, vanishing the second the door chime sounds from the lobby. She sets her mug aside, mentally promising that she’ll return soon -  _ is this what insanity feels like? _ \- before hustling out to front counter, hoping that her customer hasn’t grown too impatient. 

“Lex!” 

She jumps at the sudden call, jerking her head up to look for the culprit. To her surprise, she’s greeted by Seth, his lanky form stretched out against the sunglasses display. He straightens up as she approaches, immediately towering over her like the giant beanpole he is. There’s something colt-ish about Seth, like he’s some sort of creature that’s yet to grow into his body, and his awkwardness is both endearing and amusing to her. Lex wipes her hands on her apron, hoping to clear away some of the grease and gunk that’s permanently stuck on her at work as she hurries to meet him. 

“Hey, dude,” she says, feeling a little uncertain at her greeting. Does she sound too eager? Too familiar? He’s a friend of Embry and Kim’s, sure, but she doesn’t know him all that well. Her worries melt away as he shoots her a wide grin, pulling her forward into an easy hug. She stiffens at the touch, but he doesn’t seem to notice, squeezing her briefly before releasing.

“Hey, stranger. Thought I’d come and say hello while I get gas.”

The smile comes easily this time; his friendliness and warmth are touching, unexpected, and it helps her relax just that little bit. “It’s good to see you. You know, I saw your mom this week. She’s...nice. Great waffles.”

He laughs, just as raucous and booming as his older friends. “I could live off her waffles for the rest of my life and I’d still die happy. She mentioned seeing you, actually. Said it was good to meet you,” he says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the grimy counter.

Lex arches her eyebrow, thinking. Mrs Clearwater mentioned seeing her? She’s surprised that her appearance even rated on the older woman’s radar, considering she’s practically a stranger around the Rez. 

“Don’t look so shocked,” he says, laughing a little. “She’s heard about you a lot from Embry. Oh, he’s probably going to kill me for telling you that.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she says, nodding in mock solemnity. Lex manages to hold in her snort for a short moment -  _ shoot, I need to lay off the coffee _ \- and Seth shakes his head in amusement.

“You know, Lex, you’re actually pretty cool. I might just have to buy gas here more often.”

She rolls her eyes as she rings up his purchases, but a hint of a smile peeks through.

Seth’s almost out of the door when he pauses, turning around slowly. He’s got a cheeky smirk on his face, the kind that says  _ I shouldn’t be trusted _ , but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t curious. “What are you doing this weekend?” 

Her hands still, the coins from his payment rolling across the counter. Is he seriously hitting on her right now?

He’s clearly on the same wavelength, and he hurries to backtrack. “No, no, not like that, don’t worry,” he rushes, holding his hands up in surrender. “I was just going to say that you should come to the bonfire we’re having Saturday night. Billy - Jacob’s dad - is going to be telling the legends again, and I think you’d really like them.”

Lex pauses, thinking. Embry told her about Billy’s storytelling awhile ago, and the thought of seeing some real-life history up close and personal is tantalising. And so she nods, sealing her plans for the weekend, recklessly agreeing to something social that she’d normally avoid like the plague. The thought keeps her mood aloft long after he leaves; the idea that she’s actually changing, morphing into someone better, makes her feel grateful for coming to Forks. 

* * *

Seth manages to keep his secret for a total of ten minutes before a brief image of Lex, glancing up from her coin rolls, slips through his tenuous mental shield. 

_ Dude, don’t tell me you went to see her _ , Brady thinks, recalling the stern warning Embry’d given them all the week he’d imprinted. The pack was pretty free and loose with social stuff, and imprints were typically fair game, but Embry was firm in declaring Lex as strictly off-limits. He was worried they’d scare her off -  _ as if _ , Seth had thought - and so far, he’s managed to keep up his end of the bargain.

_ I needed gas, okay!  _ he thinks defensively, trying to rationalise his unapproved visit. Okay, his gas tank was half-full, but it was between driving to Forks or doing his algebra homework, and the latter wasn’t appealing in the slightest. 

Brady, the traitor, howls, and Seth thinks that he’d absolutely bite that tattle-tale if he could just manage to get close enough. Brady’s no fool, though, and he’s keeping a close eye on Seth’s vision as he darts further and further into the scrub. 

_ As if you’re getting a piece of me, Clearwater. Not like there’s going to be anything left once Call’s finished with you. _

_ What’s with the howl _ , Jared thinks, hastily casting his shorts aside as he makes his way further into the forest. 

_ Seth’s got a little secret to tell you _ , Brady taunts, offering a little flash of Seth’s earlier memory.

_ For god’s sake Seth, have you heard of leaving things alone?  _

It’s too late. Within moments, Embry, Quil and Leah are all phased, ready for whatever’s coming their way. Thoughts, too many thoughts, are filling his brain, clouding the pack mind, but it’s not enough to drown out his guilt. 

Embry’s after him in a flash, snapping closely at his heels as he bolts deeper and deeper into the bush.

_ You did WHAT _ , he rages, lunging forward to sink his teeth into Seth’s hind leg. Seth howls, long and deep, feeling the pain ripple through his body. Embry’s standing over him, his teeth bared in their entirety, and in that moment, Seth starts to feel like he really maybe truly messed up.

Embry forces him to replay every second of his interaction with Lex, snarling when he recalls the hug, the bonfire invitation. He lowers his muzzle close to Seth’s so they’re snout to snout, far too close for comfort, and he’s seriously worried that he’s about to lose the tip of his nose.

_ I’m tempted _ , Embry thinks, trembling in his anger. _ I wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready. What part of stay away from my girl do you not understand? _

_ She was ready. She said yes. _

Embry bites him again, tearing into his shoulder, and Seth can only let out a pathetic whimper. He’s fucked.

_ Okay, okay, my brother’s a dumbass. Stop chewing on him. _

Embry moves aside, still deferential to Leah’s old beta energy from when they were in Jacob’s pack, but Seth knows it isn’t over. 

_ Damn right, it isn’t. Stay out of my shit. Lex is mine _ , he growls, staring at Seth for another moment before turning to head back towards the house. 

Seth lies on the forest floor for a long while, aching and itching as his skin moves and melds to become one again. Leah waits with him, resting her head on his back as he whimpers and whines, feeling his pain through their link.

_ I love you, but I hate you. Don’t do that again. _

_ Yes, Leah. _


	10. Believing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff! The bonfire! In which everything is not nervous angst for once.

Time without Seth ticks by as slow as molasses, the little hand on the analogue clock torturously creeping its passage around the face. She’s five cups of coffee deep by the time her relief arrives at six-oh-four, late as always. It’s still pitch black outside, the surrounds faintly illuminated by the dim glow of the lights on each bowser. As Lex shrugs on her coat she wonders who she’ll be meeting today - it’s been a revolving cast of characters lately, but there’s only one person she really wants to see. And to her delight, it’s the dented truck that’s waiting for her, parked askew in the customer lot. She’d normally jog over to him, keenly anticipating the toasty warmth of the cab, but after a full day and a half on her feet, she’s nothing left to give. The trudge towards the truck is slow, punishing even, the sleet from the early morning rain seeping into her socks through the holes in her boots. Embry, ever the gentleman, wastes no time in pushing the passenger door open for her. Lex wordlessly climbs into the seat, slumping low into the cushy vinyl. She can feel his eyes on her, studying her, but she doesn’t care. She’s too far gone.

“Hey, you okay? You look like death,” he says, wincing. “Not that you look bad. Just tired. Can you say something? You’re stressing me out.” He reaches his hand out to lightly touch her shoulder, wondering if he needs to floor it to Sue’s for a quick work-up. The dark circles under her closed eyes, her ghostly pallor, all point towards something worrying. It’s only when she lets out a little disgruntled groan that he relaxes. 

“I’m fine, Em. Just exhausted. I’ve been up since five,” she says, sighing. 

His eyes dart to the clock radio, then back to her. It certainly explains a lot. 

“Christ, Lex, you’re going to kill yourself at this rate.”

She scoffs. “Tell that to my bills,” she says, yawning. Lex turns in the seat to press her face against the seat, scooting towards him slightly. All it takes is one good look at her spent figure before his mind is made.

He runs his tongue across his teeth, considering how best to frame his thoughts. “How about...you want to come over to mine, have a good sleep, and I can make you something to eat. You can get some rest and Kim can catch you up on college stuff later?” 

It’s a ballsy move, inviting her back to his place, but every cell in his body is singing out to protect her, and he can’t do that if she’s holed up in her place in Forks. 

She frowns, pressing her face further into the seat. “I need to go to college,” she murmurs, sounding halfway to sleep. 

“You need sleep. Kim can help you later,” he urges, studying her face closely. 

Lex groans again, softer this time, and nods her head slightly. “Okay. Just a little sleep, though.” 

“Okay. Just a little sleep,” he agrees, putting the truck into gear. Lex is asleep by the time they hit the main road, her soft snores filling the silence that blankets them. Embry takes the drive slow, feeling both elation and trepidation - she’s here, letting him look after her, and his place is a _tip_ . Living in a sty was a small concession he’d had to make after moving in with Quil and Jared, but if he’d known she’d even consider coming to his house he’d have made sure it was immaculate first. Embry can only pray that she stays passed out while he brings her into the house, all in the hopes that she doesn’t notice the mess. _Lex’s been on a softer note lately, a little less scathing, so maybe she wouldn’t care too much_ , he thinks, feeling a dash of hope. She stirs a little when he lifts her from the cab, cradling her to his chest with all of the gentleness he can muster. The heat radiating from his body seems to soothe her, though, and she’s quickly reduced to snores with minimal effort on his part.

As he climbs the porch steps he pauses to consider his options. He can deposit her on the couch, but it’s probably uncomfortable for a human (he’s pretty resistant to all sorts of discomfort now) and she’ll definitely be awoken by Quil once he wakes. The alternative is tucking her into his bed; it’s far more comfortable and quiet, but she may be weirded out by his forwardness. Embry nudges the screen door open with his foot, attempting to hold her steady against his body. 

“Motherfucker!” Jared cusses from deep within the kitchen, moments after a series of metallic bangs echo through the bungalow. 

Embry growls lowly in response, eyes flickering down to the woman in his arms. She’s dead to the world, and soon, Jared will be dead to him also. His mind is made up - Lex will be tucked into his bed, and he’ll stretch out on the couch until she’s finished her nap. It’s what’s best for her, after all. He’s almost finished covering her with all of the blankets he can find in the house when she reaches out for him, fingers blindly grasping at his shirt. He allows himself one unrestrained moment of affection, leaning down to press a kiss against her hand. Her skin is soft and cool against his lips, a discovery that will surely keep him awake for nights to come. He’s sure she’s still asleep, but the little hum of satisfaction she emits after his kiss sends a shiver of contentment down his spine. Bringing her home was the right choice. He’s sure of it. 

* * *

“Lex? Hey, honey, it’s me.”

The sound of his low voice calling her name has Lex on high alert, instantly roused from sleep and searching for him. Without meaning to, she’s stretched out her arms, instinctively trying to summon him close to her. He enters the bedroom silently, wearing nothing but a pair of ripped jeans that leave little to the imagination. Lex can’t help the way her eyes are drifting south, sneaking little glimpses at his taut physique, and by the way that he’s smirking, she knows it was most definitely his intention. Wordlessly, Embry coils his arms tight around her, almost possessively, sending a little tingle of delight through Lex’s entire body. He’s close, so close, his entire body pressed up against hers, and as he tips his head to skim his nose against her jaw she thinks she may just lose it.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” he says lowly, his mouth leaving feather-light kisses against the column of her neck. His lips are deliciously soft and endlessly distracting; it takes all of her focus to stay centred, present, rather than losing herself in the sensations. Lex swallows thickly, speechless at the man in such close proximity. Embry draws his head back suddenly to appraise her, his eyes darkening at her look of anticipation. 

“I’m going to kiss you, now,” he murmurs, bringing his face to meet hers agonisingly slowly.

Her eyelids flutter shut in expectation as she tilts her mouth up to reach his, aching to feel his lips on hers. She can feel his breath, the touch of his hands on her waist, and -

Somewhere, a door slams. Lex presses her hands against her face, testing her reality. _What the hell was that?_ She’d had dreams with Embry in them, sure, but nothing like that. Nothing where she had wanted him that badly, or dreams where she’d given in to her desires. How can she be thinking about Embry like that, like he isn’t her best friend? It’s wrong, so wrong, to think of him that way, but she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t enjoyed it. Lex is midway through dragging her hands down her face when she hears a soft knock at the door. She’d rather bury herself deep in the blankets and pretend not to exist on this plane of reality, but she begrudgingly settles for calling for the person to come in.

And, of course, it’s Embry, as if summoned by her illicit dream. Thankfully, he’s wearing a shirt this time around - she definitely wouldn’t survive, otherwise - and he lingers in the doorway, rather than approaching the bed. _Hang on. Embry?_ Suddenly, the events of the past twenty-four hours come rushing back to her. Her, working late. Her, seeing Seth. Her, agreeing to come back to his place. And now, her, in his bed, having saucy dreams about him. Lex can’t help the groan that slips out of her mouth as she flops back into the bed, obliging her need to cover herself in a pile of blankets ( _seriously, what guy has so many blankets?_ ). 

“Uh...are you okay?” he asks hesitantly, half-wondering if he needs to drag Kim over to retrieve Lex. All he can see from the doorway is one unmoving lump under a formidable collection of sheets and blankets - he’d raided Quil and Jared’s cupboards to make sure she’d be warm enough - and her silence is starting to worry him. He’d been expecting a lukewarm response, maybe some hesitation after he’d woken her up, but losing her to the bed wasn’t really on his list of worries.

After a long moment, she lets out a small grunt, flipping the covers back to expose her pink face. “I kind of forgot you brought me here,” she says, avoiding his gaze. 

He knows she’s nervous, but the laugh slips out anyway. Before he can even think of apologising, she giggles, and the awkward mood dissolves like a sugar cube in hot coffee.

“Come on, sleepyhead. It’s already four.”

Lex sits bolt upright. “Four? I slept all day? Fuck!”

She launches herself out of the bed, scrambling to right her messy clothing. Even with her hair a mess and clothing rumpled, she’s absolutely gorgeous, made even more appealing by the fact she’s been cozied up in his bed all day.

He holds up his hands in his best attempt at a calming gesture. “Lex, it’s all good. You were tired. Kim’s coming over for dinner with some work, you can catch up on study then.” 

Her expression’s still screaming _stressed_ , but she’s stopped her frantic scrambling, which Embry considers a bonus. Still, he wants to put her mind at ease, make her comfortable in his home, especially since it’s the first time she’s been over.

“Do you want to take a shower? You can borrow something to wear,” he offers, thinking about Jared’s overflowing drawers of Kim’s cast-offs.

“Oh! Uh, yeah, that would be great. I feel so nasty after work,” she laughs, wrapping her hair into a tighter bun. “You’re pretty tall, I could probably manage with a shirt as a dress.” 

He’s fortunate that her head’s turned, checking out his closet, since his expression is probably something mortifyingly cheesy. She wants to wear something of his? He’s thought about her in his clothes all too many times, everything from cutesy fantasies to the kind of thoughts that garner mockery on patrols. Embry can feel his cheeks burning as he crosses the room to rifle through his drawers, but if Lex sees, she says nothing. Finally, he finds the shirt he’s after - one of his favourites, a well-worn burgundy tee that was once a memento from his and Quil’s first concert. Now, with the flaking decal and faded print, it’s lost a lot of its lustre from when he first set eyes on it years ago, but she happily takes it from him without complaint.

Lex looks up at him, her big eyes shining. “You like Yellowcard too? Maybe you’re cooler than I give you credit for, Em,” she teases, poking his side.

He grins so widely that his cheeks hurt. Her approval is the greatest accolade, and it’s always entirely unexpected. Waiting for her to finish her shower feels like torture, especially since he’s been fighting the urge to wake her up all day. Instead, he’s been endlessly productive to try and distract himself, working on everything from the house to her car. Their bungalow has never been cleaner, but Embry’s certain it won’t last for long.

* * *

“Kim! C’mon, you’ve gotta help me out here,” Lex begs, leaning across Embry to try and reach the textbook he’s snatched away. 

Kim laughs, shaking her head. “No more study! My brain’s going to explode. You already know the stuff, anyway, you’ll be fine.”

Lex tips her head back, dramatically groaning. His eyes are immediately drawn to the creamy expanse of skin on display, wondering what it would feel like to bury his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling her hypnotising scent. Embry blinks hard, bringing himself back to the living room scene. He needs to get his head straight - fantasising about her is _so not helpful_ , especially since she’s only just gotten comfortable being friendly around him. Then again, agreeing to lend Lex one of his shirts was even less helpful in helping him hold on to his control. She was right - his shirts are practically dresses on her - but trying to keep his eyes away from her exposed legs is a mission in itself. He ends up excusing himself to the kitchen in the guise of fixing Lex a coffee, but judging by Kim’s eye roll, his distraction is plainly obvious.

Jared leans over the breakfast bar with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Dude, you are so whipped,” he ribs, laughing at Embry’s scowl.

Embry growls lowly in response. “Fuck off, man. As if you wouldn’t be distracted by Kim in one of your shirts.

Jared shrugs good-naturedly. “True, true. Still funny, though. I give it two weeks before you die of horniness.”

Jared’s quick, but not quick enough, and the impulsively flung spoon smacks him dead-centre in the forehead, clattering to the floor. 

“Hey!” Kim calls, voice travelling from the next room. “Em, you better not be hitting my boyfriend!”

“He deserved it!” Embry exclaims childishly, hastily dodging Jared’s playful jabs.

Lex whispers, but they hear it anyway. “Do they ever stop?”

Kim sighs. “Never.”

* * *

The days seem to drag by as Saturday draws closer. By Thursday, Lex is thinking about cancelling. By Friday, she’s sure. She even gets as far as writing some contrived text to send to Embry - unsent, of course, she doesn’t have the guts - when Kim arrives on her doorstep. Lex is a little hesitant as she opens the door, but that doesn’t deter Kim from squeezing through the opening to throw herself down on the patchwork couch.

“Hey, bud. Thought we could have a girls’ night tonight,” she says, glancing at Lex from her inverted position on the lounge. “Where do you keep the TV remote?”

Lex sighs. There’s no getting out of tomorrow. “It’ll be somewhere in the cushions. I’ll go get some snacks,” she says, padding off into the kitchen. When she eventually returns, arms laden with assorted leftovers from her depressing pantry, Kim’s swaddled in the thick throw blanket with a movie already loaded up. 

“Bright Star,” she explains, wiggling over to make room on the sofa. “Em said you like poetry?”

Lex nods vigorously, her apprehension quickly evaporating. Kim’s thoughtful, that’s always been clear, but she’s patient and kind, too, and Lex is quickly becoming used to her constant presence. Kim’s like a cooler, more self-assured older sister she’d always wished she’d had, and part of Lex wishes she could tell Kim that. Instead, she settles for snuggling up with her in the itchy wool blanket, growing immersed in the movie. They’re both crying as the screen blackens, the tears bubbling up through slightly crazed laughter.

“I can’t believe I’ve seen you cry! That’s kind of special,” Kim says, wiping her eyes on her sweater.

“I’m totally in touch with my emotions,” Lex says, attempting to keep her face serious. “I saw them, I felt them, and then I told them to never come back.”

They dissolve into laughter again, the tears melting away into silliness. When they settle down, Kim directs her with a more earnest expression.

“You know you can talk to me, right? Whatever’s on your mind, you can talk to me about it. I promise you,” she says, lightly gripping Lex’s hands, “that it stays between us.”

Lex looks down at her crossed legs. She’s never been one to share secrets, but then again, she’s never really had someone to share with. She has Kim now, Kim who is caring and soft and sisterly, that’s never done her wrong ( _yet_ , the little voice in her head says). Still, and she’s not sure whether it was the unexpected tears or the kind gesture, there’s a growing impulse to talk, and she’s starting to think that straying down that path isn’t such a bad idea.

Lex sucks in a deep breath, wondering whether she can actually get the words out. “I think...I think that maybe, I might, I...I like Embry,” she says, jumbling the words together in a single exhale.

Kim’s eyes widen. Clearly that wasn’t the secret she was expecting. She’s silent for a moment, mouth slightly open in a surprised ‘o’, before reaching out again to squeeze Lex’s hands, more firmly this time. 

“No way,” she breathes, stunned. “You two would be so cute together!”

Lex lets out a shaky laugh. “No...we...we can’t. I can’t date him.”

“What? Why not? He is so into you, Lex,” Kim says, as if trying to reassure her.

“It’s not that,” Lex mumbles, looking a little pale. “I’ve never done anything before. Like, I’ve never had friends, never had a boyfriend. How am I meant to date him when I literally want to run away every time he looks at me?”

Lex is back looking at her knees, her hair falling forward to cover her face, but Kim swears she can see the tell-tale glisten of tears on her cheeks. 

“C’mere,” Kim says, opening her arms wide for a hug. Lex curls herself into Kim’s arms, immediately missing the heat she’s come to expect from hugs. Still, the embrace is soothing, validating, like sharing her fears wasn’t all for naught. Kim only lets go once she’s sure the tears have stopped, wiped away as if they never existed.

“I’m going to call for pizza,” Kim says, phone in hand. “Pizza, and then we can forget about boys and drama and all of that stuff.”

It’s certain: Kim is most definitely the best friend Lex’s ever had.

* * *

Kim ends up staying over Friday night, and they spend the majority of Saturday working on assignments for the upcoming week. They finally pile into Kim’s car as the sun dips low in the sky, making their way to the cliffs on the Rez for the bonfire. The festivities are evident from a few hundred yards away; a sizeable crowd has assembled around the growing pyre, the flames dancing high into the sky, and her head’s swimming in the sea of familiar and unfamiliar faces. Heads raise as they approach the group on foot, the attention quickly becoming directed towards the newcomers. 

“Lex! You came!” Seth calls excitedly, earning a solid slap on the shoulder from the taller woman beside him.

“Thanks, Seth, nice to see you too,” Kim teases, making her way to stand beside Jared.

Embry quickly abandons his seat on the log to jog over to Lex, leaving his hotdog forgotten in the sand. “Hey, you’re here,” he says, giving her a quick hug. It’s all too brief, a sudden flash of warmth that’s ripped away, leaving her yearning for more. 

He leads her closer to the fire, offering her a seat on one of the nearer logs. Lex ends up sandwiched between Embry and Kim, watching as the others squabble to arrange themselves comfortably. Lex yawns, feeling the tiredness spreading through her body like an insurmountable flood. The heat of the fire and the man beside her isn’t helping matters, either.

“Don’t start that,” Embry murmurs, poking her side. “The best part’s about to start.”

“What’s the best part?” she whispers, glancing across at him.

His face is smooth and unreadable, eyes set decisively forward as he watches the flames dance in the pit. “Billy’s about to tell the stories...our history, how we came to be. He always starts with how the tribe began,” he mutters, eyes flickering over to where Billy sat at the head of the circle.

Billy nods, solemn as always, as he clears his throat with a sharp cough. The circle instantly falls silent, heads swivelling to face the Chief. The men seemed to sit up straighter, their expressions more stoic, as if something deeply serious was about to take place. Lex’s eyes drift around the circle, taking stock of each individual before her. Her eyes come to rest on Emily and the hefty spiral-bound book that rests on her knees, methodically decorated with tabs and bookmarks of all colour and size.

“Emily helps record the histories,” Embry whispers, following her gaze. 

Lex nods, feeling as if her voice would only serve as a distraction from the charged atmosphere. The fire crackles, loud in the silence, and with the resulting bloom of sparks, Billy begins the story. 

“The Quileutes have been a small people from the beginning, limited in number but unrestrained in both their spirit and grit. We are a small people still, but we have never disappeared. We owe this to the protection we have been granted by the spirits, who look over us each and every day.

"In the beginning, the spirits of the tribe lived and hunted in the lands of A-Ka-Lat, free of their physical forms. It was only when K’wati, the benevolent transformer, arrived, that we came into corporeality. He descended upon the rock, selecting the strongest wolves to transform into man. It was here, on First Beach, that our first transformation took place, marking the first of many spiritual transmutations we have endured. 

"K’wati has protected us from monsters and tragedies; he has strengthened us against all adversaries. When our closest relatives, the Chimakum peoples, were washed away by flood, we were left untouched. When territorial battles waged with the neighbouring tribes, the spirit of K’wati remained to protect our peoples. Today, we remain in our traditional lands, strengthened by the powers that transformed kwoli into man. 

"Though K’wati was responsible for the first transformation of wolf into human, he did not seek to return human to beast. It was only through the determination of our first spirit warriors, who laboured countless days and nights to reconnect with warrior spirits of the past, that they were able to shift back into their previous forms. Transforming from man to wolf required monumental dedication and exertion that meant only the strongest of the tribe were capable. In the years that passed, the abilities of the descendants intensified, making the first transformation easier than ever before.

"The spirit warriors that protect our tribe have risen again and again to protect our peoples from devastation. In doing so, they make the ultimate sacrifice in abandoning their humanity and independence. We owe our successes and our survival to the spirits that live in this land, and it is only through their benevolence that we are granted another day on this earth.”

A low murmur runs around the fire, a quiet whisper of appreciation and assent. Billy continues his tales, undeterred by the interruption.

“The spirit warriors, taking on the responsibility of guarding the people of our tribe, have faced many monsters. They have repelled Dask’iya and Tatákwayal, even guarding the peoples against the power of T’ist’ilal. The most dangerous creature of all, though, who has threatened the tribe since the beginning, is our fellow man. We are no stranger to combat and warfare, though it was not until 1889 that the lives of our spirit warriors were changed extraordinarily. In one horrific night, all homes on our land were torched by a settler encroaching on our territories. The fire devastated our peoples; we were left without homes, treasures and equipment that we had valued so dearly. The spirit warriors were incensed at the attack, having failed to protect the tribe against the greatest tragedy of all. It was then that K’wati descended again, threading strings between the warriors and the tribespeople. The spirit warriors became irrevocably linked to other beings within the tribe. It strengthened them, giving the warriors the ultimate incentive to protect the land with their lives. The strings have continued to be tied in the years past, with generations of our peoples being blessed with the utmost level of protection.

"And so K’wati has blessed the Quileute tribe, providing our warriors with the fortitude and tenacity that has ensured the safety of our peoples. We thank the spirits who have protected our tribe and our lands. Our sacrifices continue each and every day we walk this earth; it is the duty of each and every Quileute to carry the burden of the spirits as we forge our own path forwards. And so we are joined here, before the fire, to honour and thank the ones that have gone before us.”

Embry reaches his hand to grasp Lex’s, and as she casts her eyes around the fire she notices hands linking one by one. She extends her other hand towards Leah, who clasps it without hesitation.

Billy leads them in giving thanks. “K’wati, and the spirits who have forged our ancestors, we thank you. Your sacrifices are made our sacrifices.”

The final sentence is repeated around the fire, muttered words that Lex attempts to reproduce in a bid to seem respectful. She’s a little unsure, but Embry’s slight nod of approval makes the effort worth it. As quickly as it came, the intense mood dissolves, melting away like the remnants of the old wood in the fire. Conversations resume, low and murmuring, slowly building into a comforting din. 

Embry wraps his arm around her shoulder, drawing Lex close to murmur in her ear. “What did you think?” he breathes, his voice nearly inaudible over the chatter surrounding them.

She shivers, not at the cool night air but at the mere sensation of having him so close to her. It’s eerily reminiscent of her dream earlier in the week, a thought that has her cheeks flushing even pinker.

“It was great, Em. There’s so much I don’t know about your histories. I’m dying to pick Emily’s brain sometime,” she says, glancing over to where the young woman was seated previously. 

Emily’s since relocated herself to Sam’s lap, cuddling in close to his body as they talk and laugh. It’s like she’s intruding on something private; they interact like they’re the only ones in the universe, like nothing else matters, and Lex feels a little prick that might just be jealousy. It reminds her of the day she first met Kim and Jared and Embry, how Kim and Jared were gazing at each other in that super loved-up way that’s so unfamiliar to her. She averts her eyes, both out of politeness and discomfort, turning her gaze instead to the football skirmish breaking out between some of the younger boys. Eventually, she looks up, expecting Embry to be looking wistfully at the game, but he’s already looking at her.

“You can go, if you want,” she says, feeling that familiar barb of nervousness.

“Huh?” Embry mumbles, shaking his head slightly. 

She tips her head towards the beach. “The game. I don’t mind if you want to go.”

He shakes his head, squeezing her a little tighter. “Honestly, I didn’t even notice. I’m good here,” he says, resting his chin on her head.

His embrace is comforting and assuring, like coming home after a long day to a warm bath. He may intimidate her to no end, but there’s still something so magnetic about his presence that both frays and soothes her nerves. And as she looks out across the fire, at the clusters of people talking and laughing and playing, she finally starts to let herself believe that maybe this might just be where she belongs. That between her and Embry there could be something, something real.

If only she really, truly could believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have chosen to deviate from Stephanie Meyer’s version of the Quileute legends in deference to the genuine stories of the tribe. I have included a list of sources I referred to in constructing a dramatic retelling of the tribe’s creation (the story of K’wati transforming wolf into man); please be aware that the stories reflected in this work are inspired by the genuine legends, but are still a work of fiction. The genuine Quileute legends make no reference to ongoing transformations (i.e. man back into wolf) nor anything resembling imprinting. There are references to monsters in Quileute legends, though these monsters do not resemble the Cold Ones that Stephanie Meyer created. As such, I chose to make no reference to the Cold Ones in my retelling of the myths, instead choosing to draw upon the real burning of the tribe’s homes in 1889 as an impetus for imprinting. 
> 
> Again, I would like to emphasise that Stephanie Meyer’s bastardisation of the Quileute legends is an extremely disrespectful and, quite frankly, a racist aspect of the canon. I hope that by drawing attention to elements of the real legends I can pay respect to the tribe who did not wish, nor consent, to be a part of the franchise. The provided sources are an excellent starting point to learning more about the tribe’s history and fascinating legends that shape their culture. 
> 
> Legends Sources  
> https://blog.nationalgeographic.org/2012/12/17/real-life-twilight-tribe-has-wolf-connection-mixed-feelings-about-movie/#:~:text=The%20Quileute%20origin%20story%20tells,society%20called%20the%20Wolf%20Society.  
> https://quileutenation.org/history/  
> http://www.native-languages.org/quileute-legends.htm


	11. Liminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which fear brings both distance and closeness to our resident fools.

Lex and Embry exist in a strange liminal state - not quite lovers, not quite friends - for exactly eight days. On the ninth day, the envelope arrives, slipped through the flap in the badly scratched door to her apartment. There’s no postmark, no address, just a simple  _ Lex  _ scrawled in chicken-scratch handwriting. Lex turns the envelope over and over in her palms, perplexed by the creamy smoothness of the envelope. Mail is rare, but personal mail? Totally unfamiliar.

Eventually, spurred on by Liz’s impatience -  _ open it, nitwit, I have things to do  _ \- she peels back the sealed flap, sliding the folded card out onto the kitchen table. Her eyes quickly skim over the words embossed onto the page, an entirely unexpected combination of phrases that don’t quite make sense to her.

_ With great pleasure, Samuel Uley & Emily Young invite you to join them at the celebration of their marriage.... _

With shaky fingers, Lex picks up her phone to dial the one number that’s burned into her brain. He answers on the third ring.

“Hey,” he says, sounding slightly breathless. “What’s up? Is everything okay? Do you need a ride -”

He’s babbling, and she’s impatient. She cuts him off. “I got an invite to the wedding.”

He pauses for a moment. “Uh, yeah, you did. Emily dropped it off earlier.”

“Why?”

“Why waste money on postage? It’s not like I don’t know where you live.”

Lex huffs out a breath, turning the card back over in her hands. “Not that part. Why are they inviting me? I barely know them.”

He’s quiet, but the call stretches on, soft breathing over the line. “Well, I thought it would be nice if you came with me. If you want to, of course. I can tell them you’re not coming if you don’t want to go.”

She chews her thumbnail right down to the nub before she replies.  _ Phone conversations really aren’t made for the overthinkers, _ she muses, wondering how best to burst the bubble of hope that seems to be growing between them.

“What are we doing, Em?” she says finally, letting the words tumble out. “I see you every day, we talk every night, and now you want me to go to a wedding with you? I just...I don’t think I can...I don’t know. I don’t know what I want, I don’t know how to even talk about this, and -”

Her voice cuts off suddenly, her sudden rambling punctuated by the torturous silence that stretches between them. He wants to run to her, to reassure her in whatever way he knows how - and shit, he barely understands what’s going on in her head - but her sudden confession of uncertainty has him wavering. 

“What do you want, Lex?” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. Her prior words stung, but an outright rejection would surely wound him further. 

She sighs. “I don’t know, Em. I just don’t. I need space.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

He can give her space.

* * *

Embry had thought that Tuesday couldn’t possibly drag on any longer after her clipped phone call. To his dismay, Quil had overheard the entire thing, down to the last of Lex’s sniffles, and had attempted to stage a  _ cheer-Embry-up _ extravaganza. And so he had ended up sandwiched between Seth and Leah on the floor of Sam’s den, watching his pack brothers tussle for control of the Playstation. Normally he’d be well into the fray, content to jostle with the rowdier boys for dominance. Brady, in particular, had a special way of irking him, taunting him just enough to trigger a round of sparring. His usual attempts were all for naught tonight though, with the older boy choosing instead to work his way to the bottom of a bottle of Old Quil’s moonshine. He didn’t get drunk often, typically burning off the alcohol far faster than it could intoxicate him, but the bathtub hooch was a special kind of potent that’d probably kill a better man.

Embry would come to realise the morning after that he’d sent a pathetic string of messages to Lex, woefully desperate and pleading, and - even worse - all ignored. The hangover hurt, but the silence stung more; the silence that stretches across the distance between them, that extends into minutes and hours and days of absolutely zero contact. He texts her a few times, sober now, growing increasingly desperate as time creeps onward. Eventually, she replies with painful brevity -  _ I need space. Don’t worry about driving me around. Thank you _ . - and it’s almost as if he can feel his heart shattering into pieces. It’s not as if Lex holding him at arm’s length is new or unexpected, but he keeps coming back to the rushed way she’d spoken, how she sounded on the verge of tears as she ended the call. The wedding was supposed to be a good thing; he’d thought she’d love spending more time with his friends. And yet, something about the formality of the occasion had sent her into a tailspin more severe than any he’d witnessed prior.

Sam allows Embry a couple days of moping before he’s dragged back out to patrol. The usual requesting and eventual pleading hadn’t worked, so with one swift Alpha order, Embry was back pacing the rez, only slightly more mechanical than before. It was times like this that he really missed Jake. Jake could be a hard ass, but he’d never use the command if it wasn’t life or death. Sam, on the other hand…

_ Okay, okay, chill with the dramatics. It’s one single shift. Then you can go back to rotting away in that festy house of yours _ , Leah quips, recalling the last time she’d visited the bachelor pad. It wasn’t pretty - it never normally was - but it wasn’t  _ that  _ bad.

He tucks his tail between his legs, ashamed.  _ Leah, can you please just let me mope in peace _ . 

_ Let’s keep it real here. Heartbreak’s kind of unavoidable, especially when you bring all this fucked-up wolf shit into the mix. Pushing the imprint on her is only going to make it worse. _

_ And who said I was planning on doing that? She told me to stay away, so I am. Even if it makes me want to take a dive off the cliffs. _ His thoughts briefly stray to the outcrops that were a short dash from his current location on the perimeter. The jump wouldn’t kill him, that was for sure, but the theatrics were definitely appealing.

_ Jesus, do we need to get you on suicide watch? Let’s file this conversation under “why imprinting is royally messed up” _ . If Leah was human, she’d probably be rolling her eyes, though in her shifted form he could sense an undercurrent of concern lurking beneath her snark.

_ Aww, you do care about me! Maybe that’s enough to keep me off the brink _ , he teases, enjoying the way she bristles at the comment. 

_ Embry, I tolerate you. Caring is a stretch. _

_ Yeah, yeah. I know what I felt just now _ , he thinks, digging into her memories the best he can. He doesn’t usually poke around in people’s brains - after all, it’s pretty rude - but getting under Leah’s skin is well worth it. She’s a touch too slow to shield her thoughts, and he manages to extract a brief flash of when he’d first phased in that evening, how she’d felt a surge of relief at his presence.

_ Call, get out of my head before I rip off yours. I mean it, asshole _ , she snarls, irritation dripping from every word. He couldn’t get into her head now if he tried, anyway - she’s back to her usual steel-trap mind, only letting occasional glimpses of her surroundings peek through.

_ Okay, Clearwater, keep your secrets. I tolerate you, too, you know _ , he thinks, trying to lighten the mood.

Leah’s silent for the rest of their patrol, only reaching out to him when she crosses a faint trail by the northern perimeter. The pair follow it for awhile, testing the waters before they even think about raising the alarm, but it fades within a few hundred yards. Scouring the thick brush around the offending scent provides no clues, either, only the lightest notes of bleach that have his skin prickling in disgust. The next pair to phase in continue searching the area, but Embry’s mind is already elsewhere. Potential vampire ambushes are surprisingly low on his list of priorities, bumped right down beneath literally everything that can and will go wrong with Lex, as well as the possibility (probability?) of flunking out of college. Quite frankly, a vampire could be waiting in his bed for him after his patrol and he’d hardly bat an eyelash. 

Mercifully, there’s no bloodsucker in his house, nor are there any other inhabitants. He’s plenty pleased though to find an entire untouched pizza on the kitchen bench, adorned with a small yellow post-it note. He peels it off, smiling a little at the -  _ Enjoy! -K _ \- scrawled in neat handwriting. Kim’s basically the glue holding his sanity together at this point; he truly has no idea how she manages to put up with both him and Jared on a regular basis. He scarfs the pizza down in record time as he works through his newfound post-patrol routine: pace the house, shower, pace some more, check his phone for potential imprint reconciliation, attempt to sleep without kicking a hole in the drywall. He actually manages the latter -  _ god bless self-control _ \- drifting off into dreamless sleep with unexpected ease.

His peace is mournfully short-lived, though; he’s roused with a sharp pain to the chest so strong that it has him keeled over the edge of the bed in seconds. Embry’s not sure if he’s about to barf or if he’s going into cardiac arrest; all he knows is that his entire body is quaking from the radiating ache in his chest. It feels as if his heart is being gripped in an iron fist, twisting and squeezing with every beat. He’s kneeled low on the carpet, panting heavily, when Quil bursts through the bedroom door, alarmed by the sudden thuds.

“What the hell? Em, are you okay?” he asks, crouching low to get a better look at him. 

Embry looks up at his friend through pained eyes, struggling to keep his head up. “It hurts so fucking bad, man, I think I’m having a heart attack,” he pants, feeling the pangs intensify with every word.

Quil’s eyes widen. “You need to call Lex. Call her, right now,” he barks out, ripping Embry’s phone from the charger so roughly the socket loosens from the wall. 

Quil unlocks the phone with shaking hands, dialling her number before Embry can even think about protesting. The call rings and rings, and with every passing second Embry’s quaking strengthens. Quil’s about to peg the phone right through the drywall when the call is picked up, immediately blasting a chaotic burst of noise.

“Em? Oh god, oh fuck, you need to come here. Please, you need to help me, I need -”

Her panicked cries are interrupted by a series of deafening thuds alarmingly close to the phone, followed by a high-pitched shriek that almost triggers Embry to phase.

“Where are you?” Quil demands, his body trembling in anticipation. 

“I’m at work, I’m at work, please, I need you to come, he’s trying to get inside,” she whimpers.

With that, Embry launches himself out of the bedroom window, phasing before his feet hit the ground. His focus is singular:  _ protect her, whatever it takes _ . He’s vaguely aware of others that are shifted, but the red mist is far too strong for his human sensibilities to take precedence. Instead, he lets his wolf take the reins, surging towards her as if his life depends on it. He’s always been one of the faster wolves, more agile, but the way that his paws are propelling him across the reservation is unlike any hunt he’s ever taken part in. His wolf is controlling every nerve in his body, dominating all of his senses, and it will not rest until she is safe beneath him.

_ Embry, I’m coming _ , Quil calls, pushing his body forward to catch up.  _ You protect her, I deal with the threat. _

_ Are we raising the alarm? _ Paul asks, diverting his route to head towards Forks.

Quil hesitates for a moment, waiting for some sort of coherent thought from Embry. He has nothing rational to offer; his humanity is long gone, buried the second he heard her cries.

_ Yes, call for help. Fuck knows what we’re about to see, _ Quil decides finally, his thoughts coloured with an increasing sense of concern at Embry’s feralness. 

Paul’s howl rises loud and clear in the night air, sounding the alarm for the off-duty protectors. Embry and Quil are crossing the border by the time most of the pack have phased in, all in various states of concern and distress. 

_ What’s happening? Is there a leech? _ Brady asks, sprinting to reach Paul.

_ Is everyone okay? Shit, it’s late _ , Seth thinks, shaking the sleep from his eyes.

_ Lex is in danger. Head towards Forks, NOW _ , Paul commands, his inner voice dripping with authority. In Sam and Jacob’s absences, Paul’s word is gospel, and the younger wolves immediately spring into action. 

_ Quil, I want one of you to stay shifted until we arrive. I want to see everything _ , Sam orders, finally shifted. He’s the last to arrive, but his impressive speed compensates for his tardiness, propelling him to the front of the pack.

_ Got it. Em, you okay?  _ Quil prods, hustling to keep pace with him. 

Embry can only growl in response, his anger intensifying as they cross the final block standing between them and Lex. Within seconds, he can hear everything: her heart, beating at a frantic pace; her muffled cries, her rapid breathing. The yelling. The pounding on the fragile glass of the building. He wants to rip and tear and kill anything that threatens her, to destroy whatever is hurting her so immensely.

_ Embry, absolutely no killing. Jesus Christ. Protect your imprint _ , Sam orders, increasingly alarmed.  _ Quil, phase and deal with the threat. We’re almost there. _

_ Yes, Sam _ , Quil replies, shifting without hesitation. 

He pulls his cut-offs on as he runs barefoot across the parking lot, feeling glass and debris embedding into his flesh. None of that matters though, not when there’s a hulking man throwing himself against the flimsy sliding doors of the building, screaming and cursing up a storm. Embry phases to follow suit, feeling the tremors rack his body with alarming intensity.

“Hey, motherfucker!” Quil bellows, charging at the figure. 

The man turns, but it’s far too late; Quil descends upon him in an instant, driving his fists into his soft flesh again and again. The stranger struggles beneath him, attempting to wiggle loose to fight back, but it’s all for naught - there’s no comparison between Quil’s inhuman strength and that of a mortal. The screams emanating from the brawl will haunt him for weeks on end, awful squeals that drill down into his psyche to brand his brain with  _ monster monster monster _ .

Embry darts around the skirmish, making a beeline for the back entryway he’s seen Lex use a few times. He pounds on the door, pleading for her to open up. He needs to see her, to hold her tight, to make sure she’s safe. His need for closeness is the only thing keeping him in his human form, and that’s a tenuous state at best. She swings the door open in seconds, launching herself into his waiting arms. Some human part of his brain is distantly aware that he’s holding her too tight, that he might be hurting her more, but he can’t restrain himself. He’s squeezing her, gripping her as if the pressure’s supposed to fuse her back together, as if it will heal them. He needs this, he needs her; the contact is making them whole again. He relaxes only at the sound of her muffled sob, releasing his iron grip so he can lower his face to her level.

“Fuck, Lex, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here now, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. I promise,” he swears, holding her face in his palms. 

He straightens up only when she nods slightly, acknowledging his words. His eyes skim over her, visually assessing her to ascertain her safety. Her face is damp and streaked with tears, but she’s otherwise unharmed, safe with him. Embry wraps his arms back around her, lifting her up to be cradled against his chest. He’s strongly considering running her back to his house when he hears footsteps approaching. Embry lets out a long, low growl, possessively gripping Lex tighter.

“Hey, hey, it’s just me,” Jared calls, rounding the corner of the building. “Cops are on their way. Collin’s bringing your truck,” he says, casting Embry a meaningful look.

Lex whimpers softly, turning her face inward to press against Embry’s chest. He tears his eyes away from Jared to study her face. 

“It’s okay, Lex. We’ll be home soon,” he soothes, running his hand over her tangled hair. She doesn’t reply, but there’s no more whimpering, and so he takes that as a positive sign. 

Jared shoots him a sympathetic look. “Wait inside. I’ll come get you when they arrive.” With a brisk nod, he disappears back into the darkness, returning to the detainee. 

Embry carries her inside, kicking the door closed with a firm  _ click _ . He lowers her to the first comfortable surface he finds, gently resting her on the counter so she can be eye-level with him. Even though his body is screaming in protest, he’s ready to release her from his grasp, give her some necessary space, but her fingers grasp even tighter at his arms.

“Please, don’t leave,” she whispers, not daring to look up at him.

All thoughts of distancing himself dissolve at her protests. To know that she needs him as much as he needs her is the sweetest relief in an otherwise horrendous situation; he wants nothing more than to scoop her up and whisk her away, to cleanse her of all her fears. He settles instead for burying his face into her hair, peppering the top of her head with soft kisses and whispered strings of comforting words. The wolf within him aches to curl around her, to immerse himself entirely in giving in to her every need and desire, to protect her against all adversaries.  _ That will have to come later _ , he reasons, all too aware of the ongoing chaos in the inky blackness outside. 

Sam handles the police with unquestionable confidence that Embry can only envy. With the promise of CCTV and a later statement from Lex, the offender is whisked off into the night, removed from sight and from the streets. Embry coaxes her from the building a short while later, placated only by the promise of continual company at his home. Inwardly, he’s pleased that she’s so insistent on returning to his home - there’s no real woodland around her house, meaning that he has no way to keep a close watch on her there in his shifted form. 

When he tucks her into the soft blankets adorning his bed, he’s wholly expecting her to finally relinquish her grip on his biceps. Her fingertips are moulded into his flesh like Bernini’s Prosperina, her hold as tight as a vice. She turns her gaze on him, fixing him with a pleading expression that nearly brings him to his knees.

“Can I ask you to stay?” she murmurs, keeping her misty eyes steady on his. 

He nods wordlessly, his mouth as dry as the desert. Protecting her is his wolf’s priority, but comforting her appeals to the deeper undercurrent of commitment that his human side governs. He allows himself to sink into the mattress, stretching out next to her on top of the thick blankets. Slowly, she turns to curl up against his side, resting her cheek against his chest. The rhythmic beats are like a lullaby, soothing her towards sleep in a way that words cannot. By the time Quil returns to check on the pair, they’re sound asleep, bodies twisted together like a cozy litter of puppies. For the first night in weeks, neither dreams of the other, satisfied entirely by the skin-on-skin contact. 

* * *

Lex wakes early the next morning, roused after only a few hours of rest. Embry’s stretched out across the too-small bed, his arm flung across her body like a makeshift blanket. She briefly contemplates wiggling out of his grasp, slipping away into the depths of the house, but there’s something about the softness of his face in his sleep that keeps her in place. In sleep, Embry is peaceful and serene; his brow is smoothed, his frown eased. In sleep, he looks almost boyish, much younger than his hulking appearance would otherwise suggest. In sleep, Embry looks like a man she could trust. 

Sleeping beside another person is entirely foreign to her, a long-forgotten relic from the occasional sleepovers of her childhood. She’d expected to feel uncomfortable, anxious, even, but his presence is deeply comforting in a way that she can’t quite put her finger on. There’s something peculiar about his touch; any kind of contact with him is both exhilarating and relaxing, a curious contrast that draws her back to him each and every time she thinks of running. She doesn’t quite understand it, but there’s plenty of things about him that are a total mystery, like why he’s so damn interested in spending time with her, or where his unending patience comes from. 

Of course, there’s a magnitude of things she doesn’t understand about herself, and about relationships in general, that occupy her mind far more than her worries about him. Temptation (and torment) number one is the issue of physical affection: she wants him, but she’s terrified of what comes next, what he’ll expect from her, and that’s a terror in itself. Still, as she lies on her side, letting her eyes greedily roam his sleeping form, it becomes harder and harder to fight the urge to touch him. His warmth, the way his skin’s illuminated in the morning sunlight, beckon her fingers like a beacon for affection. Her movements are slow, hesitant, but she indulges in the luxury of touching him, lazily rolling on her side to face him as she comes to rest her palm on his ribs. His shirt’s ridden up a little, revealing a tempting strip of copper skin that feels like silk under her fingertips. It’s an unexpected discovery for her; Embry is inscrutable at times, perpetually stoic, and she’d imagined that his body would match that tough persona. No, he’s mellow and mild in the warm rays of sunlight, his face an angelic vision of gentleness that could melt even her most obstinate of moods. 

She traces swirling patterns across his skin in time with the pattering of rain on the tin roof. This morning, this moment, belongs to them alone, two bodies cocooned in the solace of his bedroom. Eventually, Lex closes her eyes, losing herself in a quiet appreciation of the moment. She’s not sure how long she lays there, letting her fingers explore the expanses of his skin, but the sudden shifting of his body alerts her to his awakening. He’s already looking at her when she opens her eyes, his dark eyes capturing hers in an instant. It feels as if all the blood in her body has taken up residence in her face; to get caught, touching him so intimately, feels like being exposed.

“Good morning,” he murmurs, his voice rough with sleep. 

“Hi,” she whispers. She doesn’t trust her voice to not betray her mortification - any extra words would surely end with a squeak.

“I like this,” he says, humming in satisfaction as she resumes the movement of her hand. Every little noise he makes, irresistibly deep and resonant, has her nerves buzzing like an electric current. 

When her fingers come to pass on that small patch of exposed skin at his waist, he lets out a little growl, sending her into a fit of giggles. She’d heard him growl very occasionally - Kim had said it was just some odd quirk he had - but hearing it up close, feeling the rumble in his chest, makes it impossible to take him seriously. 

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” he asks, twisting his face into an expression of mock seriousness. 

At her responding nod, he lets out another dramatic growl, pulling her close to tickle her sensitive sides. It’s a delightful agony; he’s impossibly strong, and there’s absolutely no way she can wiggle free, but there’s a large part of her that revels in tussling with him. After much squealing, he yields to her pleas, his hands stilling against her body. The game’s over, but he’s still tangled up with her, half-leaning over her body in a playful attempt at domination. She should want him to go. She should want him to move away, to release her from his clutches. She knows that, but she also knows that she’s growing to enjoy the newly established proximity.

A moment passes, a short juncture where Lex is acutely aware that the morning could go two ways. The first - the version where she acquiesces, where she allows him to show her what she’s been missing - is growing increasingly tempting, especially when her attention is directed towards those irresistibly full lips. The second version - the one where things remain as they are, two friends in a comfortable embrace - is safe, tenable, and not at all the option she desires. Embry is motionless above her, seemingly waiting for a cue, and the decision is near-paralysing. 

Lex opts for the in-between, raising her head slightly to bring herself closer to him. She can hear his breath hitch in his chest as she moves towards him, more than a little startled at her decisiveness. She gingerly presses a kiss to his stubbly cheek, feeling suddenly overwhelmed by the scent of his woody musk. Embry is both comfort and fear, familiar and strange, and the unusual display of affection feels just right. He feels just right. 

“Come on,” she murmurs, squeezing out from under him. “Let’s eat and talk about last night.”

Lex looks over her shoulder as she pads towards the door, expecting him to be behind her in his usual speedy manner. Instead, he’s frozen in place on the bed, his fingers lightly touching the place she’d kissed him.

She laughs, pulling him from his moment of reverie, but she’d be amiss if she didn’t admit how touching the gesture was. Embry’s simple appreciation of her, his patience and delight at her ever so gradual improvement, stirred something deep within her. For all of his peculiarities, Embry was genuine to a fault, loyal beyond compare, and it was becoming harder to keep her distance with every passing day. When he rests his broad palm against the small of her back, she leans into the gesture, savouring the heat of his touch. 

“Coffee and waffles?” he asks, ruffling her hair.

“Coffee and waffles.”


	12. Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lex and Embry come to an agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to @msquared, whose comment inspired me to get my shit together and finish this chapter.

Embry has never particularly understood the protocol for “what happened last night” conversations. His experience is limited only to a small handful of experiences, mostly related to chaotic pack occurrences that leave his head spinning. He distinctly remembers the last time he uttered that question, moments after awaking to find himself entirely nude and dirtied on the side of state route 110. A cup of coffee from Sam - it was generous to call it coffee; sludge would be more accurate - and an expedition into his brothers’ memories had brought the hunt from the night before back into his consciousness, the recollections rolling in like the tide at sunset. Embry wished sometimes - okay, a lot of the time - that he could access Lex’s brain similarly, flipping through the thoughts like CDs in a stacker until he’d find whatever he was searching for. He wants to know it all - the things that keep her up at night, her dreams, her fears; most of all, he wants to know exactly what’s about to come out of her mouth.

She sits across from him in the booth, quiet and contemplative as she stirs the sugar into her coffee. Her eyes trace the spoon as it completes lazy circles around the mug, dissolving the granules into whispers of sweetness. For once, he isn’t intimidated by her silence - he knows now that she wants to be around him, at least to some small degree, and it’s enough of a comfort to relax him. 

“So…” he starts, stretching the word out. “What do you want to talk about?”

She rolls her eyes playfully, propping her chin on her palm. He doesn’t dare to share his thoughts, but with the light streaming into the diner, beaming upon her freckled face, all he can think of is how positively gorgeous she is. She crinkles her nose at his stare.

“You’re a dolt,” she says; she could say anything to him and he’d still gaze at her like she has the stars in her eyes. 

“Okay, okay, I’m not good with words like a certain someone,” he teases, enjoying the way she shakes her head. “You want to talk about last night. So, let’s talk about it. What’s on your mind?”

She casts her eyes downward for a short while, gazing into the depths of her mug.

“I feel weird about calling you yesterday. Like, you’re obviously my friend, right, but when all of that was happening all I could think about is how badly I wanted you there. You were on my mind. You, not Kim, and Kim’s meant to be my best friend.”

Lex’s forehead creases in thought as the words come rushing out, her eyes still averted from him. It’s both a blessing and a curse that the waitress stops by with their waffles - he’s  _ starving _ , but he’s finally getting a hint of transparency from her, and he wants this moment to stretch on into forever. He thinks while he chews his first bite, deliciously sweet from the pools of syrup on the dish.

“I think,” he starts, in between bites, “that it doesn’t matter why you called me over Kim. If you called Kim, she’d call Jared, and he’d tell me anyway, so it’s basically the same thing.”

Her frown deepens. “I don’t know, Em. You and I...it’s just...weird, okay. This is weird,” she says, waving her hands around as if she could somehow grasp the words that elude her.

Embry lowers his fork. Her distress is a little off-putting - sleeping beside her was like moving forwards, but it’s starting to feel like the curtains are closing on her openness. 

“You know, it doesn’t really matter to me what we are. I like being with you. I like it when you call me, or when you need my help. I like you, Lex. If you want to be friends, that’s cool. You can still call me whenever. If you want more than that, if you want a cuddle here and there, we can do that. You can me whatever you want,” he says, stretching his arm out to rest his digits on the centre of the table.

Lex studies his hand with an unreadable expression. When she speaks, her voice is low and throaty, almost a whisper. “Can you promise me you won’t ask me to be your girlfriend?”

His heart sinks, but he nods. “Can you promise me that you won’t disappear again?”

She nods, finally cracking a smile. “Deal,” she says, placing her palm atop his hand. 

Embry can’t help but jump a little at the unanticipated contact. Even though he and Lex aren’t committed to each other, he’s stopped seeing other women regardless - there’s no comparison; how could it be fair? - and it’s like his body has forgotten what human contact feels like. Lex’s touch is entirely alien, unfamiliar; she’s all softness and vulnerability, gentle and sweet, in complete contrast to the usual rough and tumble interactions he’s used to. Being with her is like a complete recalibration of everything he thought he knew, something that’s both exciting and unsettling.

Still, as he sits across from her in the booth, her hand pressed against his, he can’t imagine a better turn of events. The more time he spends with her, the more he thinks about Quil’s theories of imprinting. Would he have pursued her if he wasn’t a shifter? Would she have even given him the time of day without his supernaturally enhanced physique? For all of the musing he’s been doing on the topic, he’d like to think that yes, she would have still been on his mind, had things been different. She would have still befriended Kim, and so he would have still met her. She’d still be as irresistibly alluring, albeit in a totally inaccessible way, and he likes to think that he would have had the patience to befriend her.

Trying to imagine his life’s trajectory without phasing is like trying to imagine a whole different universe. Transforming into a comically huge wolf colours every aspect of his life in a way that outsiders simply cannot understand. How are you supposed to explain that battling vampires is your main form of cardio, or that at the tender age of sixteen you fought in an inter-species war? His version of existence is so far removed from his peers’ reality that sometimes he feels like more beast than man, like a stranger among his community. His connection with Lex is one of the only bright spots of the whole wolf phenomenon. The knowledge that she needs the connection as much as he does helps ground him, helps infuse patience into every move he makes. All he can hope for is for her to share that patience when he finally shares the truth. 

* * *

Lex spends five days in La Push that week. Exactly four of them end up with her in Embry’s bed. And, no, despite what Kim’s suggestive teasing implies, it’s nothing of the sort. After their talk over breakfast, Lex had ended up on Kim’s doorstep, seeking the kind of support that only a best friend is qualified to give.

“Hang on, I need you to go back like, five steps. You guys are doing what?” Kim had asked, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. 

“Well, we talked and we agreed to be friends,” she explained.

Kim raises an eyebrow. “See, you say that, but then you start telling me how you woke up cuddling him, and then you start blushing - see! I told you!” she teases, reaching one finger out to poke at her cheek.

Lex swats her hand away, laughing. “Yeah, okay, it sounds kind of dumb when you put it that way. But for real, it feels like he gets how I feel. It’s nice,” she says, her voice contemplative. She’s got that far away look in her eye she often gets when she talks about Embry, a kind of softness that’s rare for her to show. 

Kim can’t help the grin that spreads across her face. “I’m happy you’re happy,” she says, “even if it makes zero sense to me.”

They’d moved on from talking about the guys then, immersing themselves in a formidable pile of work remaining from the week prior. So immersed, in fact, that they didn’t notice Embry and Jared sneaking past in the treeline bordering Kim’s yard, appearing like a pair of predators to the untrained eye.

_ I still can’t believe she’s actually, like, touching you, man. That’s crazy _ , Collin thinks, briefly diverting his focus from his rounds.

_ God, this is the most virginal shit I’ve heard in a long time.  _

Embry growls, wishing he could come up with a better defence for his girl.  _ Shut it, Paul. Quit acting like Rachel didn’t hate your guts for months. _

_ Yeah, Call, my girl hated me and she still couldn’t resist me. You wish you were that good. _

_ Paul, don’t get him started, _ Jared interjects, his thoughts telegraphing his weariness as clear as day. 

_ Fine _ , Paul grumbles,  _ no shit-stirring today. Tomorrow though…  _ he trails off, taunting as ever.

_ I’ll allow it _ , Jared thinks, his thoughts rapidly flicking between Lex and Kim.  _ You’re doing good with her, Em. Even Kim thinks she’s been happier lately. _ He replays snippets of Kim talking from a previous day, reading messages aloud from her phone.

_ “Listen to this, Jar - Em’s honestly so sweet. Shit, it makes me actually want to go to work so I have an excuse to see him after.” Kim looks up from her phone, beaming at him. “How good is that? Oh, they’re so going to get together soon. I can feel it!” she announces, pressing her hand against her heart as she flops back onto the couch. In his memory, Jared speaks. _

_ “You’re such a meddler, Kimmy. Maybe you should take up matchmaking.” _

_ She snorts. “Already on it, big boy. Look at the two of them, getting together without me having to drag them into the same room. It’s a Christmas miracle!” _

Embry’s heart feels like it’s about to burst. Hearing how Lex feels is such a rarity that he wants to etch the memory into his brain, tucking it away for later moments of doubt.

_ Kim is a fucking angel _ , Paul thinks.  _ Embry, Rach’s always on about how I need to surprise her with wine more. Get her a good box.  _

Jared shakes his head, his grown-out fur whipping around him. _ More wine for Kim? Lord help me.  _

One hour and eight dollars later, Embry’s certain that he’s secured Kim’s efforts for at least a short while longer. Jared had been reluctant to enter the liquor store with him - not that they’d be carded, what with their over-developed physiques - feeling a little apprehensive about encouraging Kim’s preferred mode of relaxation. They’d all started drinking when they were young, the watery beers around the bonfires morphing into something stronger as they’d aged, but Jared still worried about Kim. When he looked at her, he wasn’t seeing the woman he loved with all of his heart. He didn’t see his fun-loving, ambitious girlfriend. No, when he looked at Kim, sprawled out on the sofa with a glass of sangria in hand, he saw his mother.

Embry had met Mrs Cameron a handful of times during their childhood. He didn’t find out Jared’s secret until years later when they’d phased together deep in the woods of the Rez. The memories of the older woman, prostrate on the staircase with a can in hand, or retching into the kitchen sink at eight a.m. on a school morning, lingered in the collective consciousness. Jared loathed to speak of her, but the flashes from the past were enough for Embry. Fourth grade, when Jared had come to school after a week’s absence with a smattering of yellow-brown marks peeking from beneath his collar. Sixth grade, when he wore the same dirty tracksuit for a week straight. Eighth grade, when Jared was the only kid in their class without a parent at the middle school graduation. Ninth grade, when the school counsellor interrupted their social studies class to tell Jared his mom had been found dead up-town. Embry gleans later that she’d died of exposure on the steps of their family home, too drunk to make it inside.

Jared doesn’t drink. Embry doesn’t ask.

Kim knows that Mrs Cameron is dead, though Embry wonders how much she really knows. Regardless, she’s well aware of Jared’s abstinence - hell, the whole pack is - and she doesn’t push it. In her defence, she’s more responsible than him and Jared combined, a fact Embry reiterates as he hands the cash over to the clerk. Jared only shrugs, his mind elsewhere, and they walk the dirt track to their house in silence. It’s not for a lack of trying - Embry brings up the night at the gas station, the bonfire, his morning with Lex - but the quietness draws on. It’s not until later, when he’s alone in the garage with only his tools for company, that he truly considers how selfish he’s been. Sure, Lex is totally redefining his reality, occupying every damn thought in his brain, but he hasn’t paused for even a second to think about how his friends (no, his brothers) feel.

The shame washes over him like a bucket of ice water. Jared’s been a constant in his life since they were in diapers, always up for a game of catch or a last-minute beach trip. Jacob and Quil and Embry may have been the inseparable trio, but it would be unfair to exclude Jared from the narrative. It’s strange, looking back, how closely he’s grown up with many of his pack siblings. The Rez is small, with maybe twenty kids per grade, and they were bound to connect at some point. Still, befriending the guys was as easy as breathing, a bond that became set in stone when they all phased. Rooming with Jared had only improved things; unsurprisingly, spending the bulk of your time with a person had a way of bringing you together. At the very least, he owes Jared a solid apology, though he suspects a muzzle may be a more appropriate peace offering.

Embry drags himself out of the garage, his feet steadily padding across the long grass that blankets their backyard. He’s not sure if Jared’s still around the house, but as he approaches the bungalow the familiar sounds of the Playstation grow in volume. The three of them had pooled their savings to buy a second-hand console the moment they moved into the new home, and he swears that Jared’s hands are permanently grafted to the controller. Jared’s head snaps up the moment Embry turns the doorknob, his expression a mixture of curiosity and irritation.

“Em, come do this match for me. I’m about to put this shit through the wall,” he groans, carelessly tossing the controller in Embry’s direction.

He snatches the projectile from the air, taking a seat beside his friend. Embry focuses his eyes forward on the game, though his head is elsewhere.

“Jared,” he starts, gearing up for something heartfelt.

“Don’t tell me you came in here to get all sappy,” Jared says, shaking his head bemusedly. “You’ve got that constipated look again.”

Embry frowns. “I was going to apologise for being an asshole, but I don’t think I want to now,” he grumbles, jerking the toggles roughly.

Jared’s booming laugh drowns out the raucous soundtrack, his face the perfect picture of amusement. “Since when do we do apologies? I know what you’re like, dude. Am I really meant to get annoyed that you never shut up about her? I’m happy for you, even if I have to witness your dreams in disgusting detail.”

“Shit, what do you want me to do about that? I’d keep that to myself if I could,” Embry mutters, his face flushing hot with embarrassment.

“You’ll get there. I can keep most of my thoughts about Kim hidden now. I don’t really care that much, though,” he muses, a little lost in thought.

“Ugh. Do you know how hard it is to look her in the eye sometimes?”

“Does Lex know you’re so squeamish?” he jokes, cackling at Embry’s discomfort.

“Hey, by the time she actually kisses me, I’ll be cured,” he announces, shooting Jared a wink. 

Jared responds only with a groan - probably directed more at his abysmal performance than his cheesy comments, though both things are pretty woeful. Embry hits pause on the controller, tossing it aside on the couch. 

“You wanna mess around in the garage? Engine’s a two-man job,” he asks, his voice alight with hopefulness. 

Jared hops to his feet in a flash, brushing the crumbs off his cut-offs. “I thought you’d never ask,” he grins, leading the way.

* * *

Embry awakes the next morning with Lex tucked under his arm. He doesn’t remember her crawling into his bed the night before - she alternates between the couch and his room, but she ends up beside him more often than not. He’s grown used to having her in close proximity; he sleeps so much better with her nearby, knowing for certain that she’s safe and well. She seems comfortable, too, settling into the routine of accompanying him back to the Rez daily. Things with her are pretty straightforward ( _ for now _ , says the little voice in his head, though he tries to push that down as best as he can). Worries aside, he tries to take joy in the little things, like the way she leans against his truck as she waits for him after class, an adorable figure of beauty in her triple-layered cardigans and gumboots. She actually scoffs when he compliments her, too, which he finds kind of irritating. Still, he’s more than grateful for her company, even if it includes her leaving her sopping socks on his bedroom floor. 

Jared will surely call him creepy later, but he takes full advantage of her sleepiness to study her face in all its detail. The past few nights of rest have clearly helped; the ghostly pallor of her skin’s dissipated, returning to her usual creamy complexion. He never really noticed the smattering of freckles across her nose until recently, or the way her eyes crinkle at the corners when she smiles. The more time he spends in her presence, the more he realises that he’s an absolute goner. Imprint aside, he’s head over heels for this girl, the very one that’s curled up around him wearing one of his old sweatshirts. _ Life is strange _ , he thinks, as he considers whether to chance his luck with some sort of affectionate gesture. She stirs a little, stretching slightly before nuzzling further into his body, and it’s like a little sign from the universe to  _ just try _ .

Slowly, deliberately, he cranes his neck until his breath fans across her cheek, her soft lips entincingly close. The thought of kissing her pervades every thought - both waking and in his dreams - and for the briefest moment he imagines lowering his mouth to hers, envisioning the delicious motion of her against him. Embry forces himself to look away.  _ Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t even think about that. _ She’s salvation and temptation all in one, and he’s all too aware that one wrong move will send her running. Mercifully, sanity prevails, if only at the behest of imaginary Old Quil scolding his impatience, significantly quelling his desire. Old Quil is a blessing both to the tribe and to Embry’s involuntary chastity.

Instead, he presses a light kiss against her cheek, revelling in the smoothness of her skin. She emits a little hum of pleasure at the contact, drawing him in closer, and all he can think is  _ it should be illegal to be this happy _ . He lowers his nose to her hair, peppering light kisses to her bedraggled mop.

“Good morning,” he murmurs, taking in her scent. She’s all vanilla and cinnamon, enticing and distinctive, so identifiably Lex. Some days he feels like a glorified sniffer dog, but this is one of the rare occasions that he’s actually grateful for his heightened senses.

Her eyelids twitch a couple of times, sending her eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks, before finally opening to look at him. It’s a strange look, a mixture of uncertainty and sleep-addled confusion, and for a second she’s frozen, as immobile as a prey animal in the spotlight. He freezes too, overtaken by concern at her hesitation.

“Lex...it’s only me. You’re okay,” he murmurs, pulling back a little to give her some space.

She shakes her head slightly, her eyes softening. Her face is still a little pinched, but he can feel her muscles relaxing with each breath.

“I’m sorry,” she mutters, closing her eyes for a long moment. “Just kind of forgot where I was.”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry. I was just worried,” he says, raising his hand to gently stroke her hair. 

“That’s a bit unfair,” she says, wrinkling her nose. At his confused expression, she elaborates. “You’re making me too calm. How am I supposed to be grumpy?”

Embry chuckles, pulling on one of her loose locks. “That’s the point, fool. Anyway, we actually need to get going. Emily’s got some wedding stuff she wants to go over today.”

Lex lets out a low groan, covering her face with her hands. “Surely we don’t need to be there, right? How much is there to say about a wedding?”

“It’s next weekend! I’m pretty sure rehearsals are mandatory, or something. I’ve never been to a wedding,” he confesses, laughing a little at her horror-struck expression. “It won’t be that bad. Just a little run-down and then some food. There’s always food at Emily’s.”

“Fine,” she moans, rolling out of bed. “I’ll be good. Just know I’m only there for the food.”

He rolls his eyes in jest, plainly enjoying her annoyance. “Yes, boss. Do I have to bribe you with coffee, too?”

“Well, if you’re offering,” she sing-songs, shooting him a cheeky grin.

He hums in pretend thought. “I think we could make a deal. I make you a coffee, you give me something in return.”

She cocks her head, clearly confused. “What kind of exchange are you suggesting?” 

“Well, I feel like it’s only fair to acknowledge the effort,” he starts, grinning as she cuts him off with a scoff. “So if you give me a little kiss, right here,” he taps his cheek, “then I can get that right out for you.”

Lex rolls her eyes, but doesn’t bother to hide her grin. “This is such a scam! I didn’t even have a chance to grab my stilts.”

“Ouch, McKinley, I’m not that freakishly big.”

“First off, never call me that again. Second, you’re an actual giant. No normal person is seven freaking feet tall. I’m still not convinced you’re not on steroids,” she teases, poking his bicep ( _ okay _ , she’s right, he is weirdly large). 

“Fine,” he huffs, bending over until their faces are level. “Now, my kiss?”

He has to admit it’s pretty unfair that he can hear her heartbeat, or more accurately, the way her heart begins to race as she leans closer to him. Knowing he has that effect on her is the sweetest reassurance, as well as a pleasurable little ego boost. It’s almost as pleasurable as the light press of her lips to his cheek; if a kiss on the cheek has him on the verge of combustion, how is he going to survive an actual, non-virginal kiss? It’s surely a question for Jared, if he can manage to restrain his laughter. 

Embry knows two things for sure: one, that she’s actually growing to like him, and two, that he’s about to be interrogated beyond belief at the pack meeting. Still, with her by his side, it’s not too bad. 

“Em?” she says, pulling him back to reality.

“Hm?”

“The coffee, dork. Get to it.”


	13. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He settles for something simple - _I’ll never do that to you_ \- hoping that she can feel the sincerity that drips from each word. 
> 
> “I believe you,” she whispers into the darkness, her hand locked in his.
> 
> * * *
> 
> In which our resident fools finally make some headway.

“Hey, you’ve reached Lex. I can’t get to the phone right now, so leave a message and I’ll call you back sometime.”

_ BEEP _

“Alexandria, it’s your father. Again. This is the third time I’ve called you this month. Call me back.”

* * *

“Alexandria. I don’t know what’s going on with you. I haven’t heard from you in three weeks. Call me, immediately, or I will be coming to find you.”

* * *

“This isn’t amusing, Alexandria. I can’t find your address, but if I don’t hear from you by Sunday, I will drive straight to the police station and file a missing person report. Call me.  _ Now _ .”

* * *

Kim isn’t typically one to pry -  _ okay _ , she totally is - but she can only tolerate Lex’s phone vibrating so much before she loses her cool. She eyes the battered iPhone on the coffee table, slowly wiggling its way towards the edge. Silently, she contemplates the odds - which will come first, the phone’s descent to the linoleum, or Lex answering the call? 

She tips her head back to scrutinise her friend from across the room. “You planning on getting that? It hasn’t stopped since you got here,” Kim comments, frowning a little.

Lex pauses, mid-pour. She slowly lowers the coffee pot onto the counter. “I’ll turn it off. Sorry.” 

She starts towards the table, but Kim’s quicker than that. She snatches the device out of Lex’s reach, glancing at the caller ID. Does she have a secret boyfriend? A double life? According to the contact info -  _ Father  _ \- it’s nothing overly scandalous, but still fascinating. Aside from a few scant comments to Embry, she never speaks of her family, and they can’t help but wonder about her past. Between the witness protection program (Seth) and orphan (Leah), they haven’t managed to come up with any reasonable explanation for her secretiveness. It is Lex, though - secretiveness is a way of life, something that Kim just can’t wrap her head around. 

“Why are you avoiding your dad?” she asks, cocking her head to the side. She sees her dad every weekend, when she and Jared visit to spend time with her younger sister. She can’t imagine avoiding a phone call from him for more than an hour or two. 

“Give me my phone.  _ Now _ ,” she growls, stalking over to the couch with her palm outstretched.

Hesitantly, she hands over the cell, watching as Lex switches it off with a brutal press of the power button. 

“Do not ask me about him. Do not bring my family up. Don’t do this.” Her voice is strained, words forced out through gritted teeth, and for one awful moment, Kim actually feels  _ scared  _ of her best friend. The moment passes as quickly as it comes, though, her fear dashed by the tears forming in Lex’s eyes. 

“What’s going on? You know you can talk to me about anything.” 

Lex levels her with a cool stare. “See, you say that, but then you try and question me every time I don’t feel like talking. I don’t talk about family. Just drop it, okay?”

“Okay. I won’t ask about it again,” she promises, reaching out to grasp Lex’s hand in a gesture of goodwill. She means it, too -  _ she  _ won’t ask about Lex’s family again, and so she feels no guilt in texting Embry about Lex’s weirdness.

Sure, she’d promised Lex to keep it hush-hush. Before that, though, she’d promised Embry that she’d always be on his side, that she would look out for him like a brother. If Kim is anything, she’s loyal to her boys, and so the text practically types itself. It’s what’s good for Lex, after all. She needs them.

* * *

The worry lives in him long after he’s read Kim’s abrupt messages, the tension sitting low in his gut like an iron weight. Worrying about Lex and her dad feels all wrong - everything else with her is so  _ right _ ; it’s finally her and him against the world and the last thing he wants to do is send her spiralling again. Sometimes, when she thinks he isn’t looking, he catches little glimpses of her sadness, a stony edge in her eye that cools his blood. There’s so much about her he doesn’t know - her family at the top of the list - and though she eagerly absorbs information about him, she offers up little of her own story. It took him an entire week to cajole her into sharing her freaking birthdate, a secret she’d held close to her chest like a winning hand. He’d penned it onto his calendar in a careful hand, circling November 1 in crisp black ink. At this rate, it would be an eternity until he’d learn anything substantial about her life, something that had become a major sore spot. One ill-timed comment from Brady had resulted in a spat so severe that Sam had needed to order him to release the younger boy.

Embry was  _ stressed _ . 

He knows she can sense it, too. He feels much of what she does - her anxiety, her calmness, and everything in between. Sometimes the bond between them is a blessing, like that night she’d needed saving. Other times, the connection has him feeling strung-out and drained, as if he’s been emptied of all of his sanity. Jared had reassured him that his tension had faded after Kim had accepted the bond - something that he’d intended to be comforting - but it had only made his neuroses worse: sure, she spends time around him, but the chance of her actually trusting him any time soon is  _ absolutely not happening _ . Imprint drama aside, he knows there’s something else going on with her lately. Even without Kim’s intel, he’d had an inkling that she was avoiding someone, based on the amount of time her phone spent switched off. He’d joked about getting them matching walkie talkies, but she had only frowned and looked away, quickly changing the subject. 

He waited four days to bring it up. It was a Friday - her favourite day of the week (he just liked any day they’d spend together) - and she was curled up in his bed, scouring her laptop for a movie for them to watch. It had become a weekly ritual to spend Friday night in, binge-watching scary movies in his room with the lights turned low. He loved the way she’d peek through her fingers at the screen, letting out little murmurs and groans at the gross parts, sometimes grabbing onto him for reassurance. Even better was hearing the rapid flutter of her heart - a neon sign screaming  _ protect me _ \- that calmed immediately upon his touch. As far as Embry was concerned, scary movies were a gift from God. And so, with her focus directed towards the contents of her hard drive, he figured it was his best opportunity to broach the topic. 

“So,” he starts, trying not to imagine what comes next. “Are you going home for Fall break?”

She’s quiet for a moment - too quiet - and her fingers are motionless on the trackpad, her train of thought frozen. Lex blinks hard, deliberately, as if trying to reset her thoughts. “I am home,” she says flatly, staring blankly at her laptop screen. 

He likes that - her calling Forks her home - but in the moment, it’s all so wrong. Where he’d expected emotion, a reaction, there is only blankness, like someone’s taken a whiteboard eraser to her memory. 

“I, uh, I meant Beaver. Are you going to go visit?” he asks, his voice suddenly unsure. It’s too late, though - he’s started on this line of questioning, and it’s far too late to abandon it.

She sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, firm to the point of roughness. He almost expects the scent of blood to permeate the air. “No. I don’t want to do that.”

“Okay,” he says, his voice trailing off. 

“Why are you asking me about Beaver?” Her voice is cold, speech punctuated with an air of suspiciousness that unsettles him. He doesn’t like this, her mistrust of the one person who would do anything for her without question, and the doubt is stinging.

“I was just wondering,” he mutters, but it’s so pathetically unconvincing that it basically radiates duplicitousness. 

“Did Kim put you up to this?” she asks, her pitch rising. It’s coming, the fight, and he isn’t ready for her to turn. It’s a mistake, a plan that deserves to be stamped  _ failure  _ again and again, and he’s suddenly wishing to roll the clock back five minutes to just forget about this whole thing. 

He weighs his options slowly, considering his course of action. The only viable one is, of course, telling her the truth. “Kim told me that your dad’s been calling and you haven’t called him back. I’m worried about you,” he confesses, searching her face for a shred of emotion. He’s feeling all mixed up, a mess of worry and terror and concern that’s both nauseating and grounding.

She presses her thin fingers to her temples, squeezing her eyes shut. “She wasn’t meant to tell you about that. She promised she wouldn’t talk about it,” she says, her voice strangled.

He wants to comfort her, to place his hand on her back to say  _ I’m here with you, _ but he’s worried that will put her on the offensive (as if she isn’t seconds from being there). 

Instead, he leans forward, levelling his face with hers. “She told me because she’s worried about you. We,” he says, emphasising the word as best he can, “are worried about you. I want to be there for you, Lex, but it’s really fucking hard to do that if you won’t talk about it.” He’s trying to be understanding, accommodating, as if every cell of his god-forsaken body isn’t screaming to be beside her. He needs closeness with her like he needs air, and her silence is punishing.

Her eyes remain closed tightly, but in the low light of his bedroom, he swears he sees the tiniest glimmer in her inner corners. She says nothing, but the shaking of her shoulders says it all. 

“Can I touch you?” he asks slowly, his mind conjuring images of that night from weeks ago. He’s already seen her, distraught and ruined; he can’t do it again. 

She nods, a quick jerk of the head, and it’s all the invitation he needs to pull her into his arms. When she tucks her face into his neck he feels the telltale wetness of her eyes, a betrayal of her real thoughts. It kills him that the only comfort he has to give is a stroke of the hair, a warm hand on the neck. He wants to piece her back together, showering her with reassurance until her sobs melt away into nothingness. Instead, he can only press his fingers against the knobs of her spine, gently kneading away the tension as her breathing evens. When she pulls away, her eyes are red-rimmed and glassy, face blotchy and wet. He slowly raises a hand to her cheek, drying the tears with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

“I’m sorry I brought it up,” he murmurs, tucking an unruly lock of hair behind her ear.

She looks away momentarily, fluttering her eyelashes rapidly as if that’ll somehow clear the traces of her sadness. “Family is just...it’s hard to talk about. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He nods, understanding. “I get that. I only have my mom. I don’t even know who my dad is, but we figured out a few years back that I’m probably brothers with one of the guys. I don’t talk about it much, but I think about it a lot. Like, shit, I don’t have any memories of him, I’ve never gotten all of that family stuff. It’s hard not to hate my mom for keeping that from me,” he confesses, frowning. It feels rotten to admit his resentment out loud, as if he’s speaking his shamefulness into existence, but she doesn’t seem to judge him.

Lex reaches out to thread her fingers through his, gently squeezing his hand. “I didn’t know that,” she whispers, her eyes cast downward. “I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head, dismissing her platitudes. “All I’m saying is that I get it, okay? I’ll tell Kim not to bring it up again. You’re always welcome here, though. You’re a part of our family.”

She sniffles a little, scooting closer to him to curl back into his embrace. “Do you mean that?”

“Of course I do, Lex. You’re my best friend.”

She says nothing, only squeezing him tighter. The night progresses in comfortable silence, two friends tangled under blankets, bathed in the dim glow of the computer. They’re halfway through  _ The Amityville Horror  _ when she speaks, her voice low and measured. 

“The first time he left me alone was on my sixth birthday. He had to do something for work, some contract job, and he left me in the house with a box of cereal and no goodbye. I didn’t see him for three days.”

He doesn’t say anything. He lets their breathing fill the silence, contemplating her words. He pictures her at six, a tiny little thing with tangled pigtails and dirty overalls and a too-wide smile. He imagines her looking out the windows of the farmhouse, watching the sky darken as the hours pass.

“After that, he left me alone a lot. I walked to school and back every day, and some days he’d be there, and most days he wasn’t. When I was ten, he went away for a month. He didn’t leave any money for food and I had to try and stuff food into my jacket in the cafeteria. Sister Maria caught me one time, rapped me on the knuckles with her wooden ruler, and I had to go without for the last few days. He said it would be different after that, but it never was.”

Her voice cracks, trailing off into an uneasy lull. He strokes his fingertips across her knuckles, wanting to overwrite the pain with something soothing. The thought of her, alone and afraid in the darkness, makes him tremble with rage. How could a person - no, a father - do that? 

“I got used to it. I didn’t really see anyone at school, and then I never saw him at the house. Being around people all the time now is weird. I don’t know what I’m meant to do with you,” she admits, finally turning her head towards him. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he breathes, tugging her captive hand closer so he can pepper her skin with kisses. He wants to say more, to reassure her.

_ I’ll destroy anything that hurts you. _

_ I’ll do anything for you. _

_ I’m spiritually tied to you for eternity. _

None of those options really capture his intent in a way that won’t terrify her. He settles for something simple -  _ I’ll never do that to you _ \- hoping that she can feel the sincerity that drips from each word. 

“I believe you,” she whispers into the darkness, her hand locked in his. 

I believe you. 

I believe you.

I believe you.

Her trust is like the sweetest melody to his ears, a benediction in the wake of his worries and follies. With each unfolding day, she offers up more of herself, slowly unravelling the scroll that carries her secrets. When they lay down to sleep, he unabashedly breaks their unspoken rule, wrapping his arms snug around her form as he rests behind her. Waking up with her encircled in his grip is common; drifting towards sleep in each others’ grip is uncharted territory. After a moment, she settles into his hold, pressing herself back against him until their bodies are flush, like two matching parts of a set. 

“Goodnight, Em,” she murmurs, her voice thick with sleep.

“Night, honey,” he whispers, pressing his face into the juncture between her neck and shoulder.

It’s the best sleep he’s had in a long time.

* * *

The next day is a whirlwind of pre-wedding festivities, an event that Kim explains has been in the works for years. They walk over to the Uley house in the early hours of the morning, trudging through the sleet that blankets the roads. By the time they arrive, the sun’s sitting low on the horizon, casting a warm orange glow across the land. The home is a hub of activity; there’s people stuffed to the brim, bustling around and readying for the celebrations. The women slip in, momentarily undetected in the chaos. 

Sam’s head snaps up as the door swings closed, his eyes first locking on Kim, then Lex. “Good morning, ladies,” he greets, already grinning widely. “Welcome to the madhouse.”

Emily hurries into the room to greet both with a hug. “I’m so glad you guys are here. Between the flowers and the catering and the decorations, there’s so much to do, and it’s  _ tomorrow _ , and -”

“Emmy. It’s going to be fine. We will get everything done,” Sam stresses, anchoring his broad hands on her shoulders as he gazes into her eyes. It’s as if there’s a current flowing between them, electric and sizzling, something that makes Lex feel as if she’s intruding. She turns away for a moment, offering them a brief second of privacy.

“I know, Sam. It’s just a lot,” she says, her pinched expression softening.

“I hear you. Go have fun with the girls. Sue will be here soon, and you know she’ll get everyone in line.” 

“Oh, no, I can’t, we haven’t even finished -”

“Emily. I want you to relax. I promise you I’ll get it sorted.” His voice is firm, authoritative, but there’s a jovial glimmer in his eye that betrays his seriousness. 

Emily exhales in a sudden whoosh of breath, her shoulders falling. She nods. “If you’re sure you’ll be okay.”

“I will.”

She turns to them then, a small smile gracing her marred face. Emily’s scars had caught her off-guard on more than one occasion, though she does her best to conceal her shock. Kim had told her once that Emily’s scars had run red and raised down the length of her face, big ugly stripes that segmented her in two. Over the years they had healed, fading into dark pink tissue that blended into the deep tan of her complexion. Still, it was hard not to stare, to look and wonder about what she had been like before the accident. Emily’s drooping smile served as a harsh reminder of the darkness of the wilderness around them, perpetually branding her as a victim. Sometimes Lex wished that her scars were visible like Emily’s, if only to make people keep their distance. Things would be easier that way.

Instead, Lex finds herself squished into the middle seat of Emily’s Toyota, sandwiched between Kim and a stranger, who she later learns is Paul’s girlfriend. She’d met Paul once or twice at the group gatherings Embry dragged her to; he was easy to spot, a large man with a personality twice the size of his body. For all of his bluster and cockiness, he seemed like someone she could get along with. He was straightforward to the point of bluntness with a biting wit that seemed to irk Embry, though it entertained her to no end. It was hard to imagine Paul with Rachel, who seemed the absolute picture of mellowness in her reclined state. 

It was difficult not to be envious of Rachel. She had the same angular features as Leah, though her eyes were softer, her brow more feminine. Everything about her exuded an effortless sort of beauty that Lex could only dream of. Between her silken ebony hair and her long eyelashes, she was both awe and envy-inspiring. Women like Rachel made it hard for her to understand why Embry would even waste his time with her, a plain-faced outsider. She supposed that he was simply biding his time until something better came along, someone more deserving of his attention, but even the mere thought of him spending time with another woman made her heart ache. Spending time with Embry, and even coming to care about him, was a dangerous game that she’d promised herself she wouldn’t play. And yet, somehow, there she was, heading to Port Angeles to get all gussied up with him in the forefront of her mind.

It was hard to keep her thoughts off of him, like when they went to the nail salon and all she could focus on was  _ what would he like best?  _ She settles on a deep maroon, thinking about that old shirt of his she’d stolen to sleep in, imagining the way he’d looked at her when she’d come out of the bathroom. It was probably nothing, just a trick of the light, but she’d sworn that when he’d looked at her then his eyes were alight with something other than friendliness. It was a stupid little thing that gave her hope that he could actually like her; a foolish thought when girls like Kim and Rachel were running around the Rez, effortlessly beautiful and vivacious and all of the things that she wasn’t. She regrets her selection before the lacquer is even dry, a frustrating reminder of the one person she can’t have. It’s too late to change, and so she finds herself dragged along to the next activity, pulling her lips into a smile that just screams  _ fake _ . 

Kim waits until they’re alone by the clearance rack to question her.

“What’s gotten into you?” she asks, levelling her with a piercing gaze.

Lex shrugs, rifling through dress after dress in the hopes of finding something decent. “Just moody. No big deal.”

“‘Fess up, Lex. You were fine earlier. Is it the nails? They look good, the red’s nice.”

“It’s burgundy,” she grumbles, pulling out a deep blue sundress to scrutinise.

“Mmm, so it is about the nails. I’m sure he’ll like them, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Her hands tighten on the hanger like a vice. “I don’t see why he’d care.”

Kim scoffs, shaking her head slightly. “Are you crazy? Have you even seen the way he looks at you? He’ll notice, trust me.”

Rachel leans over the rack across from them, her attention swiftly diverted from clothes. “Yeah, God, you two are ridiculous. He’s so freaking into you, girl, if you even gave him the chance…” Her voice trails off suggestively, sending her and Kim into a fit of giggles.

Lex looks between the two of them, uncertain. “He doesn’t really like me like that. There’s no way.” 

“Are you serious -”

“Lex, come on - “

They speak over each other suddenly, voices overlapping. After a quick exchange of glances, Kim speaks again. 

“He’s beyond serious about you. If he knew you wouldn’t freak right out, he’d lay it all out. Em’s a good guy - he’s not going to push you into something you’re not sure about. Trust me when I say that he cares about you.” Kim puts her hand on her forearm, squeezing lightly.

“Shit, I’d bet on Paul that Embry’s head over fuckin’ heels. Anyway, what do you think of this one?” Rachel’s holding a short pink dress, lace all over, and her and Kim are quickly swept up in a discussion of the fabric. 

As her hands flick through the garments, she can’t stop thinking about him, about what it would be like to really give things a try. She knows what it’s like to wake up beside him, to rush to see him in every free moment of her day, to text him at all hours when they’re apart. She knows what it feels like when they’re apart, an awful longing that consumes her every thought until he’s near her. She knows the longing too well, like when the light hits him just right and all she wants to do is crawl into his arms and forget the world.

But she can’t.

And she’s here, in Port Angeles, and the world keeps on moving.

And so she does, too, crowding into the teensy dressing room to ooh and aah over Emily’s gown with the other girls. Emily twists and turns to admire the creamy swathes of fabric, the delicate row of beads decorating the deep V of the neckline. It’s gorgeous - she’s gorgeous - and Lex doesn’t think she’s ever seen someone so happy. Kim tears up as she unzips the dress, saying something about Sam seeing her tomorrow, and Emily ends up sniffling too, smiling through her tears.

Kim and Rachel slip into their matching dresses next, simple dusty grey gowns that drape over their figures like molten silver. They giggle and twirl in front of the ornate mirror, swishing their skirts like children playing dress-up, and it’s like a sudden flash of the life she could have if she stayed in Forks, if she stayed with Embry. She can almost see herself stepping into a delicate lacy frock, pinning her hair back into a simple twist -

She’s going mad. It’s official.

Once all the gowns are zipped up and tucked safely into Emily’s car, they duck across to a little boutique across the way. Kim ushers her into the dressing room as the others gather armfuls of dresses in a dizzying array of colours and styles. She’d meant to wear something borrowed from Kim, but one attempt at squeezing into her old prom dress had ruled that idea out entirely. Emily brings her a myriad of elegant, simple options, all totally passable. It’s not until the sixth dress - Rachel’s first suggestion - that she actually pauses to admire her reflection in the mirror. She runs her palms over the smooth silk, admiring the emerald sheen of the fabric under the bright lights. It’s shorter than she’d prefer, falling a few inches above her knees, but there’s something so elegant about the criss-cross of the ribbons on the back that calls her name.

When she steps out of the stall, it’s to immediate noises of approval.

“Oh, that’s perfect, Lex!” Emily breathes, motioning for her to spin for a better look.

Rachel smirks triumphantly, winking at Kim. “I knew I’d pick the best one. You have to get it,”

Lex can’t tear her eyes away from the mirror. The dress makes her feel like a princess, like she’s  _ somebody _ , and she never wants to take it off. In a moment of clarity, she realises she hasn’t even looked at the price, and she reaches to flip the tag when Emily bats her hand away.

“I’m getting it. We have some money left in the wedding fund. Don’t even think about it,” she says, pointing a stern finger in Lex’s direction. 

“Emily, I can’t -”

“Well, you can and you will. It’s my wedding and my rules. Go change so I can pay the lady,” she orders, shooing her back towards the dressing room.

Letting Emily pay feels twenty kinds of wrong, but she’s so insistent that Lex eventually gives in, she silently vowing to repay her. It’s as if they can read her mind, though, and Kim rips the tag off as soon as Emily’s swiped her card. The subtle undercurrent of nausea lingers all through dinner, through much of the drive back, until she checks her phone. In between the two missed calls from her father and a Verizon service notice, there’s a text from Embry.

_ My intelligence tells me that I need a green tie for tomorrow. Can’t wait to see your dress :) _

Her heart flutters as she contemplates her reply, her fingers typing and erasing as she thinks.

Rachel leans over to shamelessly peek at the screen. “See, I told you! Text him back, tell him you can’t wait to take it off.”

“Rachel!” Emily squeals, blindly reaching her hand back to slap her shoulder.

Unsurprisingly, Lex declines to send that text, instead settling for a simple  _ looking forward to tomorrow :).  _ Rachel chastises her for being painfully unflirty - “My gran’s sent raunchier texts than that!” - but Kim’s proud of her regardless, patting her knee. 

“Baby steps. We’ll get you flirting in no time,” she jokes, waggling her eyebrows at Lex.

It’s official: she is doomed. 


	14. Ignite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Oh my god, okay it's happening, everybody stay calm!](https://tenor.com/view/the-office-michael-scott-stay-calm-gif-16889541)

Try as he may, Embry just can't get his feet to stop their frantic pacing of the church hall. Between patrol the night before and all of the pre-wedding tasks he's been saddled with, he should be exhausted. Somehow, though, he's as frenetic as an unrestrained live wire, restlessly moving around the venue as he tries to busy his mind with any distraction he can find.  _ It's a combination of things _ , he concludes, straightening the vase of flowers on the altar for the umpteenth time. Sam and Emily have been slated to marry for years, and with the moment ticking closer and closer with every second that passes, he can't stop fretting about what may go wrong. Will Leah show up? Will Paul forget the rings? He's called him twice; Paul swears both times he has it handled, but he can’t put the worry to rest. He's spent far too much time in his Alpha's head and it shows.

His greatest uncertainties circle back to Lex, as if that's any surprise. She'd spent the night sequestered at Emily's home, which had been temporarily converted into women-only bridal headquarters. Sam had been unceremoniously evicted when they'd returned from Port Angeles; Rachel had shooed him out the back door with an authoritative finger wagging in his direction.

"Uley, don't even think for a second you can sneak back later. If I find you out here, I will personally put you on a leash," she had warned, her face unusually stern.

Paul had only laughed at the memory -  _ Atta girl! _ \- when he and Sam had phased to run off some steam. Rachel had the sort of commanding presence that his mother could only dream of, a rare blend of confident and quick-witted that distinguished her from the rest. Rachel was an interesting partner for Paul - they verbally sparred like fierce rivals, but the chemistry between them was undeniable. It was a wonder that she'd managed to avoid him for the first few days of her return to La Push.

_ Need some tutoring, kiddo?  _ Paul had thought, the teasing undercurrent irking Embry more than he’d care to admit.

_ Yeah, get fucked, Lahote. She's coming around _ , he’d grumbled, briefly revealing a flash of Lex nestled in his arms. He’d regretted it almost instantly though, with Paul seizing onto the glimpse like a wild dog.

_ Well look at that, Sam, he's finally putting on the moves. Baby's first steps _ , he’d taunted, nipping at Embry's heels as he caught up to him in the clearing.

Embry had spun around, lunging at Paul's shoulder. He’d gnashed his teeth a moment too late, though, only catching fur in his jaws.

_ Ooh, just a little too slow there, lover boy.  _

_ Sam, order him to shut up. Please. My sanity depends on it _ , Embry had whined, sounding a little too similar to the younger wolves for his comfort.

_ It's a miracle I don't have grey fur yet. Paul, don't be so annoying. Embry, fight your own battles. Good enough? _

_ I don't know what I expected _ , Embry had grumbled, returning to his patrol route. 

He had tried his best to block out Paul's thoughts for the rest of their run. Sam's thoughts weren’t so bad, though he truly wasn’t that interested in the wedding details. Embry could probably recite the finer points in his sleep, and he was positive that the flower arrangements were cemented into his memory. Physics knowledge, on the other hand, was basically leaking out of his ears as he ran; he had made a mental note to beg Lex for tutoring later. Thinking of Lex had only made his chest ache, reawakening the all too familiar pang of longing deep within him. She'd been around so frequently over the past week that being apart from her for more than a few hours was like a test of endurance: how long can he exist without thinking of her? Not long, he’d concluded, mulling it over as he’d bounded through the thickets. Wherever he went, all he saw was her: the coal of the rocks reminding him of her eyes, the deep umber earth of her hair -

_ Oh, I like this game. What about the rough bark? Kinda reminds me of her personality,  _ Paul piped up. Embry could practically hear the smirk through his thoughts. 

_ Paul, I am going to commit an actual homicide - _

_ Not on my wedding day!  _ Sam had urged, swiftly ordering Paul to phase out. 

Embry had been left to his own devices to complete the patrol, a mind-numbingly boring double shift that consisted of simple loops of the Rez. By the time David and Collin had phased in to cover the wedding shift, Embry’s brain could be suitably compared to mush. He’d hightailed it over to the church after stopping off at his place for a quick shower, fighting the urge to bury his face in Lex’s pillow - Lord knows he’d never leave after that. Embry considers restlessly pacing the church a better alternative, even as his mind remains focused on Lex. With every step, he impatiently counts the minutes until he’ll see her again, knowing that today, after he watches two of his closest friends wed, he will tell her how much he cares about her. 

Today is the day.

He’s sure of it.

* * *

Lex is absolutely, positively certain that there’s no way she can make it through the entire ceremony and reception in the sky-high heels Rachel’s picked out for her. It’s both a blessing and a curse they share a shoe size, she thinks, turning the strappy black stiletto over in her hands. It’s easily six inches tall - she might as well wear stilts - but Rachel’s insistent, pulling Lex’s bare foot into her lap to fasten the shoe.

“You’re practically a shrimp. He’s a giant. How are you supposed to dance with him if you can’t even put your hands on his neck?” she asks, deftly weaving the straps around her calf. 

“Uh...I don’t think the heels are going to fix that. Have you seen how tall he is?” It’s intimidating, the sheer size of all of the men, and the mental image of the group packed into one tiny room makes her giggle.

Rachel snorts, tucking the last of the strap into place. “Ugh, tell me about it. Please explain how Jake got the gigantic gene and I’m stuck being like, five foot nothing.”

Lex purses her lips, thinking back to all of the people she’s met on the Rez. “Jake? I don’t think I’ve seen him before.”

Rachel shakes her head, a sour look crossing her face. “No, you wouldn’t have. Jake’s my brother. He lives out near the city. He has...obligations,” she says eventually, scowling as she does. 

Lex simply nods, vaguely remembering snippets of a conversation she’d overheard between Jared and Embry a few days back. They’d been having some sort of heated discussion about a girl whose name she couldn’t recall, someone who apparently wasn’t welcome on the reservation. Jared had abruptly ceased his ranting as soon as he spotted Lex in the doorway, swiftly changing the topic to the Mariners’ recent win. There was something fishy about the whole thing, but Kim was far too tight-lipped for her to get any useful information.

Having sorted the shoes, Rachel stands abruptly, smoothing the wrinkles out of her long skirt. With her hair styled and make-up done, she looks beyond breathtaking, like the sort of woman she’d see in one of those cheesy bridal magazines. Judging by the excited chatter from the living room, things with Emily and Kim were progressing in much the same way. Rachel extends a hand to Lex, pulling her to her feet. She’s unsteady in the stilettos, but Rachel’s unruffled, linking elbows to lead her into the other room. 

Emily’s stood in her gown in front of the large bay window, the morning light casting an ethereal glow upon her features. Her grandmother’s weaved her long hair into a halo of thick braids, anchored by a smattering of iridescent heirloom pins. Kim’s hands are moving across her hair as quick as lightning, securing the gauzy veil into place as if she’s done it a million times. When she’s finished, Emily looks every bit the part, her cheeks pink with joy. Her mother and grandmother are quick to embrace her, showering her with compliments and affection until all three are sniffling. Kim looks on the verge of emotion, too, her grey eyes more than a little misty. Lex feels a little out of place in the intimate circle of women, women who have shared so much of their lives, but Emily is quick to beckon her over with open arms.

“I’m so glad you’re all here with me,” she says, her voice wavering. 

Rachel scoops her into a tight hug, rocking Emily from side to side. “I’d never miss it.”

“You look great, Emily,” Lex offers shyly. It’s true - Emily’s vibrating with excitement, her smile wider than Lex has ever seen, and her joy is contagious.

After a few quick photos and last-minute hair and make-up fixes, they’re piling into the borrowed limo, Kim helping Emily to hoist her dress right up to her knees. Quil had managed to sweet-talk one of the owners of the nearby car-hire into lending them the vehicle for the day, if only in exchange for an exorbitant amount of mechanic work. The guys had boasted about the trade for easily two weeks straight, even after Jared had calculated the value of Quil’s labour. Somehow, they considered it a win, and judging by the look on Emily’s face, she couldn’t be happier. 

Lex finds herself wishing for time to move slower, willing the clock to slow down for just for a moment so she can properly appreciate the day. When Embry had cajoled her into attending the wedding, even talking her into participating in the pre-wedding preparations, she’d expected to feel entirely out of place. She hadn’t anticipated the kindness of Emily and Rachel, nor the way that she slotted perfectly into their group dynamic like a long-lost sister. Lex was used to Kim’s company, accustomed to how comfortable she felt around her, but in a few short hours, she already felt at home with the other women. Though she was reluctant to admit it, maybe Embry was right - Forks, and by extension, La Push - could be her home, if she would only accept it. The idea was growing on her slowly, gnawing away at her apprehensiveness until there was only hopefulness left. They arrive at the church all too soon, the limo slowing to idle by the kerb at the base of the small hill. 

Kim turns in her seat to face Lex, suddenly all business. “Okay, let’s go over the plan one more time. You go find Embry so he can tell the guys that we’re here. Make sure he sends Sue down to help Emily out. You got it?”

Lex nods. “Please, say a prayer that I can actually make it up the steps in these,” she jokes, casting a doubtful eye at the sharp spikes attached to her feet.

Rachel claps her on the shoulder, laughing. “You’ll be fine. Remember what I showed you.”

She’s forgotten already, but she’d die before she’d confess that. Instead, she takes a deep breath, unbuckling her belt to slide out of the limo. Her first few steps are shaky and awkward - practice certainly would have been a great idea - but she eventually finds her balance, slowly working her way towards the church. 

“Yo, Lex,” a familiar voice calls from her left, seconds before Quil’s huge figure bounds up to greet her. “I could have heard you clomping a mile away! Nice shoes. You’re almost normal size now,” he jokes, laughing harder as she frowns.

“Thanks, idiot. Have you seen Em?”

“Wow, where’s my ‘hi Quil, I’ve missed you’? No manners, I swear.”

There must be something icy in her stare, as he quickly points towards the church, offering her his arm to drag her upwards. 

“You know, I can make it up here without a tow,” she argues, trying to keep her steps as even as possible. 

“See, you say that, but you walk like a baby giraffe. I’m not taking any chances with you. I like having all my limbs attached,” he says, his mouth quivering as if he’s holding back a laugh. 

She’s not quite sure what he’s on about - does he really think she’d hurt him? - but there’s no time to question him further. Lex had thought the Uley house the day prior was wild, but it has nothing on the mayhem unfolding inside the church. She’s silently thankful that Emily’s unable to see the chaos - Lord knows she doesn’t need anything else to worry about today - but she’s a little apprehensive at the thought of locating Embry in the din.

“Quil!” a shrill voice shrieks from deep within the fray.

In seconds, a dark-haired girl is squeezing through the legs of the crowd, freeing herself only to bolt directly towards him. Quil releases his hold on Lex to scoop her up (miraculously, Lex finds her balance just in time), tickling the girl as he does.

“Have you been behaving yourself, little miss?” he asks, swinging her up into a piggyback position.

She giggles wildly, her braided pigtails flopping with the motion. She’s all frizz and dirt and snot -  _ how? she’s, what, six? _ \- but Quil couldn’t care less, fussing over her all the same.

“Are you going to say hi to my friend, Claire-bear?”

She buries her face in Quil’s neck for a moment, obstinate in her shyness, though she relents eventually with some strategic persuasion. Her big brown eyes peeking down at her from over his huge shoulders is comical, almost as if she’s a teensy-tiny human backpack.

“I’m Claire. Quil’s my best friend but you can’t tell Uncle Embry or he’ll get sad and I promised Quil I wouldn’t make him sad,” she blurts, immediately looking towards Quil for approval.

He nods encouragingly, beaming at Claire. “That’s right, bud, you’re my best friend. Speaking of, where’s Uncle Embry?” he asks, shuffling her further up his back.

Claire screws her face up in thought, clearly thinking hard. “He was with Uncle Paul, I think. I don’t know. There’s a lot of people,” she pouts. 

Lex didn’t envisage her weekend involving relating to a young kid, but the girl’s right - it’s almost as if they’ve got half the reservation packed into one tiny space. Lex looks towards Quil for assistance, but he simply shrugs, his attention now directed elsewhere. Quest over. The idea of squeezing into the pack of bodies makes her squirm, but Emily needs to get inside somehow, and that’s enough to get her moving forward, leaving Quil and Claire behind in the archway.

“‘Scuse me, sorry,” she mutters again and again, slowly working her way towards the front of the hall. She’s starting to feel far too overdressed for the occasion - hell, there are people in  _ loafers _ ; why did she let Rachel persuade her to get so fancy? She’s busy debating the idea of ditching her shoes under a pew when she spots Sue Clearwater up near the altar, engaged in a serious conversation with the celebrant. She casts a look over her shoulder as Lex approaches ( _ shit _ , Quil was right, she must be clomping), immediately brightening.

“Lex, sweetheart, it’s good to see you,” she crows, pulling her in for a hug. She smells smoky, like campfires and charcoal, the kind of scent that makes her think about forgotten overnight trips into the woods. Lex blinks a few times, chasing the wetness away. It’s an emotional day. That’s all it is.

Lex is composed when she pulls away, her expression rearranged into a small smile. “It’s good to see you too, Mrs Clearwater.”

“Sue, honey, call me Sue. Now, where’s Emily?” she asks, clapping her hands together. 

Lex moves to lead her out towards the limo, but Sue’s quick to wave her away. “I’ll take care of her. How about you go say hello to Embry? The boys are out the back,” she says, gesturing to the side door.

It’s clear where Seth gets his mischievous streak from - the little playful glimmer in Sue’s eye is enough for Lex to know that she’s most definitely clued into the Rez gossip. Lex simply nods, content to escape the chaos (and see Embry, though she squashes that thought down). She’s acutely aware of her heels clicking on the parquet as she inches closer to the door, each clack matching the quickening thudding in her chest. The weird twisting feeling is back - her stomach’s been in knots all morning, but this is different, a tightness in her breast that feels like someone’s got her heart in their hands. She’s a little breathless when she opens the door, the sunlight streaming in like a spotlight, momentarily blinding her. It must be the light, the fresh air, the quietness - the tightness is gone, slipping away in an instant, replaced by stillness.

* * *

“Sam, man, you’re going to put a hole in those shoes if you don’t stop pacing,” Jared sighs, watching his friend restlessly move back and forth. 

Sam shakes his head frustratedly. “You have no idea how crazy this all feels,” he sighs, pausing his laps momentarily to squat, resting his head in his hands. 

It’s a weird sight - a giant of a man, hunched over in formal-wear (okay, it’s only a dress shirt and tie, but that’s a far cry from the usual jorts). Embry can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen Sam lose his cool, and all of them have one thing in common: vampires. Today is different - it’s 100% vampire-free, for starters - and he’s struck by the realisation that it’s the first time that Sam’s human emotions are truly driving him. Their lives have been ruled by instinct and survival and carnality for so long that the idea of dedicating an entire day to celebrate the finer points of humanity is odd. The rapidly dampening patches on his wrinkled dress shirt are enough of a reminder that he’s not quite human, but they’re close enough, and they’re doing a damn fine job of masquerading as normal people.

Paul rounds the corner of the church, a six-pack dangling from his grip. He twists a can free and lobs it at Sam, who snatches it from the air as smoothly as a hunter. 

“Drink a little and relax. Rachel just texted me to say they’re leaving,” Paul says, passing the six-pack around.

Sam nods, taking a gulp. “I can’t wait to get it over with. Thank God Emily agreed to no speeches.”

“You’ve given some decent ones before,” Embry says, chasing the statement with a swig of lukewarm beer.

Jared snorts. “Battle cries and wedding vows aren’t the same, dumbass.”

Embry flicks him the finger to a chorus of laughs from the other men. “Look, all I’m saying is Sam has some good thoughts in there. Wish I could say the same for you.”

Paul howls with laughter, clapping Jared on the back with a solid thump. “He’s got you there, Jar,” he chokes out, laughing harder as Jared scowls.

“I could so write Sam’s vows,” he argues, gesturing rudely at the others.

“Go on, give me something to work with,” Sam says amusedly. He’s distracted from his fretting at the very least; Jared’s self-esteem can take the hit. 

Jared closes his eyes, scrunching his face in focus. It doesn’t help stifle the laughter, but he continues his deliberations undeterred. “What about...Emily, I promise to love you for the rest of my life, even when we’re old. What we have is so special…” he trails off, frowning, “that if we can get married, anyone can.”

Paul bends over, coughing as he chokes on his beer. Embry thumps him one, two, three times until he’s freely laughing, shaking his head at Jared’s attempt.

“The fuck does that mean, if we can get married anyone can?” Sam chortles, shaking his head. 

Jared reddens, raking a hand through his cropped hair. “I just meant that you’ve been through a lot and you still made it to the wedding,” he says, his voice defensively squeaky.

“Sorry, Jar, you’re barred from the toasts later,” Embry teases, elbowing him in the ribs.

“I don’t know, that was pretty fuckin’ funny. I say we get him to speak later, lift the mood a bit,” Paul snickers.

“I’m never doing a speech again,” Jared groans, pressing his fingers into his temples. 

Embry’s about to reply with something stupid, a rude comment to bug Jared just a little more, when the creaky side door to the church swings open. It’s a little dark inside, and so when the figure steps out into the bright morning sun, she’s almost spotlighted by the rays. His mouth dries as he takes her in; she's more dressed up than he's ever seen her, adorned in some shiny green dress that he's dying to run his hands over. Between her delicately braided hair and perfect pink lips and  _ oh, god, those heels _ , he thinks he might just lose his mind.  _ Here lies Embry Call, who died of unconsummated horniness at the tender age of nineteen _ .

He jumps at the sharp pinch to his forearm, turning to glare at Jared.

"Dude, your hands are shaking," he whispers, grinning at his Embry's discomfort.

“Whipped,” Paul mutters, too low for Lex to hear, sending the guys into peals of laughter.

Embry shakes his head, trying to pull himself together. He clenches and unclenches his fists a couple of times, doing his best to ground himself in the here and now, before standing to meet her. He deliberately fixes his eyes on her face - control’s the name of the game, and any fleeting glances at her bare legs won’t help his case. It feels like he’s walking underwater; he wants her, right now, and the distance between them is torturous. He wants to wrap his hands around her waist - god, she’s tiny, his hands would cover her skin with ease - and pull her close, forget about everything else around them. He imagines lifting her, her creamy thighs wrapping tight around his waist. He pictures her heels pressing into his back as he -

“Em? Uh, hi?” she squeaks, cheeks pink.

If Paul could laugh any harder, he would. 

“Fuck off, Paul,” he groans, flipping him off. He moves closer to Lex, wrapping his arm around her shoulders to lead her back inside. “Let’s go find a seat,” he murmurs, lowering his mouth close to her ear. 

It’s delightful, the way she shivers upon the simple proximity. It’s temptation incarnate, and so he presses a light kiss to her cheekbone, wishing he could get away with dipping his mouth just that little bit lower. He’s starting to think that maybe she wants him to kiss her, that there’s a chance that she craves his touch as he yearns for hers. It's getting harder to deny his attraction to her, and even the slightest encouragement is enough to leave his head spinning. 

They sit together in the second pew, wedged right on the end next to Quil. Mercifully, the ceremony begins quickly, though Embry's attention wanes quickly.  _ Keeping focused is a big ask when there's a beautiful woman beside you _ , he thinks, allowing his eyes to dart sideways for just a moment. She's leant forward, hands lightly clasped in her lap, watching the proceedings with rapt attention. She giggles when Claire dances down the aisle, flinging flower petals as she spins in her little dress. Embry's never seen Quil look as proud as he does when she takes a bow -  _ typical dramatic kid _ \- skipping over to sit with her mom.

For the first time Embry can recall, Sam looks nervous. His hands are laced tightly in an attempt to look casual, but Embry's superhuman vision is quick to spot that his knuckles are whiter than snow. He looks like a man about to go to war, though his stoic expression is probably more due to the immense control he's exerting than an actual fear of what's to come. He's seen inside Sam's head. He knows his mind, his fears about losing his cool on one of the most important days of his short life.

Jared and Paul visibly relax as the music sounds - there's only so long that they can deal with Sam's tension. Sam relaxes infinitesimally, the furrow in his brow smoothing as the women enter the church. Rachel is first, confidently striding down the centre aisle in her sky-high heels. She beams when she sees Paul, greeting him with an exuberant grin as she all but power walks to reach him.  _ Imprints aren't so good at the casual thing _ , Embry notes, casting a sidelong glance at Lex. Rachel's happiness is contagious, he gathers, smirking at the sappy look on her face. 

Her attention's quickly drawn away from the altar as Kim enters, a little more subdued than Rachel. Her eyes look slightly misty - trust her to cry before the ceremony - though the broad smile on her face hides it well. Kim reaches Rachel's side in no time at all, reaching down to entwine their fingers. The soft music melts into the traditional wedding march - a little ironic when nothing about Emily and Sam is traditional - and he can't help but flick his eyes over to Sam, watching the way his expression shifts into something softer, more adoring. Embry wonders if that's what he looks like when he's around Lex, all love-sick and blissful. A little voice in his head reminds him  _ that could be you someday _ , that he could be the one waiting for the love of his life (Paul's right; he's beyond whipped).

Lex reaches across to grab his hand, her cool fingers a welcome jolt back to the present. He threads his fingers through hers, idly drawing circles with his thumb on the back of her hand. Lex squeezes lightly, shyly smiling at him, before turning back towards Sam and Emily. He wishes he had that same sort of focus, finding his eyes straying to Lex more often than not. She even has to drag him to his feet at the end of the ceremony, hopping up just in time for Sam and Emily to stride down the aisle, hand-in-hand and blissful. 

The crowd spills out onto the grassy hill outside, encircling the pair on the stone steps. Sam dips Emily for one more dramatic, drawn-out kiss, kissing all over her face as he draws he close. The guys whoop and whistle; Embry raises his fingers to his mouth to send a shrieking cat-call out into the sunny morning. With Lex under his arm and his friends frolicking around him, it’s a perfect day - he wants to burn it into his memory, tucking the day away like a treasured photograph in a scrapbook. He wraps his arms around Lex, pulling her close to his chest. She grins up at him, cheery and exultant and all-around radiant in the glow of the day.

“I’m glad you came,” he says, his voice softer than intended.

“I am, too.”

* * *

Trusting Paul to be the bartender turns out to be a questionable decision, especially when said bartender has absolutely no conception of safe human liquor consumption. Between the suspiciously sourced keg of ale and Old Quil’s stockpile of moonshine - brewed just for the special day - the drinks are free-flowing, and even some of the smaller wolves are starting to feel it, judged by Seth’s slumped posture over the table. In all fairness, Embry would love to be that toasted - he hasn’t felt tipsy in  _ years _ , and the idea of letting loose on the dancefloor with Lex without a shred of insecurity is very appealing. Speaking of the lady, he hasn’t seen her in a long while, not since he was dragged away for countless photos with the happy couple. By the time Emily is satisfied with the endless arrangements of people, it’s been the better part of an hour, and Embry’s itching to peel off his dress shirt and down a pint, preferably with his girl by his side. 

The shirt remains as is - there’s still polite company around, after all - but he grabs himself a glass, pouring a heady mixture of moonshine and some clear spirit on the table nearby. It burns as it goes down, a little too close to lighter fluid for his preference, but the warmth in his belly is satisfying enough for him to chase it with a second sip. He resorts to sniffing Lex out, feeling more lupine by the second as he threads through the throng of guests. Normally, he’d avoid relying on his supernatural senses in his human form, but there’s a certain pull tonight that he just can’t ignore. Embry would recognise her scent anywhere, sweet spicy notes that linger in his nose long after she’s gone. He finds her quickly enough, dancing clumsily with Rachel with a plastic cup in hand. Watching her is mesmerising; sure, she’s totally off-beat, as if she’s dancing to some other song, but the energetic swaying of her hips and the carefree rippling of her body is more than enjoyable. Rachel enthusiastically grinding against her is appealing in an entirely different way, though he’s sure Paul will have more than a few words to say about that thought later. 

“Embry! Come and dance with us!” Rachel calls, beckoning him over with an energetic wave of the hand.

He swallows. There’s a lump in his throat that wasn’t there before, beads of sweat that prick at his forehead like he’s under a spotlight. He can’t dance for shit, but when Lex extends a hand in his direction, he feels compelled to follow, incapable of tearing his eyes away. Embry doesn’t realise until later that Rachel had slipped away almost immediately, melting into the crowd as if she was never there. No, he is completely enthralled by Lex, left dry-mouthed and trembling as she curls one arm around his neck. The heels make her almost tall enough to reach him without needing to stretch too far, a kind of unprecedented closeness that he wishes they could always have. After a moment, he allows his hands to settle on her waist, trying to ignore the flashes of fantasies past that bubble up in his brain. It must be something about the liquor, the low lights, the thrumming music, that’s pushing his control beyond the usual limits. He almost groans when she presses closer against him, tilting her face up to gaze at him. Her face is flushed, lips slightly parted, and he’s all too aware that he’s staring at her mouth. 

They’re like magnets, slowly drawing closer without any hope of resistance. There’s a tiny, sane part of his mind that tells him to straighten up, move away, but the possessive side of his being sections it off immediately. No, Lex is  _ his _ ; he needs this moment like he needs air, and her fingers curling in the hair at his nape is confirmation enough of her desire. One moment he’s breathing her in, inhaling that potent vanilla-cinnamon swirl as if it’s his lifeline, relishing the feeling of her in his arms. And in the next second, he’s not sure who moves first - maybe him, maybe her, maybe both - but his mouth is on hers, his lips moving hungrily like a man sent to his final meal. Her lips are softer than he could have ever imagined, perfectly plush and moulded against his as if they were made for this, made to be together. She tastes raw and fiery, foreign and familiar, the kind of kiss he wants to have every morning and night for the rest of his life. His fingers grip tightly at her waist - it’s better than he imagined,  _ she’s  _ so much better than he imagined - and he likes it, likes the way she pulls a little at his hair as they kiss. And then, all too soon, it’s over, a sudden clearing of the throat that yanks them apart.

“Miss McKinley?” a gruff voice asks, wrenching him back into reality. 

He’s not quite aware of it, but his hands are still gripping her, holding her in a blend of protectiveness and possessiveness that Chief Swan detests. There’s something all wrong about this boy; he’s not like Jacob, not the mild-mannered polite fellow that he’d like for his daughter to date. He clears his throat again, trying to command the young lady’s attention - she’s too busy staring at the man, and there’s something odd about them that he can’t quite put his finger on. Finally, she looks at him, her mouth carved into a small o of surprise. 

“Miss McKinley, I need you to come with me to the station. You have been reported as an endangered person.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, they weren't even going to kiss in this chapter, but Bazzi was playing and it just _happened_
> 
> Life is getting crazy and I'm about to go on fieldwork so updates will slow but not stop. I solemnly swear that I will finish this fic. Also, come join me on twitter at @heather_b99 for miscellaneous life updates/shitposting if you so desire.


	15. Unwelcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which demons take the shape of a ruddy-faced chainsmoking logger.

"What are you-"

"I'm not-"

"The fuck-"

Chief Swan waves his hands, effectively silencing the group. "Just come with me, please. We can sort this out at the station."

Lex can feel everyone's eyes on her. The party's gone silent - no music, no laughter - replaced by stunned expressions and hushed whispers. It's too much, too much at once, and so she does the only thing that makes sense.

She leans forward and pukes on Chief Swan's immaculately polished work boots.

He leaps back a second too late, emitting a strangled groan of disgust. She can feel a warm palm rubbing her back, coaxing the last of the nausea out of her, but it's no good. The whole situation is sickening, really; knowing the confrontation that's about to occur is enough to keep her retching.

"Charlie, she's in no state to go with you," Sue says worriedly, her usual jovial expression pulled into a frown.

Sue's right - she's piss drunk and on the edge of hysteria, but it doesn't matter to Charlie.

"I need to bring her in, clear it up so we can close the file. I'll make it quick," he promises gruffly.

Lex glances up at him from her hunched position on the linoleum. "Can I bring Embry at least? Please," she adds as he frowns. 

Between her distress and the man's protective stance over her, it doesn't seem as if Chief Swan has a choice, and so he nods sharply. 

"Fine. Let's go," he urges, bristling at the harsh glare Embry sends him. "I'm doing you a courtesy, young man, don't get snippy with me."

There's scowls all around as Chief Swan leads them out of the party. Lex thinks she's about to cry - she didn't want this, she never wanted this, and now all of her family issues are rolling out in front of everyone in a huge spectacle. Embry's palm resting on her lower back is the only thing keeping her upright, but she doesn't dare look back at him. He'll need an explanation, the full story, and that's something she just isn't prepared to give. He's patient though, gripping her hand tightly in the backseat of the cruiser as La Push disappears around them. Chief Swan says she isn't in trouble, they're just needing to clear things up, but being in the backseat of a cop car doesn't help dispel her shame.

Embry must be able to sense her fear, somehow; he whispers reassurances to her as they drive, reminding her to breathe slow and deep, promising that he'll look after her. He doesn't seem to be angry, not yet, but it'll come. It always does.

The first growl comes when Chief Swan yanks the passenger door open, gesturing for her to hurry. They look over at him, perplexed, but he only clears his throat, scowling back at the Chief.

"Inside, please, Miss McKinley," Chief Swan orders, trailing closely behind her. He's determined to ignore Embry, but he hadn't counted on Embry's persistence to not be forgotten. He's a single step behind the girl at all times, watching her like a hawk for any sign of need. Odd.

Deputy Mike has the father posted up in a rarely used interview room at the back of the station. The man had come in like a whirlwind, his scraggly hair on end and dirt smeared across his nose. One look at the fellow had him expecting something banal, perhaps a traffic complaint, but he'd started talking, his story jumbled and frantic, and they'd urged him into a private room to calm him down. Eventually he had given them a name, one that was strangely unfamiliar to the officers - they knew  _ everyone _ \- and a tangled narrative to unpack. It seemed to Chief Swan like some tired domestic that he'd seen play out time and time again - troubled run-away, frustrated parent - but they were obliged to investigate once the complaint had been filed, and so he made a few calls.

The usual suspects were of no help -  _ Alexandria who? _ \- but then he had heard from Billy that Jacob was back in town, and Jake was a straight-shot to the youth on the Reservation. He'd called Jacob as soon as the clock struck eight the next morning, spending a little longer than he should on the pleasantries. It should have been Jacob that married Bella, he thought for the umpteenth time, idly picturing the son-in-law he could have had. That was beside the point. The point? His hunch was right; Jacob had immediately known who he was looking for -  _ Alexandria? No, we call her Lex _ \- and had even tipped him off about who she spent her time with. Charlie had passed it off as routine checks on newcomers, and a quick change of topic had allowed the questioning to slip off Jake's radar, something that Embry would furiously argue over later.

It was pure luck that the wedding was on that same day - he'd been invited, of course, he'd be by Sue's side permanently if he could - though he did admit it was poor form to attend a reception on police business. Still, duty called, he had told himself, chasing away the lingering thoughts of impropriety. He'd close the case, send the father home, and it would be all over with. They'd file Lex under the disobedient youth category, like the Mallory girl, or even his own daughter. He has no qualms about leading Lex into the interview room, though he wishes the young man would remain outside. He's asked him, twice, but Embry’d only replied with a strange guttural sound that inexplicably produced goosebumps on his own skin.

And so he leads the pair into the room silently, gesturing at the rigid metal chairs for them to take a seat. Deputy Newton had waited with the father for their arrival - the kid was hopeless at interviewing, and it would be months before he'd be allowed to manage any case more serious than a parking infringement. The father stands as soon as the solid door swings shut - _ Hubert McKinley,  _ he reminds himself _ , call him Hubert _ . Before Charlie even has a chance to speak, Hubert’s flooding the silence with words forced from his raspy throat. 

“Alexandria, sweetheart, you have to understand I did this because I had to. You gave me no choice. You simply aren’t capable of being here on your own.”

Chief Swan turns to look at Lex, studying her for any kind of emotion. He expects tears, maybe, perhaps some anger, but there’s only a blank resignation in her eyes.

Embry scoffs, the noise loud and grating. “Seriously? She’s more than capable,” he grinds out through clenched teeth, curling an arm protectively over her shoulders.

Any hope Chief Swan has for reconciliation is fading quickly, chased away by the developing tension between the two men. If Embry’s furious, Hubert is livid, if the mottled purple flush emerging from beneath his collar was of any indication.

“Who do you think you are to tell me what my daughter can and cannot do? This is a private matter. This,” he says, gesturing wildly between himself and Lex, “doesn’t concern you.” He rounds on Chief Swan, directing him with a stony gaze. “Please, remove him from the room. He isn’t welcome here.”

Embry moves to interject, his mouth dropping open in apparent outrage, but stops as Lex reaches across to grip his hand. He falls silent instead, looking to her for direction. Whatever passes between them is entirely inscrutable to Chief Swan, but it’s enough to make her speak, finally turning to face her father.

“Embry is staying because I want him to. I’m more than fine on my own. I’m here, in Forks, because I want to be. I don’t want to be in Beaver.” Her voice is flat, eerily monotone and measured, entirely unlike her disposition at the party.

The bulging vein on Hubert’s darkening forehead throbs dangerously. “That’s not your decision to make. You’ve had your time away, but now it’s time to come home. We can go to your apartment and collect some things before we leave,” he says, slowly, as if speaking to a child.

She shakes her head slightly. “No.”

Hubert moves to grab his keys from his pocket. “You don’t want to keep anything? Your room is how it’s always been, you won’t need much.”

“No, I meant no as in no, I’m not coming back. I’m staying here. I’m an adult now, and this is my choice. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Hubert stands abruptly, his chair rocketing back into the wooden panelling. There’s a sudden metallic screech that makes Chief Swan cringe, and when he looks up again he’s positively certain that there’s about to be a fistfight in Interview Room 2. In the handful of seconds that have passed, Embry has darted across the room to lean over Hubert, stalking him until he’s pressed against the wall with nowhere to go. Chief Swan leaps up, too, crossing the room with one hand against his holster.  _ God, this wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go _ , he thinks, shooting a scowl at the Newton kid who remains immobile in the plastic chair.  _ Absolutely hopeless. _

“You stay away from her unless she contacts you first. What she wants, she gets, and she wants to be here. Got it?” Embry spits, sneering down at the older man. 

He’s towering above him, with one burly arm pressed above Hubert’s head, and Chief Swan has to hand it to him - he’d probably be as terrified as the old geezer if he was in the situation. The man is inhumanly big, eerily similar to Jake, and though Billy swears there’s nothing untoward going on out there, part of him suspects that isn’t quite the case. It’s enough to give him pause at the very least - he’s not too thrilled about having to break up the situation - but judging by Hubert’s bulging eyes and heaving chest, time may just be of the essence.

“Mr Call, step back,  _ immediately _ ,” he grunts, enunciating his words purposefully. 

He lingers for a beat longer, staring at Hubert as if willing his eyes to burn through flesh, but eventually complies. Realistically, his compliance probably has more to do with Lex begging him to let go, but in Chief Swan’s eyes, a win is a win. Hubert, suddenly free, slumps down to squat against the wall, huffing laboured breaths as he does. 

Chief Swan pinches the bridge of his nose.  _ What a fucking Saturday _ . “Deputy Newton, accompany Hubert across the hall to Medical. You two,” he says, pointing at the odd pair, “can stay with me.”

Deputy Newton, a little green around the gills, nods, offering Hubert a tentative hand to his feet. Newton shakes his arm free as soon as the man is steady -  _ typical  _ \- leading the way with a choice gap between them. Chief Swan says nothing until the door seals closed with a decisive click.

“Miss McKinley, Mr Call, sit down. I have some questions for you, Miss McKinley, about the nature of your relationship with your father. You are not in trouble, but you may make a phone call if you would like. You are not required to disclose anything.”

She nods slightly, her eyes still misty with tears. The proper thing to do would be to send her home - she’s drunk, after all - but quite frankly, he wants to boot Hubert from town as quickly as possible. The last thing he needs right now is some demanding, ruddy-faced stranger loitering in the lobby of his otherwise peaceful station, and a decisive statement from her will be enough to move him on. He doesn’t bother addressing Embry, whose eyes haven’t left Lex since the moment she pulled him away from her father. 

“What do you want to know?” she asks softly.

Chief Swan pauses for a moment. “I have questions about your relationship with your father that may be upsetting. Are you happy to proceed with Mr Call present?”

She nods.

“I need you to state your consent, please.”

Lex clears her throat. “Yes, I consent to questions with Embry present.” 

“I’m going to ask you some questions about things that may have happened a long time ago. I need you to tell me everything you remember. Don’t leave anything out, even if you think it isn’t important. Do you understand?”

Another nod. He grabs his notebook and a pen from his coat pocket, turning to a fresh page.

“Tell me what you think you are here to talk to me about.”

She looks down at her lap, fingers tightly entwined with Embry’s. One breath. Two breaths. Three breaths.

“I think that...I think that maybe you think my father hurts me. It’s not like that, at all, I swear. He’s always been good to me. Sometimes I just do the wrong things, and then he has to be harsh. We do better when I’m away,” she says, her voice cracking. 

“You said that sometimes you do the wrong thing. Can you tell me more about that part?”

“Sometimes I’d go out and not come home when I should, or I’d hide things and lie about it. I didn’t tell him I was leaving until the cab arrived to collect my bags. He was right to be upset with me. I’m not a good person.”

“Can you tell me more about the part when you left Beaver?”

Lex sobs, loud and jarring in the quiet of the interview room. Embry clasps her hands in his, smoothing his thumbs over her knuckles again and again until a sliver of composure reappears. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not good at this,” she mumbles, her voice thick with her tears. 

She’s too drunk - he should call this off, have her return tomorrow, sober and ready to disclose -

“That was the last time he made me bleed.”

They have to take a short recess after that. Chief Swan makes a note to request sturdier chairs in his next purchase order.

* * *

When they resume, it's just him and Lex alone in Interview Room 2. Mr Call has to be escorted outside by a fellow from the Reservation who had shown up sometime after they'd arrived, leading Embry away with a firm hand on the shoulder. Lex is reluctant to speak at first, continuously circling back to her repeated assertions that she was a bad person. And maybe she was; maybe she was a pain in the proverbial. Still, he imagined Bella in the seat across from him, sniffles and sobs punctuating each sentence, and he found himself wanting to dig more and more into her story. All he needed was some concrete harm, something tangible that he could use to bar Hubert from town. He could manage that.

Chief Swan calls time after an hour of interviewing. He'll need to call her back to clarify some parts of her statement for the court order, but she's given him enough to work with in the meantime. She's done all that she can, anyway: her eyes are bloodshot and red-rimmed, her face ashen under the harsh fluorescents. Enough time in the hot-seat would make even the strongest of people uncomfortable, he muses, watching her with careful eyes. She remains frozen in place until Chief Swan snaps the spiral bound notebook closed, rising from his seat. Lex mirrors his actions, but there's a blankness in her eyes that concerns him.  _ It'll be worth it _ , he silently vows as he leads her into the foyer,  _ I'll make sure of it _ .

There's a small crowd assembled in the foyer, a hodgepodge of overdressed people that appear better suited to a ball than a late-night police station jaunt. He’s forced to leap out of the way as he leads Lex around the corner, narrowly avoiding a collision with a tiny lady that’s all smeared eyeliner and crinkled taffeta. Chief Swan rubs his head as he surveys the scene, eyes flickering across the faces in search of someone familiar. Finally, he spots Jacob, his face uncharacteristically stern. He remembers Jake as a young boy, a happy-go-lucky ray of sunshine in hand-sewn denim overalls, the kind of kid that never went anywhere without a smile. He can count the similarities between that kid and the man before him on one hand. 

"During the wedding, Charlie? Really?" 

The disappointment in his husky voice cuts deeper than Charlie will ever admit.

"Don't question things you don't understand, Jacob," he grunts, suddenly wishing he was elsewhere.

"Don't give me that. She's one of us - you don't get to take her away, not when it's late and she's drunk. Next time you want to speak to her, you call me. Got it?" he barks, fists clenched tightly at his sides. 

Jacob sounds more like Billy than he’s ever noticed, a rumbling sort of authority that Charlie could never challenge. The last thing he wants to do is concede to Jake -  _ why the hell should Jake call the shots? _ \- but the animalistic gleam in his eye gets the better of him.

"I will call you tomorrow. You can take her home now," he says, turning to disappear into the depths of the building before Jake can reply.

It's the only chance he has at maintaining a shred of control over the situation.

* * *

She doesn’t speak until they’re crossing the Bogachiel River, the tires crunching over the ruined bitumen.

“He isn’t a bad guy,” she whispers, staring out the window at the trees.

“Okay,” Kim says simply. There isn’t much else to say. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not at all.”

And so they don’t talk. They stay up until dawn, blasting obnoxiously loud music and combining whatever ingredients they can find in Kim’s fridge into a strange buffet of flavours until Lex starts to believe that things are going to be okay. She’s halfway through a peanut butter dipped pickle when there’s a quick rap on the screen door, immediately followed by the telltale squeak of the hinges. Before either of them can rise from the couch, there’s footsteps treading down the hall, solid and threatening, almost as loud as the blood rushing in her ears. 

“It’s probably just Jared,” Kim whispers unconvincingly.

Lex doesn’t point it out, but they’re both all too aware of Jared’s lithe panther-like gait. He could be behind her, right now, and she wouldn’t know.

(She checks. He isn’t).

Lex is torn between screaming bloody murder and making a break for the winding forest trail in the backyard when the padding footsteps finally pause at the living room door. The morning glow casts a long shadow on the living room wall, the kind she’d invent with a flashlight under the covers when she was a kid. She has to squint to make out their details in the dim light of dawn, staring for a little too long before she can place the person.

“Leah?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little something until I can write something more substantial. Would love to know what you guys think!


	16. Breaking Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it all goes to shit.

"Look, I'm just going to get straight to it," Leah says, her eyes roving the room before settling on Lex. "I don't really like having you around, but you should stay on the Rez for awhile. We can protect you better here."

Lex narrows her eyes. She's met Leah twice, if that, and yet here she is, basically spitting in her face. For what it's worth, she's never been unkind to Leah - hell, they've never even spoken - so she can't conjure a single defensible reason for why Leah’d be so unfriendly. Sure, Lex’s heard the standard lines about Leah’s prickliness - boyfriend-stealing cousins, dead father, yada yada yada - but it doesn’t explain why she’s being straight-up _rude_ for the sheer sake of it.

Lex crosses her arms tightly across her chest, her nails digging into the soft skin at her elbows. Control. “You don’t like me? Sorry, Leah, I don’t remember asking,” she snaps.

Kim exhales sharply. “This is a bad time. Leah, I think you should leave. _Now_.”

“Actually, I think I’ll stay. I want to see where this goes,” she says, tilting her head as she stares at Lex. 

“Do I need to call Jared? Go, and this never happened.”

“Never happened? Seriously?” Lex says, eyebrows raised as she turns towards Kim. She spins back to Leah a moment later, frowning. “Please, go on. Tell me exactly what I did to piss you off so bad. I’ve literally said nothing to you,” she huffs, throwing her hands up in frustration. 

Leah snorts. “And what, I’m meant to praise you for that? Oh, thank you, Queen Alexandria, for doing the absolute least. You’re such a pleasure,” she simpers, her voice dripping with thinly-veiled hostility.

“Leah, that’s enough. I’m calling him,” Kim warns, pointing a perfectly manicured finger at the taller girl. 

Leah simply shrugs. “Do it. I mean what I said, Lex. I don’t want you here, but you’re better off here than in Forks. Take the free advice.”

“You really expect me to stay here after everything you just said? I’d get it if Embry were mad at me, but you? I don’t even know you!” Her voice is too high, too shrill, too affected. She hates it, almost as much as she’s starting to hate Leah. 

“If he even had half a fucking brain he would be angry with you, but I don’t think he’s had a single independent thought in months,” Leah growls, her eyes narrowing into threatening little slits. 

“Don’t you dare talk about him like that,” she hisses, her firsts involuntarily balling at her sides.

“Why? Do you really think you get him better than I do? I’ve known him since we were in diapers. We grew up in the same street, went to the same school, had the same friends our whole freaking lives,” she says, counting it out on her fingers. “I know him. I knew him before you even fucking existed around here. You don’t get to walk in here like the world revolves around your white ass,” she bellows, taking a few steps backwards. Leah’s hands are shaking, almost blurring as she speaks, almost as if she’s trying to fight the urge to throttle Lex.

The screen door flies open with a crash, almost rocketing off the hinges from the force. Judging by the reverberating bang outside, the metal handle’s probably embedded deep into the drywall, but they’ve got bigger issues to handle. Jared’s hulking frame occupies the entire doorway, like a giant eclipsing the sun. 

“Clearwater, you better haul ass before Embry hears you’re here,” he warns, shaking his head. “I don’t even know why you came down.”

“Someone had to tell her,” Leah says, cocking her head towards Lex.

Jared’s eyes flicker rapidly between them like he’s trying to finagle some complex numbers. “Jesus, what did you say? If you even mentioned -”

“She didn’t,” Kim cuts in, wrapping her fingers around Jared’s trembling wrist.

He calms slightly. “We,” he says, cocking his head towards the door, “are going to have a talk, Leah. Outside.”

She begrudgingly follows him, though not without one final unfriendly glance in Lex’s direction. Everything about Leah screams raw, unbridled power, from her choppy black hair to her ropy muscles. She has the sinewy figure of a tiger, the kind of physique that radiates a kind of primal, domineering energy. From what she’s heard, Lex should fear Leah; she should want to avoid the supposedly combative woman. Even so, she can’t ignore the simmering curiosity that runs beneath the overtones of anger coursing through her veins. Lex would gladly scratch her eyes out in a heartbeat, but she’d hang around to question her in the aftermath. It’s a weird, head-scratching kind of duality. Perhaps she just wants to win over the only person who openly dislikes her, maybe to prove that she can, but there’s a tiny part of her that says she’s missing something from the whole situation. She has an inkling that there’s something that Leah can give that nobody else can, and Lex is pretty sure the answer isn’t just high blood pressure.

She only realises she’s staring at the now-empty door frame when Kim clears her throat. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise she’d just show up. I can’t even remember the last time she came here.”

“It’s not your fault,” she says, raking a hand through her tangled hair. “I guess I should apologise for almost starting a fight in your living room.”

Kim laughs, though her eyes don’t crinkle like they normally do. “As if I’d let that happen. Can’t have you ruining the furniture,” she jokes, but it falls flat.

She’s definitely missing something. And the thing about Lex? She always finds out.

* * *

_Can we talk?_

**Do you want me to come get you? We can do dinner at mine**

**Your choice**

**Just let me know, ok?**

_Are you mad at me?_

Her phone rings virtually the second she sends the message.

“Why would you ask me that?” he asks. His voice is all wrong, too scratchy and low, nothing like the playful banter they’d had just the day before. She hates it. 

“What, no hello?” she comments, but he doesn’t laugh. It wasn’t funny, anyway. “Uh, I was just thinking. It’s stupid, really.”

“Did someone say something?” He says after a moment. If she knew him better, she’d think he sounded suspicious.

If she knew him better.

Leah’s right, of course. She doesn’t know him.

“You know what? Just forget it. It was a dumb question.”

“No, Lex, don’t -”

“I need to go. I’ll message you later.”

She won’t.

Lex ends up begging Kim to drive her back home - her actual home, the one in Forks, not the makeshift home she’s claimed in recent weeks. Kim’s concerned, but that seems to be her permanent state of late. To her credit, she does attempt to question Lex, asking all of the right stuff, but it’s no use. She’d be better spending her time interrogating a rock, but she doesn’t seem to be amused when Lex points that out. _Nobody’s laughing now_ , she observes, watching the trees flash by. She’s ruined everything, of course, turning her safe haven into something uninhabitable in one terrible night. Typical. 

The idea that she could hide her past, who she was, from everyone was beyond stupid. Then again, if she believed her father, she’s always been that foolish. Lex has been on a diet of deception and denial since birth, and her life in La Push is no different. Between playing house with Embry and buddying up with Kim, she’s never once stopped to think of what would happen when the cards would fall. And fall they had, the illusion of her picture-perfect life fragmenting into little tiny humiliating pieces. Shit, she’d be remembering the newlyweds’ horrified faces as she was escorted out of the reception every night for the rest of her life. All she did was irritate and disappoint, hurt and lie, wherever she went, no matter how hard she tried to distance herself from the past. Her father was right, after all. The McKinleys were fuck-ups, through and through. 

When they arrive at the apartment, she says goodbye to Kim just like every other day. No formalities, no real parting words - as if there’s anything real about her these days - and certainly no signal that it’s a true goodbye. It would hurt Kim too much if she knew. Kim would try and talk her out of it, maybe even cry a little when the finality set in, and they can’t have that. Logically, she knew she couldn’t tell Kim the plan anyway; Kim’d run straight to Embry and he’d be at her house before she could even seal a box shut. It simply wouldn’t work. Kim promises to come back and check on her Monday afternoon. Lex makes a mental note to be long gone by then. The reformed version of herself - _the fake one_ , she muses - would detest all this running, but the sick truth is that avoidance is the only real thing about her, the only constant. Everything else is just white noise. 

* * *

“Yo, Embry, come look at this,” Brady hollers, waving his phone.

Embry doesn’t move from his slumped spot at Emily’s dining room table. She pats him sympathetically on the shoulder, shaking her head at Brady when she’s sure Embry won’t see. 

“Give him a little space, Brades. I think Collin’s out in the yard if you wanted to show him some stuff,” she says kindly, giving Embry one final squeeze before she moves away.

Brady huffs, rolling off the couch to amble over. “Don’t fuckin’ growl at me, Call. I’m trying to help you out. Look at this before I change my mind,” he says, sliding his phone under Embry’s lowered head. It’s opened to their local subreddit, some post about offering beer for a ride. 

Embry reads for a moment before closing his eyes. “Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t need beer money.” 

“No, dumbass, look at the username. Saint A? Looking to go north on a one-way trip? Who do we know that’s cheesy as hell, lives out that way and is going through some shit? God, do you even have a working brain?”

“Brady,” Emily admonishes, shaking her head, but Embry pays no mind.

He snatches the phone back to re-read the post. “She wouldn’t...she’d tell me, right?” he says, suddenly hesitant.

Neither Brady nor Emily speak. The cogs in his brain are moving slower than Quil on a Monday morning, working the problem over in his head. He knew Lex was upset - that much was clear after their night at the station. If he’d stayed until the end of the interview - _if he’d managed to stay human for more than five fucking seconds_ \- maybe she’d be calmer, happier. Jared had dragged him out by the elbow after he’d ripped the cushioned armrest off the chair, discarding the splintered wood somewhere out the back of the station. He’d ripped out of his clothes in a split second, pacing the brush restlessly, furiously. All he could think about was her, her in her worst moments, the kind of thoughts that’d send teeth through flesh if he could move unsupervised. 

Embry hadn’t phased back until well into the next morning. Emily had welcomed him into the bungalow with an overly sweet cup of coffee and a pitying smile. 

She was long gone by that point. 

His wolf felt every inch of the distance.

In the here and now, though, Embry can’t stomach the cautious looks he’s fielding from every direction. Instead, he threads his car keys through his fingers, heading to the truck with only one objective in mind: change her mind. Embry’s not sure if it’s the distressed imprint part of him, or the mildly insane human element, but one of the two ends up forcing him to pull over to empty his guts on the side of the highway. Not even the gentle swaying cedars bordering the woods can settle his stomach or his mind. She can’t leave, not without a goodbye or an explanation or something, _anything_ , to make it all make sense. They were finally getting somewhere, too, even if that somewhere was only a vaguely defined entanglement that existed only in the privacy of his bedroom. The Lex he knows wouldn’t just disappear on him; sure, she’s as flighty as the larks in spring, but she never really goes far, not like this. Not like soliciting rides from total strangers on the internet instead of asking one of the many people that actually give a fuck about her. His knuckles tighten on the steering wheel as he urges the car into fifth gear. The engine whines in protest, but he presses on anyways, thinking only of how many words it’s going to take to talk her down until she’s able to look him in the eye again. 

The stoplight over the bridge is red, but he floors it through anyway. He has to swerve at the very last second to avoid an oncoming SUV, averting his eyes from the irate driver that shakes their fist in his direction. The old Embry had never violated the traffic code, would never - but the old Embry had evaporated like a puff of smoke the moment she’d crossed his path. She never did make it easy for him, either - between the avoidance and the prickliness and secret-keeping, she’d all but left him out of the loop in every possible way - and a part of him resented her for how carefree she could be. Hell, Lex could up and leave in a second and she’d be fine. He’d be in pieces, listless and dazed, and she’d be none the wiser.

“Fuck imprinting,” he roars, slamming his hands down onto the steering wheel. 

There’s a muffled crack as part of the plastic splinters, but he doesn’t care. None of it matters, anyway, not when he rounds the corner to her street, and especially not when he sees the growing collection of boxes on her patio. 

When he thinks back to the moment later, he doesn’t really remember how he got to her. Quil tells him they found his keys still in the ignition, though the car was off and shifter in first. Muscle memory, he guesses. Embry doesn’t remember crossing her lawn, scaling the porch steps, entering her house. They know from his memories that he’d met her inside the living room, had followed her into the kitchen as she worked. Later, when the dust settles and the pain dulls, he can recall some scraps of their argument, remembering her refusal to discuss her sudden change in plans. It comes back to him in little slivers of memory, scraps he pieces together in the gruelling hours that follow. If he closes his eyes just right, he can replay the scene frame by frame, recalling to the millisecond the moment everything went wrong.

He stomps through the narrow corridor, feeling like the walls are closing in on him like a funhouse maze. It feels like a trap, like he’s being sucked into a whirlpool of despair, and yet his legs mechanically drive him forward as if he has no choice in the matter. The steady thrum of her heartbeat echoes in the expanses of the house, calling him towards her. She doesn’t see him at first - she’s bent over a pile of books, leafing through pages as she sorts them into boxes. He’s not sure what alerts her, whether it’s his laboured breathing or burning stare, but she suddenly jerks her head upright, meeting his eyes. There’s a layer of guilt beneath the blankness, something raw underneath her facade.

“Em? When did you get here?” she asks nervously. 

A moment passes, then two, and neither speak. He can’t seem to string the words together to express how absolutely fucking livid he is, how humiliated and betrayed and shut-out he feels when it comes to her. He watches her instead, his eyes following her fingernails as they dig into her arms, leaving her skin raw and red from the touch. 

“What are you doing?” she whispers.

He can hear her heartbeat quickening. It’s like he’s in a dream, suspended in quicksand, unable to change his course. His body is moving for him, his brain taken over by something long-suppressed and rarely confronted. He takes long, slow steps towards her, walking until he’s close enough to touch. Her fear smells sweet, almost hypnotising, drawing him in until his nose is a mere breath away from hers. 

“I can’t let you leave.”

The voice rumbling from his chest sounds nothing like Embry, nothing like anyone Lex has ever heard. It’s impossibly deep and raspy, a kind of commanding that makes her blood stand stlll in her veins. Logically, she knows that Embry is standing before her, so much closer than he’d ever venture, but he’s almost unrecognisable. His usually dark eyes are almost black, boring into hers like a predator watches its prey. From the possessive posture to the tightness in his jaw, none of this is familiar, none of this is him, and she can’t help but feel terrified by the man before her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she whispers, her eyes darting towards the door. Maybe Kim will come back to check on her. Maybe Maya will finish her shift early. Maybe -

He grabs her chin. “Look at me,” he rumbles, his expression carved into a deep frown. “I know you’re going to leave. I know.”

She’s frozen in his grip, a statue made of ice, disintegrating in his hot hands. He’s stronger than her, faster, more powerful, and she’s losing time as the seconds tick by. 

“I was going to call you,” she whimpers, the words sounding false and pitiful as they fall from her mouth. 

He shakes his head violently. “Call me? You were going to call me? I don’t believe you for a second.”

He’s right, and she knows it. “Please, Embry, just calm down. We can talk.”

If he was an explosive, speaking the words ‘calm down’ may as well have been the detonator. He snarls, low and long like a feral beast.

“Calm? You want me to be calm when you leave? I can’t -”

His trembling intensifies, morphing into furious shudders that wrack his body. He keels over, turning away for a blessed moment. Lex makes eye contact with herself in the hallway mirror and for a split-second, she doesn’t recognise herself, all wide-eyed and pale. There are two strangers in the house today. Embry’s breathing becomes raspier, strained as his chest heaves.

“Embry, you need -” she starts, intent on calming him down. She can take him to a doctor, get him some help -

“No,” he growls, his eyes glinting black. 

It all happens quickly then. For the briefest of moments, something flickers in his stare, a kind of wide-eyed moment where she almost thinks he’s in control of himself. And next, he’s pushing her away, her socked feet slipping on the linoleum as she falls backwards, her head connecting with the cool floor beneath. She blinks. That’s all it takes, all she needs for her life to be segmented in two, into the before and the after. Because after you see a giant, shaggy beast leaning over your prone body, how can you go back?

She’s delirious. She must be. Embry couldn’t, he wouldn’t -

But the eyes of the beast that lock onto hers mirror his caramel irises, the familiar ones, not the onyx eyes that had greeted her this afternoon. The creature looms large over her for a moment, trembling at the scene, before its head snaps upright, staring out the back door. It looks to her, then outside, then back again. All Lex can do is stare. It takes her a long, painful moment, but she eventually draws her hand to touch her scalp. Stickiness blooms between her fingers.

The creature whines again before retreating, claws skidding across the linoleum in its haste to escape. Distantly, Lex wonders how much it’ll take to fix before she can get her security deposit returned. The fuzziness spreads through her body like a rash, sending shocks of pins and needles into every inch of her body. Her mind’s running on a loop, her heartbeat sending fluttering choruses of Em-bry, Em-bry, Em-bry. Him, the man, the beast, the lover, the monster. The Embry she knew was a human, a gentle, caring soul, not some sort of paranormal predatory monster. The blood trickling from her scalp suggests otherwise, but it can’t be real. None of it can be. 

The doctor tells her later that the injury is only minor, a superficial slash that had bled a little more than usual, but nothing to worry about. Her reaction, apparently, was all shock. She remembers the EMT rolling her onto the stretcher, but she doesn’t remember them arriving. Lex has little glimpses of the ambulance ride, a flash of pathetic begging for them to call Kim when she’d arrived at the hospital - God knows how they’d managed to bring the right person down - but nothing substantial in between. By the time Kim arrives, they’ve cleaned the biggest smears from her skin with a washcloth, sponging the evidence away as if it never happened. As if she truly was as crazy as she felt, some Lady Macbeth wannabe that had fabricated the entire ordeal.

Kim doesn’t treat her like she’s crazy. She doesn’t scold her or ask for an explanation or say _I told you so._

Kim simply climbs into the narrow hospital bed beside Lex, folding her body in close until they’re tangled in a mesh of limbs. 

“You’re not crazy, Lex. I know what you saw. It’s real.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have not died. I am simply living (dying?) out on fieldwork. I will endeavour to have something new out in the next two weeks. Thanks for reading!


	17. Envoy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our cast grapple with the world of hurt they are in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are moving closer to darkfic territory than originally intended, but I just wanted to clarify that there won't be any explicit descriptions of abuse in future chapters. There will be brief references to past trauma, though, so please keep that in mind in case that is an issue which affects you.

Lex’s hands tighten on the comforter, squeezing until her grip leaves tiny wrinkles on the grey fabric.

“You didn’t see it. There’s no way.” Maybe if she turns away, averts her gaze for long enough, Kim’ll drop the subject. 

Maybe the shock’s gone to her head. Maybe none of this conversation is really happening.

Kim places one cool hand on top of Lex’s. “I didn’t have to see it. Jared told me. Embry showed him,” she says quietly, studying Lex’s face. “This is kind of a big secret, so if I tell you everything then you have to promise you won’t tell anyone.”

“When you say big secret…” she trails off, quirking an eyebrow inquisitively. 

Kim nods solemnly. “I mean it’s a guard-it-with-your-life type of thing. If this ever got out, the tribe would be in danger. I know you, though, and I know I can trust you. You just gotta say the word.”

They sit in silence for a long moment. It would be so much easier to say no and pretend none of this ever happened, to go back to Beaver and resume her old life as if she was rewinding the clock. That would be easy. She doesn’t want that, though - she wants Embry, holding her tight and safe; she wants Kim, and Quil, and Jared, and all of her new friends, welcoming and loving. She wants this.

“I promise,” she whispers, twisting to face Kim. “Tell me everything.”

For a long while, Kim speaks and Lex listens. Aside from having to repeat the confirmation three times - _yes, they turn into humongous wolves_ \- Lex takes it pretty well, all things considered. In a normal situation, the imprinter would be doing the talking, laying it all out before the final imprint reveal. Lex and Embry weren’t normal, though, and Jacob had given Kim the go-ahead to salvage the situation in whatever way she could, especially since the likelihood of getting Embry back into a pair of jorts anytime soon was incredibly slim. Surprisingly, Lex doesn’t bring him up at all, not even when Kim mentions that Jared phases, too.

“Who else? Leah does as well, right?” she asks, pursing her lips in contemplation.

Kim nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, she was the first girl to phase. Right now she’s the only one, but Quil thinks his little sister might go soon. It’s kind of hard to tell. Pretty much everyone that hangs around Emily’s place are wolves - not Emily though.”

“Oh, so you don’t, uh, change into a wolf either?” 

She laughs, picturing herself fighting vampires. “No, no, I don’t. Just the guys.”

Lex’s brow wrinkles. “If he didn’t...hulk out...would you have told me? How did you find out?”

Kim scrunches her nose, thinking. “I know because Jared told me. You would have found out eventually, but I think you should ask Embry. He can explain it better.”

Lex shakes her head, a sudden sour look spreading across her face. “Really? I don’t know about you, but he wasn’t doing too much sharing before today. Like, shit, a warning would have been good.”

“Try and think about it from his side. How many times have you avoided him after he tried to get all deep and meaningful with you?”

“I’m not that bad-”

“I’ve literally lost count of how many times you’ve attempted to ghost him.”

“Okay, maybe I am that bad,” she sighs, serious for a split-second before slipping into laughter. 

Kim’s laughter is a comfort in the stark hospital room, something homey that puts her at ease. Lex isn’t discharged for another hour and a half, but she doesn’t mind. Kim’s company is more than enough.

* * *

Quil thinks he may just explode into tiny ribbons of wolf if he has to stay phased any longer.

_Okay, asshole, not helping_ , Leah grumbles.

If he could shrug, he would. _Sorry, boss. It’s not like being nice was helping anyway._

Jacob’s assigned them to babysitting duty while he gets everything else under control. In practice, they’re stuck watching Embry cut loose in a clearing deep in the woods, taking his emotions out onto the scrub until nothing remains. 

_Surely he’s almost done. We’ve been out here forever,_ Quil whines. 

It’s true. Leah’s ass is numb from all the sitting she’s been doing. They’d tried speaking to him, calming him down, but it’s of no use. His thoughts are a mess of pictures and fragmented words, all sewn together with a string of raw, unbridled panic.

Lex, wide-eyed and aghast, her hand outstretched.

Skin prickling.

Lex, crumpled on the floor.

The scent of copper.

_Monster._

_Holy shit, we have words! Embry, man, it’s okay. She’s okay. Kim’s with her._

_Ifuckedupohgodohgodshe’sgoingtodie_

His thoughts are rapid and chaotic, a dizzying cacophony of self-loathing and hysteria that makes Quil’s head throb. 

_Embry Call, sit your ass down and fucking listen. I know for an absolute fact that she’s not going to die. You might, though, if you don’t calm down and listen,_ Leah snaps, gnashing her teeth in his direction. 

Surprisingly, he listens. Embry slumps until his body lays flat against the beaten earth, stretching out until he’s a puddle of fur and brambles. 

_I did something terrible. I have one fucking job and I failed her. She deserves so much better._

_Dude, you didn’t fail her. Failing would be actually phas-_

_Quil, enough,_ Leah snarls. He shuts up instantly. _What Quil meant to say_ , she thinks, _is that you kept her safe from something worse. You already protected her from her dad. She slipped and hit her head, but you didn’t harm her. She’s okay._

_She’s okay?_ Embry asks, perking up infinitesimally.

_Yes. Kim says it’s a minor head wound. Jake gave her the go-ahead to explain the basics before she comes back to the Rez._

_God, how am I supposed to explain imprinting now?_ Embry whines, digging his snout into the dirt.

_Well, at least you don’t have to sit down with her parents after elementary school lets out. The spirits haven’t entirely fucked you over. You’ll get there._

_Embry, Mom’s setting up for taco night. You wanna come and take your mind off things? We’ll go see Lex tomorrow when she’s settled in_ , Leah offers.

_We? Like, you’re going to be in the same room as her? Like that’s going to go well_ , Quil snorts.

Embry raises his head to look at Leah. Before he can even ask, his mind is flooded with glimpses of memories, ones that are clearly not Quil’s. 

_“...I don’t think he’s had a single independent thought in months.”_

_Adrenaline courses through her veins, quick and hot like the fire that licks at her nerves. She’d give her left kidney for a chance to really tear into the selfish little bitch that stands in front of her, all meek and mild like some innocent young girl. She’s nothing like that - Lex is needy and demanding, delighting in the push and pull relationship she’s cultivated. Embry couldn’t truly be serious about her - she wouldn’t even give him the time of day if he wasn’t hanging off her every word like she’s freaking Jesus._

_Leah knows better. Really, she does. Still, she doesn’t hold her tongue - whether she’s able to is an entirely separate issue - and she lets loose a string of comments so vile that she actually feels a prick of shame._

_“You don’t get to walk in here like the world revolves around your white ass!"_

_Leah doesn’t mean to say it, not really, but it’s true. She has no right to be on the Reservation, running around like she’s one of the pack. She’s just some nosy outsider, some neo-colonialist bitch with a superiority complex. Imprint or not, she doesn’t deserve Embry. Embry’s selfless, giving to the point of concern, genuine and soft. When Jake had kicked her to the side after that mutant Renesmee had been born - the fuck was that about anyway? - Embry was there, reassuring and loyal. He deserved the world and more, not some damaged little brat._

_Jared had torn her a new one - literally - when he’d corralled her into the woods, but it doesn’t change how she feels. Actually, it does - she hates Lex even more for getting between them. Leah’s been there from day one, when they’d all phased and had to figure out how the fuck to deal with battling vampires on the daily._

_Leah could deal with vampires. Could Lex?_

Embry’s mind is a blank slate. Even Quil, normally the master of incessant chatter, is speechless. An awkward moment passes, one where Leah feels like she should say something, anything, but what is left to say, really? 

_I can’t believe you said that,_ Quil offers, finally _. I knew you didn’t like her, but that’s something else._

His disappointment is palpable. She was expecting reproach, sure, but Quil’s disapproval cuts deeper than any alternative. 

_That’s not protecting me, Leah, that’s being an asshole for no good reason. I’m old enough to choose what I want. I don’t need you fucking this up even more,_ Embry growls _._

_Choose? What part of fucking fate did you sign up for? The bit where you sign your life away in a single freaking blink? You’re insane if you actually think what you have with her is real._

_Jesus Christ, just because you had your heart stomped on doesn’t mean you need to mess up my life. I’m choosing to be with her because I actually care about her. Sam made his choice. We are not the same. I could walk away if I wanted to, but I’m not going to pretend I don’t love her, because I do. If you care about me, deal with it._

_Love her? You can’t be serious. She doesn’t give a fuck about you!_

Embry’s circling Leah, his muzzle coming dangerously close to her flank. His incisors gleam a brilliant white as he snarls, blinding and threatening. A warning.

_Okay, okay, that’s enough. Em, I’ll see you at home, okay? Let me talk this out with Leah before you guys kill each other._

_Fin_ _e_ , he snaps, casting her one last bitter look before loping away.

They sit in uncomfortable silence until Embry fades from the collective consciousness. Finally, when it’s just the two of them, Quil crosses the clearing to lean against her side.

_Just like I like you, even though you’re an asshole, he has his reasons. You don’t have to like her. Just try and be nice. Please._

_Being nice to her is physically painful_ , Leah grumbles, but there’s a lightness in her eyes, the playfulness he’s been missing.

_Do it for me?_ Quil pleads, offering her his best attempt at puppy-dog eyes. 

_Fine. God, you’ve got me on a tight leash._

_That’s the goal_ , he taunts, nipping at her heels.

_Well, Call’s passing on those tacos. You coming?_

_Bet._

* * *

There’s a six-pack on Embry’s doorstep later that evening with a crumpled blue sticky-note attached. There’s only one word scrawled across the paper - _sorry_ \- but he doesn’t need any clues to identify the sender. Embry likes to consider himself as observant, the kind of person to pick up the little things that others miss. He’ll kick himself later, looking back, for not thinking twice about the way Quil beams at the gift, but in the moment, it’s totally innocuous. 

Embry had mentally pencilled in a full evening of wallowing in his misery, but there’s someone hovering over him every freaking second, lingering like an unpleasant smell. It’s Jake’s last night in La Push and, truth be told, he feels beyond guilty that they’ve barely spent any time together. Jake’s easy-going, the kind of understanding that puts everyone else to shame, but, nonetheless, Embry wishes the circumstances would have been different. Working on Lex's Mazda with him is like jumping into a time-machine, warping themselves back into the Black garage, fifteen and carefree. Their past is so far removed from their present-day reality, almost like an alternate timeline, one where everything was still normal. 

It hurts to wonder what life would have been like if shifting wasn’t a thing.

Embry jerks his head upright suddenly, cracking his skull against the underside of the engine bay. The bump will be gone in ten minutes, tops. The pain is a welcome sensation, and he’s sure that his pain’s only a fraction of hers -

“Embry. Turn that brain off,” Jared groans, slapping Call’s outstretched leg.

He sighs, rubbing a grease-stained hand across his face. “You say that like it’s easy.”

Jacob lifts his head from the toolbox, shooting him a sympathetic look. “Messing up is natural. Look on the bright side - everyone’s limbs are still attached,” he says, grinning.

Quil snorts, shaking his head. “That’s what I said! See, I was right!”

“What if you weren’t phased, Jared? What if it was just me and her? Fuck, I could have done so much worse,” Embry moans, dropping his swollen head into his hands. 

Jared slugs him on the shoulder, hard and fast. “Don’t give me that. You’d self-combust before you’d ever hurt her.”

Embry opens his mouth to disagree, but Jake’s quick to silence him with a single raised finger.

“As your oldest friend - don’t even try, Quil - I can tell you right now that you wouldn’t hurt her. You aren’t like that. None of us are. Besides, the imprint’s basically a failsafe. I couldn’t even take Ness out, and she’s meant to be an enemy.”

Jared nods. “He’s right, Em. Plus, I’ve seen inside your head practically every day since high school. You can’t even hunt as a wolf.”

“Ugh, just because I don’t like raw meat like some people,” he says, shooting Jacob a pointed look. Jacob only grins.

“Okay, we’ve established Em’s a teddy bear. Can we go back to the car now?” Quil asks, taking a sip of his beer. 

He only chokes a little when Jake pitches a spanner in his direction. Embry almost wishes it would have finished him off.

* * *

“I’m not getting up.”

“Well, I’m not going to argue with you. But I can bring them here if you won’t move your ass.”

Lex lowers the covers slightly to glare in Kim’s direction. “You wouldn’t.”

“I’m straight up telling you I will. _Move_.”

Lex hesitates for a second before sliding over on the mattress, clearing some room for Kim. She sits slowly, her eyes not leaving Lex.

“If you’re about to ask for more details, I’ve said all I’m allowed to. Embry has to tell you the rest.”

“No, I wasn’t going to ask for that...I don’t think. I don’t know. I just keep thinking of how freaking insane he looked,” she mumbles, rubbing her temples. 

Kim strokes her back, the kind of gesture that she thinks a mother might do. 

Lex wouldn’t know, though.

“Do you think he would have actually…” Lex trails off, miming a strangling gesture.

“Oh, hon,” Kim whispers, pulling her into a tight hug.

Kim’s shirt is damp where her face presses against it, and she realises a second later that the wetness is from her cheeks. When did the tears start? Probably the same time her sniffling did, she rationalises, trying to stifle the noises that escape her chest.

“Is that something you talked to Chief Swan about?” Kim asks quietly.

Lex nods once.

“Okay. Well, um, you can talk about it if you want. Or not. That’s okay too. Embry’s not going to do that to you, though. He’s not going to hurt you. If you don’t want to see him, I get it. I can get Jared to talk to him.”

She doesn’t tell Kim about the dream she had last night, the one where the man in her kitchen and the figure from the station had morphed into one. She doesn’t talk about the way the boundaries had blurred, shimmering and flexing until the transformation was complete, producing a horrendous looming figure that stalked her into the corners of her unconscious. Lex had awoken with tear-stained cheeks and quickened breath, stuck between the beast she knew and the beast she didn’t. 

He wasn’t her father. Logically, she knew that. 

She had to see him one more time to be sure.

“I want to go. Can you take me to him?” she says, her voice cracking.

Kim’s uncertain, but it doesn’t matter. Lex is already up, tugging on yesterday’s jeans before she can be talked out of it. It’s been a crazy few days, and she should rest (and maybe call a therapist, pronto), but she needs to see him. If seeing is believing, then maybe speaking with Embry will be cathartic, a confirmation that she doesn’t need to fear his presence. 

Reassurance can’t come quickly enough.

* * *

Kim calls Jared, who calls Jake, who abandons his reconnaissance mission at Forks Police Station to return to the bungalow. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust Embry - _I mean, he has been extra unhinged lately_ \- but the one thing that Jake knows better than anyone is wolf stuff. The biggest realisation he’d come to as Alpha centred around how desperately his friends’ wolves craved the presence of their leader, their spirits calling to him like a siren’s song. They shared the link even when he was away, but there was a power in the physical that distance could not replace. He felt at peace when he was surrounded by his kin, and they thrived under his leadership.

La Push would always be home.

Embry visibly relaxes when Jake enters the room, striding to sit beside him on the moth-eaten couch. Jake raises a hand to rest on Embry’s shoulder, hot and familiar, as if the years and the distance haven’t passed between them. 

“You’ll do the right thing. I know you will.”

Embry isn’t sure if it’s reassurance or an order, but he nods nonetheless. Having Jake beside him is settling - even if he’s unsure of himself, he knows Jake could never harm Lex. He would never.

Would Embry?

The men sit in silence until the familiar tin-whistle of Kim’s car draws close, the sound painfully reverberating in his ears until she finally cuts the engine. Waiting for the women to come inside is torture, especially when he can hear every footfall, every breath, that leads them closer. They pause at the screen door, hovering at the threshold, and he wants to leap up, to welcome them in, but he knows that his presence is probably more fear-inspiring than friendly at this point. 

Jake’s hand squeezes tighter on his shoulder until Embry winces.

“Do not move. Do you hear me?” he orders. 

A blessing and a curse.

Embry would nod if he could. “Yes.”

“Good,” Jake replies simply.

Kim enters first, her hand tightly grasping Lex’s. Lex’s head is bowed, her eyes downcast, but her heartbeat is steady. She’s nervous, but she’s here, and maybe he can fix this.

Jake greets them, but it’s all fuzz. He needs to hear her voice, he needs to apologise, hell, he needs to _beg_ for her forgiveness. Still, Jake’s authority compels him to remain obedient, silent, and so he simply watches Lex, mentally willing for her to look his way. 

She does.

Her eyes are lifeless, a far cry from the last time he’d seen her - but he can’t picture that now. She blinks, hard, and he wonders if she’s chasing tears away, if he’s the source of her misery. He already knows the answer to that.

Lex’s voice is scratchy when she finally speaks. “Kim told me what you are. I don’t care about that. Okay, I do, but that’s not important right now.” 

She trails off for a moment, looking at Kim for something, anything, and Kim responds with a firm squeeze of the hand. Embry would do anything for that to be him comforting her. He’d do anything to wind the clock back, to have Jake order him to _stay away_ , to keep her safe like he’d vowed to do.

“Did you want to hurt me?” she whispers, looking directly at him.

Embry thinks he might just expel the contents of his stomach onto the freshly cleaned floor. From the corner of his eye, he catches Jake’s slight nod, the permission to speak. 

“Lex, I can’t tell you how much I regret it all. Fuck, I should have let you go, I should have never gone over -”

“That’s not what I asked,” she says flatly, her expression impassive.

Embry swallows. “I lost control when I thought you were leaving, but it wasn’t because I wanted to hurt you. Hurting you is the last thing I’d ever want to do,” he says shakily. “You deserve so much better than me, someone normal, someone that isn’t an actual fucking animal.” 

He cuts off when his voice breaks, betraying the torment that he’s grappling with. The last thing he wants to do is cry - not because he fears weakness, but because he knows that’ll break Lex. 

Lex studies Embry for a long moment before turning to Jacob, fixing him with a searching look. “Kim says you can read minds. I want to know what he was thinking about.”

Jacob shifts uncomfortably, glancing at Embry. “I don’t like sharing pack business, but I think you have a right to know. He thought he had killed you, and he wanted me to order him to leave the Reservation. When he phased, he was thinking about his father leaving, about me leaving,” Jake says, wincing, “and about your father. About how you leaving would send you back to him. He lost control, but it wasn’t because he wanted to hurt you. Knowing he hurt you nearly finished him.”

Embry’s crying beside him, his head in his hands, but Lex’s eyes don’t stray from Jacob. 

“Did you order him?” 

“No. He wanted me to force him to stay away from you, but that needs to be your choice. I don’t want to take that away from you.”

She nods, pensive. Eventually, she turns to face Embry, meeting his gaze when he raises his head from his lap. 

“How am I supposed to trust you? How do I know you’re not like him?” she questions. 

He sinks to his knees slowly on the carpet before her, bowing his head in shame or penance or perhaps both. 

“I know that I’m no better than him, but I’m going to spend every day making it right with you, Lex, if you want me. If you want to leave, I’ll let you go, but I want you to know the truth first. Do you remember the bonfire we went to awhile back?”

She nods, though her face remains pinched in confusion.

“Kim’s already told you that most of the legends are true, that we change into wolves to protect the tribe, but she’s left the last story for me to tell. The legend about the night of the fire, the one where K’wati ties strings between the protectors and the people. It’s real. It’s real, and I’m bound to you.”

Lex’s eyebrows draw closer together, but she says nothing, and so he continues.

“The spirits gave me to you for protection, but the more time I spend with you, the clearer it gets. I love you, Lex, and I need to make this right with you, if you allow me. Or not. Say the word and I’ll go, if that’s what you want. Whatever you want,” he whispers, his voice trailing off as she stares at him.

“You’re telling me that we’re stuck together?”

Embry shakes his head abruptly. “I’m not going to make you stay. You deserve better than me, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting you. I want this to be your choice.”

Kim rubs her hand soothingly, drawing slow circles with her thumb. “I know it’s crazy to think about. I thought Jared was insane when he told me.”

Suddenly, it all makes sense. All the looks exchanged, the sizzling intimacy between the other couples. The unspoken care and affection conveyed in every gaze, every gesture, or the way that they seem to move in sync. But...her? And Embry? Somehow bound together, by something greater than simple attraction? It seems like a mistake, like he’s read the signs wrong. And, shit, she isn’t even sure about how she feels about him turning into a gigantic, horror-inspiring wolf, a huge mass of claws and teeth and predation. 

And that’s without acknowledging the whole _I love you_ thing. 

“I think...I need time to think. It’s a lot to deal with,” Lex says, feeling guilty the moment the words leave her mouth.

Embry nods instantly, drawing himself off the floor and to his seat, like the pleading never happened. She won’t forget, though. 

“Take all the time you need. Just, call me, please, whatever you decide.”

“I will.”

When she leaves, it’s as if she’s taking half of his heart with her. The yearning resumes immediately, a fierce twisting that threatens to rip him in half if he doesn’t pursue. Distantly, he wonders if she feels the same way, if the bond affects her as deeply as it does him. 

Jake turns to him, looking more triumphant than ever. “She’ll choose you. I know she will.”

Embry isn’t so sure. 


	18. Timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we take baby steps towards reconciliation.

If Quil was to write the guide to handling questionable imprinting, Jacob would be the author of its ill-fated sequel: _So Your Soulmate Has Dumped You_. Jake doesn’t say the words outright, but the message is crystal clear after his fifth Alpha order of the week. 

_Are you seriously forcing me to go to college?_ Embry whines, wincing under the weight of the edict.

_I wouldn’t have to order it if you actually went. What sort of friend would I be if I let you skip?_ Jake points out, undeterred by his complaints.

_I don’t think you went to school once in your senior year,_ Seth adds, playfully winking at Embry.

He could seriously kiss that kid right now. 

_See! Jake, give me a break. Don’t make me go._

_You’re going, Em. Also, Seth, you better be going to school. The budget’s tight enough as it is. We can’t afford another bribe._

Seth sniffs. _Mom could probably swing it. She knows everyone._

_I think I have my first grey hair_ , Jake thinks, bending to peer at his paw. _I blame it on you two._

_Fine, fine, I’ll go,_ Embry grumbles, dipping out of the pack mind after a hasty goodbye.

His relationship with phasing has grown a little frayed after the whole debacle. Sure, he’s never been one of the more talented guys in the pack, but he hasn’t had a single unintentional phase since his first year as a wolf. The last time was entirely different, too, the result of an extended argument with Paul over the last muffin.

He hadn’t lost control since.

Looking back, he cringes at all of the little tells that pointed to his increasingly tenuous grip on his humanity, like the red mist that had consumed him when Lex called him crying from the gas station months before. Worse was the way he’d destroyed that chair at the police station in seconds, or the way he can barely recall a single conscious thought from the day it all went wrong. He was prepared for the imprint to rob him of his agency, but he hadn’t expected the sudden intensification of his emotions. A single look had reverted him to the angsty, uncontrolled boy that had been subdued years prior, suppressed by heroic notions of tribal duty and self-sacrifice. With Lex, he feels everything - the passion, the joy, the terror. He was perfectly content to float through life unthinking and uncaring, simply dedicating his life to pack service without a second thought. She’s changed all of that, opening his eyes up to an unfamiliar world of choice, and it’s _terrifying_. 

In a way, being a mindless sentry was preferable.

Embry floats through the week according to Jake’s orders - actually attending college (his professors barely recognise him), working extra shifts for his mom, and running extended patrols. The days pass by similarly, unceremonious and increasingly boring. On the bright side, when Lex inevitably decides to never speak to him again, at least he’ll have properly caught up on all of his overdue assignments. His latest English Fundamentals assignment is returned on Thursday, adorned with a large B+ in thick red ink-strokes. Quil cranes his neck to see the mark, frowning at his own C-.

“Dude, seriously? Where can I find a girl to tutor me?” he groans, immediately wincing at his words. 

Embry waves off his hurried apologies with a shrug. “It’s fine. You’re right, anyway. It’s all her.”

Everything seems to be coming back to her, as if that’s any surprise. Hell, he’d cried a little in his kitchen this morning when the creamer had lightened his coffee to the exact shade of her eyes. He’s caught little flashes of her here and there around campus, but nothing substantial, nothing to wet his appetite and calm the beast. The worst part by far was sensing her nearby, knowing that holding her was simply a matter of moving a couple of yards (and winning her over, but it hurts to think about that). 

Quil nudges him with a pencil, eventually poking him with the sharpened tip. “Maybe, like, write her something nice. Kim’s a real sucker for that, apparently.”

For once, it’s not a bad idea. Quil’s like one of those typewriter monkeys, the ones that’ll eventually strike gold if they bang on the keys for long enough. Embry flips through his notebook, sorting through scrunched paper until he finally finds his notes from months back. Every word is pencilled in an extra-careful hand, desperate to impress her watchful eye. That part’s irrelevant, though; the notes aren’t what he’s after. The poetry, on the other hand? That’s sure to catch her attention. Ten minutes of painstaking chicken-scratch later, he’s finally got a passable love note that just might work.

If only she’ll read it.

* * *

By the following Tuesday, Kim has a formidable stash of artefacts, ranging from scribbled song lyrics to CVS-printed photos. Passing them on to Lex is a lost cause - Kim had tried, but she’d only received a swift shake of the head in reply. Kim opts to cram them in her car’s glove box instead, hoping that Lex’ll eventually come around. She has to, right? Kim had befriended Lex out of a sense of obligation, dutifully following the pattern that the other women had started. Sure, there was nothing wrong with befriending Rachel or Emily - they were perfectly fine people, really - but the friendships were thrust upon her, a direction issued by a greater authority. None of it was her decision. Being nice to Lex started out similarly, fulfilling some pack duty that she’d taken on after becoming Jared’s girlfriend. All they expected of her was a casual prod towards Embry, maybe a coffee date or two, just to get her comfortable with the pack. She’d done that for Rachel, after Paul had imprinted on the beach, and she’d done her darndest to be kind to Renesmee, even if that kid made her skin prickle. Befriend, push towards imprint-er, fade to black. That’s how it went. 

Usually.

Kim wasn’t quite sure what was different about Lex - her enduring cynicism, or maybe her peculiar loyalty - but there was something that made her want to stick around. Everything in Kim’s life had been chosen for her since birth, decided by some omnipotent other without any real consideration of her feelings. Even Jared, who would normally be the exception to the rule, was only concerned because the spirits _compelled_ him to be. Sometimes Kim wishes she’d stopped to question the imprint sooner, before their relationship had become as enduring as the legends. It doesn’t matter now, though, not when everything is the Kim-and-Jared show, one impenetrable unit against the world. It’s too late for her.

It's not too late for Lex.

Kim decides that what she likes most about Lex is her resolve - hell, Embry’s been chasing her for a week, virtually on his knees begging for a second chance, and still, she holds firm to her beliefs. If all else fails, Kim’s found the kind of person she wishes she could be, and surely that counts for something. At the very least, Lex needs a break from the apologies, and so she texts Jared something simple - _get him to back off, please_ \- before slipping her phone into the bottom of her bag. She’s about to meet Lex for the first time in a few days - apparently, space from Em comes with space from everyone - and Kim doesn’t need any extra distractions. Kim can deal with disappointment from the pack, from her family, but there’s a tiny part of her that desperately wants Lex’s friendship above all else. 

She wants Lex to choose her. 

Kim slips into the cafeteria from the back door, her eyes skimming over the crowd until she spots the familiar messy knot of hair on a figure bent over the table. Lex’s furiously scribbling into a notebook, her mouth pursed in focus. Kim almost feels bad for interrupting.

“What’cha working on?”

Lex jumps, her pen ripping through the top sheet of paper. “Fuck,” she hisses, frowning at the mark. 

“Sorry, Lex. I thought you would have heard me coming.”

She sighs, crumpling the paper into a tight ball. “I’ve been a little distracted lately. Can you help me finish this?”

Kim’s eyebrows shoot up. “You...want help? Honestly, I can’t believe you even replied to my messages.”

Lex’s lips quirk up into a ghost of a smile. “Desperate times, huh?”

Kim nods, willing her to go on. She’s a little scared that any wrong word will ruin the moment, chasing away whatever mood Lex is in.

After a moment, Lex smooths out the crumpled sheets surrounding her notebook. They’re in various states of completion - all letters to Embry, all scribbled over and scratched out.

_I hate that I’m scared of you._

_I hate that you remind me of him._

_I hate that you lied to me._

_Sometimes, I hate you too._

“I don’t know how to get past this,” she mumbles, clearing her throat when her voice shakes. 

“Can I make a suggestion?” Kim says hesitantly, turning the idea over in her mind.

When Lex nods, Kim decides to risk it.

“Come with me to see Emily. I think she’ll be able to help you.”

The Uley household’s only a short drive away, a quiet journey punctuated only by the fat raindrops that splatter against the car windows. Even after she welcomes them inside, Emily doesn’t talk too much, not until the first cup of tea is placed on the laminate counter. She’d looked mildly surprised at the sight of the two women on her doorstep, but she doesn’t delve into the topic until they’re all seated around the breakfast bar.

“Can I ask what inspired the visit?” Emily says, glancing between her visitors.

Lex only looks towards Kim. 

“It’s the phasing thing,” Kim says, taking a sip of her overly-sweetened tea.

“Phasing,” Emily repeats, nodding. “It’s okay to be upset. It would be strange if you weren’t.”

They’re both looking at Lex, clearly waiting for something, and the words come out strangled when she speaks. “I don’t know how _not_ to be scared of him.”

Emily nods again, resting her cup on the saucer. “Has anyone told you the story of how this happened?” she asks, gesturing vaguely towards her face. 

Lex shakes her head. She’s gotten little bits from Embry and Kim, curt warnings about staying out of the woods, but no real story. She wasn’t even aware there _was_ a story. 

“When Sam first imprinted on me, he was still with Leah. He broke up with her that night, but we didn’t know what happened in the weeks before when he’d disappeared. We thought he had a mental break, or maybe he got into drugs. We didn’t know what was about to happen to all of us. I promised Leah he would come back to her - he had to, he always did.

“After a few days, I went back home - I lived out on the Makah Rez back then. Sam showed up at my door the next morning, begging and pleading for a chance. He said something about how he was in love with me, that we were meant to be, but I couldn’t listen. Leah was like my sister - as kids, we passed for twins, for heaven’s sake - and I couldn’t do that to her. He wouldn’t leave, so I did, and I walked out onto one of the trailheads near my home. He let me go, and all I could think about when I walked away was how upset the visit was going to make Leah. I didn’t know how much worse it was going to get.

Emily dabs a tissue at her eyes, looking away for a moment. “Sorry. It still hurts to think about.”

“You don’t have to tell me, Emily,” Lex says, uncomfortably smoothing the creases on her shirt.

Emily shakes her head. “I want you to hear how this ends.”

“Okay.”

“I was out on the trailhead alone for a little while, just pacing and thinking. Here was a guy claiming to care about me, to be in love with me, and who could pass that up? But he was Sam, and Sam was Leah’s, and we couldn’t do that. We couldn’t. I walked a little more, and before I had time to even realise I had startled a bear, it was too late. By the time Sam heard me scream, it had already clawed my face and my chest. He phased as soon as he saw the bear, and I watched him fight it off. Lex, you have no idea-”

Emily cuts off, openly crying into the sleeves of her sweatshirt. 

Kim reaches across to rub her back. 

“He killed the bear and brought me to the hospital, thinking I was going to die. It took four transfusions, one surgery, and two weeks in-patient, but I survived. They couldn’t fix my scars. Sam and Jared spent every day with me in the hospital. Leah didn’t visit once.”

Lex furiously swipes at her tears, but there’s no real point. They’re all crying, anyway.

“Sam saved my life, and he’s made up for his mistake every day since. It took a long time for me to feel safe, knowing what he was - what he _is_ \- but we made it in the end. If I could go back and stop him from hurting Leah, I would, but I can’t. He saved my life, and he chose me, and we have to move past that. Maybe she’ll understand one day.”

“I...I don’t know what to say. I didn’t realise he was there when you got hurt,” Lex murmurs, rubbing the back of her neck. “Did you ever wonder if he’d hurt you like he hurt the bear?”

Emily shakes her head vigorously. “Sam might be strong, but he’s not brutal. He did what he had to. Embry...he’s less experienced. He doesn’t have that Alpha strength that Sam does. He wasn’t trying to scare you.”

Kim curls her arm around Lex’s shoulders. “Sam’s putting him through the ropes again before he’s allowed near you. Jared says it’s going well.”

Emily hums in agreement. “They’re working on his control. Time apart is good for you, though. Kim was saying you weren’t sure about Em?”

Lex shoots her a wounded look, but Kim only shrugs. “Uh, yeah, I don’t know. It’s kind of embarrassing to say, but Embry’s my first...everything.”

“Join the club, sister,” Kim says, raising her palm for a high-five, but Lex simply stares until she drops her hand.

“I think what Kim meant to say,” Emily starts, sending her a pointed glance, “is that we all start somewhere. Embry isn’t expecting commitment and intimacy and a wedding all at once. You can be whatever you want to be.”

Lex flushes at the change in direction, but says nothing, simply nodding. 

Emily stands, smoothing her apron. “How about some more tea?”

* * *

“Fuck, Quil, I thought you knew how to change the timing belt,” Embry huffs, throwing his spanner down in frustration. The grease splatters halfway up his jeans, but he doesn’t care.

Quil sheepishly scratches his head, looking more like a kid than he has in weeks. “Bit of wishful thinking?”

He dodges the bolt aimed in his direction by sheer millimetres.

“I can’t believe I have to read a freaking manual,” Embry complains through gritted teeth, dragging his tattered textbook from his rucksack. 

He’d rather die before doing things by the book, but Lex’s car isn’t getting any better -

And that’s when he sees it. A tiny scrap of lined notebook paper, fluttering from between the stained pages of _Cruser’s Exhaustive Guide to Vehicle Maintenance_. 

_Em -_

_These are the official rules of engagement. Take it or leave it._

  * _No touching, at least until I know you’re not going to skin me. Kind of negotiable, I guess._
  * _No dogs in the house. Non-negotiable._
  * _Talk to Leah. Tell her you're okay._



_-L_

“Ooh, are you gonna share?” Quil crows, reaching out to try and snatch the paper.

Embry tucks it safely into his pocket, gesturing rudely at Quil. “Piss off. You’ll see it later, anyway.”

Quil chortles. “Fair point.”

Embry pulls out his phone, sending Leah a short text. Ten minutes later, there’s no reply, and so he tries again. 

Still, nothing.

That’s how he ends up rapping on the Clearwater’s door at four in the afternoon, intent on ironing out whatever shit she’s started with his imprint. He’s gotten part of the story from the pack mind, but he’s sure there’s more to the case. There always is with Leah.

Sue answers the door, donning a flour-marked apron. “Embry? Seth’s out, if you’re looking for him. He should be back this evening.”

“I’m actually looking for Leah. Is she in?” he asks, cocking his head.

Her eyebrows crinkle in confusion, but still she opens the door wider. “She’s upstairs,” Sue offers, stepping out of the way.

He scales the stairs with zero hesitation, knocking on her door as if he’s visited a billion times. He has, in a way, knowing the interior of the Clearwater house like the back of his hand, all thanks to the pack mind. Leah takes a long while to respond to the rapping, but the door eventually creaks open, revealing a face leaden with sleep.

“Seriously, Call? Someone better be dying,” she grumbles, dragging her hand across her eyes.

He barks out a sudden laugh. “Can you tell me why Lex is so concerned with your opinion of me?”

She scoffs, rolling her eyes. “I just pointed out how braindead you’ve been acting since you imprinted. But hey, it’s not like she knows you. She probably thinks that’s normal for you.”

“First of all, I’m not braindead.” He holds his finger up, silencing her attempt at a rebuttal. “I like spending time with her. I like thinking about her. Probably would have done that without an imprint, too.”

“You’ll never know,” she mutters, almost too low for him to hear.

“Huh?”

She presses her lips together tightly. “You’ll never know if you would care without the imprint. You don’t get that choice. I thought we were safe, three years with nothing new, but something just had to break that streak. You’re stuck.”

He exhales. “You’re not mad at her. You’re mad at the universe.”

“Yeah, and?”

“The thought of trying to fix some argument was bugging me. For what it’s worth, I’m not upset about the imprint. It’s not the end, Lee. I’m still me, and you’re still my sister.”

“Pack sister,” Leah grumbles, as if there’s a difference.

“I’ll even come to Paul’s on Friday,” he promises, inwardly delighting at the tiny smile that spreads across her face.

“Hm. Did Jake order that?”

“Not yet. Figured I may as well go before he makes me,” Embry confesses, grinning. “I’ll be there. Can you try not to torment Lex in the meantime?”

“Fine. Don’t wake me up again.”

“No promises,” he teases, sing-songing his way down the staircase.

With Leah on his side, there’s nothing standing in his way.

* * *

“What do you mean I can’t see her?” Embry exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air.

Sam remains firm. “We’ve been over this. You’re not seeing her until you’re under control, and I’m not convinced you’re ready.”

“But-”

“Don’t argue with me. Do you want a repeat of last time?”

Embry bows his head, chastised. The last thing he wants to do is hurt her, even if keeping his distance is killing him.

“Phase and run the southern boundary. When you’re finished, we’ll spar again.”

Embry turns to head into the forest, only pausing when Sam calls out to him.

“I know this is hard for you, but it’s for the best. You’ll get there. I know you will.”

He continues on his path without responding. Logically, he recognises that Sam’s right, but that doesn’t make the command sting any less. Maybe Jake might help him -

_Doubtful. Do your time, get your shit sorted_ , Jared comments, briefly tearing his mind from his rounds.

_What I would give for a moment of silence._

_Tell me about it._

_How do I know when I’m ready? I didn’t know I was on the edge last time...what if it happens again?_ Embry wonders, toeing the boundary line.

_It won’t,_ Jared asserts. _Once is a mistake. Twice is a choice, and you’re better than that._

They run in silence, scenting the air for unfamiliar notes. Eventually, Embry reaches Jared’s flank, and the two run in an easy formation until they reach the connecting boundary.

_You know, thinking about what she needs helps keep me grounded. You know Quil’s theories, about imprinting filling some kind of need she has?_ Jared thinks, bending his head low to survey for trails. 

_Bold to assume he ever stops talking about his theories._

_True. Anyway, if I close my eyes and focus really hard, I can feel her mind out there. Use the link, feel that connection, and let it keep you human. You need something to tether you._

Embry sinks to his haunches, reluctantly closing his eyes. _What am I meant to think about?_

Jared mirrors his posture, eyelids fluttering closed. _Focus on your breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out. Imagine reaching out to her, like you’re stretching hard to grab her hand. Can you feel that tug?_

Embry is silent, and so Jared continues on.

_Imagine curling your hand on hers. You’re holding on to her, and she’s holding you to the world. Follow her. Where’s she leading you?_

_I don’t know. I feel…cold_ , Embry thinks, shaking his head. _That’s it? I was reaching, but I don’t even know if I did it right._

_It takes time. Practice, put some time into it. If I focus on Kim…_ Jared thinks, his thoughts trailing off into blankness, _I can tell that she’s a little nervous. Anxious about something_.

_That’s freaky._

_Tell me about it. Practice some more, do a little each day, and when you see her you’ll be primed for whatever happens. You lost it once, but you’ll get that connection back. The spirits chose you for a reason._

_Jared, if accounting doesn’t work out, you should think about being a spirit guide_ , Embry thinks, only half-joking.

Before Jared can reply, Sam phases in, instantaneously commanding.

_Embry, have you finished your loop?_

_Coming now, Sam. Ready for my daily ass kicking._

_A man to the slaughter. I'll pick up your corpse on my last round_ , Jared offers, his lip twitching. 

_Awesome. You'll get first dibs on the garage_ , Embry adds, his paws pounding on the beaten earth.

_I'll even turn you into one of those lucky animal paws. I think that'd look good hanging from my rearview mirror._

_Ugh, don't make me imagine that. I don't think you're allowed to desecrate bodies like that, anyway_ , Sam thinks, remembering Harry's funeral - thankfully, the last one they've had on the Rez.

_Is there anything sacred left around here?_ Embry muses as he trots into the clearing.

Sam tips his head low in greeting. _I'll try to leave your spirit intact._

_So kind._

_I know._

* * *

"Hey, you've reached Embry. Embry Call. I'm busy right now, so leave a message and I'll call you back."

"Or not."

"Shut up, Quil. Jesus. Yeah, I'll call you."

_BEEP_

"Hey, Em, it's me. Um, it's Lex, if you didn't get that. I just wanted to -"

"Hello?" His voice cuts the recording short, intercepting her moments before she could confess something foolish. 

Of course, that comes with the complication of actually having to speak to him.

"Oh. Hi."

"Hi," he mumurs, seconds before the muffled yawn works its way down the phone line.

"Sorry, did I wake you? Did you have to...run?" she asks, stumbling over her words. _Patrol_. _You meant to say patrol,_ she thinks, _you know, those exhausting shifts he works as a freaking forest creature_. 

"Yeah," he yawns, letting out a little hum. "It's okay, though. I wanted to talk to you. What's up?"

It's odd, the way they can go from not speaking properly for over a week to picking up like nothing's happened. Whats up? Where can she even begin to answer that?

"I wanted to see how you were," she says slowly, tracing the pattern of the wallpaper with her eyes. "It's been awhile."

"Too long," he agrees.

The silence stretches between them, but it's not like the uncomfortable gaps that have punctuated recent days. It's comfortable, familiar, like a sudden swing back to their agreeable past, before time and circumstance separated them.

"Em? If...if things were different, if you weren't forced to stay, do you think you would still care?" she asks, half dreading his response.

She needs to hear the answer, but she doesn't want the truth - a painful catch-22. 

There's a brief rustling on the other end of the line, the sound intermingled with his shallow breathing. “Sorry, my hand slipped. I’m not forced to do anything, Lex. I want to be with you.”

“You know, I talked to Emily today. She told me about...what happened. Sam didn’t get a choice.”

“Actually, Sam made his choice. He chose Emily,” Embry corrects, a little stiffly. Memories of Leah, wailing after her first phase, the day she’d learned everything, refuse to leave his mind.

“I thought he couldn’t go back to Leah? Emily says that Sam loved her straight away,” she says, her voice rising towards a question. It doesn’t make sense - none of this mess does.

“He never tried, Lex. Could he? I don’t know, but he never stopped to try, and that’s where we’re different. I don’t have a Leah, and I’ve thought about this - thought about you - more than a normal person probably should admit.”

She squeezes out a laugh. “You? Thinking? Shocker.”

“Asshole. I mean it, though. I like you, I want to spend time with you, but that’s because I want to. The imprint is just there as a reminder to keep you alive.”

“God, Em, I didn’t know you were that romantic,” she comments wryly.

His face burns in the darkness of his bedroom. There’s a billion romantic things he’d love to say to her, preferably with her encircled in his arms, just the two of them in their own universe. Of course, that would require backtracking, rewinding the days back to a time when she felt safe in his presence.

“Lex, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I’m sorry I put you in danger. I’m sorry you can’t trust me. I thought you’d hate me if you knew, but I bet you hate me even more now,” he says, rushing to get the words out before he loses his nerve.

Her breathing is the only noise travelling down the line for a painful few moments. “I’m not over it, but I get what you mean. Kim says I should read you this dumb thing I wrote.”

“Do you want to tell me?” he asks hesitantly, feeling a touch apprehensive at her tone.

“I guess.” She unfolds the paper carefully, smoothing the creases with her fingertips. 

“Embry. I’m writing this because Kim keeps bugging me to talk about my feelings and the thought of laying it all out makes me want to implode. It’s like I’m drowning under the weight of everything going on, and for awhile you were my life vest and that was nice. That thing with the guy at work happened, and you showed up, and you made me feel safe. When my dad came, you were there, and the Chief got him to leave and it was all going to be fine. And then you became a giant animal inside my house and I thought you were going to kill me and suddenly things weren’t fine.”

Lex pauses, taking a shaky breath. “This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t read this-”

“Hey. I want to hear this. It’s important to me, Lex. You’re important to me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she sniffles, refolding the paper.

“I want you to be honest with me, even if it makes me feel like shit. If this is going to help you feel better, then do it. I mean it,” he says, wishing he could be there to comfort her. 

“Okay,” she says, quietly. “I’m scared that you’re going to turn out like my father. I’m scared that the imprint’s going to control me. I’m scared that I’ll never be normal, and even if you’re absolutely not normal, you still deserve better.”

“Fuck normal,” he breathes, slumping back against his headboard. “Honestly, that’s the least of my worries. Surviving isn’t shameful. You did what you had to. You hear me?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“And for the record, I will never be him. I fucked up by shifting near you, I know that, but I swear to you I’d die before I ever put you in danger again.” He swallows thickly, feeling the lump in his throat like a lead weight. “If you want to leave, go, and I won’t follow you. I shouldn’t have tried to stop you.”

“I wanted you to,” she blurts out, gripping the phone tighter. “I thought...I thought you’d be better without me. You left after I gave my statement, and then Leah came to talk to me, and all I could think was that I was making things worse for you.”

“Worse for me? You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, Lex. Leah’s hung up on her own shit with Sam, but I don’t see imprinting the same way. We both need help, and we can be that for each other. If you want that,” he adds, crossing his index and pointer fingers. 

“You promise me that you’re not required to say that?”

“I’ll bring you the script when I see you next,” he jokes, hoping to make her laugh. 

It works.

“I’d like that,” she exhales, sounding almost happy - a far cry from her recent state. 

“So I have to ask, did the notes get you to call me?”

“What notes?” she asks, sounding genuinely clueless.

“Uh, all the stuff I gave Kim. Didn’t she pass them on?”

Her silence is a dead giveaway.

“Okay, don’t be mad at her - I said I didn’t want to talk about it. I’ll get her to cough them up tomorrow,” she vows.

“Ah, you’d better. I think that’s used up all my romantic energy for the year,” he teases, grinning in the darkness of his room. “Although I do think I could manage taking a certain person to breakfast tomorrow.”

“I think that certain person may like that.”

“Excellent. Tell her I’ll be there at nine.”

“Duly noted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life's been pretty shit lately, but I'll try to get the next chapter up sooner. Thanks for sticking with me.


	19. Kairos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the road ahead forks.

“I’ve missed you,” she whispers, leaning in close to his warm embrace.

He curls his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in tighter until their bodies are pressed together. “I don’t want you to leave again.”   


“I won’t. I promise.”

“Prove it. Stay tonight.”

“Hmm, I think that can be arranged,” she giggles, swinging one leg over his lap. 

Embry swallows, trying to focus his attention on something more innocent. “I have an English assignment due Monday.”

She curves her neck to nip at the soft flesh of his jaw, skimming her nose along the thick stubble. “Mhmm. Maybe if you help me, I’ll help you,” she breathes, resuming her trail of kisses.

Her mouth leaves little pin-pricks of fire in its wake, as if all the cells in his body are suddenly awakened after years of slumber. She’s pleasure and pain all in one, alluring and yet so off-limits -

“Em, are you going to kiss me, or do I have to make the first move?” she hums, briefly pausing her ministrations to gaze up at him through her thick lashes.

Everything within him is screaming _ touch her _ , and between the erratic pounding of his heart and the uncomfortable tightness in his jeans, he can come up with zero reasons to deny her. Embry turns his head to face hers, lifting his broad fingers to tangle in the curls at the base of her neck. Her mouth is mere inches from his, and if the tantalising scent of honeysuckle and charcoal isn’t tempting enough - 

Honeysuckle and charcoal.

Charcoal.

Embry snaps bolt upright in his bed, the sheets pooling at his waist. A quick sniff confirms his expectations -  _ yes, his kitchen is on fire, and yes, that was definitely a dream _ \- as his brain reorients itself back in reality. It doesn’t make any sense; he could practically feel her touch, for Christ’s sake, and yet, there he is, alone in his double bed. He sighs as he twists the sheet around his waist as a makeshift covering, hurrying down the hallway to try and determine who’s actually burning the house down. 

“Fuck,” a low voice hisses, barely audible over the ear-piercing shriek of the fire alarm. 

Embry reaches up and flicks the battery out of the contraption in one easy swing. “Okay, who’s destroying the house this time?” he yawns, rounding the corner.

He has to rub his eyes a few times before he begins to believe what he’s seeing.

Quil’s dousing a burnt waffle in the sink, clad only in a hauntingly short pair of plaid pyjama shorts. That part of the picture makes sense, at least.  _ Female company definitely doesn’t add up, though _ , he thinks, squinting through the haze of smoke at the figure perched on the counter. Her face is turned towards Quil, giving Embry a fleeting chance to skim his eyes over her figure. She’s wearing only an oversized hockey jersey, stretching her bare exposed legs out on the counter he’d painstakingly cleaned the day before.

His eyes freeze on her ankle.

It’s the glimmering silver chain that gives her away.

“Leah?” 

Her head whips around suddenly as if spooked by the additional voice. “Jesus, Embry, I didn’t hear you coming,” she mutters, her eyes darting between the two men. Her cheeks are flushed a deep red, a hue that’s almost as dark as the flesh of her chin.

“I’m losing my mind,” Embry mutters, squeezing around her to grab his favourite coffee mug. “I thought for a moment the two of you were hooking up.”

“Ugh, no-”

“Hell yeah!”

The ensuing silence makes his skin crawl. He allows himself one quick glance up from the cutlery drawer, but it’s a moment too late - Leah’s already slid off the counter, headed towards the back door without a second’s hesitation.

“Lee, don’t -”

The screen door clatters shut before Quil can finish his sentence. In seconds, his jersey’s been cast aside on the dewy grass, abandoned in favour of a more rugged form. Quil runs his hand across his jaw, pausing for just a moment on his mouth. 

“Call, that timing was criminal.”

“Hey, I’m not the one that started a house fire. I was enjoying a perfectly good dream,” he says, grinning at Quil’s sour expression. “Seriously, man, what’s going on there?”

Quil tears his eyes away from the treeline, turning back to the soggy remnants of breakfast in the sink. “No idea. I’ll definitely hear about it later though.”

“Not her leaving, dumbass. Why was she here? How long have you two been hiding that?” Embry asks, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. “She’s been pretty pissy lately, but I didn’t realise that had something to do with you.”

“First of all, I’m an absolute delight,” Quil insists, flicking a piece of waffle at Embry. It hits the tiles with a moist squelch that makes his stomach turn. “Second, I don’t know. We aren’t sleeping together, if that’s what you were wondering. We just had patrol together.”

“And she was wearing your shirt because…?”

Quil ducks his head before Embry can be sure, but in the low light, he’s almost positive that his friend is blushing. Quil  _ never  _ blushes. 

“Haven’t you got someone else to annoy?” he whines, shooting a crabby glare in Embry’s direction. “As if losing my breakfast wasn’t enough torture.”   


“Okay, okay, I’ll interrogate you later. This isn’t over, Ateara,” Embry vows, teasingly wagging a finger in Quil’s direction. 

If Quil was capable of anger, he’d definitely be seething. 

“Get your coffee and go, I beg you.”

Embry only laughs.

* * *

His hands tremble a little as he raises his fist to rap gently on her door. Part of him itches to  _ run _ , to tear into the forest like a bat out of hell, to give into the childish urge to shrug off responsibility.

Doing the right thing is far harder than he'd ever imagined.

It's 8.55, though, and his mother had drilled it into him ever since he could talk:  _ always make good on your promises _ .

He knocks.

She opens the door a short while later, a vision in white with her curls still wet from the shower. Tiny beads of moisture glisten around the crown of her head like a little halo that he would kill to lick away.

He shakes his head a little.  _ Bad thoughts _ , he muses, internally chastising himself.  _ Keep it casual _ .

"Hey, Lex," he says, hoping she doesn't notice the way his cheeks flush hot under her gaze, or the way he keeps himself at a safe distance.

She knew he was coming, hell, she'd invited him, but somehow her eyes are as wide as saucers at the sight of him on her doorstep. Still, she extends her hand, reaching forward to grasp his fingers. 

"You can come closer, you know. I'm not mad at you anymore." 

His eyebrows shoot up. "You're not?"

Her lips twist into a tiny smile. "Not really. You listened, at least. You were honest. That cancels out the wolf thing."

"Huh. Okay, I'll take that. I meant what I said last night, by the way. I'm around for as long as you want me."

"God, it's too early for this shit," she groans, pressing her knuckles against her temples. "Please, no serious conversation until I've had some coffee."

"Noted," he says, fighting to keep a grin off his face. "I guess it's only polite to ply you with breakfast first."

That's all the invitation she needs to pull on her boots, lacing them tight against her calves. Her fingers weave the cords effortlessly, as if she's been threading hiking boots all of her life. She probably has, too, knowing what he knows about her father's work ethic.

She squints up at him from her crouched position. "You good?"

"Yeah it's...nothing. Let's go," he says, leading the way to the truck. She misses the way he scrunches and unscrunches his face, trying to iron out the visible tension before she picks up on it. Lex has a billion and one worries as it is - she doesn't need any more, especially not from him. She needs security and comfort, enduring stability that she can depend on. 

It’s nice to be needed.

They ride in silence until he flips the blinker on, weaving his way through the lot to an empty spot.

"No Sue today?"

In all honesty, he'd rather die than bring Lex back to the Rez right now. His transgression has become common knowledge, and he's all too aware that the looks directed her way will kill her desire to spend any extra time with him. Embry’s not sure what’s worse: the fact that he’d lost control, or the knowledge that the gossips have already begun to describe her as Emily 2.0.

Explanations are overrated, though, and so Embry simply shrugs. "You can't call Sue the best if we don't try the competition."

Lex rolls her eyes, but the amusement radiates from her expression as clear as day. "You'll have to tell her we cheated," she says, swinging the door open to the crowded cafe. "I could never break her heart like that."

"Ah, but if we tell her it was espionage," he winks, glancing briefly at the waitress. "Table for two, please."

Embry turns his head towards Lex quickly, shying away from the lingering look from the other woman. It's become common for the shifters to get extra female attention, what with their impossible physiques and imposing presences, but what was once flattering has become uncomfortable. None of the women who stared truly liked him beyond the physical, and none of them were actually interested - not until her - but the thought of recounting that makes his stomach turn. 

Lex remains quiet as they're seated, skimming the menu in silence. True to her word, she says little until her coffee arrives, the beverage dark and sludgy like the liquified contents of Quil's forgotten lunch. Lex lines up a row of sugar packets methodically, twisting the paper wrappers back and forth between her fingers.

She tears the slip off the first packet, pouring the granules into the steaming cup.

"Were you telling the truth when you said you got to pick me too?"

"Of course I was. If I was stuck with you, you'd definitely hear about it."

Lex snorts. "That's one way of being honest, I guess."

She tears the second packet open, spilling a little onto the tabletop.

"If you could un-imprint, would you?"

Embry scratches his head. "Would you believe me if I said I haven't thought about it? Life led me to you, and I'm happy with that. I don't need a do-over."

She nods silently. Her fingers shake as she fiddles with the final packet, narrowly avoiding dropping the whole thing into her coffee. Finally, once all of the sugar has been emptied into her mug, she speaks.

"If we found a way, and I asked you, would you do it?"

"If you want me to leave you alone, I will. I can do that for you."

Lex shakes her head vigorously. "That's the problem," she mutters, violently stirring her coffee, the inky liquid slopping onto the table. "I want you to choose me for real. I want this to be real."

Something about the way her eyes glint with sorrow awakens something within him, revitalising the ache that he’s carried through countless days and nights since their first meeting. What was once a simple twinge has morphed into something bigger, something more agonising than its predecessor could ever hope to be. Jared had coached him through tapping into the bond, showing him how to flex the boundaries of his mind to accommodate hers. What he’d neglected to show, though, was how to turn it  _ off _ . There’s only so much a man can endure, and the unrelenting washes of anxiety are sure to wear his nerves thin. Embry swallows hard. In the history of the tribe (at least, in their surviving history) there has been no mention of broken imprints, of successful do-overs. Fate is final: no returns. 

"What if I can't figure out a way?"

"Try. For me. Please," she begs, gripping his hands tightly. 

Her eyes are searching his for answers he cannot give. It's impossible, but it's what she wants, and so he has to try. 

Even if it kills him.

* * *

“Do you think we did the right thing?” Emily asks, flicking her braid over her shoulder as she scrubs the casserole pan.

For all the time they spend at the Uley house, it’s rare to actually have a moment of solitude - no Rachel, no Claire, just the two of them. It’s not like Kim dislikes Emily -  _ okay, maybe just a little _ \- but that she doesn’t understand her - how can she?

“We? I didn’t ask you to do that,” Kim says, picking at her cuticles. Maybe if she stares at her fingers long enough, if she hopes hard enough, Emily will drop the subject.

Instead, Emily’s hands still, the glass pot clattering noisily against the metal sink. She turns to face Kim slowly, casting her a reproachful look. “We had to do it. You know that. She would have left him.”

“Then she leaves. It’s not our place to make her stay,” Kim insists, determinedly avoiding Emily’s eye as she works at the thin skin.

Surely she’ll turn away. They never fight. They  _ can’t _ .

The older woman sighs, leaving the kitchen to come and sit at the table. Emily’s barely older than Kim, with only a couple of years separating the two, but she’s fallen into the weathered housewife role as if it was made for her. If Kim scours her memories extra hard, she can vaguely remember Emily before Sam shifted - a girl who was a little more serious than Leah, though still sprightly and vivacious. Leah had said something once in a fight about Emily having offers from UW and freaking U of Oregon, for Christ’s sake. 

And then Sam had happened. 

Emily stretches out a hand to wrap around Kim’s fidgeting fingers, but it feels more controlling than comforting. “Kimmy...you know what we have to do.”

“Looking after the tribe doesn’t mean lying,” she mutters, finally glancing up. “If I was her, I’d want to know. Just because we’re stuck here doesn’t mean we have to condemn other people.”

Emily’s mouth settles into a thin line. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, Kim. You were so good with the other girls. What happened?”

“What happened? Can’t you see what’s going on around here? They’re trapping us, Emily, surely you can see that. Sam took everything from you, and you’re still here. I’m sick of pretending like this is a good thing for us,” Kim scowls, curling her fingers into fists atop the table.

“That’s enough,” Emily snaps, briefly losing her ever-present composure. Her face quickly smooths back into its usual mask, but it’s too late. 

“He took everything from you, and he can’t even give you a honeymoon. How fair is that?”

Emily purses her lips. “He can’t leave the tribe. You know that.”

“Just like we know that he isn’t the real Alpha, right?” Kim stands abruptly, her chair scraping noisily against the polished wood. “I’m done. I’m sick of sitting at home like some old maiden with no future. Hell, you can take over my duties. I’m not doing this anymore.”

“Just sit down, Kim. You’re not thinking rationally. I’ll call Jared-”

Kim spins on her heel, her face a picture of incandescent rage. “No,” she spits, “you don’t get to control me anymore. None of you do. I’m leaving.”

The last thing Kim sees at 28 Laurel Way is Emily’s shell-shocked expression, her eyebrows raised and mouth shaped in a perfect O.

Idly, Kim wonders if that was the face she made moments before Sam carved her face into a million ribbons.

* * *

Lex and Embry are halfway through a game of Monopoly when a series of quick raps sounds from the front door.

“Lucky break,” Lex laughs, eyeing off Embry’s tiny collection of bills. “I’ll take those when I get back. Do you know who it is?” she asks, slowly coming to her feet.

Embry cocks his head to the side as he focuses, narrowing his eyes slightly. “Uh...it’s not a wolf. That’s about all I’ve got.”

“Ugh, you’re a terrible guard dog,” she admonishes, padding down the hallway to the front door.

The hallway hasn’t smelt the same since Embry wolfed out - two bottles of bleach and a can of Lysol has that effect - and when the light strikes the floor at just the right angle, she swears she can still see remnants of the blood splatter.

Lex shivers at the thought, reaching a cautious hand to smooth over the healing sutures running across her skin. 

“You good, Lex?” Embry calls, sounding a touch concerned for her liking. 

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” she grumbles, twisting the brass doorknob just as the knocks resume. “Hey-”

Kim squeezes around Lex before she can even finish her greeting, shutting the door firmly behind her. She leans against it, pressing her hands against her cheeks in an attempt to cover her face.

“Are you crying?” Lex asks, peering  closely at her friend’s face.

Kim nods, her figure shaking as she cries. “It’s bad, Lex, it’s really bad.”

“Did you kill anyone?”

Kim drops her hands, aghast. “What? Why would you ask that?”

“Well, that’s the only thing I can’t help you with. Come sit down. We’ll figure something out.”

Lex cocks her head towards the hallway, inviting her further into the house. Kim trails behind her, marginally calmer than before. 

“Kim? What’s going on?” Embry asks, raising an eyebrow. 

Kim stops dead in his tracks, her head snapping towards Lex. "You didn't tell me he was coming over."

"Huh? You've been pushing me towards him since we met, and now you're upset he's here, like you didn't spend the last week pleading his case. I don't get it."

Embry clears his throat. "Do you want me to leave?"

They speak simultaneously.

"Yes."

"No."

"Embry, sit," Lex orders, pointing towards the couch. 

He obliges, lowering himself onto the cushions, though every inch of his body radiates pure discomfort. 

"Kim, you sit here," Lex says, beckoning her over to the pile of blankets by the board game. 

Kim hesitates, her eyes darting across to Embry, but a single raised eyebrow from Lex is enough to compel her.

"Talk. Tell me what's going on. Embry won't say anything."

"He can't hide it, Lex. You know they can hear each other's thoughts."

"I'm not phasing tonight. I'll hide it as long as I can," he promises, squeezing Lex's hip in a bid to settle her racing heart.

Kim nods after a moment. "Okay. But please, Lex, just listen to the whole thing before you kick me out. You need to hear everything."

"I don't like where this is going."

"I know. I'm sorry." Kim rakes a hand roughly through her hair, her fingers catching on the snarls. Her phone rings shrilly, though it cuts off after a second of Kim depressing the power key.

"God, where do I even start? I guess I'll start at the end, since you know that part, and then you can hear the rest. Try not to be mad, please."

"Just tell the story, Kim," Embry huffs.

"Fine. Emily lied to you yesterday. The stories about Sam were right. He gave her the scars."

Lex recoils from Embry's touch, scooting over to the edge of the couch. "I- What the hell? You," she growls, pointing at Kim, "didn't tell me the truth. And you," she says, turning to face Embry, "let me believe the lie!"

Embry raises his hands in surrender. "I didn't know Emily said that. You asked me if he chose, and he did choose her. He followed her to the Makah Rez, and they argued out on the trail. It was too late to change their minds after that."

Lex lowers her head into her hands. Her voice is muffled, but the pained groan is all too audible.

Kim continues, though her voice shakes. "I talked to Emily about it today. She wants you to be with Embry, even if it means lying to you, and you need the truth. Embry could hurt you like Sam did. Like Jared could hurt me."

"Lex, I would never -"

She lifts her head, cutting him off with a sharp look. "Please, not now. I need to see that you're different, that you're better than what I saw, okay? Don't tell me again."

"Okay," he whispers, his heart in his throat.

She's slipping through his fingers like sand in an hourglass and all he can do is watch.

Lex turns back to Kim. "What else did Emily lie about?"

Kim winces. "It's not a lie, not exactly, but she planned out what I had to say to you so that you would talk to Embry. She plans it out for all the imprints, and then I bring them into the Rez."

"Christ, is this a fucking cult?" Lex groans, squeezing her eyes shut. 

"I did it because I thought I was doing the right thing, I need you to know that. I believed her when she said it was my duty. You shouldn't have been brought into this. I'm sorry."

Finally, she opens her eyes. "So what I'm hearing is Embry is forced to love me, and you were forced to be my friend. What an excellent way to start my day."

"You've been kinder to me in the past few months than anyone around here has ever been," Kim says, hastily wiping her tears away. "Emily didn't look twice in my direction until Jared saw me. You cared before you even knew Embry existed. You were different, and I still dragged you into this mess."

"If she didn't ask you to, would you have been my friend? Would you care? Or is this all an act to get me to trust you again?"

Kim's lip quivers. "I swear to you, I'm telling you the truth. You deserve better than this, but all I've got to give you is the real story. I wish things were different. I wish we were different."

Embry tears his eyes away from Lex to face Kim. "Lex wants to break the imprint. I need you to help us."

"Nobody's ever broken a bond, Em, you know that."

"I know, but we have to try. We owe it to her."

Lex leans forward to grip Kim's hands, holding her gaze with an unreadable expression. "We're going to undo it, and then we can properly choose each other. It won't be over."

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Kim asks, chewing on her lip. "I don't even know if we can do it."

"We're going to find a way. I need this, but I know you both do too. We all need a do-over." 

Kim nods slowly, mulling the words over in her mind. "If you break your bond, I can break mine. Jared can choose." She exhales with a sudden whoosh of breath. "I'll do it. I'm in."

Embry's eyes are rimmed red and watery beyond belief, but he nods, too. "If this is what you want, then I'll do it. You know I'll do anything for you."

"When it's all over, we'll find each other again. I know we will."

Kim turns her head pointedly to study the pattern on the living room wall, doing her best to blend in with the furniture. She's done enough already - privacy is the least she can do.

Embry gently rests his palms against Lex's cheeks, stroking his thumbs over her skin. Her eyelids flutter closed as she savours the moment, wishing she could rewind time, that she could undo everything terrible that's happened. All they have is the present, and the seconds are rapidly ticking by as they hurtle towards their future, as bleak and uncertain as the dark skies that loom overhead. Embry’s lips press softly against hers. It's not the fiery, passionate sort of kiss they’ve secretly been dreaming about; it's understated and simple, a wordless goodbye. 

"I'll always choose you," he whispers, resting his forehead against hers.

"I hope so," she replies, lowering her gaze to avoid his searching stare. 

He sees the glistening tears that wet her lashes, a silent betrayal of her torment. Knowing she wants him like he wants her is equally gratifying and terrifying - it’s been the only thing he’s wanted for months, but now that he has it, he can’t enjoy it. Not until he defies his destiny and abandons the truth he’s believed in for so long. Keeping her means setting her free, and so breaking the imprint is the most important thing he can possibly do. 

How to achieve that, on the other hand, is a complete mystery. 

Embry dials Quil's number four times before he answers, muttering hello in a voice thick with sleep.

"Really, man? You know I had patrol this morning."

"Dude, it's four o' freaking clock. Get moving, Sleeping Beauty."

"I'll remember that tomorrow when I need something from you. What's up?"

"Can you run my double tonight? Please, man, I need your help."

Quil chokes out a laugh. "Another double after my third in a row? Hell no."

Embry lowers his voice so the girls can't hear, even though they're entirely distracted. "I'm having major imprint issues, dude, I can't leave her. Please. Cash in one of those "no questions asked" favours."

Quil groans, but the rustling in the background is an encouraging sign. "You owe me big time, Call."

"I'll put in a good word with Leah."

"Oh you wouldn't -"

Embry hands up before Quil can rant any further. His word with Leah is sure to carry zero weight, but it's endlessly amusing to annoy his oldest and closest friend. 

_ Jacob _ .

Jacob will know what to do.

His shoes are off and discarded on the living room floor before he remembers his predicament - phasing means spilling his secrets, and nobody can know about the plan. Embry hesitates, one sock already unsheathed, as he contemplates his options.

"What's with the strip show?" Lex teases, quirking an eyebrow at the clothing.

He shakes his head quickly. "I need to see Jacob. I have to drive out to Seattle."

Lex purses her lips in thought. “Jacob? Why?”

“Sam’s in charge around here, but Jake’s the real boss. He’ll help us. I just need to convince him.”

“Then go. Go, and come back to me.”

Embry hesitates for a second, gripping his car keys so tightly that the metal grooves cut into his flesh. “Are you certain you want this? Once we start, I don’t know we can stop.”

Lex stretches up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. “The imprint is the only thing stopping this from being real. I want this.”

He nods tersely. “Read the letters while I’m gone. Don’t forget, Lex, I’m coming back for you.”

_ I’m coming back for you. _

It’s a phrase she hears again and again in her dreams over the next few weeks, weeks in which it feels as if her heart is being cleaved in two.

He’s coming back for her.

He has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind notes on the last chapter. Things have been hard, but they're getting better. Writing this keeps me going.


	20. Transit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One leaves, one stays. Both hurt.

The first time Embry thinks about turning the car around is forty minutes in - forty minutes of pressing the pedal as far down as it'll go, almost willing the cops to pull him over. The plan is a colossal mistake, after all; there's no way to break the imprint, and even if there was, it would destroy the tribe, and it would sure as hell blow up everyone's lives like a fucking modern-day Hiroshima. He knows it, Kim knows it, and he _knows_ that Lex knows it. And still, she's asking for him to do the one most destructive thing he could possibly do.

Sometimes, she can be a real asshole.

It's times like this, the days when she makes him want to tear his hair out, that he thinks that imprinting on a girl like Kim would have been easier. Simpler. Kim rolled with the punches, letting the whole shape-shifting revelation wash over her like water off a duck's back, as if accepting Jared was as easy as breathing. Kim embraced her new life with pure enthusiasm, or at least, with a lot less trepidation than Lex. After awhile, most people tended to come to the realisation that sometimes, things just _happened_ to you, whether you liked it or not. 

He would have thought that Lex, of all people, would have realised that by now.

The needle of the speedometer twitches, edging dangerously close to an even one hundred miles per hour. He squeezes his eyes shut for a second, welcoming the blackness with a little too much enthusiasm. Just like the truck, his life is careering out of control faster than he can correct, and, this time, there are no guard rails to protect him. Instead, he’s strapped into a course of action, figuratively and literally hurtling towards an unavoidable wreck. None of it was meant to be like this; none of it was meant to hurt. _She_ wasn’t meant to hurt. 

Imprinting wasn’t meant to be like this.

Embry remembers the first time he’d heard about imprinting, when Billy had told them the story of the Great Fire in the summer of sixth grade. Like all great revelations in his life, it had taken place on the rocks of First Beach, though Embry wouldn’t realise the significance of the land until years later. If he focuses hard enough, he can almost taste the smoky air on his tongue, feeling the same trepidation and wonder that had washed over him years ago. Jacob nor Quil had believed the tale, considering it to be yet another horrifying myth spun around the bonfire, but it had stuck with Embry regardless. He’d lay awake that night, staring at the cloth ceiling of the tent they’d pitched in the Black’s yard, imagining himself as one of the warriors. What would it be like, seeing everything you loved and held dear burn around you? What would it be like to lose everyone you’d ever loved in one fell swoop? He didn’t have too many people to die protecting, but the thought of adding one extra special person into the mix - the fabled imprint - was a little thrilling. Protecting the tribe was a sacrifice; the promise of a perfect love was a fair trade-off. Of course, none of it was real, he’d reasoned in his little sixth-grade mind, but part of him still longed to become a spirit warrior, if only for the romance of the thing. It seemed noble, admirable, even, a kind of legacy you’d want to leave for your ancestors.

Six years later, he can’t help but realise how entirely wrong he was. He’d thought imprinting to be this incredible, revelatory thing, something that brought two halves of a whole together into some perfect union. The reality, though, was far more lacklustre. Sam and Emily had been the blueprint, and their complete failure to achieve that idealised romance should have sounded the mental warning bell. Sam had irrevocably harmed the person he was slated to protect above all, and how could you undo that? No amount of apologies and penance could take away the trauma created by one errant swipe of a monstrous paw. Jared and Kim were next, and though she had emerged physically unscathed, Embry couldn’t help but think about her words from earlier in the day. In joining with Jared, she’d departed from herself, melding their personalities into one palatable approximation of two previously independent beings. There was no Kim, only _KimAndJared_ , one super-being, a model of what life could be like if Embry could just imprint. Her without him didn’t matter: life had become a dual effort, and their only option was to muddle through the mess.

And then there was Paul and Rachel. Nothing screamed selfless love like unconsciously guilting your partner into abandoning college in a far-away state to come home to the epicentre of their trauma, if only to satisfy some primal pair-bonding mechanism. You didn’t have to be an expert to detect the shadow behind Rachel’s gaze, a kind of dullness that reminded Embry of shades being drawn across windows. Rachel didn’t need protecting - hell, she’d endured much of the worst life had to offer before she hit adulthood, and still, she came out better. Rachel was a success story: this is what you could have, if only you left the Rez.

God, he was starting to sound like Leah.

Still, Rachel didn’t need chains holding her to La Push. She didn’t need the pack, and she certainly didn’t need Paul. Imprinting had dulled her shine, had killed her spirit, and for what? For Paul to be handed a kind of love that he wasn’t nearly mature enough for, a sort of bond that he didn’t really appreciate. It didn’t matter that Paul didn’t mean to do it - Rachel still deserved better, and with him, she’d never have it. The Elders always made imprinting sound like some sort of peaceful, unifying activity, but after witnessing the process, Embry was inclined to think the exact opposite. It was curse, really: it weaponised their gazes, driving fear into the forefront of their minds each and every time they cast their eyes upon a new face. How could you pursue another with the stomach-twisting knowledge that a single glance could rip your relationship apart like an errant bullet? Anyone thinking otherwise had only look to Leah to see the catastrophic impact the so-called divine intervention had. Witnessing her heartbreak in real-time had practically forced his hand into signing a mental chastity vow. Sure, he could fuck around, but he couldn’t have anything real, nothing that mattered. Imprinting wasn’t a certainty, but it wasn’t worth the risk. Sacrificing his own happiness to spare another from heartbreak was the right thing to do, even if the loneliness ate away at him in the darkness. Choosing to comply with the imprint, even before it actually happened, was truly the only choice he had. All he could do was hope that fate dealt him a fair hand.

The notion of fairness only led him closer to the most pressing issue at hand, the underlying repulsion that pushed him further away from La Push and pulled him towards Jacob: Claire and Renesmee. Arguably, Claire was the only one of the imprints who really needed protection - she was young, hailing from a broken home that offered even less parental guidance than Embry had ever had. Even so, it wasn’t fair on Quil. What business did a sixteen-year-old have in caring for a child twelve years his junior? The fool couldn’t even keep their make-believe kid alive in Family Studies class - his battered sack of potatoes was a testament to his total carelessness - and, still, the Elders expected it of him. A mere glance had sent his future up in a puff of smoke, destroying any chance of having a normal, sane relationship with an outsider. How was he supposed to explain his over-eager investment in the life of a girl born in a different decade, and a non-relative nonetheless? Though the Elders didn't explicitly state it, their continuing emphasis on imprinting as the ultimate love had insidious undertones that resonated on repeat in Quil's mind. Did they want him to pursue her when she was finally of age? Was he slated to spend his life waiting around for her, fulfilling her every whim? It wasn't Claire's fault, but it was hard to look at the situation without a heady dash of resentment. He didn't have a choice. None of them did. 

Jacob was the ultimate exemplar of what a lack of autonomy could do to a man. His choice was Bella, and she had quashed his dreams with recurring no's. That part was fine - Jacob was young; he could move on, devoting his life to some worthier cause. 

And then Renesmee was born.

At sixteen, Jacob's life had become irrevocably intertwined with a newborn - the child of his first love, as if the situation could be made even worse. He had taken it in stride, attempting to fulfil his spiritual obligation as best as he could. Jacob never spoke unkindly of Renesmee, and though he was forced to see Bella and Edward every day, he never complained. Even so, Embry worried, almost constantly, about Jacob's happiness. How long could a man fake contentment simply for the satisfaction of another? And, more importantly, how many fucking questions could Embry ask himself to avoid thinking about his actual situation? He knew Jacob inside and out, understanding him even without the mental link they shared. Jacob detested imprinting with every cell of his body, loathing the connection for his friends, and dreading the eventuality that he’d eventually be ensnared himself. Of course, these thoughts had been wiped away the moment his eyes had met hers, fading away like a shaken Etch-a-sketch. Critical thought wasn’t on the agenda when an imprint was nearby, and questioning the order was a sure-fire route to pessimism. Jacob had been absorbed into the Cullens’ routines with minimal resistance, and as the days ticked by, he fell further into their orbit. He served her without question, but he was no longer Jacob. The Jacob Embry had known would never have altered his life so drastically for a woman, and especially not an imprint.

The plan may have started out as something small, just a flash of an idea concocted in Lex’s living room, but it’s grown and twisted into something much bigger than the two of them. It’s Kim, and the way that her mouth draws tight every time Jared volunteers her assistance for yet another pack gathering. It’s Rachel, and the way he’d found crumpled post-graduate admissions papers in the recycling bin the week before, completed and signed. It’s Quil, and the way he keeps a calendar stapled to his door with Claire’s countless commitments scrawled in the otherwise empty squares. Imprinting has taken something from all of them, something that cannot simply be returned, but he’s too far gone not to try. If fate has anything to do with it, then the universe has given him Lex for a reason, and if her intent is to separate them, then so be it. After all, his decisions come to rest with her will when all is said and done, despite her attempts to rebuff the bond. She’s a strong motivator, breathing life into everything he does, but his clearest source of urgency comes at the thought of Jacob. If anything, Embry owes it to his brother in all things except blood (and really, they may as well be brothers in that realm, too) to try and right the wrongs of their world. Renesmee would never grant Jacob the freedom - and whether she’s even aware of the possibility, he’s not sure - and Jacob has absolutely no way of realising it while he’s under her thumb. The bitter realisation - the knowledge that it has to be Embry to do this - is what propels him forward, keeping his foot flat against the accelerator. The truck trembles as it urges forward, as if somehow it’s feeling the same trepidation that flows through Embry’s veins. That, or his tires are on the verge of shredding. The latter is terrifyingly possible, but stopping is no longer an option. It’s like he’s a pendulum set in motion, on a pre-destined path with no brakes, no diversions, only collision. Lex had started him down this path, and the further he drives from La Push, the more sure he becomes that he’s on an unstoppable journey. 

It's a shitty version of the pilgrimage he'd dreamed of years ago, back when the worst of the worlds had collided and Jacob had disappeared into the thick brush of the forest. The thought of following him had crossed his mind more times than he could count - the idea of running as far as his legs could carry him, pushing his wolf to the precipice of total exhaustion, was more appealing than he'd ever confess. He'd imagined countless versions of the final journey away from La Push, ones that ended in him melting into the sea, or becoming one with the mountains. None of them ended with him coming back to La Push, or to life itself. It would have been easier that way. In a way, he's grateful that he's stuck driving instead - he can't let himself go, not in the way he'd imagined. This timeline has to end with him coming back to her, perishing slowly after a lifetime of involuntary servitude. Embry's not quite sure when he became this bitter - _has he always been this sad? -_ or if, like a keg tap, Lex has somehow managed to start siphoning out all of his hidden secrets. Distaste for his tribe, his heritage, his whole fucking life, were things that he'd planned to keep under lock and key until the day his body returned to dust. Leaving was never an option, and she'd swept in and unleashed those plans in the blink of an eye.

Admitting there was a part of you that loathed your imprint was definitely not permissible in La Push, but this was the highway: a lawless land, a place where dissent was possible. He’s angry, that much is clear, but the lingering undercurrent of guilt is enough to put a bitter taste in his mouth. Logically, Embry knows that it isn’t her fault - Lex is just emblematic of a greater injustice - and still, a tiny part of him blames her for the whole mess. With shaking hands, he flips on the indicator, slowly pulling to a stop on the shoulder. His breathing feels mechanical, measured, as he roots around in the glove box, sifting through diagnostic manuals and discarded papers until he finds the object of his desire. As he smokes the bent cigarette, perched on the guard rail of the causeway, he can’t help but feel shame: shame for hating her, for hating his family, for detesting what the pack has become. For a man who had always prided himself on being loyal, his thoughts couldn’t be further from the mark. To phase right now would be an exercise in self-flagellation, and knowing the hurt his brothers would feel makes his bones ache. 

He smokes the cigarettes one by one, lighting the next with the wizened butt of the last. He’s never really been a smoker - he’d picked up the pack of smokes after he’d given Leah a lift home months ago, finding the box discarded in the passenger foot-well. She hadn’t asked for it back, and he hadn’t offered. Leah doesn’t need the temptation. He hadn’t intended to smoke it either; somehow, it had burst into his mind, and chain-smoking the entire pack had eventuated, as if it was a natural occurrence for him. It’s not like it would really hurt him, anyway. Judging by the experiments Carlisle has conducted on Jacob - the mere thought of the cold, clinical poking and prodding making Embry grimace - their cells continue to repair and reproduce at incredible rates, even years into their phasing. They’re virtually untouchable in every way, and a little toxicity doesn’t seem to harm them. He can’t even drink himself to death, like his father had - provided his father was Joshua Uley, and he doesn’t really want to know, after all - and the knowledge disgusts him a little, knowing he’d have to kill himself in a more overt way. 

Not that he could do that. At least, not until the whole Lex issue had been sorted, and that would involve ditching the cigarettes and getting back on the road. He’s sluggish to pocket the remnants, slow to break from his slump, but he has no choice. Not in this matter, and not in any others, as far as he can tell. Embry settles into the driver’s seat reluctantly, briefly dropping his forehead to the steering wheel. The last time he was in his car, it was all different - he was on his way to Lex’s, enthused to spend the morning with her, optimistic for a day well-spent. _It’s funny how your path can shift so dramatically in a matter of sentences_ , he thinks, quirking his lips into a bitter smirk. Impulsively, he digs his battered phone out of his jacket pocket, scrolling through the notifications.

> Quil

everything okay? sorry 4 being shitty. hate triples.

> Lex 

Thank you. I’m sorry. Miss u already.

> Jared

Where are you? 

He clears all the messages after a moment’s delay. Quil and Jared can deal without him - he’s barely got a head start as it is, and they’ll know everything soon enough. He hadn’t come up with a plan with Lex and Kim - that probably would have been a good idea, but it’s too late to concoct something now. Lying low seems to be the better option. Still, he types out a brief reassurance to Lex, hitting send before he can second-guess himself. Even though leaving was her idea, he knows her too well to leave her on delivered. For every part of her he dislikes, there're countless reasons to adore her, and there’s no way in hell he can ignore the little bright spots in a world of grey. They may not have that easy, low-key balance like Jared and Kim, but what they have is flawed and real and raw, and that has more value than anyone could ever know. Her reply comes faster than he’d ever expected, quicker than she’s typed before, and he wishes he could etch the words into his memory to never be forgotten.

> Lex

When you come back, I’m ready to tell you for real how I feel. 

It’s the closest to an admission as he’s ever gotten, and the simple sentence has him blushing hot in the cab of his truck.

He drives in silence for the next hour, his mouth stretched wide into a smile.

Kim and Lex sit in silence for much of the evening. Kim works on her countless assignments, noisily leafing through papers on Lex’s kitchen counter. The work gradually piles up around her, growing into stacks as haphazard and chaotic as the flurry of thoughts whirling through her mind, but she continues undaunted. 

If only Lex could be so collected.

For the first hour, she paces, irritably rearranging her kitchen with the contempt of a disgruntled housewife. It’s not until she drops the Pyrex salad bowl, watching through weary eyes as the glass shatters into a million pieces onto the tile, that she combusts.

Kim isn’t sure what happens first: the crash, or the tears. She wraps a consoling arm around Lex’s shoulders, gently tugging her away from the disaster zone with hushed words that can barely be heard over her sniffles.

“We can get you another bowl-”

“It’s not about the bowl!” she wails, devolving into another round of sobs. 

Kim’s torn between comforting her friend and scooping up the endless shards of glass - and God, there’s a lot - when one of Lex’s roommates (Liz, she remembers) emerges from down the hallway, bleary-eyed and irritable beyond belief.

“Are you really crying over that ugly-ass thing? I was going to trash it last week,” she comments, reaching around Kim to grab a banana from the counter.

Lex frowns, though her tears seem to dry up within seconds. “Yeah, it was ugly.”

“See? Problem solved. What are you all tense about, anyway?” Liz props her elbows on the counter, looking across at Lex expectantly.

They wait.

Eventually, Lex shrugs, a tiny half-hearted dismissal. “Boy troubles, I guess.”

Liz scoffs. “I’m yet to find a man worth my tears, and when I do…” she trails off in thought, pursing her lips. “Anyway. I’m sure he’s not worth your time. I’m going out later, if you want to come. Take your mind off it.”

Lex shakes her head quickly, her expression smoothing into something far more familiar. “Thanks, but I’m good. I think we’re heading out soon anyway,” she says, sliding her eyes across to Kim. 

If she’s surprised, she doesn’t show it, only nodding once in the affirmative. “Okay. Give me a few to get this mess sorted.”

Kim doesn’t question her until they’re both squished into the car, surrounded by a critical mass of clothes and books and _stuff_ that threatens to spill out onto the sidewalk if she even so glances at the car wrong. Kim keeps her eyes focused straight ahead as she drives painstakingly slowly through the grid-like roads of Forks, curling her fingers tightly around the steering wheel. Finally, when they reach their third red-light - it’s almost as if she’s deliberately slowing down to miss the greens - that she turns to Lex, her face an ashy grey that conveys all the joy of a morgue.

“Do we really go back to the Rez? If they ask about Em, we have to lie, and I don’t think I can lie to Jared. We’ve never had secrets,” she says, her voice uncharacteristically quavering. 

Lex chews her lip, checking her phone for the umpteenth time. No new messages. “What else do we do? I can’t stay in my house any longer.”

“Should I just keep driving?”

“Kimmy, are we going on the lam? I should’ve packed more food,” she says, only half-joking. 

Kim hiccoughs a laugh, hastily brushing away the tear that had taken up residence on her cheekbone. “I think there’s some jelly snakes in the glove box. They’re not that old.”

“Ew,” Lex comments, though she immediately reaches to retrieve them in the darkness.

Her hand catches the lever with ease, dropping the compartment open with a jerky snap. The mess was to be expected, sure - it was Kim’s car, after all - but she’d completely forgotten about Kim’s stash of Embry’s offerings from the tumultuous weeks past. 

“Yeah, it’s in there somewhere,” Kim comments offhandedly, her eyes never leaving the road. After a moment of silence, she turns her head towards the glove box, instantly remembering its contents. “Oh Jesus, Lex. Just close it. We can go to the gas station.”

“I don’t care about the snakes,” she mutters, reaching into the space to curl her fingers around the first thing she can reach. 

She raises the photograph close to her face with shake hands, carefully studying the figures. It’s from a month or so ago, taken right before the wedding. In the photo, his arm’s curled tightly around her shoulders, his face turned to gaze squarely at her. She’s grinning widely, seemingly oblivious to his look of adoration, instead beaming brightly at the photographer. It’s from one of the nights she’d spent camped at his house, battling for control over the PlayStation, laughing and joking as if there was nothing to fear, nothing that went bump in the night. Quil took that picture, Lex recalls. She’s almost sure of it. On a whim, she turns the picture over, fully expecting the back of the glossy paper to be bare. Instead, in tiny handwriting, there’s a scrawled inscription.

_The night I realised I loved you._

Before she can change her mind, Lex reaches into the compartment again, drawing out a folded piece of paper. 

_It’s Tuesday today and you’ve already frowned at me twice, even if I don’t think you really saw me. I know you’re hurt and you’re scared and you need time to get better. I figure you’ll see this when you eventually realise I’m a harmless dumbass, so enjoy the fruits of a study hall well spent:_

_Your eyes glow bright in the March moonlight,_

_Pinpricks of hope that guide my way home._

_I thought you’d leave, and you just well might,_

_For all your reasons could fill a tome._

_Even so, I’ll wait for you,_

_In the hours and days that pass me by._

_Because despite what we’ve been through,_

_Deep in my heart, for you, I cry._

His return can’t come soon enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand we're back! Ended up taking some time off (mental health crisis, uni assignments, all that fun stuff) but I'll endeavour to get the next one up within a few weeks. Welcome to Angst Hell. Enjoy your stay. Thanks for sticking with me.


	21. Dead Wood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which tears are shed and windows are busted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previously, on _Defining Normal_ : Embry sets off to meet Jacob, intent on breaking the imprint bonds that tie the pack together. Lex realises she loves Embry, and he loves her too. 

His plan doesn't truly start to crystallise until the wheels of the truck cross the Kitsap County line, slowing to a shuddering stop on the shoulder of the highway. The gravel crunches under the tread just the way he likes, making that satisfying  _ pop-pop-pop _ that reminds him of clandestine adventures down unsealed roads, nights spent with his favourite person ( _ don’t think don’t think don’t think _ ), but he’s only half-hearing the noise. Things feel different already, he muses, rolling the window down to let the cool breeze seep in. Maybe it’s the distance, or the blissful silence, but he already feels lighter: his shoulders less slumped, his headache diminished to a dull throb. Here on the highway he’s surrounded by an enthralling sense of newness, the sort that leaves his skin prickling with anticipation, as if the cells are begging him to press on. Even so, he hasn't a single clue of where to find Jacob, especially without his supernatural senses at his disposal - phasing is still a definite  _ no _ , as helpful as it would be - and so a phone call is a must.

The phone rings three, four, five times, and just as he's starting to dread the all too familiar voicemail, the receiver crackles into life. 

"Hello?"

Embry releases a tense breath, adjusting his death grip on the cell. "Jake. It's me. Where are you?"

"Uh, Port Orchard. Same place as always. Why?"

"No, no," Embry rushes out, shaking his head as if Jacob could see. "Where in Port Orchard? I'm coming to see you."

The line grows awfully silent for a terse few moments. "What's going on, Em?" Jacob asks slowly, almost carefully, as if he dreads the response.

He should.

"I'll explain when I get there. Where can I meet you? Just you, too, if you can swing it."

He can almost see the way Jacob's lips are pressed together, smoothed into a disgruntled expression totally reminiscent of his father. Sam's a decent interim Alpha, but he'll never possess the natural command that Jacob exudes.

Jake will be a fantastic Chief one day. 

When everything is different.

Finally, Jacob sighs, though he’s not entirely able to conceal his irritation. "Got a pen? Write this address down. I can meet you there in thirty."

Embry scrawls the directions down wordlessly on a discarded Subway napkin, trying not to let his thoughts race ahead.

It's just a meeting.

It won't change anything.

It can't. 

Still, his heart is telling him otherwise, and that's the problem.

* * *

Jake's forty-five minutes late to the bowling alley. Embry painstakingly counts every minute as it passes by, his eyes flickering to the neon digits on his dashboard more times than he can recall. Time's slipping by, just like the sun's dipping low on the horizon, and for a long while he’s positively convinced that Jake's bailing on him. He never has, not since the first few weeks of phasing when Embry had been the odd one out, but the thought of a no-show is still too troubling to dismiss. It's only when Jake peels into the lot, edging his mud-striped Chevy Tahoe into the faded lines on the blacktop, that Embry really lets himself believe that it's happening. 

From the very moment that Jake slides out of the truck, Embry can feel himself snapping to attention, his back rigid, muscles taut. The Alpha pull is too strong to resist - if Lex is a fishing magnet, Jake's the freaking sun, and Embry's just a hapless planet being pulled into orbit. He’s keenly aware of every minute change in Jake’s demeanour, from the slight furrow in his brow to the way his fingers curl into loose fists. Pacing over to Jake's car, falling into step with the taller man's stride, is as easy as breathing. Just like it always has been, as if Jake had never left, as if they were normal and the imprints and the supernatural race war had never happened.

Despite it all, some things never change.

Jake claps him on the back with the sort of force that leaves even a hulking shape-shifter stumbling, greeting him like old times, but the shadow in his gaze cuts Embry's relief short.

"What's wrong?" He asks, tilting his head to the side. Sure, Embry’s not nearly as intuitive as Jake, but even a fool can tell that intensely narrowed eyes plus folded arms equals A Very Bad Mood.

Jake's steely gaze doesn't falter. "You tell me. Since when do you drive all the way out here? What happened to four legs?"

There must be something pitiful in Embry's expression, or perhaps it’s the uncomfortable way he's holding himself, because Jake reaches across the gap to place a steady hand on his shoulder. 

"Whatever it is, we can fix it. Let's go in," he says, nodding towards the decrepit building across from them. "Challenge you to a game - just like high school, except I'll be winning this one,” he teases, with the shadow of a smile peeking through his stormy expression.

"How long until you have to get back?" Embry asks, dreading the answer as soon as he speaks. He can't remember the last time he's felt so insecure, like a child dangling off their mother's leg on the first day of Kindergarten, and it weirds him out. 

Jake shakes his head, glancing away for a brief moment. "I'm...uh...taking the day off. We've got time."

He strides ahead into the alley, standing a head and shoulders above the rest, but his usual machismo is missing. Between the shadows in the hollows of his cheeks and his ashy complexion, he looks totally and utterly drained _ , _ beyond even what Embry remembers of the early days of Renesmee. Those whirlwind first months, the inordinate stress of watching the love of your life birth your half-breed betrothed - your natural enemy, no less - was sure to wreak havoc on anyone’s psyche, but he’d taken it on the chin with a cocksure little smirk. After all, he was Jacob Black - the most stubborn son-of-a-bitch Embry had ever met. If anyone was up for the fucked-up task, it had to be him. And sure, in the years that followed, Jake had stepped up to the plate with an admirable amount of confidence that Embry could only wish for in his anxiety-ridden nights, but even that wasn’t enough to stop Jake melting into the ghost of a man he once knew. The darkened rings encircling his black eyes are a testament to a different sort of exhaustion, the kind that never lets up, and of the entire pack, Embry never expected Jacob to fall victim to it.

Embry watches as the cashier takes Jake's wad of bills with a trembling hand, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the archaic register keyboard. He slides two tickets across the bench without glancing upwards once, gesturing abruptly towards the shoe rack before turning to the next customer. Sure, Jake’s impossibly imposing, what with his ridiculous physique - okay, he’ll admit they’re both a little scary \- but normally his beaming, playful grin would be enough to offset it. Even thinking back to Sam and Emily’s wedding, he can’t remember the last time Jake’s really, truly smiled. Hell, the ferocious scowl he’d sported the night of the police station still looms heavy in his memories, sandwiched between flashes of bland stoicism completely at odds to his old lively persona. The old Jake is gone, left behind somewhere in the summer of 2006, and all that remains is a faint recollection of sunnier times. 

Embry floats through the motions - lacing his ugly bowling shoes, three sizes too tight, choosing a speckled orange bowling ball, setting up the lane - without really registering any of it. He’s too busy watching Jake, studying him for any sign of levity. All he needs is one tiny spark, the littlest pointer towards happiness - hell, he’d even settle for calmness - and he can throw Lex’s plot away without a second thought. If Jake is okay with his life, with the imprint, then he can walk away from Port Orchard with the assurance that contentedness is possible. The cursory glances Jake sends him in between lacing up and bowling his first strike (effortless, as usual) makes it blindingly obvious that he knows something is up, something’s wrong, but still, they don’t speak.

Embry rolls a pathetic gutter ball.

He turns to pace back to the uncomfortable plastic seat, but Jake’s right behind him, bowling ball effortlessly tucked under his bulging left arm. 

“Go again. Roll a strike and I won’t grill you.”   


Talking may have been the reason he came to Port Orchard, but the thought of actually letting the treacherous words leave his mouth makes his belly ache in strange and unfamiliar ways. He’s not sure if it’s the piercing gaze or the commanding undercurrent that Jacob's words carry, but he reaches for the ball as if mesmerised. His arm shakes as he lowers his stance, readying himself to bowl.

It’s only a strike.

He’s done it plenty of times before.

It’s only Jake.

He draws back, trying to muster even the faintest sense of composure, but he can’t hide the way his hand quakes as he follows through.

_ Gutter ball. _

Jake sighs, rubbing thick fingers across the bridge of his nose with alarming force. His eyes close for a moment, but the flash of discomfort is too obvious to be concealed. Embry winces, feeling the regret bloom in his stomach, an alarming pang of  _ I should have never come _ that twists like a dagger. It's too late to turn back, though: the wheels have been set in motion, and Embry cannot help but continue forward, propelled by some invisible force. Is it duty? Obligation? Loyalty? The same forces driving him to destroy what he knows are the exact same as those that tie him to his home, his life, and denying that feels akin to a slap in the face. His fingers curl in the too-small holes of the next ball, wishing he could just bowl his problems away.

High school was a lifetime ago, but some things never change.

“So, what’s the crisis? You got puppies on the way?”

The ball narrowly misses Embry’s toes, instead leaving a sizeable little divot in the worn wood of the alley. He retrieves the quickly escaping ball with a muffled  _ fuck _ , but Jacob’s yet to crack a smirk.

“I’m serious, Em. What’s so bad that you couldn’t tell me over the air? Shit, it’s not dad, right?” he frowns, moving his hand instinctively to the phone in his jeans pocket.

“No, no, Billy’s fine. Still scamming Sue for fish fry twice a week, then scrounging off Emily for the rest. Nothing wrong with the old man,” he squeezes out of a quickly-tightening throat. “No...It’s messy. Lex isn’t pregnant.”

Jake’s brow quirks infinitesimally. “So it’s about her, then?”

Embry frowns. “Kind of, I guess. It starts with her, but it involves Kim, too, and maybe Claire. Renesmee.”

He leans forward, immediately alert at the mention of her. “Can you spit it out already? Jesus. Some filibuster.” Jake barks out a laugh, but the tension’s palpable, and it’s quickly dampening Embry’s nerve. 

“We want to break the imprint. For all of us.” 

His eyes widen slightly, chocolate awash with a glint of something unfamiliar, before he dissolves into a chortling peal of bitter laughter. “Yeah, good one. You had me going for a second there, dumbass. You do freaked-out _mess_ pretty well.” He shakes his head as he stands, moving towards the ball-return without a second thought. 

It’s like he’s wading through quicksand and the only lifeguard on duty is neck deep in the funnies section of the newspaper. “I’m serious, Jake,” he says, but it comes out in a meek little mutter. “You gotta help me.”

Slowly, the laughter fades, replaced with an even more unpleasant silence. Jake’s eyes scrutinise Embry’s expression, searching for any trace of a joke. Finally, he sighs, lowering himself back into the chair. “You know we can’t do that.”

“We’ve never tried. Not really.”

“And what, you’ve realised Lex’s fucked up, just like us, and you want an out? That’s not you, Em, and that’s sure as hell not me,” he spits, russet skin flushing dark under his collar. 

Embry curls his fingers into tight fists, counting his breaths until the tremors subside. “She’s not like us. She deserves better than whatever I can give her,” he bites out, turning his gaze elsewhere. Instead of looking at Jake, he watches a nearby cluster of people crowded around a rickety plastic table, leaning over a sad little sheet cake.

The group laugh and sway as they belt out a painfully out-of-tune rendition of _ happy birthday _ , but the noise is the least of Embry’s interest. Instead, he watches the birthday boy, some gangly Mike Newton lookalike, be pulled into a tight embrace by a love-struck girl in a jumper two sizes too big. The way they bask in the affections of their friends, carefree and undaunted by the prospect of public affection, sends bitter sparks of jealousy coursing through Embry’s blood. 

“Just because you’re not like them doesn’t mean that you can’t love her. You’re allowed to care about her. The imprint doesn’t make it any less real.”

Embry rounds on Jake, feeling equal pangs of envy and fury. “Really, Jake? Is that what you’ll tell yourself in ten years once Renesmee’s all grown up?”

Jake recoils like he’s been slapped, breaking Embry’s gaze for an awful moment. “Four years. Carlisle says she’ll be an adult in four years.”

Embry clearly does a piss-poor job of concealing the abject disgust that crosses his face; Jake’s expression crumples into an expression so unguarded that he’s instantly transported back to Bella’s wedding reception. 

When he speaks, it’s a near-inaudible mutter. “You really think I want to be with her? She’s a fucking child, Embry, even if she can understand quantum freaking mechanics without breaking a sweat. She asked me last week what colour Bella should wear at our wedding. Seven years old, and already planning my funeral,” he moans, voice pitching higher and higher as he unravels. “How long until I have to sign my life away for good?”

“You don’t have to do it, Jake. We can figure something out,” Embry says, willing it to be true. One of them needs to be sure, and Jake’s crumpling with every awful second that passes.

Jake’s head sinks lower into his hands, his knuckles whitening as he flexes and releases, trying to chase some of the tension away. “I lied to you before,” he mutters, curling his arms around himself. “I’m not taking the day off. The Cullens think I’ve been in La Push since the accident.”

Embry’s head tilts as he counts the days. “Jake...that was weeks ago. You’re not serious.”

“I wish I was,” he groans, finally lifting his head. His eyes are flushed pink, and with absolute horror Embry realises his best friend is  _ crying _ . “I can’t deal with her, with them, knowing what they want from me. I started with a day away, came down for the wedding, and before I knew it I was disappearing every chance I got. Every time she puts one of those little pictures of us in my head I want to vomit, but it still feels like I’m being ripped to shreds just being  _ here _ .”

“So leave. We can leave together.”

Jake levels him with a look of pure agony, like a man burdened with an awful secret he’s bound to share. “It’s a life sentence. She’s got her claws in me, and she’s not letting go.” He chokes out a bitter laugh, levelling Embry with a look of pure misery. “You know the worst part? I can’t ever let my guard down around any of them. Edward would destroy me if he knew I hated her this much.”

Embry lifts a palm to rest on Jake’s shoulder, wishing he could somehow relieve the pain he’s created through this god-awful conversation. “We’re going to figure this out. Lex and Kim are looking into the myths already. Even if you don’t have her, you have me, and I’m almost as cute.”

Jake snickers, crudely wiping away the tears hiding on his lashes. “You’ll do for a consolation prize, I guess.”

Embry gasps in mock outrage. “Consolation prize? Oh, you wound me,” he whines, pouting as Jake laughs.

“Hey, I’d still pick you over Paul any day. Take that as a win,” he winks, striding ahead to grab a ball. “Is it insensitive for me to absolutely destroy your bowling record? I think we have a score to settle…”

It’s not perfection, but it’s a start.

* * *

_ “You have 5 new messages. First message received today…” _

Lex skips through the soundbites with little interest, scrubbing over Emily and Sam’s messages until the number skips lower and lower. She’s fully intent on pressing  _ delete _ , ignoring the drama for another peaceful hour, when the final message begins to play aloud. 

“Hey, uh, it’s Seth. Clearwater. You probably realised that, though.” He coughs nervously, clearing his throat before speaking again. “I’m sure Emily’s already called you, but we can’t get a hold of Embry, like at all -  _ no, I’m not freaking her out, shut up _ \- and I kind of wanted you to know that. Can you do some of that freaky imprinting summoning you did ages ago and get him to come back? Quil doesn’t want to do his patrol tonight -  _ Jesus, Leah, don’t hit me _ \- okay, call me back, bye-”.

The last thing Lex hears is a solid thump, the kind of smack that would colour her arm a deep purple for days. Of course, it’ll leave nary a scratch on Seth. Little asshole. She toys with the idea of returning his call, and only his - he’s been kind to her, and he seems to truly care about Embry, even if he is in league with Sam and Emily. Besides, Seth’d keep a secret all of two minutes, especially with Leah breathing down his neck. Returning his call isn’t an option. With that decided, his message is wiped clean from her voicemail, cast off into the void with the simple press of a button.

Seth will understand one day. He’ll forgive her. 

Sam and Emily, however, are a different story.

Kim’s already warned her in no uncertain terms, recounting every detail of their manipulation as if to atone for her past shadiness. Emily may claim to be the unofficial den mother, caring for both the wolves and their human counterparts alike, but there’s an unnerving serpentine quality lurking beneath her sugar-sweet demeanour. Gentle encouragement to pursue Embry, to accept his affections with minimal questioning, seems more malicious than benevolent in hindsight. If Emily knew even the half of their plot, Lex would have a one-way ticket to a stern meeting with the tribal Elders.

Lex threads the deadlock. Just in case.

Voicemails aside, she’s yet to hear from the one person who matters - the person she’d hoped to guide her every step in this odd and unfamiliar universe. With Kim passed out on the futon, advice is few and far between, especially on the  _ how to hide your involvement in your boyfriend’s disappearance _ matter. Calling screams desperate, and although texting feels clingy, she can’t resist typing out a brief message. 

_ They know you’re on the lam. Don’t phase.  _

Before her phone can even hit the counter, his reply is buzzing through.

_ Got it. I think we can turn Jacob. Give me some time.  _

Time is all she has to give, and even that isn’t enough.

* * *

He knows shenanigans are afoot well before the truth comes out, without even needing to question Lex. Knowing Embry means knowing the countless shades of his recklessness, his impulsiveness, and still choosing to roll with the punches. Sure, he doesn’t know exactly what’s gone awry, but that part’s not important, not yet. He slips off the Rez without garnering a second look from anyone - and why would they care, after all, he’s simply the one who knows nothing, the village idiot. He navigates to her house from memory, following the twisting turns of the Forks roads with practised casualness.

After all, if you appear unaffected for long enough, people will start to believe it.

He parks the Mazda a few houses down, hoping to delay detection for a few crucial minutes. Lex practices avoidance like it’s her religion, and a head-start is his only chance to slither in. Taking the project car is essentially waving a smoking gun in the face of his brothers, but they’re bound to catch onto him before long. He may as well have a little fun on the way down. 

If it were a normal day, he’d take the straightforward route, following the cracked stepping stones all the way up to her front door. If the pack mind is to be believed, there’s a spare key tucked behind a loose weatherboard by the doorbell, and she never bothers to bolt the door. Knowing this information and using it are entirely different things, though, and he’s no Embry, he thinks, slinking around to survey the back of the house. He can hear her shallow breathing as she paces the hallway, sifting through her voicemails, pausing as Seth’s voice rings out into the dead air. 

Seth would use the front door like a normal person, he thinks, hesitating only momentarily as he pries off the bathroom window screen. It seems like a good idea - she’s preoccupied, he’s vaguely in shape, and the opening is just wide enough -

Until his shoulders catch on the frame. 

He twists once, twice, trying to wriggle his stuck skin free. After a few moments of struggling, there’s slight motion -  _ yes! _ \- and for the briefest of seconds, he thinks he might just be able to press on. Just as he readies himself to propel himself forward, pushing deeper into the house with his feet for leverage, the light snaps on, momentarily blinding him. 

If being blinded isn’t bad enough, the subsequent shriek is a sufficient penalty. 

He blinks a couple of times, trying to readjust his eyes in the sudden brightness. The figure slowly comes into clarity, sharpening into a clear picture of - 

“Kim?”

Her shriek cuts off. “Quil? The hell are you doing in the window?”

He opens his mouth to reply, ready to spout off some low-key excuse about needing to talk to Embry - no mention of his suspicions, of course - when he hears Lex’s familiar footfalls approaching, only moments before she pokes her head around the door frame.

“Kim, I heard you scream -” she says, pausing to squint at Quil. He’s expecting her to berate him, to snap the window shut with a painful  _ thwap _ , but instead, she smiles.

“Oh, good. Saves me a phone call. You know, my door works just fine.”

“You’re not...upset I’m here?” 

“Why would I be? You’re Embry’s best friend,” she says simply, as if it’s plainly obvious.

“Oh.”

Kim and Lex have to push and pull and twist in order to remove him from the frame, but he barely pays attention to the sting of the cool metal scraping his skin. No, his mind is squarely focused on his one important discovery: Lex approves of him, likes him, even (okay, that might be a little far) and somehow, that means a lot to him. 

Quil forgets to think about his missing friend for the next five minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Long time, no see. Thank you for the lovely comments and for the kudos. Please know I read and appreciate every review that’s left, and they really inspire me to keep writing (hint hint). 
> 
> Life’s been pretty hard lately. I haven’t written much in a long while. I will try and update again soon, but I’m not sure when. This story will be finished eventually, but I guess it will take longer than I originally thought. Nevertheless, thank you for reading/sticking around, I truly appreciate it.


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